


My Shield

by starsanddust32



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Descriptive Violence, Domestic Violence, Drinking, Eventual Romance, Eventual violence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love, Police AU, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-04-09 10:36:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 117,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4345265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsanddust32/pseuds/starsanddust32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU-Carmilla is a Police Officer and Laura is a recruit.  Carmilla is tasked with helping prepare Laura for the job and the academy.  A friendship and love grows through the training.  They are collegues, friends, and they will fight for each other.  </p><p>Follows through training, academy, and on the job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Roll Call

**Author's Note:**

> Not great at summaries but it's a story that I have been wanting to write for a long time now. Plan to update as often as possible until the story is fully told. I don't own the characters or anything in the Web Series Carmilla. I'm just a huge fan

Ug. This is not how you wanted your day to start out. It was already a long and emotional weekend and now you are getting called into the sergeant’s office with no explanation as to why. Thinking back on the last week’s tour of duty, you can’t think of a single instance where it would require a personal conversation with your sergeant. You handled every call properly and had good outcomes. Rolling your eyes, you put your bulletproof vest on, the vest is well worn in from being worn every day and provides protection from evils of your job, even if it is very unflattering. Staring into the mirror in your locker as you slide into your uniform top and button up the shirt, you try and get into the mindset for work as a scattered mind in law enforcement is a recipe for disaster. 

Last step is the damnedable duty belt. The belt is weighed down with your radio, pepper spray, collapsible baton, flashlight, Taser, handcuffs, extra hand gun magazines, and your duty hand gun. Having worn it every day for the last 8 years you have come to expect the added weight and your workouts have helped with the awkwardness of it on your hips. That’s one thing you have a lot of pride in, your workouts. You understand that for the job it is important to be physically fit and you have hammered your body into a well-toned weapon. Pounding your body was always your go-to get away when you needed to get out of your own head, unfortunately that route didn’t quite work this last weekend. After spending 2 hours at the gym and still not able to focus, you decided to turn to your second method of forgetting, liquor. You were still nursing the headache 2 days later.

Elle just couldn’t understand. She didn’t understand what made you tick and what made you love the job so much. She didn’t understand your need to serve. You gave her everything that you had but she didn’t understand what the job was. She didn’t understand the late nights, the boring days, the dangerous nights, and the shifts you just couldn’t talk about. This last weekend the feelings finally came to a head when she accused you of not caring about her. You had a fight and she had left, without warning, leaving only a note saying “You’re not who I thought you were…You care more about the job than me.” Fine if that was the way she saw it, so be it. You try and convince yourself that if she can’t appreciate or love you for what you are and who you are, then she’s not worth it. Still staring at the mirror, you realize that you need to let it go for now and get your head in the game…and you still have to meet the sergeant.

Putting your game face on, you walk into the roll call room and sit down waiting for your assignment for the night. The room fills up with your fellow officers, Lafontaine, Kirsch, and Danny. Fun conversation and the occasional jab at each other ensues before the Roll Call Sergeant walks in the room. He’s a heavy set man showing that he spends more time behind a desk than doing actual police work. Conversations slowly die out as the Sergeant hushes everyone. 

“Alright everyone settle down. We had a busy weekend last week and this week isn’t going to be any quieter. With the schools out and the nice weather, be prepared for heavy traffic and be on the lookout for the drunks. Also, with the current climate towards law enforcement, make sure you are backing each other up. Now time for assignments… Laf, you’ll have the east side. Lawrence, you get north end and take Kirsch with you. It’s been a hot area for drug activity and I want 2 officers together at all times.” You don’t miss the eye roll given by the red headed giraffe and the contrasting smirk that pushes past Kirsch’s mouth. You don’t really care much for either of the two officers but you’re always amused by their love/hate dynamic.

“Karnstein,” You are pulled back from your thoughts when you hear your name. “… you’ll take west end. The bars will be busy, keep your eyes out for drunk drivers and try and keep the peace. Oh and don’t forget Sergeant Perry needs to speak with you in her office before you leave.” Laf turns and gives you the *What the Hell did you do?* look. Secretly, you know they are jealous that you get to see Perry at work. You are one of a few people to know that Perry and Laf are dating and that they had to change who Laf reported to due to the whole “no dating people under your chain of command” policy. You shake your head and shrug your shoulders before they turn back around and continue listening. 

It’s none of their business but they are a pretty close friend. One of the few you can fully trust to have your back…even if it does get them into jam with supervision every now and then. You turn your attention back to the sergeant and the BOLOs for the day. Glancing at the clock you see that it only 15 minutes into your 10 hour shift… It’s going to be a long day…


	2. Recruitment Program

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is pulled into the Sgt's Office and asked to take part of a "Recruitment Program" as a mentor.

The Roll Call Sergeant finishes giving the other officers their assignments for the night. When he’s finally finished he ends the roll call with his usual “Be Safe and Don’t Fuck Up.” He grabs his coffee swiftly leaves the room before anyone can ask him a question. With that, everyone starts to get up start towards the door. On your way out of the room, Laf stops you and Danny joins on your conversation.

“Ok Karnstein, what did you do?” she asks sarcastically

“She was probably just being her usual ‘Mistress of Snark’ to someone she stopped last week and got a complaint. No surprise there.” Danny adds.

You throw her a look that could best be described as murderous. “At least I don’t get called in for being, what was that complaint? “too protective and possessive” on a simple B&E. That’s a talent as a cop to be called too protective and possessive!”

“Hey D-Bear, I’m going to gas up the squad for our stakeout tonight. Need anything?” Kirsch says, walking up to the group.

“Wilson, for the last time, it is not a stakeout. We are patrolling together in a high crime area for safety. We are not going to be replaying a scene from whatever crappy tv show you just watched where the two officers on stakeout start to make out.” Danny states, clearly annoyed by his persistence.

“It’s Kirsch, not Wilson!” Kirsch adds getting offended.

“I’ll quit calling you Wilson when you knock off the ‘D-Bear’” With that, Danny and Kirsch both walk towards the door, both given Laf a friendly wave.

Laf turns back to you with a smile on their face. “Think Kirsch will ever get the hint that he is not Danny’s preferred type..or gender? Hey don’t worry about meeting with Perry, Danny has to meet with her too apparently.”

“He’s just an innocent puppy dog. It’s kind of fun to watch it though…like my own personal sitcom.” You respond. “Well better head to Sergeant’s office before she freaks out and starts polishing her brass down to the metal base. Want me to tell her hi?” you ask with an evil wink.

“I already told her that this afternoon before we both left for work.” Laf responds with their own wink before turning and heading after Kirsch and Danny.

You’ve put it off long enough. You turn towards the hallway that leads towards Sergeant Perry’s Office. 

Knocking hesitantly and entering when you hear “Come In,” you take a quick look around the room and find Sgt Perry sitting behind her desk typing on her computer. In true Perry form, there is a plate of freshly bake brownies on the table by the door and the rest of the office is spotless. 

“Karnstein! Hey thank you for coming in. Please take a seat.”

You grab the chair in front of her desk, thanking that she had the foresight to provide chairs that didn’t have arms so you can easily sit without having to adjust your duty belt. Settling into the chair, you ask, “You wanted to see me about something?”

“Yes, but first, how was your weekend? Laf happened to mention that you didn’t text them as much as normal.”

“It was fine,” you say putting on the fake smile that you have mastered over the years, “just didn’t really feel like being around people.”

“I understand that, we all have times like that! Ok, to the reason I asked you to come in today, I was approached by the Lieutenant about a program that the command staff is wanting to try out and they asked me for suggestions as to who might be good for it. As you could probably tell, we haven’t been getting too many female recruits in the last few years and we would like to implement a program to try and generate interest and to guide those women who are interested in the process it takes to become an officer and what the job entails. The command staff is asking for female officers to act as mentors to those in the program. The officers would meet with the women assigned to them, have weekly physical training days the women would be able to attend, and then they would ride along with the officers to get to know the day-to-day operations of the job. While I know you are not a huge ‘people person,’ I think that you have a lot to offer for a program like this. You are straight forward, very knowledgeable, very physically fit, and organized. Would you be willing to step up and help with this program?” 

You sit there dumbfounded. “What in the Hell is the command staff thinking? Why would I be good at this? Just what I need...more work,” are all things that you are thinking. The silence in the room is deafening but Perry just continues to sit and wait for your response. Opening your mouth to turn down the offer, Perry interrupts,  
“There would be a bonus payout of $3000 for this program and another $1000 if one of your mentees makes it through the academy and on the force.” She’s smiling widely but still awaiting your answer.

Well that was unexpected. How can you say no to that? Especially when you want to upgrade your back patio with a hot tub! Now that you have a little more time on your hands due to a certain person breaking your heart, might as well. “Sure, why not. How can I say no to that? Is there a basic outline for how the program works or what can I expect to be in charge of myself?” You ask Perry agreeing to take on the extra work.

Perry’s smile widens. “Excellent! I knew you wouldn’t let me know; especially when I make an offer you can’t refuse. I will be handling the scheduling of the ride alongs, the waiver forms, and there will be an official meet-and-greet next week for you to meet your mentees. I have the files of the women you will be mentoring.” She hands you 4 manila folders, each with the name of the woman you will be responsible for. “Please take time to get read the files before meeting them. They took the time to fill them out, the least you can do is read them.”

You reach across the desk and pick up the envelopes. Perry knows you too well to know that the envelopes will more than likely find their way into the pit of despair of a duty bag that you have without ever having been read. Others may find it silly but as a cop, you have become very good at figuring someone out by your first impression of them. You know you can figure more out from meeting the person than you would ever figure out by just reading a file. 

Perry thanks you again for agreeing to the program and makes a little more small talk before excusing you to leave. Making your way out of her office, folders in hand, you head towards your squad and start preparing for the shift ahead of you. Getting in your squad, you check in your shotgun and rifle, making sure they are operation ready and properly locked in their respective racks, you check your fuel gauge and make a mental note to bit the head off of the last person who drove it and left you only a quarter tank of gas, you seatbelt your duty bag in the back seat, and throw the envelopes in the passenger seat. 

The shift goes like most normal shifts, several traffic stops, a few disturbance calls, a couple domestic fights, and one mean drunk that apparently had no respect for female officers, especially the ones that plant him on his face when he tries to take a poorly placed punch. It’s the last hour of your shift and you are just trying to wind down and you’re finishing paperwork, when you look over at the envelopes in the passenger seat. “Well, I might as well at least get to know their names and their faces.” You think to yourself as you reach over and pick them up. 

“Betty Spieldorf.” You flip the folder and take a look at the picture provided. A tall, slender blonde, pretty but gives the aire of high maintenance. “Mayoral page, valedictorian, student government, etc.” You can’t help but thinking that she’s probably never had a hard day’s work in her life.

“Sara Jane. Major: Pre-med. Interests: Top-40, socializing, and any studies of the human body. Picture: Tall brunette, not bad looking.” Um…Ok..wonderwhy she didn’t go into med school. Maybe not as much of a pre-med prodigy as her parents may have thought she’d be. 

“Natalie. No last name given.” What does she have to hide? “Psychology major. Minor in sleep/dream studies.” What the Hell kind of minor is that? 

God, what kind of people are we trying to hire? One look at any one of these 3 women, in picture alone, was enough for you to know that there is no way any of them will make it. Not in this job. Making a mental note to ask Perry how she possibly thinks that you can succeed in turning any of these women into competent officers, you grab the final folder and open it without looking at the name. A set a beautiful brown eyes and a wide, perfect smile are staring back at you. Your thoughts are stopped instantly when you look at the photo. The words “Journalism and Krav Maga” jump out on the page. It is safe to say that you are extremely intrigued. Flipping the page back you instantly find her name. “Laura Hollis” 

Well, at least you’ll have some good eye candy to stare at during this program so it won’t all be a waste. You think as you park your squad car for the night and go 10-42 end of shift.


	3. Short Night Out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm and the others grab a drink. Little more insight into Carm

Walking into the locker room you find Laf sitting on the bench talking with Danny. Danny looks a little worse for wear, her face is streaked with something black, and the smell coming from her makes you think that she may have been swimming through a trash compactor. Raising your eye brows as you approach the two, you look at Danny and prod, “You know there are perfectly good restaurants to eat at that you don’t have to be digging through the trash bins, Ginger Giant.”

Laf responds with a big smile and slight giggle. Danny grimaces, saying, “Had a druggie run on us and they decided that hoping a fence with a garbage dumpster on the other side was the way to go. I had to fish him out as Kirsch brought the squad around. Oh hey, you got one too.” Danny states indicating the white envelope taped to your locker with Perry’s handwriting on it. “They asked me to take a group of girls too. At least the pay is decent. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have about 3 showers to take to get the smell out of my hair.”

Turning to your locker, you see the envelope and open it. It turns out to be the schedule for the meet and greet and the ride alongs. Laf looks at you with their shit-eating grin. “Group of girls huh? Is the department now in the business of setting us up with potentials?”

“Well apparently it worked out well for you.” You say winking. They blush and you can tell they are thinking about Perry. “Nah, it’s this mentor program where the department is trying to get more women interested in joining the force. I’ve been plucked as apparently a potentially good mentor.”

“Good luck with that! Sounds like too much work.” They respond changing into their street clothes. 

You change out of your uniform and into your skinny jeans and black tank top. Picking up your phone you see no new messages or calls. The thought of returning to your very empty apartment is not very appealing right now and you actually find that you want company. “Hey Laf, sorry I didn’t answer your text messages this last weekend. I was just in a bad mood and didn’t feel like being around people. But, if you’re up for it, would you like to grab a drink? You can invite Perry too.” Hell, maybe even the Groots join us.” You laugh at the new nickname you just came up with for Danny and Kirsch and make a mental note to include it in your nickname repertoire.

Laf looks up from tying their shoe laces with a slightly horrified look on their face. “Um, no big deal on the texts, and yeah I’m up for a couple beers but are you feeling ok? Sure you aren’t sick or dying? Because you never have mentioned Kirsch or Danny joining us for drinks. They make a move to feel your forehead for a fever.

You quickly push their hand away, mumbling a “shut up,” while smiling. “Ginger Root! When you’re done with your showers and actually smell like a human being again, meet us at The Silas Bar! Bring Man-Child too!” you shout as you walk by the steaming showers on your way out the door.  
\-------  
Laf makes it to the bar just after you grab a booth and order a pitcher of beer. They sit down across from you, quickly grabbing and filling a glass from the pitcher, and ask, “So what’s up with you…you’re kinda in your own head space.”

“It was a tough weekend.” You tell them, knowing that you need to tell someone and you definitely don’t want to say anything when Danny and Kirsch get here. You make the conscious decision to tell Laf because you know they are trustworthy and have held more than one of your secrets about your past. “Elle moved out. She left me.”

“Oh my gosh! Are you alright? What happened?” They respond, shocked but concerned.

“We had a fight. She said that I’m not the person she thought I was. That I’m dead inside. She said that no one could ever love me because I’m a monster. She left a post it note.” You say this while staring into your beer but when you glance up to look at Laf’s face, you see empathy in their eyes with a bit of anger flaring behind them. “Don’t do it.” You tell them and they give you a seemingly innocent look. “I know exactly what you are thinking. You can’t track her down and mess with her..God knows what kind of science experiment you would concoct your revenge with…. While I appreciate the intent and all that…it’s just not worth it.”

Their shoulders slump, giving into your request and much to your happiness they let the subject drop for now as Danny and Kirsch make their way to your table. Kirsch greets you and Laf with his typical “Hey Hotties.” The beer and conversation flows through the evening. You find out Danny is infinitely more excited about her group of prospects for the recruitment program but it figures as she is used to planning events and get togethers. You seem to remember something about her being a vice president of some social society she was in for college. The group finally decides to head out. You make it back home safely and have just enough energy to collapse into bed.

\-----

The work week continues as normal. No big incidents to deal with but plenty of the “frequent flyers” and a few domestic calls. Truth be told, you absolutely hate the domestic fight calls, too many memories. You haven’t told anyone on the force about your past and there’s really no need to. It’s all in the past and sealed in the court’s history. Luckily, the ones this last week have been pretty easy to handle. 

The loud blaring of your alarm wakes you from you solid slumber. You don’t remember setting the alarm but then you realize it’s the alarm used to indicate your workout time. Slowly, you reach to turn off the alarm with one arm while pushing yourself up out of bed with the other. You hate mornings but you long for the rush that your daily workout brings. While brushing your teeth, you take a look in the mirror and grimace. You feel about as good as you look. Cursing, you find your black compression shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top, grab your gym bag and keys and head out the door. 

The gym is pretty empty and that is how you like it. The pumping from the music from your ear buds help drown out the sounds of the gym rats that are always grunting and flexing in the mirrors. The heavy bag is your workout of choice today and you are beating the shit out of it! It may help that you have placed a mental picture of “her” on the bag so it gives not only a good target but a good focal point for your frustration and your strikes. After a while, Laf shows up at the gym, sporting a new hickey on their neck that they are trying in vain to hide. Laf had texted earlier to see if you could work with them on some of them ground defenses and you gladly agreed to help. Stepping away from the bag after one final blow, you greet them and set to work.  
“Excellent!” You proclaim as you quickly tap out from the submission hold you were finally able to teach Laf to expertly place. After they release you with a smile on their face, you stand up, call it a day, and head for the showers. 

“Hey, a few of us are getting together for a grill out at our place tonight if you would like to come by. ” Laf invites while walking to their car. Several people at the station know that Laf and Perry live together as roommates but only a select few know that it has been more than that for a while now.

“I have that meet and greet thing this evening but I’ll stop by afterwards if that’s cool. Need me to bring anything?”

“Just your face. Oh and maybe some beer. I’ll text you if we need anything else. Have fun..oh and don’t be the broody one in the corner this time, ok?” They jump in their car and head out not giving you any time to retort. 

\---  
Thank God for casual dress. That was the first thing you noticed on the paper that outlined the information on the meet/greet. Deciding on a pair of tight/slim fit capri pants and a black lace top with a black tank top underneath was one of the easiest choices of the night. Putting your phone and wallet in your back pocket and checking your makeup one last time n the mirror, you head out the door and jump in your VW, determined to be just a few minutes early.

Arriving at the restaurant, you find the back party room and order a glass of wine. Keeping it a little classy. Several other female officers and a couple of the perspective “recruits” have made their way into the room. You spot Danny, because let’s face it the 6’2” ginger amazon is hard to miss in this crowd, you motion her over. 

“Hey, are any of your recruits here yet?” She asks as she approaches you, beer in hand. 

“Not that I’ve seen. I’d be surprised if all of them showed up anyway. Your’s?” You ask before taking another sip of your drink. 

Looking over your head, she makes eye contact with a small woman across the room that you have never seen before. “Looks like the first one just showed up. Catch up with you later Karnstein.” She walks away and quickly greets the woman, leaving you alone again at your table.

“Hi, you must be Carmilla.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Laura Hollis

“You must be Carmilla.” The voice is foreign to you and right behind you. You suppress the normally involuntary reaction to swing first and ask questions later. It wouldn’t be the first time you put someone on the ground when they’ve snuck up on you but you are able to reign in the reflex this time. When you turn to face the person, fully prepared to give them a nice stern talk about what usually happens when people sneak up on police officers, you are met with the dark brown eyes that you remember staring at not a week ago in a photograph. Sizing up the person who belonged to those eyes didn’t take long. Female, approximately 5’2”, medium length brunette hair, pretty face and full lips, someone who clearly takes good care of their body, simple yet flattering top and jeans, and practical flats. This entire assessment takes less than 5 seconds. She stands there staring at you, awaiting a response.

“Yes, I’m Carmilla. You must be Laura Hollis?” 

“Yes, that’s me.” She states, extending her hand to finalize the introduction.

You’ve never been one to like to shake hands. It was always awkward growing up because you never knew how hard to squeeze or when to let go. Now as a police officer you don’t like to shake hands because it gives up your strong hand/weapon hand. You use this as a better excuse than you are just awkward with the simple greeting. However, just like your initial reaction, you find yourself suppressing your qwerk and extend your hand and give a friendly smile. You notice her hand is small but not awkwardly so and you make a note that her skin is soft and smooth. The small side smile you receive from Laura upon shaking hands gives you a small chill. What was that? You can’t help but thinking because you haven’t felt that chill in a long time. Wait? Is she sizing me up? You couldn’t help but notice the quick cursory glances that Laura made up and down your body…. Clearing your head, you notice that you are still holding her hand….Shit…why are handshakes so awkward to you? You remove your hand and give small chuckle.

“So you’re going to be the officer that we get to train with?” She asks.

“That seems to be the case.” You offer her a seat and a drink and work your way into a casual conversation. You learn she had just moved to the city, she’s an only child, she can talk at length about the most current Taylor Swift album, Oh..and that she is most definitely gay. When the conversation hits a small lull, you decide to ask, “What made you interested in this program? 

“I’ve just always been interested in law enforcement. My dad was a cop and I always enjoyed watching him put the uniform on and talk about the things he got to do during a shift. He’s really protective so he’s not too happy about me wanting to join the force but he also is rather proud about it too.” 

“I saw that you studied journalism in school? Why the sudden change?” The waitress arrives with the pitcher of beer you had ordered. You ask her the question as you pour yourself a glass and offer her one as well, which she gladly accepts.

“Yeah, I was interested in journalism in college but then I realized investigative journalism is kinda what cops do but without the benefit of being able to take the bad guy to jail in the end. I mean I understand that you have to do all the paperwork too but it just didn’t have the finality of the jail door slamming closed.” 

You had never thought of your job in the terms of being like an investigative journalist. Most of time you would have liked nothing more than to punch out a news reporter or camera man when they came into your crime scenes. Media and lawyers, two types of people most officers don’t get along with. Somehow, Laura’s explanation of how she saw media and law enforcement actually made some sense to you. 

“Ok, while I’m not sure if I entirely agree with that whole statement, I would agree that the paperwork is just as tedious. So what turned you onto this program all together instead of just doing it yourself. I mean, you have a dad that works in law enforcement, couldn’t you just ask him to prepare you?” 

“Well, yes. I could have asked him but this program gives me a little better perspective of how it would be like for a woman officer, especially how to handle myself because I know I’m a little smaller than the average officer. Also, dad never let me ride with him. Too dangerous. I also figure it’s a good way to meet people and make friends in the line of work I want to do…since I’m new to the area.” 

“Gotcha. But don’t think that this program is going to be just a social club where we get together once a week and discuss the latest episode of Doctor Who. It’s going to be challenging, mentally and physically. I’m going to push you because it’s part of my job to prepare you for the actual job of being a cop. It’s not the cops and robbers you played as a kid. This job has real dangers and you are dealing with a society that doesn’t care much for you doing your job unless they need you. People die in this job. My job is to prepare you for that. There’s a good chance you’ll hate me by the time it’s all done with.” You see her flinch slightly when you mentioned people dying but she quickly covers it up with a sip of her beer. The flinch indicates a lot to you but you let it slide. You feel the need to prepare her for what exactly you will be doing. 

“Well I’ve only known you for, about what, 30 minutes now? I don’t hate you yet.” Wow when did time pass so fast?

“Give it time, cutie….you will.” Nice job Karnstein… way to keep it professional…Did you honestly call her Cutie? Granted you had been thinking it from the moment you saw her picture in the file and it was definitely confirmed when you officially met her…but damn it. You normally had better control over your filter than that!

The half-smile is back on her face and you are scared to death she is going to follow up your slip of the tongue with a devastating remark, but for some reason the universe is watching over you tonight and she seems to let the comment slide. Before she can rethink her decision to not remark, you take a drink of your beer and say, “Well, shall we find the other 3 of our group and get started on the schedule details?”

Finding the rest of the group at the bar, you gather them together, introduce yourself and have them gather so you can disperse the information you need to. Quickly figuring out that your initial assessments of Natalie, Sarah-Jane, and Betty from their files were pretty much on point, you get the first workout session of the week set up and release the group to rejoin the party and meet some of the other women and officers in the program. Laura hangs back from the rest and makes a point to say thank you and that she is really excited for the coming week. Acknowledging her thank you, you say goodbye and leave to head to Laf and Perry’s, all the while thinking about that half-smile that set your heart thumping.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla loves working out and it's her job to see where the recruits stand...physical fitness-wise.

Laf and Perry’s party went well. You forgot how much you enjoyed those 2 and the others in your department, yes even Danny and Kirsch. You had spent so much time with Elle, trying to convince her that she was the most important person in your life that you neglected your other family…your true family. The ones that were there in some of your worst times on the force. They made you realize that family is not something that is only defined by blood, because let’s face it, you’ve tried to forget about your blood family, but family is defined by those that are still around when everything else has fallen apart. You spent the night laughing, drinking, and playing pranks. You don’t miss the eye that Laf gives you from across the room, checking in on you and making sure you are doing ok. Bless them for knowing what you needed to get a laugh.

You woke up that morning refreshed and actually in a pretty good mood, which is rather weird for you as you typically have a disdain for anything that happens before noon. The workout plan for the first meet up is starting to take shape while you sit and analyze it over “your morning” coffee. You decided to make the first workout something that would challenge the women but also give you a better idea where they are at physically so you know how hard you can push them in future workouts. Though you are no a sadist, you do get a good smile from the thought of the possibility of the women huffing and puffing. It’s the best way to get through to them that if they expect to make it through the academy, it will be just like some of the workouts that they will be expected to complete and excel at. You’ll see how they do, but you have a sneaking suspicion that one of the women might just surprise you…after all, you don’t have a body like she did without patience and training.  
\---  
Your heart is pounding, you feel the power that the blood flowing through your body gives you. Your body is strong, muscles flexing and contracting, blood pumping through every vein and artery. Your muscles quiver with every small fiber that is slightly torn, making room for new muscle to grow and fill the empty space. The muscles begging for you to give in and let go but you refuse. Your mind is stronger than your body, you always last a longer than what your body says you can. Feeling the sweat drip from your body and pool into your shirt and shorts… This is where your mind is free and nothing matters but you and the pavement… This is one of your favorite feelings. Almost better than sex…almost. 

When you finally reach the end mark, your final destination, you take a look back down the road to see how the others faired. Unsurprisingly, the first three stopped approximately a half mile behind you. One is walking, holding her arms above her head, one is still half-heartedly jogging towards you, and the other is laying flat on the ground, the only indication she is conscious is her arms constantly moving above her head. You make a mental note to check to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. Unimpressed is the best word to describe your thoughts. The workout wasn’t a decent one but one that all of them should have been able to finish. Laura is slowing walking in circles by you with her arms above her head, trying to catch her breath having been the only one to finish. She crossed over the finish line just a few seconds behind you. Who would have thought that the small, provincial girl would have given you a run for your money? You make another mental note to make the next workout a little more challenging. 

As she is making her small circles, when she is not facing you, you can’t seem to keep your eyes off of her. To say you are impressed is an understatement. She had shown up at the beginning of the workout in a sweatshirt and running tights. Her legs were strong, solid muscle, and you found a new love for tights. When she took off her sweatshirt, you took in a slight inhale. She was wearing a form fitting tank top that showed off her well defined arms, shoulder muscles, clavicles, and tight abs…oh and it hugged perfectly around her chest…You appreciate the hard work she must have put into her body. 

Bringing yourself back to the present and averting your gaze as she turned around, you smile and offer her a high-five.  
“Nicely done Hollis. I’m going to have to rethink the next workout to make sure it’s hard for you!” 

She responds with a smile and a look back at the other women. “Thanks! So do you think we should go back and see if they are still alive?”

“Well they aren’t screaming for us to call an ambulance, but yeah we probably should. I would hate to have it go down in my file that I killed one of my mentees off in the first workout session. Wouldn’t look good in the old file.” She smiles back at you, the same smile that makes your heart race again after it just slowed back to normal. You both jog back and check on the 3 women to make sure they are ok.

“Alright ladies, catch your breath and let’s go. We don’t quit…you have half a mile to go and we’re going to finish. Everyone finishes and this time we will finish the run together.” The ideology is the most basic one that was first pounded into your head at the academy. Everyone finishes. No one quits. You are a team and on this team Everyone Goes Home!

“Screw that! I can’t do it! If you are trying to weed us out, congratulations! I’m done..I can’t believe I even thought I would want to do this. Why would anyone want to do this job? I knew I should have gone into politics like my dad told me to!” And there goes Betty as she storms away. 

Ok, well one down, but no love loss there. However, if you were taking bets you figured it would have been Sarah Jane to leave first. Natalie and Sarah Jane stand up and start jogging. You quickly join pace with them, as does Laura and you all finish the half mile together. 

“Alright, decent job today. Laura, well done. Natalie and Sarah Jane, I would suggest that you both spend some time in the gym this next week before our next session. If you aren’t used to working out, you’ll be sore tomorrow so I suggest you drink plenty of water, get a protein shake in you, and roll out your muscles. Natalie, you are first on list for a ride along, be at the station at 1500hrs on your day. Any questions? No, alright. Have a good night.” With that, you dismiss the group. Natalie and Sarah Jane opt to head straight to their cars and head out. Laura, however stays where she was. Her body language tells you that she wants to ask you something but isn’t sure how to ask or what to say.

“Spit it out creampuff before your head explodes.” Your statement dripping with sarcasm with a hint of a smile.

“Um, the water at my apartment is turned off today due to a leak. Is there somewhere I could shower?” She asks shyly.

“Sure. You can use the showers at the station. I have the key and I was heading there any to wash up and do some paperwork. You can ride with me if you want.”

“Really? That is great! Thank you so much!” She jumps into your car and is all smiles. She tries to get the seatbelt on but for some reason she can’t get it to latch.

“Oh sorry, I forgot that one sometimes likes to stick. There’s a trick to it..here.” You lean in from the passenger side door, grabbed the seatbelt latch and slide it across her lap to place it in the latching mechanism. You are suddenly very aware of your proximity to her when you feel her breath on your neck. Time seems to slow down. You can smell the mixture of her sweat and what you guess is her natural body smell and is anything but unpleasant…in fact it sends your hormones into overdrive and you feel your heart rate increasing. You are also aware that she is holding her breath now as you no longer feel the warm, pleasant breeze on your neck. Getting the seatbelt properly latched you back out of the vehicle, missing her warmth and proximity immediately.

“Wow…um I mean thank you.” She stutters and you can’t help but notice the rush of red that colors her cheeks and the breath she finally lets out. 

Sliding gracefully into the driver’s seat, you start the car and welcome the cool rush of the air conditioner. The ride to the station is mercifully short after you gave Laura permission to control the music selection and have to suffer through an onslaught of One Direction. You had to threaten to throw her out of the moving vehicle when she initially wanted to put on Justin Bieber before she settled on the current station. She strikes up a friendly conversation about the workout of the day and how she looks forward to the ride alongs when it’s her turn. You ask her about college, how she enjoyed it, what else besides journalism she was involved in. She talks about how clumsy she is and how her journalistic nature tended to get her into some pretty tight spots when she was younger, which lead her father to signing her up for Krav Maga classes. She likes to talk at length about her dad and you find yourself enjoying some of the stories and you find it endearing that she had a parent that cared so much for her…even if he was a little excessive with the whole “Day of the Week Bear Spray.” She really didn’t know how good she had it with her dad. You would have loved to have a parent that cared that much.

When you make it to the station, you let her into the locker room and tell her to find an empty locker to claim while you make a pit stop to talk to the guys at the front desk. When you get back to the locker room, she has already made herself at home. She is facing away from you but you don’t miss the fact that she is now only in her sports bra and underwear. You now know you were right about the well-toned condition of her body. You quickly walk to your locker and open it, trying to get your mind off the gorgeous brunette 2 locker aisles over. You hear the water in the shower turn on and you are grateful in that instance that you don’t have to worry about her walking over as you undress. Though you know you have a strong and lean body, you have always been cautious about who sees you. You ever could get over the looks you got when someone saw the fading scars. You never explained them to anyone…none of their business and a hurt that was too much for you to bring up without experiencing the nightmares again. You’ve just gotten the towel tucked around your body, when you notice the sound of the water was gone and you see Laura walking towards you…Just when you thought that she was gorgeous enough, she had to go and walk towards you with her wet, curly hair, wrapped in a dark colored towel that covers from just above her breast to her mid thigh and she has water streaming down her body. You feel a familiar pinch in your gut..the one that has a nasty habit of happening when she’s around. She stops at your locker and suddenly the back of your locker has become the most fascinating thing to stare at as you try and avoid looking at her.

“Hey, I wanted to say thank you again for letting me use the locker room and claim a locker for now. It’s especially nice of you. I know we just met a couple weeks ago, but I feel that you are one of the friends I’ve made since moving to town. Also, would there be any way that I could get your cell phone number? I mean it’s just in case I have a question on the workouts or about the schedule, or if I might not be able to make it to something, or maybe even we could hang out…” She’s clearly a little nervous during the last part.

“Oh? Wanting my number already huh? You’re going to have to work harder than that!” You respond with your casual flirtatious tone and you laugh when you see the flush of her cheeks again. “Fine, cutie..but on one condition.” She raises her eyebrow trying to decide if it’s worth the condition or not. “I’m trying to find someone to work with defensive tactics, DT, with me..basically be my dummy that I can throw around. I’m an instructor and I need to keep it all fresh in my mind. Interested?”

With a smile on her face she responds, “I think I could handle that.” You write down your phone number on a piece of paper you find in your locker and start walking towards the showers as she makes her way back to her locker to get dressed. You step into the hot water stream and within a few minutes you hear the door to the locker room click. The silence in the room tells you that she has left but you hear the soft alert tone on your phone indicating a new message. As you shower, you can’t help but think of her, her strong body, the way the water slide down her legs, and the thought of the upcoming DT sessions and how to prepare for them. You were happy she agreed to help you out because let's face it, good sparring partners were hard to come by especially after you put the department's biggest guy to shame by tapping him out in less than a minute..... Thinking back to Laura you can't help but think that You know better...You can’t have a crush on a mentee. Your job is to train her. Trying to get the thoughts of Laura out of your head, you reach up and turn the water knob the opposite direction because you know the cold shower is the only way you can cool off and calm your senses..you hope. Get it together Karnstein.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Carmilla shake the attraction for need of distance from Laura as a mentee? 
> 
> Anyone worried this is going to turn into nothing but a love/romance/smut story with no plot...don't fret! Everyone else, just be patient...I have long term plans for This story :-)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla has a bad reaction when teaching Laura how to handcuff. Laura suggests taking Carmilla out for a drink to make up for it. Learn a little more about Laura too.
> 
> I suck at writing summaries....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to add this little bit in before diving into the DT and ride along with Laura. May contain some errors but I will fix them later...just wanted to get this chapter up.

This last week could have gone better. The days that you spent with Natalie riding along made you almost want to suck-start your gun. Between the constant complaining about the way the bullet proof vest that you made her wear felt, the incessant sighs that you kept hearing when you were just sitting watching for traffic violations, and the continuous texting she was doing while you were trying to explain something important to her, you finally lost it. After grabbing the phone out of her hand in the middle of what had to have been her 500th text message of the day, you yelled and told her that if she would prefer to text and pay attention to anything else other than what you were trying to explain, she could feel free to drop the program and go work at a cell phone store. The worst thing you could do is to be inattentive in this job and you have seen it hurt or negatively affect several officers during your time in uniform. Natalie didn’t seem to take your criticism very well and at the end of the shift when you dropped her off in the conference room before going to change you saw her walking towards Perry’s Office. When you got out of the locker room, Perry informed you that Natalie put in her resignation from the program. You were asked why not even 3 weeks into the program, you have had 2 women quit. The head shed, the common name for the top brass around the road officers, decided that your answer stating that you are just trying to best prepare them for the academy and if they quit, then they weren’t going to make it through, was a good enough answer and let you go without any more questions.

After she left the program, the next couple days of work seemed to fly by. It may have been the fact you didn’t have an annoying woman causing you to have to take a deep breath to keep you from wanting to throw a back hand in the seat next to you. Dealing with completing a few business checks and conducting a tobacco sting that resulted in a several local businesses being cited for providing tobacco to minors, and finishing up on paperwork made it for a quiet last half of the work week, or Wednesday for what the “normal” business people called it. You always get a chuckle when you think about your work schedule compared to a normal Monday-Friday 9-5 job. There was no such thing in your line of work. You worked shifts, rotating shifts. There were some weeks where you would work during the day, others where you would work during the evenings, and then the horrible weeks where you had to pull midnights. Those were the weeks that everyone stayed away from you for the safety of their own health because one of the worst things they could do was to bother you when you had not gotten enough sleep. Your schedule always made it hard for some of your non-law enforcement friends to understand that you couldn’t go out on a weekend because you were working. Luckily for you, you didn’t have that many non-law enforcement friends anyway. You have always been more of an introvert and it became even worse when you joined the force. After years and years of people always lying to you, yelling at you that you “aren’t doing your job,” yelling at you when you are doing your job, and seeing the overall ugliness that people can do to each other, it’s no wonder that you have started to become more of a misanthrope. 

Well at least there was still one part of your week that you were looking forward to. This evening was time for the workout session with what was left of the recruitment group. The last 2 workout sessions, after the 1st one, had gone well. You had decided to up the number of workout days each week to set up a more set schedule and to ensure everyone was working out more than one time a week. At each workout session, Laura and you fell into friendly conversations and you realized that she is really good at taking your sarcasm. The banter back and forth feels very natural and has a casual flow to it so it was no surprise when you started thinking of Laura more as a friend than a mentee. 

At the end of every session, you made it a point to provide encouragement and congratulations on finishing the workout; afterall, they did do a decent job. Everyone exchanged high fives and slaps on the back but you noticed how Laura’s hand would always linger a little longer on your back than the others. After the first workout session and the cold shower, you screwed your head back on right and convinced yourself that you couldn’t even try to start anything with her. You had to keep reminding yourself of this determination every time you felt that hand on your back. 

Today’s workout session was going to be a little bit different. You had told the group at the last session to expect a surprise and to be ready for a challenge. You had arrived 15 minutes earlier than everyone else to get a little extra stretching in before the workout. Laura got out of her car when she arrived, looked around the parking lot, and when she saw you she gave a big smile and waved.

“Hey Sarah Jane said that she wasn’t able to make it tonight. Something about having to take her dog to the emergency vet clinic. I sure hope the dog is ok. Where’s Natalie?” She huffs out as soon as she walks up to you.

“Well that stinks about her dog. Well Natalie is no longer a part of our group.”

“Oh. You didn’t kill her did you? I’m not going to have to testify in court about this later am I?” She says with a sarcastic tone.

“Oh you think I don’t know how to commit the perfect murder?” You respond with a raise of your eyebrow. 

“Ok, now I don’t know whether to be scared to death or slightly intrigued.” She responds with that same half smile. The short swallow you saw her take before she responded told you there may have been a little bit more truth to that statement than she wanted to share. “So what is the big surprise that we are going to do today? She asks, getting back to the reason you were both there.

“Well we are going to do the entrance physical fitness test for the academy to see how well you have done over the last couple weeks. Then we are going to work on a little bit of handcuffing, since it will be something you will definitely want to be very good at and when you are riding with me, it may be something that I ask you do to.” 

“Handcuffing huh? Sounds like fun!” She responds eagerly.

Since you are no longer waiting on anyone else, you explain the physical entry exam. The first part of the exam is a 1.5 mile run within 11 minutes, the second part is pushups, the third is sit-ups, the fourth is a sit and reach to determine flexibility, and lastly, pull ups. To say you are impressed with Laura is an understatement. Laura finished the run and just about beat your time, she rocked the pushups, sit ups, and pull ups but the part you were most impressed with was her sit and reach. She happened to notice your dropped jaw when you marked her distance on the board and with a slight shrug she states, “I like yoga.” Add that to the list of workouts you need to be doing! You have never been one that has had much flexibility. 

With the workout finished, you fish your handcuffs and a couple handcuff keys out of your duty bag. You start by explaining the terms of the parts of the handcuffs and then explain the 2 part locking mechanisms to keep the handcuffs in place and to ensure they don’t go too tight and risk cutting off circulation. She watches and listens to your explanation with so much intensity that you can just imagine her with a pen and paper scribbling down notes as if it was going to be going into one of her college newspaper articles. When you are done explaining the handcuffs and determine that she doesn’t have any questions, you go into explaining proper technique for holding the handcuffs to ensure a quick and efficient application. You first demonstrate on her wrist and then you let her try it out on you. She picks up the techniques quickly and before long you are moving into different positions that you can have a person who is compliant get into in order to put them on….because let’s face it, there is no good “technique” that is used when someone is fighting…it’s just get the damn handcuffs on as quickly as possible! The session goes well and before you know it she has you on the ground with your hands cuffed behind your back.

“Excellent! Great job. And that is how you put handcuffs on someone who is on the ground. Now can you please take these things off?” You move to side to give her better access to the key holes to remove the handcuffs when you hear her giggle.

“What if I like having you handcuffed?” She smiles and you think you feel your heart jump to your throat, not for the reason one may think after having that said to them. “I mean from this position you can’t chase after me or make me do more push ups.” She’s clearly having fun, but you are fighting back the panic pushing at the back of your throat.

“Get these off me now.” You say in your command voice and it quickly takes the smile off of Laura’s face and replaces it with a look of concern. She quickly moves to remove the handcuffs and when she finally gets them off you stand up, rub your wrists and start to walk away. The panic that had been welling up inside you starts to subside as you walk. You refuse to let your mind go back there and just as you settle down you look back at Laura, who is still standing there with the same look of concern. 

“Carm, I’m sorry…” She starts to apologize but you wave her off. 

“No, don’t worry about it. It’s all good.” You pick up your handcuffs and place them back in your duty bag and you try to ignore your hands still slightly shaking. You are clearly still shaken as you didn’t even realize that Laura was right next to you until you feel her hand on your shoulder. The look in her eyes when you turn to look at her is not one that you expected; it’s a look not of pity but of empathy, of understanding. You both stand there in comfortable silence and you accept the support she is offering. 

“I’m not sure what that was about and I don’t need to know but I do need to apologize for the joke. Please let me make it up to you? Let me buy you a beer?” It was the way she asked it, not needing an explanation or prying, that had you agreeing in your head before it even passed your lips.

\----  
After a long shower to help clear your head, you feel human again. You check your phone as you get dressed and see that you have a few new texts.  
Laura: Hey. I realized I forgot to tell you where to meet!  
Carm: You still haven’t…  
Laura: Right! O’Malley’s on 6th.  
Carm: Gotcha. Give me 20 min  
Laura: Don’t keep me waiting ;)   
Carm: Wouldn’t dream of it.

Laf: Hey creeper. Scared another one off already huh? Want to go to a movie tonight? Perry has to work late.  
Carm: Yep…apparently I have that uncanny ability to terrify people. Weird. Can’t tonight, meeting up with Laura for drinks  
Laf: Drinks huh? ;-)  
Carm: Yes, just drinks. Strictly as friends. I’m her mentor.  
Laf: Sure….Alright guess I can figure out something to do..Like study the effects of different Skrillex songs on my mice!  
Carm: ok Weird Scientist….enjoy  
\---

O’Malley’s is a local bar and instead of driving you decide that you could use the walk, so 20 minutes later you are on the sidewalk just outside of the familiar pub. Entering, you scan the room and find Laura up at the bar. “Hey Sundance. Never thought this place would be somewhere you would hang out?”

“My friend actually owns this place and I get free appetizers.” She says turning to you while sipping a drink that you could best describe as all the colors of the rainbow. “What’s your poison?”

Looking at the menu and cringing when you see all sorts of drinks that sound more like they should be in a candy store and not a bar you respond, “Well I’m not sure what you have there. I’m slightly terrified by the loudness of the color…so I’ll just stick with a straight up beer.”

Laura addresses the man behind the bar by name and places your order. The beer tastes better than expected when you take your first sip. “Man, this is what I needed today” you think to yourself. Laura mentions something about finding a booth or a table and you lead her to the booth in the back that allows you to keep your back to the wall. Polite conversation ensues, laughs are exchanged and a couple more drinks are imbibed before Laura looks at you with questioning eyes as you take a drink of your beer.

“What?” You ask as you swallow the cold beverage.

“So, I was wondering, what made you decide to become a cop?”

It’s a fair question and a good one at that, especially coming from a person who is looking at getting into the business. You contemplate giving her the response that you give to any random person that asks, that you just want to carry a gun, but you decide that with Laura wanting to be a cop and as someone who is quickly becoming a friend so you decide that she deserves the truth…or at least part of it.

“A cop once took it upon herself to watch out for me when I was going through a bad time and a rebellious stage. She cared. She was a hard ass but that was how she showed that she cared. I looked up to her. I guess I just wanted to do something where I could make a difference, maybe repay the kindness once shown to me. Oh and I figured the uniforms looked badass…and hey I get to carry a gun.” You finish with a smile on your face and wink.

“What was her name?” Laura asks returning your smile. 

“Mattie. She moved to a different country but we still keep in contact quite a bit. Since we’re on the subject, what makes you want to be a cop? Besides the obvious ‘My dad is a cop so I want to be’ line.”

Laura shifts in her seat and fiddles with her drink and for a moment you’re not sure if she is going to answer. Her hands stop fidgeting, she still doesn’t look at you but then she is talking in a voice that is so low that you strain to hear her.  
“When my mom died…my dad and I just didn’t know what to do. We felt lost. The guys from his department stepped up. They were always around. They picked my dad up off the floor when he had a drinking problem and got him help. They always were at my sport games, plays, everything. When I came out, everyone was afraid to say or do anything to me because they knew the department had my back. They gave me a police escort to my senior prom. They became my family. That’s way I want the job, because outside of the ugliness that is seen, those that you work with are your family, your people.” 

You didn’t miss the fact that she raised her head and maintained eye contact with you towards the end of her answer. There is something not being said in her eyes as she brushes away the tears that started to were on the edge of her vision. You realize that she never said how her mother died but as she didn’t press with you, you return the favor. She breaks the eye contact and returns to fidgeting with the beer in her hands. The reach of your hand to hers is meant to provide comfort and support but the moment your skin touches she stills and looks back at you.

“Hey,” making sure you have her attention, “That’s something we have in common. We found our family outside of blood. And though you aren’t a cop yet, you still are in the blue family and we take care of our own.” 

The shy smile that she gives you is enough to melt your heart. “mentee, mentee, mentee.” You repeat to yourself in your head. She may be cute, fit, a good person, and can hold a good conversation but she is also blue blood family and a friend.

“Not a cop ‘yet’? So you think I might make it through the academy?” 

“Oh, you’re going to make it through the academy. Even if I have to kick your ass to do it! You are too headstrong and feisty to not make it through. I’ll prepare you the best I can and by the time we are done with you helping me with DT, you’ll be one of the best in you class!” You lift your glass to meet hers and they clink as you toast and then order another round.  
\----  
The evening seems to go by fast and the conversation continues to flow. You learn more about the benefits of yoga and that it more than just long stretching. Laura learns about the importance of getting the lead runner and trying to make a double play as you watch the baseball game that’s playing on the tv behind the bar. During the conversation, you find out that while Laura was brought up in a law enforcement family, she has never shot a gun! It’s an idea that is completely absurd to you! You shoot down Laura’s argument that Taylor Swifts “Red” album was her best and you express how her single “Bad Blood” has quite possibly the most awesome music video you’ve seen. You find out that you are both quite the experts on Netflix and discuss how Southland is such a better show than Blue Bloods, even if Tom Seleck does have an awesome mustache. Finally, you look at your watch and realize that you have been talking for almost 3 hours now and decide to call it a night. You pay for your drinks but Laura insists on paying for half the tab because “after all, I’m the one that said I’d buy you a beer,” and you decided not to argue with her. The air has cooled when you step outside and you pull on the jacket you brought. 

“Hey thanks for the beer and the conversation. It was a lot of fun! I don’t get out a lot.” Putting your hands in your pockets and preparing to take off towards your house.  
“Well I had a lot of fun tonight! Even if I did have to endure the long explanation on how kids have no understanding of obligations and how to properly serve society after the waiter was late getting your order of cheese balls. Where’s your car?” Laura asks the last question as she’s looking around the parking lot for your VW.

“Well, 20 minutes is a little excessive for fried cheese. I walked. I only live about 10 blocks away and it was a nice evening so I figured I’d enjoy it.” You respond because let’s face it…20 minutes is excessive!

“Let me give you a ride home at least!” Laura starts to dig in her purse for her keys.

“Nah, I’m good. It’s not that long of a walk.” 

“I insist. It is late, you’ve been drinking, and your reflexes are a little slower. I would feel horrible if something happened to you on your way home.” The look in her eyes tells you that you won’t win this argument so without any further attempts to say no, you just shake your head and say “ok.” It turns out that Laura is a very defensive driver and you are tempted to ask her if on top of her Krav Maga, if her dad sent her to defensive driving school too. The ride passes by without much said outside of your directions. When she pulls up in front of your house you thank her for the ride as you unbuckle and get out the car. As you shut the door, you lean back into the window causing Laura to reach over and turn down the radio. 

“Hey, would you be up for meeting with me tomorrow morning at the station to work on DT before we do your ride along? There’s also a few other things we need to do to prepare you for the ride. If you’re free that is.”

“Yeah, just text me what time and I’ll be there. I have no other plans tomorrow or really any time before the academy starts so I can be all yours whenever you need. Hey Carm, I did have a lot of fun tonight and I think it would be fun to hang out some more if you’re ok with it. It’s nice having someone to get me out of my apartment and my dad would be ecstatic to hear that I’ve made a friend on the department.” 

“I think I would like that very much as well. Tomorrow..9 a.m.?” You say and Laura verifies it with that damnable half smile and a nod. You turn and walk down the sidewalk to your front porch. Something in your head tells you to turn back and when you do you catch Laura’s eyes planted firmly just below your waist level. You think you make out a slight blush but also a full smile as Laura moves her eyes up to meet yours. Turning back around, you can’t help but put a little extra saunter in your steps before you hear her car go into gear and hear her drive off. You give yourself a little smile too. Time to get a good night's sleep and see what tomorrow will bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like what I'm doing...Let me know! Leave Kudos and Comments! I'm going to try and have a new chapter up every week..It just depends on my work schedule. But patience is appreciated and I want to give you good chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Defensive Tactics Training. Carm gets a little more insight on how Laura feels about her. Little Patrol time and who knew Laura was so good at Pool?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little longer chapter. I wanted to get a lot of good stuff in :) Hope you enjoy!!!!

0830 on the dot you arrive at the station. You’ve always liked to be a little early to warm up before a DT class and today is no different. The peace and solitude of the empty training room and the sounds of your fists connecting with the weighted bag always seem to provide a calmness within you. Today is a little different as it is hard to completely focus on the bag and to clear your mind. For some reason, the image of Laura hitting the heavy bag last week when you walked by after a shift came to mind. The sight of her little 5’2” frame in a form fitted tank top and short athletic shorts sweating while landing punch after punch on the weighted bag kept creeping into your mind. Your resolve to keep things professional was diminishing each time you talked with her. There was just something about her that made you completely comfortable. You just couldn’t put your finger on it. She was easy to talk to and you had already told her more about yourself than you would any other person at this point in a friendship. You didn’t even know if she was into you. Her comment about the handcuffs, before you started to lose your cool due to the memories, was all in good fun right?   
Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear the click of the door so you step back from the bag and take a moment to wipe the sweat from your forehead that you had worked up. Taking a second to glance over at the door, you catch a quick glance of Laura who is standing just a few inches inside of the door. It doesn’t look like she had just walked in either as she is standing with her arms crossed and leaning her weight back on one leg after having set her gym bag down next to yours. Her look of appreciation towards you is not missed. Neither is the fact that she is biting on her lower lip. She seems to be lost in her haphazard staring when she finally notices that you are walking towards her and she shakes her head out of her thoughts. 

“Hey, what did that bag ever do to you?” She tries to joke to hoping that you didn’t notice her staring at you.

“It said that you hit like a girl the last time you were here, so naturally I had to defend your honor.” You rebut as you take a swig of water from your bottle. “I’m pretty warmed up but I need to a little stretching. Take a few minutes to warm up and do stretch and we’ll start when you’re ready. We are going to be working on some normal fight strike combinations, arm control, and some handcuffing.”

“Handcuffing? Are you sure? I mean because last time..” She questions, clearly remembering what happened last time.

You cut her off, “Yes I’m sure. We’re just going to be working on single hand cuffing not both and as long as you promise to remove them as soon as possible there won’t be any issues.” And with that Laura walks away to get a warmed up on the heavy bag.

Taking a few minutes to stretch your shoulders and anywhere else that seems a little stiff from the crappy sleep you got last night, you stop to watch Laura on the heavy bag. As a DT instructor, you are taught to watch and correct form to make sure someone is delivering a good strike that won’t get them hurt. Laura’s form is very good and clearly she took more Krav Maga than what she may have mentioned. Because she clearly knows what she is doing. You appreciate the power that she drives from her hips and legs each time she delivers a solid strike to the bag. You would almost characterize her form as graceful, until you see her face as she strikes. The laugh leaves your throat involuntarily which causes Laura to turn around and question what is so funny.

“I’m sorry…but that crunched up face you make as you punch is hilarious!” You can’t contain the laughter and you see her pout as she must think you are making fun of her. “No, no, no…Not like that, we just need to work on your ‘War Face’ unless one of your tactics is to distract your opponent with the adorableness, cutie.” 

She throws the towel that she had in her hand at you in mock anger and you can’t help but smile and laugh even more. “You’re awful.” She says, clearly trying to fight the smile forming on her face.

“I’ve been told that before. Alright, you warmed up enough?”

The first part of the lesson went as you expected. Laura clearly knew her way around a strike bag and how to throw punches, knee strikes, elbow strikes, and kicks. She finally happened to mention that she had been in Krav Maga since she was 8 and you stated that it clearly showed. After a reasonable amount of time on strikes, you moved onto arm control holds. Laura watched with intensity as you explained, demonstrated the holds on her, and then allowed her to try the holds on you. Laura appeared impressed with just how much control you could have by controlling the wrist and elbow of a person. You make it look easy as you demonstrate one hold on her before quickly taking her to the ground and getting her on her stomach. She learns quickly and before you know it you are the one being thrown to the ground. 

“Nicely done! You are a natural!” You say as you take her extended hand to help you off the ground. “You keep this up and we’ll have you at the top of your class in the academy in no time!” You don’t miss the blush that she has on her face as she thanks you for the compliment. “Ok, last thing of the day. Handcuffing. I’ll show you how to handcuff a compliant subject while standing, kneeling, and when they are prone on the floor. Then I’ll explain how to get control when you have 1 handcuff on and the subject decides to fight a bit.” 

You set up the mandatory safe words for this portion of training as handcuffing can cause injury in certain circumstances and you go about explaining the proper technique in each situation. Soon you are demonstrating and then acting as Laura’s dummy for experience. At one point, Laura has you on your stomach with a handcuff on your wrist, you start to fight her and she applies pressure to the cuff just like you explained when suddenly she wrenches too hard on the cuff causing pain to shoot down your arm and into your shoulder.

“RED!” you shout and suddenly all the pressure and pain is released and you feel Laura’s weight quickly come off your back, giving you room to move. Rubbing your wrist and shaking out your arm, you stand to take a look at the damage.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to push so hard! Are you hurt? I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Laura is flustered, she moves back to you and quickly takes your hand/wrist into her hand. Quickly unlocking and removing the handcuff, she stares at the red, black, and blue mark already forming around your wrist. You can feel her shaking hands as she holds yours. She starts to rub your wrist gently and though the pressure of her hand hurts a little bit, the fact that she is holding your hand seems to make you forget about the pain and you focus more on the flutter in your chest.

“I’m fine, it’s okay. Just a little too much pressure, creampuff.” You steady her hands by placing your other hand on top of hers. This seems to get her attention more than your words and she looks you in the eye. You suddenly realize how close you actually are to her but it doesn’t seem to bother either of you. Her thumb is still drawing circles around your wrist when you try and reassure her. “Seriously, Laura, I’m fine. I’ll just need a little ice before shift. Don’t worry about it. This is a normal hazard of doing the job.” Your words finally seem to sink in when you see her head nod and she finally takes a deep breath and blinks. Gosh, you could get lost in those deep brown eyes.

“Ok..but I am sorry Carm. Sorry for freaking out too..it’s just I don’t like the thought of you being hurt. Not just here but when you’re working too… I kinda like having you around..” she gives you a shy smile..”I mean, who else is going to whip me into shape?” You both share a wide smile

“Trust me, there will be no unnecessary heroic crap from me. I do what I need to but I don’t go looking for trouble.” That seems to reassure her. The pressure of her hands and the gentle rubbing of her thumb on your wrist is mesmerizing and you are caught in the moment. God she is wonderful, maybe she does like me… what would it be like to just kiss her? It’s not like there is a policy against it…I mean this is a new program and nothing says I can’t right? You think to yourself. It’s almost as if Laura is reading your mind as you see her eyes flicker to your lips and you would kill to know what she is thinking. Laura seems to be moving closer towards you. You feel the nervousness in your stomach arch and the thumping in your chest is so loud that you think Laura has to hear it for sure. She’s only a few inches from your face and you can feel her hot breath on your lips…

BAM!!!! The door to the room smashes against the wall as the two of you jump back from each other and quickly drop your hands. “Hey, Karnstein, Sgt said you were in here. Do you happen to have any extra belt keepers? I lost one of mine last night.” Laf says as they enter the room. Luckily it appears that their head down and were adjusting their belt and they didn’t notice your proximity to Laura or the quick movement away from her when they came into the room. 

“Oh hey Laura” Laf says, finally looking up. “You and Carm working on a few moves? She’s an excellent instructor! Looks like you two have been working hard” Laf seems to notice the bit of tension in the air but lucky for you they don’t make mention of it.

“Yeah! She’s been great! I need to work a little bit on handcuff control but I’ve learned a lot today!” Laura replies giving a short glance towards you. She’s obviously a little flustered at the sudden interruption and the nervous chuckle she squeaks out isn’t helping. “Well, I’m just going to go hit the showers before my ride along. Don’t want to smell up the car. I’ll see you later? Later Laf!” With that she grabbed her bag and left.

“Woah, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. Whatever happened to the ‘no I can’t date her she’s a mentee?’ thing you had going” Laf gives you a knowing smile and you think of course they couldn’t just let it go.

“Oh shut up! Nothing happened! And you know what? Even if something did happen, there’s no rules against it!”

“Sure…right. Well, you are clearly into her. It doesn’t take a genius, even though I am one, to see that. So if you want to try, better make your move soon before she gets other opportunities. Belt keepers?” They say, shaking their head and getting back to their original reason for barging in the room.

“I have a few extra on the top shelf of my locker. You annoying ginger!” You whip the sarcastic insult at them as they walk out of the door yelling their “Thanks!” Maybe Laf is right. Maybe you should make a move but one thing is for sure. You won’t do it while at work. Your head has to be in the game. Even though it will be hard to concentrate knowing that the brown eyed beauty will be sitting next to you all night.

\---  
The locker room is crowded between the first shift coming off duty and second shift coming on. You’ve showered and dressed in uniform and you are just reaching up to grab your last belt keeper and…

“Damn, what happened to your wrist?” Danny asks as she sees the deep black and blue wrapped around your wrist.

“Oh her and Laura were doing a little handcuff play in the training room earlier” Laf adds in with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh really? You and the little nerd hottie, huh? And in the training room? Damn!” Kirsch decides to add in, having clearly overheard the conversation as he walked in the door….late again.

“Kirsch, really? Don’t call her hottie. Her name is Laura. And we were just going a little DT and I taught her a few moves and she put a little too much pressure on the handcuff.” You respond, trying to shut down the conversation before it went any further than it already had.

“What? Just because I know she doesn’t swing this way, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a hot body when I see one. ” Kirsch remarks and laughs when he has to dodge the slew of towels and random objects thrown at him. 

You know it’s all in good fun. This is how you all relieve a little bit of stress before a shift. Others wouldn’t understand the sense of humor most law enforcement have adopted. Most see it as a morbid sense of humor but you see it how it really is, just blowing off steam. Because after seeing many of the things you have seen in your line of work, laughing about it is sometimes the only way to get through the day. The laughter and joking dies down as you all make your way towards the Roll Call Room. You see Laura standing outside the door in the issued tactical pants, one of the spare bullet proof vests (as required by the program policy), and a nice navy blue polo shirt. 

“Hey, Sgt Perry said she needed to see you before the ride along. There are a few additional waivers you need to sign before you can go. Just the basic, ‘if you die, your ghost won’t come back and sue us’ kind of thing.” You don’t miss the slightly concerned look she gives you at your last joke. “Hey no worries, I’ll take care of you. As I said, I don’t go looking for trouble…even though a fair amount seems to find me anyway.”

“It’s ok. I trust you. I’ll meet you here when I’m done?” She confirms to meet with you and turns to go to Perry’s Office.

The amount of trust she has in you already gives you a warm feeling inside. I hope to live up to that level of trust you think to yourself. The shift briefing is as usual and you find yourself waiting in the hall for Laura a few minutes later. Laf had mentioned something as they passed to head to their car about several people getting together after shift for drinks at the local bar. You confirm you will be there and you think about inviting Laura out too when you notice she is standing at the end of the hall talking to Danny. You head to catch her and get going to the squad. 

“Speak of the devil.” Laura smiles as you walk up. You can’t help but wondering why you were the topic of conversation between these two.

“More like Elvira.” Danny replies causing Laura to laugh and lightly swat Danny’s arm. 

“Not to break up the moment you two are having, but we need to get out on patrol. Laura, you can head to the car and get situated, I have a quick question for Danny.” With that, Laura tells Danny to “be safe” before heading out the door.

As soon as Laura is out the door, you turn back to Danny, “What the frilly Hell was that? Talking about me behind my back Lawrence?” Danny and you are usually on decent terms but you have never liked when people try talking crap about you behind your back…that and you may have been slightly more jealous than you thought when you saw how playful Laura was with Danny.

“Woah, calm down there partner. We were just talking about your little DT sesh. Truth be told, she seems pretty taken with you. She was all ‘Carm this’ and ‘Carm that.’ It was enough to make me nauseous.” 

You suddenly feel a little sheepish for your quick to judge reaction. You apologize to Danny and you can’t help but smile at her description. So Laura does like you…which if the fact that she almost kissed you in the training room didn’t confirm it, the fact she talked so highly about you to Danny certainly did. Danny sees your smile and rolls her eyes. “You two seriously need to talk to each other and figure it out.” She says with a sigh and walks out to her car. You say sorry and to be safe and she responds with a wave before the door closes. Laura likes you. Well at least you already have one good thing to start the shift with.

After going over some basic safety and security information with Laura about when to stay in the car and that she is to listen to all your orders without question (for her safety of course), a very basic use of the radio in case she needs to use it, you are finally on the road and ready for action. Laura has asked some basic questions on patrolling and what kinds of things you look for. It doesn’t surprise you that she brought along a note book and is writing down most of what you are telling her. It was clear that she had studied some of the basic motor vehicle and criminal laws that you had suggested and you were impressed with the effort she had put into it. 

You were currently working stationary traffic enforcement and awaiting the next assignment. There was a lull in the conversation so it gave you time to think. So far in the evening you had a couple traffic stops that amounted to not much of anything. At one point you had stopped the car at a crosswalk and Laura jumped out of the car. You were about to yell at her to get back in the car when you noticed her assisting an elderly woman with a walker across the street. You couldn’t help but admire her kindness and compassionate heart. She impressed you even more at dinner with her patience when the waitress took over 20 minutes to even take your order. You were ready to leave, but she placed her hand on your forearm and told you to give her a few more minutes. The touch calmed your impatience and you settled back down in your chair and continued the conversation the two of you were having. Thinking back to your DT session, you admitted that her physical strength was nice too. She was able to go punch-for-punch with you and it has been awhile since anyone has impressed you like that, not to mention her softer side when she massaged your wrist and leaned in for what you thought was a kiss. 

You’re pulled out of revelry by the squelch of the radio. “S-188, dispatch”

“Go ahead for S-188.” You respond

“Have a report of a possible 10-55 south bound on 4th ave. Reports of a Chevy pick up truck swerving all over the road with varying speeds. Has allegedly almost hit a couple other vehicles.”

“10-4, En Route from 10th and Vine.” Looking over, you see Laura looking through her 10 Codes notes. 

“It’s a possible drunk driver 10-55. Now because these can be unpredictable, I need you to stay in the car unless I specifically say you can get out. Can you do that for me?” Laura nods and you can tell she’s a little nervous. 

It takes you less than 5 minutes to find the truck and get it pulled over. You call in the location of your stop and the plate number to your dispatch and confirm this is the vehicle that you were looking for. You’re about to get out of the car when you hear Laura tell you to be careful. “Always cupcake.” The initial approach goes as expected and you can tell right away the guy is drunk but fortunately he seems to be pretty cooperative. While you conduct field sobriety tests, you allow Laura to watch from outside of the vehicle. Of course, the driver fails every test and it gets to the point where you are about to place him under arrest, you have him turn around and face your patrol car. He does so willingly but as you get your handcuffs out you immediately feel the shift of the tension in the air and feel him tense up. Crap you think to yourself. You’ve seen this happen many times before and you quickly move to place him further off balance on the side of the car and place your leg between his to give you leverage. A short glance at Laura and she seems to be getting your non-verbal message to step back. 

“Listen. I know what you are thinking and it’s not a good idea. Right now it’s just the suspicion of OWI not a conviction and if you try and fight me you’re just going to go to jail with more charges. You really don’t want to do that. If you want to fight, fight in court, not on the side of the road. Ok? It’s not worth it.” 

Your words seem to make it through his fuzzy head and you feel his body relax and see his shoulders slump. The snap of your handcuffs is fast and accurate, as is the slam of the door when you get him in the back of the squad car. The breaths that you both seem to have been holding are released when you sit back in the driver’s seat of the car. You feel the adrenaline that had been pumping through your body start to fade a little and you see your hand is slightly shaking when you place the radio mic back down. Without warning, you feel the warmth of Laura’s hand on yours. It stops the shaking, though you may be shaking now for an entirely different purpose than the adrenaline. 

“That was amazing Carm. How did you know how to calm him down without fighting?” 

You give her hand a squeeze, letting her know that you were okay with the physical contact. “It’s just a 6th sense that you get. You can feel it, not only in their body but something in the air changes. I’m always prepared for a fight but my job is to try and stop it before it happens. I tend to use my words and tone of voice and that seems to get me out of a lot of tight spots.” 

She holds your hand all the way to the station and you can’t say that you mind it. The drunk is easier to process now that you had that talk with him and soon he is locked away in his own jail cell. The rest of the shift passes with little excitement and before you know it you are stopping at the station for the night. Laura asked if you could drop her off at her car since she didn’t need to go into the station for anything and you pull around to the back parking lot and find her car. She gets out of the car and circles around to the driver’s side and motions for you to roll down the window.

She leans her arms where your window was and is only a few inches away from you. “Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for allowing me to ride tonight. You’re really good at this job and I’m lucky to get to learn from you for now.” 

“I have to admit that it was rather nice having you keep me company tonight. You did a good job of listening and I have to say that I am impressed with your dedication so far. I can think of very few other people that I would rather spend a shift with.”

The smile on her face is worth the small glimpse into your feelings and thoughts that you just gave her. Laura’s sudden movement took you completely off guard. The quick brush of her warm lips against your cheek made your body feel like it was on fire, the good kind! Your grip on the steering wheel so was strong that you thought for sure that you crushed it. The feeling of her lips on your cheek was gone as quickly as it was there but the heat and flutter in your chest wouldn’t subside. Before you could completely register all the feelings you had from that small, loving gesture, Laura was speaking,

“I’m glad this program happened because I don’t know if I would have met you if it didn’t and that makes me sad to think about. Thank you for keeping me safe tonight.” She lingered for only a moment after her final words and turned back towards her car. All your thoughts were jumbled. If this is the feeling that one small kiss on the cheek could do to you…what would a real kiss do? You have to physically shake your head to come back to reality from the place in heaven where Laura’s lips had just been on your cheek. There was something you needed to ask her! What was it? Damn it…. 

“Hey Laura!” She turns back around on the spot and waits for your to continue. “Um, a few of us, me, Laf, Danny, and a few others, were planning on going out for a few drinks tonight. If you don’t have any other plans and would maybe like to hang out with me…..and the others….would you like to come?” Why did that sound so pathetic??

A few seconds pass by as she seems to be taking her time to respond and suddenly you think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to ask…The ear to ear smile on her face quiets your inner thoughts. “I think I would like that very much.” She responds and now it’s you that has the dopey smile on your face. 

“Great! Wonderful! I’m going to go home and change first. It’s at JP’s on Potter Drive. See you there in about 20 minutes?” You say, questioning why you suddenly sound like a middle school girl with a crush. 

“Looking forward to it.” She answers and turns back to her car.

So you have a date…no it’s not a date, it’s just a hangout. Either way, you get moving because you have a lot of work to do if you want to look good for your hangout.

\----  
JP’s isn’t packed since it’s a Tuesday Night but the music is turned up a little loud for the small crowd in the bar. Laf, Perry, Kirsch, and Danny have all made it out, as well as you and Laura. The group is well into your fourth round now and the other 4 have decided to challenge each other to a game of darts. Laura and you sit at your booth watching the game and listening to the constant jabs going back and forth between the teams. You’ve never been a dart person but Laura apparently is and she has been nice and volunteered to explain the scoring for you. Every now and then, Laura leans in a little further than what may be necessary to give you an update on the score of the game. The tingle of her breath on your neck is enough to give you goose-bumps and each time you try and hide the slight chill that runs down your back. With the game count being tied 2-2 between the teams of Laf/Perry and Danny/Kirsch, they start up game number 5 and you are well past the point where you are paying any attention. Spotting an open pool table in the corner, you ask Laura if she might be interested in playing a game while the dart maniacs fight for the glory of the Winner title. Laura agrees and you walk over to the tables. While you walk, you place your hand in the small of her back, more out of habit than anything but you noticed Laura curve her back more into your hand.

“So what are the stakes?” Laura asks as you both grab a pool stick and you set about racking the balls. 

“Normally we just play for who buys the next round. Have anything else in mind?” You ask as you finish racking.

“Well, you know I’ve never shot a gun before. Dad and I would clean his guns after he got done at the range but he would never let me shoot one because they are ‘too dangerous,’ but I would like to know how to shoot one before the academy. So if I win, you have to take me to the gun range and teach me how to shoot.”

“Deal.. and if I win, I will still go to the range but you have to clean each of my guns when we are done!” You like the idea of teaching Laura how to hold a gun and how to aim, plus getting to spend a little bit of time with her outside of the patrol car is an added bonus.

“Deal.” 

You have been playing pool for a little while now and you are what you would best describe as decent at it. You get a good clean break and the game seems to move quickly from there. Before you know it, you are sitting with only the 8 ball left and Laura has 2 balls plus the 8 ball. 

“What’s say we up the stakes?” You say, feeling pretty confident before Laura takes her next shot.

“Oh? And what are you proposing?” 

“I win, on top of the next round and the gun cleaning…you have to wash and vacuum my squad car.” 

“Hmm…I think I can handle that.” She leans down and takes her shot, draining the ball she was aiming for. Her next she slightly misses the center of the cue ball causing it to make the other remaining ball miss the pocket by an inch. Feeling extra confident now with only the 8 ball remaining, you check the angle of your position and lean over on the table preparing to take your shot. At least you are about to take your shot when you are distracted by the feel of Laura leaning against your side and leans in, speaking in a voice low enough for only you to hear, “Oh and if I win, you get to take me out to dinner. Just the 2 of us.” 

What she had just said was still registering and mixed with the feel of her warm body against your entire right side and the heat of her breath next to your ear lobe cause your head to spin. The mixture of these feelings and the warm sensation in your stomach cause you to miss your shot and send the cue ball flying. The look you give Laura actually causes the opposite effect of what you were wanting and she gives you a slight giggle. Laura took her time finding the perfect angle for her next shot and as she did this you couldn’t help but appreciate the bend in her back and her hips, the toned muscle in her arms, and the dexterity in which she held the pool stick. As you were admiring her, she called her shot, looked up at you, smirked and winked…before making the shot that effectively ended the game. 

“Oh! Did I not happen to mention that I played pool to pay for my chocolate chip cookie addiction in college?” She says in response to your incredulous look stemming her next to impossible trick shot. “You stay put, the next round is on me.” She places her finger on your chin as she walks by you and closes your mouth that you didn’t even know was open. You watch her as she walks to the bar. 

Laura just effectively hustled me into taking her on a date. There’s more to Laura Hollis than what meets the eye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. Wanted to put a little more info in this chapter and I hope it paid off! If it did, please let me know in the comments! 
> 
> If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I'll never be upset with any suggestions!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla always hates the midnight shift but this time she at least has some company to help keep her awake. An accident happens and Carmilla/Laura has to respond. 
> 
> Hollstein Fluff and Heroics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this one! Took me a bit to write it as I had to deal with some memories it brought up... Finally some Hollstein!!

She hustled you! She hustled YOU! That freaking gorgeous, adorable, sweet creampuff hustled you into a date! The thoughts that are going through your mind about the previous evening’s events can’t help but bring a smile on your face as you sit in your car outside the station before shift. The thought that brings an even bigger smile on your face is the fact that you completely intend to follow through on your end of the bet. Truthfully you had been thinking about going on a date with Laura for a while now but you had put up barriers to try and protect yourself like you always do. You tried to convince yourself that you weren’t worthy and that you were only meant for your work and that someone else couldn’t possibly think you were interesting enough to want to try a relationship. You almost let what El told you convince you that you were meant to be alone. Then Laura came into your life and proceeded to slowly break through those barriers. It was last night, with the feel of her breath on your neck as she leaned in to make that bet and then the wide smile that she gave you as she sunk the 8 ball, that made you decide that Laura was worth going for. 

The memory of Laura leaning in to give you a kiss on the cheek before saying goodbye last night was still in your mind. You had thought for a moment she was going to actually kiss you and had wondered in your head how soft her lips would feel on yours but then at the last second she tilted her head and placed the kiss on your cheek. The kiss lasted slightly longer than what a friendly kiss would have and was followed by her whispering, “I’m looking forward to that date.” You would never admit it to anyone but in that moment your heart melted. Lost in the thought of that kiss, you are broken from your memory by a sharp knock on your car window and the sight of Danny standing outside your car.

“Geez Xena! Trying to give a girl a heart attack?” You growl as you step out of the car.

“You’d have to have a beating heart for that to happen!” She laughed. “You coming into work tonight or would you rather just sit out in your car and stare off into space?”

“Well staring at the stars sounds better than working a midnight shift!” You counter. She nods as the universal understanding of the hatred of midnight shift is common with officers. “I’ll be in in just a second.” You state and she turns to head into the station. You take your time grabbing your equipment bag out of your back seat before heading into work for the night. Midnight shift, short staffed, lack of sleep, and the lack of Laura riding with you…..it’s going to be a long night.

\----  
The first midnight shift went ok and you kept pretty busy but you were midway through the second midnight shift and you were ready to go back to a normal schedule. You also missed talking with Laura. She had texted you a few times during the day but you had been asleep and she had been working at her waitressing job when you tried calling her before work. Communication was always hard with these shifts. After finishing up a report on a burglary call that you got a couple hours into shift and about to head back on patrol, you were surprised when your phone beeped with a new text message.  
Laura: Hey vampire! Are you out stalking the night?  
Carm: Hey we prefer the term the “undead.” And what are you doing awake cutie?  
Laura: I couldn’t sleep and I knew you were working so I thought I’d see if you wanted some company tonight. I mean if it would be ok.  
The smile on your face blossoms  
Carm: I always enjoy your company but you should be sleeping and I wouldn’t want to keep you up.  
Laura: I told you I can’t sleep and I would rather spend the hours I can’t sleep hanging out with you than sitting alone in my apartment watching reruns alone. Come pick me up!  
Carm: Fine. Be ready in 5 minutes.  
Laura: :-D I’ll be waiting.

You pull up in front of her apartment and she is already sitting on the front step waiting for you. She jumps up and slides into your passenger seat and hands you a thermos. 

“I made hot chocolate! We can share.” She seems so pleased with herself that you can’t help but give a slight giggle and thank her. “So what is our assignment tonight?” she asks while pouring you a cup.

Gratefully taking the cup, you respond, “We are just basic patrol. No specific assignment. So, If you see something you want me to stop or check out, say so. But if you yawn, I’m kicking you out of my car!” 

“Yes ma’am. No yawning ma’am.” She responds with a mock salute and smile. You give her a slight shoulder push and you both giggle as you pull back onto the street. 

The conversation is going well. Laura tells you about how her boss at the restaurant had a “flame out” after a large party had come in and demanded extra special treatment, another waitress quit, and the cook had almost set the kitchen on fire. She had apparently found him sitting in his office mumbling to himself like Milton did in the movie Office Space. You told her about how you went over to Laf and Perry’s place the previous night before work to try and get a raccoon out of the attic and it all went awry with hilarity ensuing by the ladder falling from your feet and you dangling from the attic access hole until Laf stopped laughing to get the ladder back up. You both shared laughs and you were grateful for Laura’s insistence on riding with you. She was making the night go by faster than normal.

The shift was getting close to ending and you had only had to deal with a couple responses for traffic issues and a request to trespass someone from the local 24/7 gas station. It was getting close to time to take Laura home. She had been yawning a few times but you didn’t point it out her because you truly were enjoying your night. Just as you were about to suggest she go home and get some sleep, your dispatcher comes on the radio.  
“S-188, dispatch, 10-50.” Laura’s face quickly turns to a frown upon hearing that you will be responding to an accident. You give dispatch your response and you await for further information.

“10-50 PI, rollover with possible entrapment at 8th and Hudson. Bystander on scene states there is 1 person in the car that is unconscious and they can’t get them out. The car is smoking and there are flames in the front of the vehicle. Fire department and EMS has been dispatched but will be delayed due to a previous call they are on.”

“10-4, en route.” Reaching over, you turn flip on your lights and sirens and turn around to head to the call. “Ok, listen Laura, when we get on scene I need you to grab my fire extinguisher and medical kit in the trunk. I’ll need to try and get the person out quickly. I may need your help but if you aren’t comfortable with it then stand back.” The thoughts of what you will need to do once you get on scene is running through your mind as you focus on traffic and getting there safely. Laura just nods as she is focusing on the road and you can see that she is tensed up.

“hey, I mean it. If you don’t feel comfortable when we get there you don’t have to do anything. Ok?” You glance over at her. She meets your eyes and nods.

When you arrive on scene you find the mangled car in the middle of the road with flames starting to pour out of the hood and you see a few people standing around with their cell phones out. Yeah sure, film all you want but don’t try and step up to help the person. You think in your head. As soon as the car is in park, you jump out of your seat and run to the car. Battling through the smoke and covering your face from the toxic fumes and fire, you see the man in the driver’s seat slumped over and unconscious. You reach through the driver’s side window trying to avoid the jagged pieces of metal and glass and you see that he is still seat-belted. You grab your knife from your side pocket and rapidly cut through the seat belt and try to adjust to get a hold of him. I have to get him out of the car before it fully catches fire, is the only thought going through your mind. 

The heat from the flames is starting to scorch your neck and the smoke is blinding. Getting a small grip under the man’s shoulders you give a tug but he barely moves. The heat from the fire slightly dips as you realize that Laura is now by you and using the fire extinguisher. The man is trapped at an awkward angle and you see the steering wheel has folded into his lap causing more issues but you continue to pull on him and make slight progress. The heat from the fire is growing again and you realize that you are joined by Laura at your side. You see the fire extinguisher discarded a few feet away and you realize that it is all used up. Laura is reaching into the car and grabbing under the man’s other shoulder. She looks at you awaiting for some guidance. 

“On 3!” The unspoken understanding between you two is made and on the count of 3 you both put your full strength into the pull. The man’s body is moving! You count again and again you both make progress. You felt a sharp sting in your arm when you hit a piece of the jagged metal but you push it to the back of your mind because the heat of the flames and the acid smoke is starting to get to you and you know if you don’t get not only the man but Laura and you out of the smoke soon, you will all be in trouble. One more count and you feel the weight of the man finally give. You and Laura are able to get him through the window, to the ground and pulled clear of the car and the fire. Both you and Laura are coughing but there is, regrettably, no time to focus on you or her right now. Checking the man for vital signs and finding a very slow pulse but no breathing, you immediately give the man a couple breaths, watching his chest rise and fall with your breath. You give another one. Laura shows back up at your side with your medical bag and fumbles through it before pulling out some bandages and placing them on the man’s bleeding wounds. Another breath. Please please please. You think to yourself. You hear the sirens of the other units in the distance and know the ambulance is almost there. Another breath. Come on guy. Come on. I need the EMTs here now! Another breath. This has to end well....it just has to…

The man coughs and his body convulses with the short breath that he takes in. Come on…breath again, you think. He takes another, deeper breath and follows with a cough and then his eyes open slightly. Letting out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, you let a slight grin pass your lips. Holding his head still and waiting on the ambulance, you allow yourself to breath normally for the first time since you arrived on scene. Laura finishes bandaging the man’s wounds and turns back towards you and the man. Laura looks the man in the eyes, takes his hand gently, and explains that he had been in a car accident and had been unconscious. She continues to talking to him until the EMTs arrive and take over. The fire department makes it on scene and quickly gets the car fire under control. Laura stays with the man, still holding his hand while you get up and make your way back towards your squad, needing the distance from the scene and to catch your breath.

Several other patrol vehicles pull up on scene and you notice that one of them is Laf. They make a v-line towards you, with a look of concern in their eyes. 

“Hey, are you ok?” They ask.

You nod because your throat is so sore and your emotions are so high that if you said anything you feel as though you would burst into tear.

Seeming to understand your emotions, Laf just responds with a quick pat to your shoulder and says, “Don’t worry about the report. I’ve got it. Just take some time for yourself. And maybe get looked at by EMS…You look like Hell.” Before making their way through the crowd of on-lookers towards the scene.

The tailgate of the fire truck is as far as you make it before your legs tell you to stop moving. A firefighter comes by and offers you a water bottle, which you gladly accept. Leaning back against the truck, you close your eyes and try and clear your head. You don’t even know how much time has passed when you feel like someone’s watching you. Laura is standing and looking at you when you open your eyes. 

“Hey” she says, her voice with more gravel to it than normal.

“Hey” you respond, feeling your throat burning.

“I think you need to have that looked at.” Laura points to your arm and you notice a long cut that is bleeding.

“yeah. I think you’re right.” You respond, looking at the cut and the blood, knowing that it will need cleaned and possible stitches, which makes your cringe because you hate hospitals.

You take the hand that Laura extended to you to help you get up and you make your way towards the ambulance. Laura’s hand moves from yours and moves under your upper arm, providing you with some support. The ambulance is empty and Laura helps you step up into the back before she closes the doors and looks for bandage supplies. She sits down in front of you, gently takes your arm, and pours a bottle of saline over the cut. The saline burns a bit but you don’t flinch. Laura is distracted by your cut but you take this moment to look at her. Truly look at her. The soot smudges on her face and the small beads of sweat on her forehead. You feel how gentle her hands are as she cares for you. She smells of fire, gasoline, and surprisingly a small hint of lavender. . She never once hesitated. She stepped up. In this moment, you feel as though you know exactly the type of person she is and the type of officer she will be. You see the fire and passion in her. She is beautiful. Every little bit of her. 

“That was….just….I don’t know if I have words for it.” Laura is saying as she is still focusing on your wound and trying to place a bandage on it. She has cleaned a good portion of it but it is still bleeding.

“Yeah. Intense would be a good word. Did the EMTs say anything about the guy’s chances?” You ask, hoping for a good outcome.

“They said it is iffy…but that you did everything right and you may have completely saved his life.” She finishes getting a bandage and wrap placed on your cut but frowns as blood is still soaking through the bandage. “And, I think you are going to need stitches in that cut…it won’t stop bleeding.” She says frowning.

“We. We may have saved him.” You correct her, knowing it is the full truth. She still isn’t looking at you so you place your hand under her chin and raise her face so she is looking at you. Your faces are only a few inches away and you move your hand to her cheek. You need her to understand.. “I couldn’t have gotten him out of that car without your help. He was pinned and the fire and smoke were overwhelming. You helped knocked the fire down and you helped me drag him from that car. You threw yourself in the fray without any hesitation and without obligation. You were focused. You are as much a part of saving his life as I am. And I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, I don’t know if I could handle that.” 

Laura’s smile is hesitant, “Really?” she asks.

Your face softens and you stroke your thumb across her cheek. Laura leans into the gesture and your palm. “Really.” You stated and you slightly move closer to her. You see her eyes glance at your lips and back up. You are a couple inches apart when you crack a smile and say, “ And if I’m lucky, it will be your face on the news tonight instead of mine.”

Laura laughs and before you have a chance to make another joke, you feel her hand on the back of your neck, pulling you into her. Her lips meet yours and they are as gentle as you had envisioned them to be. It is a gentle kiss, there is no urgency. Time seemed to have slowed down as you take in the softness of her lips and feel the tenderness in her hand on your neck. She tastes like fire and warmth and her warmth spreads throughout your body. You regret having to break the kiss to breath but the smoke had limited your air endurance. As soon as you both catch your breath, you take a second to look into each other’s eyes before you lean back in for another kiss, the entire time your hands never moved, afraid to lose physical contact with each other. The second kiss is just as gentle as the first until you slide your tongue along her lips, seeking permission and she gives it to you. Laura slightly opens her mouth and your tongues meet. This kiss is not like others you had experienced where it feels like one was battling for dominance; no, instead, you are both in sync. Giving and taking as each other needed. 

You find yourself lost in this feeling of equal ground and you find you want more. Laura must have felt the same as she moves from her seat and leans further into you, making you sit further back on the bench seat. Laura stands and maneuvers herself onto your lap, effectively straddling your legs with each of her own. One of Laura’s hands is now in your hair while the other is sliding down your neck and across your shoulder, moving down to your arm. Your hands have found their way from Laura’s face and are sliding down her sides and come to rest on her hips, lightly squeezing them and pulling her closer, seeking more contact. This was the right move, because as you pull her closer, you feel her hips jump forward and hear a slight moan from Laura. You are lost in her. Her smell, her taste, her hands. You don’t want this moment to end.

Her hand glances across your bandaged arm and a sharp shot of pain registers in your mind. Taking a sharp inhale, you break the kiss and pull your arm towards you, bring you back to reality.

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. Are you ok?” Laura looks at your arm. She cradles your arm in her hands and see that you are still bleeding.

“It’s ok cupcake..” You try to wave her off but if you had to admit to yourself, your arm was hurting. Looking at her eyes and glancing down to see her now kiss swollen lips, “Now where were we?” You ask, wrapping your arms around her back and nuzzling and kissing her neck. Laura leans her head back at the touch of your lips to her neck, releasing a slight hum. 

“Carm,” she breathily says. “I think you really need to go to the hospital and have your arm looked at.” 

“Do you want me to stop?” You ask in between kisses on her neck.

“Hmmm…..no….I mean yes…I mean…uuhh.” Laura seems to be fighting an internal struggle of what she physically wants and mentally knows what needs to be done because her arms are wrapping behind your head and pulling your mouth closer but her words are telling you to stop and take care of yourself. 

The sounds of people directly outside the ambulance pulls you both back from your splendor. You stop your kisses on her neck and Laura moves her hands to your arms and leans away from you. Sharing a look, you lean in for one more kiss and you let it linger as Laura moves to stand. Her hand finds yours and she interlaces her fingers with yours in a move that seemed completely second nature. You slightly flinch as the pain caused by your muscles in your arm contracting at that small gesture. The moment is over, Laura’s stern look tells you that you won’t be able to argue with whatever she is about to say.

“Either you go to the hospital now and get it looked at of your own free will or I will call Perry and she will make you go.” You give her a slight pout, to which she responds with a quick kiss and continues, “I’ll be going with you too....you aren’t the only thing taking my breath away…I think the fire and smoke did a number on me too. We both need to be checked out.”

“I’ve been checking you out for a while now Hollis.” You can’t help but get your comment in and the blush that crosses Laura’s face is worth it. “Fine. Let’s go get checked out, if only because you’re cute and I can’t say no to that face.” You would never tell her that you want to make sure she is ok too.

\----  
3 hours, 1 visit from Perry and Laf, and 24 stitches later, you are finally released from the ER with strict instructions to go home, rest, and light duty for the week. Laura had been released about an hour before you but she stayed with you in your room while you waited to be released. Holding your hand after Perry and Laf left. She must have been able to tell that you weren’t comfortable in the hospital. Maybe it was the fact that you were constantly looking around or that your legs were twitching, or the fact that you were sweating in a room that could best be described as a meat locker at a butcher shop. But the feel of her hand in yours seemed to help take the tension out of your back. The ER staff did let you know that man was alive and though it was expected to be a long recovery, he would live. That news made the pain of the stitches in your arm and the required light duty almost worth it…..almost. 

While you had been waiting on Danny to pick you up, the story of the car fire along with a video of you and Laura, shot by someone at the scene, pulling the guy out of the fire and giving him rescue breaths broke on the news. You figured it was going to happen, especially with the 24/7 news monster but hoped that would have at least waited until you were home and in bed. The local reporter had done their job and already had you and Laura identified as the two figures pulling the guy out. You normally didn’t pay attention to the stories because they were always pretty skewed but you couldn’t help but watch as the shaky cell phone video was played. You had known that it was a close call but you didn’t realize just how close. The news was already throwing the term “Heroes” around and that didn’t sit well with you. You aren’t a hero. You were just doing your job and got lucky….lucky that someone like Laura was there to help. If the two of you weren’t able to get the man out, the news would have probably said something along the lines of “Officers failed to save man trapped in burning car,” or “Cops let man burn.” You hated the media...

Laura, while watching the news piece, just squeezed your hand and turned away when the video showed how close the fire was.

“I was afraid that you were going to get hurt………” she paused. “I was afraid for you and the man. I thought you were going to get him out or you would die trying…..that’s why I helped….I didn’t want to see you hurt or him die….that’s not heroic.”

You look at her and see the water swelling in her eyes. Reaching up with your good arm and wipe away the tears forming in her eyes. “Hey.”

She looks at you and leans her cheek into your hand, “Hey.”

“I’m fine, minor bumps and cuts. The guy will be fine. And most importantly, you are ok. Those are the things to take out of this. It was a good experience for you to have and now you know how you will react in times of high stress. It’s good for a cop to know that and Laura, you are going to make one hell of a cop!” Laura’s face brightens at your reassurance and you take this chance to lean in short kiss. “And if you need to talk about it, I’m here. Ok?”

She leans into the kiss and leans back just enough to keep your foreheads touching. “Ok.” She whispers.

With that, you hear a knock on the door and the two of you separate a couple feet from each other. Danny walks in the room after you say to enter.

“Your armed escort has arrived, Heroes! Heroines? Whatever! You two are kind of a big deal if you didn’t know!” Danny smiles. 

“Shut up Lawrence….” You growl. You know she is just having some fun but since you were already in a bad mood due to the hospital and stitches. You’re about to say something else when Laura’s hand on your shoulder stops you.

“Thanks Danny. We appreciate you giving us a ride.” Laura responds and effectively keeps you from saying any more. You nod at Danny and you both follow her out to the car. Both of you opting to take the back seat of the unmarked car that Danny brought to pick you up.

The ride car ride is quiet. Laura is at the opposite end of the back seat from you, staring out the window. You think maybe she is trying to provide a respectful distance while around other officers and friends but it doesn’t sit well with you. You reach across the center seat and take her hand in yours. She responds by interlacing your fingers again. Not a word is spoken between the two of you but you see the small smile that is on Laura’s lips after taking her hand and if Danny saw the gesture, she has the decency to not mention it. Maybe Danny isn’t so bad, you think to yourself.

Danny asks where Laura wants dropped off and before she can even answer, you tell Danny to drop her off at her apartment. Laura looks confused and a frown crosses her face but you just squeeze her hand and say, “It’s for the best. It’s been a long night, well morning I guess, you are going to be sore because you did things your body is not used to and you’ve yawned at least 4 times in the last 15 minutes. You need sleep. I do too.” Laura acts like she’s going to argue but decides that you made a good point and just nods and gives Danny her address.

A few minutes later, you are in front of Laura’s apartment complex. She slides out of the back seat and you immediately miss the warmth of her hand in yours. “Later Hollis!” Danny calls and Laura thanks her for the ride. You watch her walk away and though you are tired, you don’t want to end the day on this note. Making up an excuse that you forgot to tell Laura something, you jump out of the back seat and walk briskly up the sidewalk, yelling back at Danny that you’ll just be a minute. You catch Laura before she makes it into her apartment.

“Laura!” Catching her attention and standing a couple feet away when she turns around. “Hey, thank you for keeping me company tonight and for what you did. You truly are amazing.” You feel the nervous for some reason, maybe because you are putting yourself back out there…who knows. “And hey, if you are free, would you like to go to dinner with me on Friday? Because I would like to pay up on my end of the bet…..also, I would really like to take you out on a date. I want to do this right.” You reach down and take her hand in yours.

“I thought you had to work this whole week?” She looks at you questioningly.

“Well, with the light duty requirement and with me reaching the ceiling of my vacation, I decided to take a couple weeks off. Maybe get a few things done around the house, take some time for me, and it gives me the added benefit of being free to take you out…if you want.” 

“I think I would like that very much.” She smiles and she slowly leans in but stops a few inches from your lips, giving you the choice. 

You close the distance immediately. It is not a hard kiss and it is not a gentle kiss. It is more an exploration kiss. Neither of you pushing to make it anything more than what it is. You are really enjoying it as you step a little closer to her and find comfort in the heat and embrace that her arms give you as she wraps them around you. 

The sound of the car horn in the distance is enough to know that you’ve been here long enough. You regrettably pull back from the kiss, both of you are slightly out of breath. “So I’ll pick you up at 6 on Friday?” 

“Yes, 6 will be good.”

You move in and steal one more quick kiss before turning and heading back to the car. You feel like you’re on cloud nine and it’s not because of the pain medications they gave you for your arm. Friday can’t come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it so far, let me know! Kudos and all comments are appreciated! Let me know if you think I'm doing a good job.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla takes Laura on a date!

The last few days had gone by agonizingly slowly, even if you had found the time to yourself to be nice. Laura had been busy with work and visiting her dad. All you heard from her had been in the short text messages that she had been able to send. If you had to admit it, you missed her. You weren’t even a couple yet but you hoped that would change soon and even if you weren’t officially dating, you still missed your friend. The tight fitting black leather pants and the red tank top hugged your curves just right and you topped the outfit off with a lacy black camisole. The last couple days you had put your plans for the date in motion as you wanted to make sure that everything was perfect for Laura. 

The clock on your phone tells you that you are 15 minutes early. You want to try and keep your cool and nonchalant demeanor and not appear too eager but you admitted to yourself that you were ready to see Laura. 

Carm: “Hey cutie, I’m here.”

Laura: “I’m just finishing up getting ready, come on up. #307”

In a couple minutes, you are knocking on her apartment door. “It’s open! Come on in Carm! Give me a minute” Laura yells from a room down the hallway. Opening the door, you smile as you are greeted by a Taylor Swift song playing over the speakers and you take in the décor of the apartment. Laura has made it her own space and the colors are overwhelming but not unpleasant to the eye. She has pictures of looks like some school friends and several with her and, who you assume to be, her father. You are still making your way through the pictures when the slight movement in the corner of your eye catches your attention. Your breath hitches. Laura is standing in the doorway to the living room in a cream colored dress that shows off her collar bones, shoulders, and strong toned legs and calves. Taking a moment to appreciate, your eyes slowly make their way back up to meet her eyes and the awaiting smile she gives you. 

“Wow, cupcake. You look good enough to eat.” The side smile playing on your lips.

“You look pretty good yourself. And speaking of eating…I’m starving.” 

“Yes, me too. I hope you like Italian.” Stepping towards the door and waiting for Laura to engage the lock on her door.   
\---  
It turns out that Laura is a big fan of Italian. The conversation at dinner was perfect and the ambience given by the candlelight on the table helped set a relaxing mood. At one point, Laura had been a little over zealous while eating her fettuccini and you reached over and helped wipe away the sauce that didn’t quite make it in her mouth. The smile that played on her lips was enough to make you move in slowly for a soft kiss and maintain the closeness you had after that. When the meal was done, you walked Laura back to your car, hand in hand and fingers entwined. 

“Now where to?” Laura asked when you both got back in the car.

“It’s a surprise.” You state while smiling and reaching over to hold her hand again. You had called in a few favors to set it up but you hoped that Laura would like it. The drive didn’t take long and before you knew it, you were pulling up in front of the police department. Laura turned her head to you questioningly. 

“So you brought me to the police station? What are we doing here?” She asks.

Getting out of the car and moving to Laura’s door to open it you respond, “Well, I spoke with the sergeant in charge of our indoor range, told him that you had never shot a gun before, and he agreed to give me the key for the evening to give you a private lesson. I’m the only one with the key tonight so no one will bother us.” That seemed to be the right answer when the smile on Laura’s face almost reached her ears and she took your hand, quickly got out of the car and pulled you along skipping towards the front door. 

You stopped to grab the bag you had placed in your locker earlier in the day in preparation for this. The bag contained a couple sets of ear plugs and eye protection. You also let Laura change into the extra pair of pants and the police department t-shirt you kept in your locker because the possibility of an ejected hot cartridge hitting her and you didn’t want her to get hurt or burned. The range is located in the basement and you unlock the multiple doors separating it from the rest of the building, all the while Laura is so giddy that she is shaking. Upon entering the range, you go to the gun cage and pick up one of the spare duty handguns they keep, spare magazines, and a couple boxes of ammunition. 

“Ok safety aspect time. There are 4 rules to gun safety and these are important! One, treat every gun as if it were loaded.” You show her how to lock the slide back and see that it was not loaded. “Two, barrel discipline. Don’t point it at something unless you plan to shoot it. Three, keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot. And four, know your target and what’s beyond because bullets will go through things/people. Do you understand?” 

Laura nods and smiling says, “Yes, I’ve got it! This is going to be so much fun!” You show her how to load the ammunition into the magazines and further show her how to proper load the gun. Laura watches intently and asks questions when she needed to. After making sure you both had your eye and ear protection in place you demonstrate to her the proper stance, how to hold the gun, how to aim, and then to fire. You fire a couple rounds, placing them expertly in the center of the target. The sound of the gun still made Laura flinch but she seemed to have gotten the concept from you showing her. Taking the time to unload the gun and to lock the slide back, you look back at Laura.

“Ok, are you ready?” You ask and Laura responds with a nod. She steps up to the target lane where you had been and picks up the empty hand gun. You could tell she had been paying attention as she properly loads the gun as you had demonstrated. She extends her hands and the gun, tries to line the sights up like you showed her, and pulls back on the trigger. The gun recoil catches her a little off guard but she holds her own and looks at the hole put in paper just barely off the target. Not deterred, she lines the sights back up again and slowly pulls the trigger landing the shot just barely onto the target. She continues this again and again reloading the gun a couple times, each of her shots getting closer and closer to the center of the target. 

“This is so much fun Carm! I’ve never been on a date like this! I wish I was a little better shot though.” The smile on her face is addicting.

“Patience, cupcake, patience. You will be. Might I make a few suggestions though?” She nods and you step closer to her. You pick up the gun and reload it before placing it back on the table and telling her pick it up as you step behind her. Laura picks the gun up and you stand directly behind her and softly pushing the front of your body into the back of hers and she leans into you. The slight quick inhale that you hear Laura takes makes your body warm inside. You breathe in the smell of her hair before moving your face and mouth next to her neck and ear before saying in your low sultry voice.

“First of all, your stance is a little too wide and twisted.” Your hands come up and take hold of her hips, slightly moving them into the proper position and leaving them there and rubbing small circles into the fabric covering her hips. 

“Ok, now bring your arms up and line up your sights.” Laura brings her arms up and extends the gun away from her body. You slowly move your arms from her hips and glide them up the sides of her body, never losing contact with the fabric under your hands. Laura slightly shivers as your arms pass against her sides, along the sides of her breasts, along the back of her shoulders, down her upper arms, across her forearms and finally wrapping around her hands. Laura is now leaning strongly back against you and you take the chance to look at her. Her eyes are partially closed and she is biting the bottom part of her lip. “Eyes open creampuff.” You whisper and she opens her eyes and refocuses on the gun.

“Sights aligned and on target, now slowly, slowly, pull back on the trigger. Don’t let anything distract you. Nothing. ” Laura’s trigger finger starts to slowly pull back on the trigger and you can see the hammer of the gun moving backward. You judge just how close the gun is to firing and take the opportunity to place a warm kiss just below Laura’s ear just in time for the gun to fire. “And let the gun surprise you. Looks like that did the trick.” You say as you look at the target and see a nice new bullet hole near the “X” in the center. 

Laura leans further into you and your respond by returning to your kiss and light touches on her neck. Laura lets out a small moan and your touches. Between breaths she manages to say, “That’s because I have a good teacher.” 

Laura puts the gun down and you both remove your eye and ear protection without ever moving from your embrace. Laura interlocks her free hands with yours and leans slowly into your lips. The moment your lips are connected you feel the temperature in the room increase tenfold. Ever since that first kiss at the restaurant, you have wanted to kiss her again. You can’t get enough of her and now her lips are on yours and her tongue sliding along your lips, requesting entrance. Slightly opening your mouth, you give her what you both want. The hunger in the kiss is almost overwhelming. You want more. More of her.

Laura turns in your arms and now you are facing each other. Her hands are on your sides, back, neck, and in your hair. They are everywhere. Her hands come to a stop on your waist and you feel them sliding slowly up your shirt. Soft and exploring, her hands glide against the skin of your back, pulling you even closer into her. Breaking the kiss, you move to kiss down her cheek, jawline, and neck. She arches her neck to give you more access and you relish in the small moans and hums you hear coming from her mouth. Your hands find their way across her stomach, to her hips, playing slightly with the inch of skin revealed there by her shirt having ridden up. 

When that contact is not enough, you slide your hands under her borrowed shirt, up her stomach, and stop just below her bra. You move your hands over the fabric of her bra on her sides, not sure if Laura is ready for any more yet and not wanting to take it too far. Sensing your hesitation, Laura brings one of her hands out from behind your back, takes your hand, and guides it over her breasts. You take the obvious hint and slowly massage her breast through the lacy material of her bra, taking time to stroke her hardened nipple through the fabric with your thumb. Her breasts are the perfect size and fit perfectly in your hands. The moan coming from Laura’s mouth excites you even further. Laura’s hands are back on your hips and she pulls your hips against her with a force that hits all the right spots causing you to moan. She continues to slowly grind her hips into yours and you can’t keep from moving your lips from her neck to try and catch your breath.

Laura dips her head and brings your lips back together seeking the taste of your mouth and she follows with her own trail of kisses down to your neck and across your, now exposed, collarbone causing you to close your eyes. Your mind is hazing with all the emotions it is swimming through and when you open your eyes, some semblance of clarity hits you. You realize that you are still in the basement shooting range of the police station and while you are more than ready to take this to the next level, you aren’t ready to do that in the building you work and until you know that this relationship is going somewhere. Because though you’ve had your share of women, Laura was different. She was special, even more special than El. You wanted something more with her and you wanted to make sure she understood that before going any further.

“Laura” You breathily say and slowly move your hands out from under her shirt. She responds with a hum into your neck. “Laura.” You repeat, this time with more strength behind it. This gets her attention and she removes her lips from your neck and looks you in the eyes. “Not to be a mood killer here but if this continued to go the way it would go, I really don’t want it happen here….in the station. And while I want it to happen, I don’t think the first date is when it should happen.”

As if a light switch had been turned on, Laura’s eyes register exactly what you’re saying as she looks around the dark and dank room then back at you. She removes her hands from under your shirt but stays in your arms. “Yeah, of course, you’re right. Sorry...just got a little carried away. I get it…” Laura responds shyly with the look of embarrassment in her eyes.

“Hey,” You rub your thumb across her cheek. “I mean it. I like you Laura. I really like you. And while I want this, I really really do, I want to make sure we are both at the same place mentally on what this entails and means. Not just for us personally but professionally too. You’ll be in the academy soon and under a lot of stress. I want to be here for you whenever you need someone to talk to, to complain to, to cry to. You are gorgeous, kind, and generous. I want you for more than just your body. I know we’ve only known each other a couple months now but you make me happy, which is saying something because I’m kind of a bitch most of the time. I want the opportunity to show you who I am and to make you happy too, if you’ll let me.”

Laura’s eyes started to tear up. “You do make me happy Carm. I may not know exactly how it will affect me professionally, I trust that you do. I will do what it takes to make it work and not make it weird for you at work. You understand me Carm and I trust you. Completely. I want to be there for you on nights like the car fire and the boring nights too.” Laura responds with a soft determination in her voice. 

The both of you are smiling and take a moment to process the significance of this moment. Sliding your hand down to interlace with hers, you grin, “I really want to kiss you now. Can I?” 

“Really? After what just about happened you have to shyly ask to kiss your girlfriend?” Laura laughs almost incredulously.

“Girlfriend huh? I don’t recall saying anything about being girlfriends.” You comment with a sly grin and a voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Shut up or I’ll dump you before we’ve even made it official.” Laura laughs and pulls you into a lasting kiss and you swallow any funny remark you were going to follow up with.

Following what may have been of the best kisses the two of you had shared yet, you sheepishly smile stating, “ Well, now that that’s settled, now we get to clean guns.” 

“Oh how romantic!” Laura laughs and you both set to work cleaning.  
\---  
The date had gone better than anything you could have imagined. The lingering kiss that she left you with as you had walked her to her apartment door still made you feel warm inside. You had made it home and you may or may not have done a small happy dance as soon as you entered your house. Laura Hollis would never know how much she made your heart leap when she called you her girlfriend. You went to bed that night and fell asleep, thinking about that word. You are still on the edge of sleep when the blare of the text message startles you fully awake. Glaring at your phone for second before seeing who the message was from, your cringe turned into a small smile. Ug, Laura was already turning you into a love struck puppy, but you didn’t care. 

Laura: Morning sleepy head. Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you this morning. 

Carmilla: ug…one bad thing about you cupcake…you’re a morning person.

Laura: Good mornings usually come after really good nights. ;)

Carmilla: So you had a good night huh? What’s her name?   
(you were not above a little flirting, even if it’s before noon)

Laura:  Well you may know her. Works for the PD, kinda broody, jaw that could cut glass, rough exterior but overall pretty romantic. Oh and a good kisser.

Carmilla: Maybe…but the version I’ve heard is that she is kinda a bitch but is good with her hands.

Laura: I don’t know about the hands quite yet but hope to find out soon ;)

Carmilla: You’re killing me Hollis! All in good time. So I have to work tonight but I’m free in the morning tomorrow. Want to go for a run with me and maybe breakfast/lunch afterwards?

Laura: Hmm..spending time with my hot girlfriend and food. Yes! 

The short conversation was enough to leave you with a large smile and a light heart. You were a goner. Never had someone completely infiltrated your thoughts as fast as Laura did. This time you truly felt like this relationship could go somewhere but the only thing that complicated it was the overall fact that you were an officer and she was going to become one. You had never fallen for another person at work and knew that it may make things a little complicated but you were willing to work on it. That thought is what has you sitting in the little diner waiting on Laf to show up. You had texted them earlier in the day asking to meet and you set a time and place. Laf walked in, waved at the familiar waitress behind the counter, and made their way towards your table.

“Hey Carmilla, what’s up?” they ask as they take a seat and reach for the sugar to pour into their waiting coffee cup.

You weren’t really sure how to start this conversation because how does one slightly bring up the whole “Hey so I’m kinda now dating my mentee and I don’t want to fuck it up at work” conversation.

“Hey, thanks for coming. How has work been?” Yeah, that’s a good start you think

“Eh, same old stuff. Danny and Kirsch did get a good lead on the string of robberies that have been happening at the convenience stores lately though. So hopefully they might be able to get the guy arrested before actually hurts or kills anyone.” They answer

“Yeah, hopefully sooner than later. I saw the surveillance video from the last one and I don’t think it will take too much more for this guy to escalate into assault or worse.” There was a small lapse in the conversation as the waitress brings you both your regular orders and refills your coffees.

“So, arm is healing well? Hadn’t hear from you for a few days. You kinda disappeared. Laura texted me and told me she was with you at the hospital and that the shift Sgt told you to take a few days off to heal. That’s unusual of you…Letting someone see you when your vulnerable.” They smirk and then take a big bite of their hashbrowns and wait for you to answer.

“Yeah, you know I don’t like hospitals and Laura wouldn’t take no for an answer. Also, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. You’re one of the people I totally trust at the station to not be a blabber mouth and you also are in a unique position to give me some advice.” Laf quirked their head and waited for you to continue. “So, Laura and I went on a date the other night…” They almost choke on their coffee and you give them a look of tell anyone and I’ll kill you with my bare hands. “It went well, I really like her, and I just don’t want things to get weird at work and above all, I don’t want any issues with her in the academy. It’s only starts in just over a week and I want to make sure she is focused there. The last thing she would need is the distraction or one of the instructors riding her because of a relationship with me.”

“Ok, well first of all. I’m happy for you! I would say that I could see this coming and it’s good but I’m sure you would deck me… Secondly, Karnstein, if you are that worried, the best thing I can say is to at least tell Perry. As a sergeant she is able to keep your personal life and professional life separate and she will know if you can handle working with Laura or not when she gets done with the academy. Also, there are no rules about officers dating other officers, the top brass is just a little more touchy on officers dating higher ranking officers. That’s why Perry and I had to switch shifts.” The look you give them shows that you are still a little iffy on talking to Perry. “Perry will totally understand. It’s better to be forthcoming with the information than for them to find out on their own, because let’s face it, the two of you weren’t very subtle the night you played pool.”

“Ok. You’re right.” You concede. “I’ll talk to Perry tonight before shift. But she is the only one besides you I’m going to tell for now until I know that Laura is doing okay in the academy. Ok?”

Laf puts their hands up and shrugs, “Not my secret to tell. But off the record, you could do much worse. Laura is pretty awesome and the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is looking….” They smirk and take another big bite of hashbrowns while you both finish up your breakfast.

\---  
The conversation with Perry had gone well. As Laf had said, Perry understood your situation and the worry of affecting Laura. The two of you come up with some ideas to help keep any distractions at work at a minimum while still preparing Laura for the academy. Shift also went well except for another couple convenience stores getting robbed again and just as you had predicted, one of them ended up with the cashier going to the hospital after being pistol whipped. You sure hoped that Danny and Kirsch’s lead would end up in the guy getting arrested. You never liked the idea of people who could hurt others indiscriminately being free to roam around your town. 

After getting a few hours of sleep, you are awakened by your alarm clock and the idea of tossing it across the room before falling back asleep is discarded when you remember why you had set it in the first place. The sounds of your joints popping and cracking as you roll out of bed and stretch fills the room. You drag your feet to the kitchen and start your coffee maker and grab a granola bar out of the cupboard before heading back to your room to get dressed for your run. You sip on your coffee, hoping the caffeine would kick in soon as you didn’t want to be a bear when Laura showed up. While it had only been a day since you had seen her, the thought of getting to see Laura this morning makes you smile, even if you had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to do it. The knock on the door brings you out of your thoughts and you move to open it. Laura is standing on the other side in a pair of tight fitting running pants and a tank top that hugs her curves in all the right places. The smile on her face when you open the door tells you that she has clearly had more time to process it being morning than you had. 

“Hey! Isn’t the sunrise beautiful?” Laura says as she places a swift kiss on your cheek.

“Well I can think of one thing that is beautiful at this time of morning and it isn’t the sun.” You respond smoothly and see the shade of red that crosses Laura’s cheeks.

“Flattery and compliments will get you everywhere Ms. Karnstein.” She counters and now it’s your turn to blush. “Ready for the run?”

“Yeah just let me grab my keys. I hope you like the path we take today.” You say, grabbing your keys and locking the door behind you. 

You both stretch and begin a slow jog down the block to warm up your muscles. At the end of the block you start at a full run, Laura keeping pace with you easily. The normal route you take by yourself is usually a 2.5 mile loop around your neighborhood but you had planned out today’s route with a special purpose. Running down streets and then breaking off onto a paved bike/running path, you steer Laura through the path and past a playground. When you pass the playground, you find the little known dirt path that leads to one of your favorite places. As you lead Laura onto the path you notice a questioning look on her face and you respond with, “Trust me.” Another ½ mile onto the path, you come to an bigger clearing and you slow to a brisk walk pace and then stop catch your breath. Laura looks like she’s about to ask why you slowed down when she sees it. She looks out and sees that you are standing on the edge of a cliff that is strewn with large boulders and overlooks a large lake. The sun is glistening off the water and the radiant colors of red, blue, green, and shades of purple make the scene almost overwhelming. Laura is stricken into silence. The sight of her staring out into the lake with her jaw dropped open is beautiful. 

“Wow.” Laura is finally able to say after several moments. “Carm, this is beautiful.” She says glancing back at you. 

“Yeah. I love this place. It’s where I can come and just get away when I need to or when I’ve had a particularly hard day at work. Everyone needs a getaway sometimes and this place just lets me take my mind off things. It’s even more beautiful at night. The normal light pollution of the city doesn’t reach out here and the stars are amazing.” 

Laura reaches out and takes your hand, interlocking your fingers. “Thank you for showing this to me Carm. It means a lot you trust me this much. Maybe we can come and see the stars together some time.” 

Looking into her eyes and feeling the warmth that just her gaze gives you, you lean in. Laura closes the distance and connects your lips. She tastes like honey and feel like you could drown in it. Moving back but just enough space to still breath her in, you keep your eyes closed and try to regain the breath that she stole more than the run. “I would really like that.” You smile and open your eyes to the widest and brightest smile on Laura’s face that seems to touch her ears. “Ready for breakfast? We need to talk about the academy and to prepare for it.”

Laura nods and leans in to steal one more kiss. “Yeah I can always eat. Race you!” She smirks before taking off in a dead sprint back up the dirt path. This girl is going to be the death of you! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again....Comments or Kudos are always nice if you enjoy my work! Thanks!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a little longer to get this chapter done. I was working a 85 hour week and ended up checked in a wooping 65 miles of walking at work this week. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter. I will be editing it tomorrow. I'm sorry if it sucks. Building up for next chapter!

“Oh my gosh! Don’t you think that’s enough bacon?” Laura looks at you incredulously as you pile in your 5th strip of bacon.

“Cupcake, if you’re trying to say that there should be a limit to how much bacon I can have, all I’ll respond is that the limit does not exist.” Smiling back and starting on your 6th strip.

“Did you just quote Mean Girls?” Laura appears impressed at your pop culture reference.

“Maybe. I do have an extensive knowledge of movies. Even to the point I could give you a run for your money! Ok, so we really do need to have a serious conversation about work and your upcoming academy.” You settle in for the conversation that can’t be put off.

“Ok. What do you have for me?” Laura sits back and pays attention.

“Well, first, it starts in just over a week. You will be there 5 days a week, only weekends off, and no phone access for several weeks while you’re there. It’s 15 weeks. That’s a long time. It is a stressful time, a lot of yelling, even more repetitive tasks that seem pointless and a lot of physical requirements. I’m not so much worried about your physical abilities but I want to make sure that the stress doesn’t get to you.” You get straight to the point.

“So you’re worried about my mental well being?” Laura gave a slight laugh.

Reaching across the table and holding her hand, you give a sigh. “Yes, I am. I’m not kidding that it’s stressful. I almost quit because of it…if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m too stubborn to quit. I didn’t really have much of a support system and I know you have your dad and his friends but I really want you to know that I am here to support you and to listen when you need. I care about you and want to see you through this.”

Laura sighs and returns your hand squeeze. “I know and I want you to be too. I know it’s going to be stressful and it already helps to know that you will be there on the weekends to encourage me and to help me relax when I can.” 

The warmth in your heart expands as you already have a plan to help with Laura’s stress throughout the weeks. “Ok, just so you know that I am here for you but you also need to make sure you are spending time with your dad and your other friends on the weekends too. Your dad will need to know you are doing well and will want to check up with you.”

“Oh you have no idea… He’s already threatening to come and stay at the Army barracks across the street from the academy to make sure I’m doing ok. He’s still a little overprotective. He is good in small doses so I’ll keep him updated as I can, but I want to have as many weekends with you as I can especially since I know you won’t always have the weekend off.” 

She was right about that. You had looked at your work schedule for the next several weeks and saw that you had only a few weekends when you weren’t scheduled to work. You had already thought about putting in for some time off on a couple of the weekends if the schedule would allow it without leaving the other officers too short handed. 

“Anything else?” She asked as she took a sip of her hot chocolate.

“Yes, actually. One last thing. While you are at the academy and in any interaction we may have at the academy, if I end up instructing anything,, needs to be kept on a professional level. While I know that only getting to see and hold you on the weekends is going to kill me, it is important for us to not give the drill instructors any additional ammunition to use against you. I am normally a very private person and am very careful with whom I share information with as I like my private life. In this case, it’s to protect you from further issues.” You say turning serious again.

“Ok. I understand. That’s the deal with the professional side. I will keep my hands to myself, even if I have to handcuff them to the table.” Laura smiles.

“Ok, so now that is established and the fact that am more than happy to steal you away every weekend I can get, let’s focus on now. I have just over a week to spend with you and I want to make every minute count.” Putting down enough money to cover the check and extra for a sizable tip, you pull Laura up and head out to spend the day with her.  
\---  
When you said about making every minute count with Laura, you didn’t anticipate that they would be so few and far between after your breakfast. The week was spent largely on your crazy work schedule, which was in flux due to a couple officers going on light duty after a large fight. You had, however, made it a point to stop by her apartment in the mornings on the way home from work as she was leaving to finish her final week of work at her part time bakery job. Laura always greeted you with a smile and a warm kiss. The cup of cocoa in your hands was always what made you keep from pulling her back into her apartment and allowing your hands to roam everywhere your mind had. When you finally thought you had a few days to spend some quality time with Laura, her dad had suddenly shown up at her place and demanded she spend the last couple days before the academy back at home and with her dad’s fellow officers. Laura begrudgingly agreed to go after a short text conversation with you and you convincing her to allow her dad to have that one thing. While back at home, Laura and you continued to talk either on the phone or via text message.

Laura: While I love being back home and surrounded by these awesome guys, I miss you.

Carmilla: I miss you too sweety, but just sit back and enjoy it.

Laura: I’d rather be with you.

Carmilla: We’ll get our chance. Patience is a virtue. Creampuff

Laura: One that you are teaching me to have!

Carmilla: Trust me. It will pay off!

Laura: I can’t wait to find out!

\---  
It was the morning of the first day of the academy and you were sitting outside Laura’s apartment waiting for her to come downstairs. You had traded in a few favors to get the academy schedule of training and gave out a few favors for another officer to cover your area for a few hours so you could surprise Laura and give her a ride to the Academy. You may have also told them that it was because she was your mentee and wanted to make sure she made it there on time but you weren’t going to tell Laura that. The schedule for the academy helped you look at when the harder weeks were going to be and you mentally made notes when to make sure Laura had extra support. The fact that you were actively changing your schedule and making mental notes when to be more emotionally available for her was something you had never done for any girl you had dated because you truly never really cared enough to do it. With Laura, however, you found yourself willingly doing it because you wanted to be better for her.

The clock in your car started to make you worried that Laura may have overslept and you are about to call her when you see her coming through the door with her small bag of luggage of required items that you two had put together the last time you were together. Laura immediately sees you standing outside your squad car and her eyes light up.

“What? You didn’t think I would be here to escort you on this big day?” You grin and Laura practically runs at you and drops her bag before swallowing you in a hug and a kiss that leaves a lasting sting on your lips. 

“You are incredible!” She exclaims with excitement.

“I know. And you are beautiful.” You respond, moving a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s a big day and I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” You give her another kiss before breaking the contact and grabbing her bag. “Now, let’s get you off to the academy!”

\---  
The squeeze of your hand and the promise of “I’ll see you on Friday night” that Laura left you with Monday morning was still in your mind. Your last couple shifts had been pretty uneventful while dealing with your “frequent flyers,” several traffic infractions, a few business checks and bar compliance checks, and the paperwork that follows with them. The lull in the activity gave you time to put together your first round of “support cards” that you put in the mailbox earlier in the shift. You had taken some time to go to the supermarket and found several humorous cards to send to Laura throughout the week. You had added your own little encouragement quotes such as, “for every pushup you do, I’ll give you a cookie,” and “Your gig line is the only straight thing about you!” You hope that these cards give her something to smile about during one of the worst weeks that you remember of your academy. The flood of memories from that first week come crashing into your head. The memories of the yelling, the running, the drill instructors in your face, the overall exhausted feeling you had at the end of every single day, and the fact that you had completely lost count of the number of push ups and sit ups that you had to do but your sore muscles reminded you of every one. You wouldn’t say that you resented the academy for those aches and pains because it gave you a better appreciation for what the human body could do and instilled the importance of fitness for your job but that didn’t make you feel any less sorry for the fact that Laura was now going through that hell. 

Laura had a decent understanding of what the academy was going to be like because of her father and you had done your best to prepare her. You knew that she would be exhausted and sore when she returned to you this weekend. The weekend was the time that you looked forward to because you get to see Laura again and you wouldn’t admit to anyone that you had really been missing her this last week. The days at work seemed longer when you weren’t able to text her and she was constantly finding her way into your thoughts.  
\---

It is Friday night and you are working your way through your final shift for the week. So far it has been the usual speed enforcement, barking dog calls, the occasional argument, but nothing huge. Just like you like your last shift of the week. There were only a few hours separating you and spending time with Laura and the clock seemed to be teasing you tonight. Laura was still under the impression that you had to work this weekend so time together would be limited but you took care of that earlier in the week. Perry had allowed you to take some time off for the weekend when you explained to her that you were close to topping out on your vacation time and you wanted to use it before you lost it, at least that is what was on the official request. 

Shift change time comes quickly, though not quick enough in your opinion, and you gladly change out of your uniform into your civilian clothes.

“What’s the rush?” Laf laughs as you are trying to set a land speed record for changing clothes. “You act like you have a hot date or something.” They wink.

“Maybe I do. Or maybe I just really need to catch up on my Netflix…” You comeback with as the door slams shut behind you and by the time you had made it to your car your phone was already in hand and you were drafting a message to Laura.

Carm: Hey cutie. Make it home alright?

It takes a little while for you to get a response, which you were expecting because it had been a long week for her. You were almost home when your phone buzzed with the new message

Laura: Hey Carm. Yeah. 

Carm: How are you feeling? 

Laura: I’m tired. You were right, it was definitely something you couldn’t fully prepare me for.

You smile at her last text. It had taken a little while for the response again. You know she must be beyond tired but she is staying up to text you. You type out your next message as you pull into your driveway.

Carm: Hey, I know you must be exhausted. Get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Laura: Well, I can’t really sleep right now….

Carm: ? what’s keeping you awake.

You just sent the last text message and as you are walking up to your front porch, you hear the buzz of a cell phone. Instantly recoiling to a partial cover of a tree you reach for the off-duty pistol you keep in the small of your back, keeping your eyes on the dark shadow that was sitting on your front porch swing.

“Don’t shoot me Carm!” The voice this that of Laura and you see that she has stepped into the light from the street with her hands up.

Letting out a deep sigh of relief and switching the safety back on your pistol you move up the steps and into her arms. Trying to keep the hug gentle, remembering that Laura must be in some pain from the week, you take in her smell and relax completely into her arms. Laura tightens her arms around you and you feel her entire body soften against you. Pulling back ever so slightly, you reach up and move a piece of her hair behind her ear and lock eyes. Both of you move slightly forward and exchange a soft kiss. 

“Laura, sweetie. As much as I enjoy the fact you are here, please don’t ever scare me like that again!” Laura looks shyly at you and apologizes.

“I’m sorry. I just really wanted to see you and I knew you were on shift and I didn’t have a key. I didn’t want to wait at my apartment because it was so quiet and empty it made me think of this last week and I didn’t want to relive that right now and..” You cut her off with another quick kiss. 

“It’s ok. Let’s go inside and you can relax. I’m sure you have had a long week.” You respond and slide your arm behind her as you unlock the door and usher her inside. 

Laura makes a v-line for the couch and does faceplant right into the cushions. The display is too adorable and you just shake your head and smile while you remove your back up gun from your waist and clear it before putting it in the safe. 

“Hey, I’m going to go quickly shower because I smell like dirty squad car. I see that you’ve already made yourself comfortable so the TV remote is on the table and you can help yourself to anything in the kitchen, if you feel so inclined to actually get up.”

A small wave of Laura’s hand indicates that she heard you and you proceed to go upstairs and take a quick shower and change into your sleep clothes. When you return downstairs, you find that Laura has not moved from her original position and when approach her you hear her even breaths and see the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest indicating she is sleeping. The look of ease on Laura’s face makes you sit back and appreciate her. You truly appreciate her when she is awake and the way that her facial expressions have the ability to make your heart light up but right here, the way her personality can make a room brighter, and how a simple touch of her hand can ignite a fire inside you, in this moment of innocence, is when you can truly say Laura is most beautiful. It is also in this moment that you realize, though you have only known Laura a few months and have only been dating a couple weeks, that you are falling in love with her.

A small piece of hair has fallen over her face and you move to tuck it back when she slightly stirs and looks at you through sleepy eyes.

“Carm,” she smiles at you through a sleepy haze. “Lay down with me?”

“Cupcake, I would love to but I think that you need to move to a bed or else you will be more sore tomorrow than you are now.” You respond.

“But I don’t think I can move. Everything hurts.” Laura pouts

You lean down and try to kiss that pout away. Laura returns the kiss with about as much energy as you think she can muster. “Do you trust me?” you ask.

“Completely.” 

“Ok good. Just relax and let me do the work.” You say as you lean down and gather her up in your arms, with one arm under her knees and the other under her arms. Laura wraps her arms around your neck and nuzzles her face into you. You transverse the stairway and the hallway expertly in the dark and gently place Laura down on your bed. Before you move away, Laura places a soft kiss at the base of your neck.

“Thank you.” She whispers before appearing to fall back asleep.

Yep..you are definitely falling in love with her. You finish up a quick check of the locks and turn off the lights downstairs before returning upstairs to your bedroom. Pulling the covers back on the bed, you slide into the bed beside Laura, moving slowly trying not to wake her again. Laura shifts slightly in the bed and backs up against you pressing the full length of her body into you and tangling your legs. You take this opportunity to slide an arm around her midsection and pull her into you even tighter. The smell of her hair, the heat radiating off her body, and the thought of never wanting to let her go are the last things that go through your mind before you fall asleep.  
\---  
The blinding light of the sun cutting through your curtains is what brings you out of your slumber and one of the best dreams you had in a while. Then you remember that the weight and warmth in your arms isnt from your dream but your reality. Laura is still sleeping in your arms which is a shock because she is normally the morning person. You realize that Laura hasn’t moved since falling asleep and know that she must have been exhausted. Moving as quickly as you dared to without waking her, you get up from the bed, perform your normal morning rituals of hygiene, and make your way to the kitchen. 

A half an hour later, Laura comes slowly walking down the stairs.

“I woke up in your bed without you with me.” She says groggily while wiping her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I knew you needed sleep and I wanted to make you breakfast.” You smile as you indicate the chocolate chip pancakes, fresh cut fruit, toast and 2 cups of hot chocolate on the counter.

“You made me chocolate chip pancakes? How did you know they were my favorite?” Laura beamed a wide smile.

“You mentioned it one morning when you rode along with me and we stopped for dinner, well breakfast.” You respond absently while flipping another pancake out of the pan. The feel of Laura’s arms around your waist give you a little start but you lean back into her.

“I said that just as a side note…and you remembered it?” She kisses your neck.

“Yes. I’ve paid attention to a lot you have said.” She continues kissing your neck. “And as much as I’m enjoying this attention, you need to eat, especially while it’s hot.”

“I can think of something else that’s hot that I’d like to eat.” Laura responds while pushing her hips into you and placing a kiss just below your ear.

You lean your neck back to grant better access for her while reaching out and turning off the stovetop. Turning around, you place your hands on Laura’s hips and pull her in closer. A sharp breath was pulled into Laura’s mouth as your hips brushed together and you took that moment to capture her lips in a bruising kiss. Laura returned the feverent kiss and began pulling you closer looking for more contact, pressure, anything. You moved into her causing her to take a couple steps back. 

Laura breaks your lips apart and tracked her way down your cheek to your chin and throat while you continued to step her back. The fire inside you is burning and searing through your body. You want her, need her. You reached down and grabbed her ass. The moan that escapes Laura’s mouth pulls at you. You need to make her make that sound again. Laura’s shirt is riding up and exposing more skin. Skin that you absolutely need to feel. You move your other hand to her stomach and guide it up under her shirt, trying to feel every bit of exposed skin that you can. You slide you hand further up her abdomen and you find her exposed breast. Glancing your hand over the swell of her breast, you quickly find her hard nipple and lightly squeeze it between your fingers. This motion causes Laura’s breath to hitch and another quiet moan to escape her lips. Taking your time to tease the sensitive bud in your fingers, you move your mouth to your favorite spot on Laura’s neck, being careful not to leave any marks. Laura’s hand shoots straight to back of your neck drawing you closer into her. You feel Laura’s other hand on your waist begin to move under your shirt as well.

The heat of her hand moving slowly along your stomach sends every one of your nerves into overdrive. “Laura” whispers escape your mouth in between your kisses on her neck. Her hand finds its way to your erect nipple as well. You want more, more of her, more of her taste, more of anything she is willing to give you. As she squeezes your breast, you step her back one more time, you move your other hand from her ass down her leg and begin to bend it to wrap around you when her back hits the corner of the counter and her sharp intake of pain stops you in your tracks.

You are both breathing heavily and you see the pain in her face and her cringe. “Are you ok??” You ask worriedly.

“Yeah. No. I’m just more sore than I thought I’d be. I just need to rest a little.” She says shyly. “I’m so sorry I ruined this.”

“Hey.” You bring her chin up to look you in the eyes. “You didn’t ruin anything. I understand how sore you are, remember. When this happens, I want you to remember it because I made you feel so good and not be worried about how sore you are and be distracted. The important thing is that I want you to be comfortable while I make love to you. Ok?” 

Laura shyly grins, “Ok. How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” 

“No Laura, I’m the lucky one. Now let’s eat some breakfast before it gets too cold and then we can relax and watch tv. Sound good?”

“Wait, don’t you have to work tonight?” Laura asks questioningly.

“Nope. I wanted to take some time with you this weekend.” You reach into the cabinet and take out a bottle of ALEVE. “Now, take a couple of these after you’ve eaten. It will help with the pain but make sure you drink plenty of water. So, tell me about how your first week went.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, it was a long week at work. 85 hours of work in a week will do that to you. I'm not sure Im 100% happy with the chapter but felt I needed to update it. 
> 
> Hope you like the build up. There will be some additional *relations* in the next chapter.
> 
> Let me know if you like it!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura get to spend some quality time together. A boring day at work turns quickly when a robbery effects a certain member of the department.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update to the story this week. I got inspired and I had a whole day to work on it! A huge thanks to the readers that have been waiting for this chapter to happen ....hope you enjoy it and that it was worth the wait!! Hope you enjoy! ;-)

The two of you spent the whole day relaxing on the couch and sharing stories of the week. Your work week had been pretty uneventful so you were more interested in stories from the academy from Laura. Apparently, there were 4 other women in her academy class that came out of the same mentor program she did and her class was comprised of 5 women and 20 men, well at least the first day it was. Laura told you how apparently 2 of the men that were there the first day, packed their things secretly in the night and left. Well, this job isn’t for everyone, you think to yourself. Laura couldn’t get over the amount of repetition on what she seemed were small petty things. “I mean like why do we have to constantly change beds, redo the bedsheets, change in and out of our uniforms into our PT gear?” 

“Well, it may seem meaningless now but you will find that attention to detail now will pay off when you are on the streets.” You respond smiling while avoiding the pillow that Laura playfully swung at you.

“That doesn’t make it any less ridiculous now! And stop making sense and just agree with me!” She smiles

You take the opportunity of the missed pillow strike to wrap your arms around her stomach and pull her back down on the couch with you. “Fine. Fine. You’re right. It’s all ridiculous and childish and not for any benefit of you in the future.” 

“Thanks.” She says and then her face turns serious. “ Carm, I really do appreciate your support. You have been amazing the last few weeks since I haven’t been able to be around as much as I would like. I know that we have a long 14 weeks ahead but I’m looking forward to every moment I get to spend with you. This last week was horrible but it was comforting to know you would be here waiting for me. But I want to make sure that you are getting what you need too, I don’t want to be someone that holds you back from other, um opportunities, I guess. I know 14 weeks is a long time… ” 

You don’t miss the implication that she made when she said “opportunities.” Looking into her eyes, you hope Laura can see the depth of your emotions in your eyes and you respond, “Please, don’t for one moment second guess my dedication to you. Yes, we have only been together for a couple of weeks but Laura, you have brought so much life back into me and have made me feel actually wanted for one of the first times in my life. There used to be a time in my life that I didn’t care about the women I was with because they were only good for one thing to me. You changed that. I find myself wanting to be better for you. And yes, 14 weeks is a long time but I’m not going anywhere. I am in this picture as long as you will have me. As for support? Sweetie, you will always have my support. From the first moment I saw you at the meet-up, I knew that you would be the one of our group to make it. You have a fire in you and a determination that can’t be matched. You would make it through this academy even if I wasn’t in the picture because you are stubborn and hardheaded.” 

You see the moisture that has gather in her eyes at your words and you gently slide your thumb across her cheek to wipe away the tear that escaped. The two of you share a look that said more than words ever could and you close the distance between your lips with a gentle kiss.

Laura returned the gentle kiss and retreated back while wiping the rest of the tears from her eyes. She seemed to finally understand your feelings towards her, at least you hoped. “I’m going to grab some more water. Want anything?”

“I’ll take some water too. What movie do you want to watch next?” You ask as you grab the remote and scroll through the selections. 

“Whatever is good with you.” She says as she gets up and leaves towards the kitchen. It’s these relaxing times with Laura that you love the most and are looking forward to the most.  
\---

The two of you spend the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch going between each of your favorite movies before the weight of sleep captured both of you. The feel of Laura in your arms when you woke up was definitely something that you could get used to. Looking at the clock, you see that it is still pretty early in the morning. You are usually not a morning person but for some reason you are wide awake and you figure that you would make the most of it. Gently extracting yourself from Laura’s arms, you give her a quick kiss on the forehead before you head upstairs to change into your running gear. You figure that you should be able to get a decent run in before Laura woke up. Grabbing your iPod and earbuds, you set outside and set a good pace while jamming out.

It was a little over an hour when you returned from your run, muscles aching, lungs burning, and smelling like a pig, (ha! You had to give yourself credit for that fun pun). Laura was awake and in the kitchen drinking what you assumed was hot chocolate. She looked beautiful this morning with her hair still slightly messed up from sleep and wearing one of your tank tops and pajama pants. You stride up behind her and wrap your arms around her stomach and kiss her neck softly.

“Ew Carm! You’re all sweaty!” Laura exclaims and tries to pull away from you but you hold onto her tightly.

“I can think of a few things that you would like when I’m sweaty.” You tease her and kiss her neck again, feeling her shiver from the contact. It makes you smile that she reacts to you this way. You pull back and sigh, “but you are right, I’m soaked and wreak. I’m going to take a shower and then your choice on what you want to do today.”

Laura grabbed you as you turned to walk away and gave you a quick kiss, “Hurry up! I’m looking forward to spending the whole day with you. But seriously, you stink…go.” She wrinkles her nose and you give her a mock look of offense before heading upstairs.

The steam rising from the hot water was inviting and you striped out of your sweat soiled clothing, tossing them into the hamper, and stepped into the awaiting shower. You slowly stepped into the hot water, letting it flow down your body and against your sore muscles. You take your time and allow your mind to clear and wander and, not surprisingly, it lands back on Laura. Four months ago, you never even knew who she was and then suddenly you were tapped for this extra assignment and through fate she landed in your group. Never did you think that you would find someone like her, someone that made you smile like every day was the best day of your life. You knew that the academy was going to be hard for her and that she would worry about you but you were determined to limit that worry and had plans to make sure she knew you were hers alone. 

You are so lost in your thoughts that you failed to notice the form outside the shower door. Only when the door opened and you felt the hands forming around your stomach did you realize you weren’t alone. The feel of her hands startles you for a quick moment and you barely have a second to register the fact that you are both naked in your shower when you feel her lips on your bare shoulders and feel her hands splay across your stomach.

“hhmmm” she hums into your neck, “I got to thinking about what I would like to do today and you were taking a long time so I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“do you hear me complaining cupcake?” You respond and you slowly turn around to face her. You take a moment to look at her, truly look at her. She is perfect. Everything about her seems flawless and her well toned body, perfect breasts, and her beautiful face almost make your jaw drop. As you are taking a moment to take in the gorgeous woman in front of you, you notice that she seems to be doing the same. “See anything you like cutie?” You watch the side grin that you love appear on her face.

“Carm, you are beautiful.” Laura is able to squeak out before you move in and close the short distance you had made, connecting your bodies skin on skin for the first time. 

You hesitate only a moment, long enough to say, “Laura, you are unbelievable,” before you capture her lips with yours in a bruising kiss and grasp her hips, pulling them tightly into yours. You feel Laura’s arms wrap around your back and slide up into your wet hair, pulling your mouth down even harder into hers. The feel of Laura against you drives your senses wild and you seem to fit perfectly together. Laura slides her hands down your back and the feel of her hands caressing your body and pulling at you for more physical connection makes your head swim. Laura’s hands stop when they reach your ass and she grabs tightly, slamming your hips together and making you both gasp. 

You move slightly and bring you leg in between hers giving her the pressure and friction you both were searching for. Laura pushes and grinds her center on your leg and you feel her wetness as she pushes into your thigh. Her head tilts back as her breathing becomes more labored. You take this opportunity to kiss her exposed neck, again being careful not to leave marks that she would have to explain to the DI’s. Your hands are all over her wanting to touch every bit of her skin you can. You suddenly feel the water getting cold but you’ll be damned if it interrupts you. Wrapping your arms around her and moving back to your desperate kisses, you slyly sidestep both of you out of the shower and before Laura even knows it, you are slowly sliding her onto your bed. The fact that you are both still soaked is of no concern to you. Laura moves backwards onto the bed and you follow her, still never breaking your kisses. Once she reaches the pillows, Laura stops and pulls you down onto her while sliding her thigh in between your legs. 

Sucking in a deep breath at the chills and tension that are sent through your entire body with the pressure of Laura’s thigh to your center, you make sure that your leg is between hers too and you slowly start thrusting your hips. Laura wraps her leg around your calve and digs her heel into you. You begin to push into Laura a little harder, enjoying the small moans and breaths that escape her lips as your hands greedily make their way all over her body. You kiss down her neck to the swell of her breast, taking a small nip before making your way to her nipple. You take the hard bud into your mouth, lightly sucking and teasing it with your tongue. You have been patient for this moment and now that it is here you are making yourself slow down because all you want is to bring Laura to ecstasy again and again and again. Laura’s eyes are shut and you feel her body arching into you with every push of your hips. The tension of your body climbs, with every push and thrust of your hips you feel like you could explode at any moment. Laura’s breaths are getting shorter and more ragged with each push. 

“Carm! I’m so close…please don’t stop…oh god.” Laura’s hands are firmly on your ass and are pulling harder with each movement you make. And you can’t stop, you are both so close. The pressure building in your body is almost enough to make you snap in two. Pushing down hard a couple more times, you stare at Laura as her hands on your ass pull you down one more time and you watch as she arches into you and moans your name as she falls over the edge into oblivion. The sight of Laura in this moment is enough to push you over the edge as well and you find yourself gasping her name. Your weight becomes too much for your arms and you gently lower yourself onto her as you both come down from your orgasms. 

Taking a moment to catch your breath, you find yourself still staring at her and again you are overcome with the need for her. Laura looks at you, smiling, “Wow.” It seems to be the only thing that can come to her mind and truthfully, you were thinking the same thing. 

“You are so beautiful. I can’t get enough of you..” You remark and move in for kiss. Laura returns the kiss with as much enthusiasm and before you know it you both kissing passionately and your hands are roaming over her body again. Laura’s breath hitches slightly when she feels your hand moving gently down her stomach and coming to rest on her inner thighs. You stop before moving any further and raise your head to look her in the eyes. You are asking for permission without a word being spoken. Laura’s gaze returns to you and you notice a slight nod before you move your hand and Laura’s eyes roll back and her body arches into your hand. You part her slick folds with your finger and realize just how wet she is for you. Gently, you press one finger into her and bring your thumb up to her clitorus. Your thrusts into her are gentle but deep at first. The sight of Laura’s body arching into meet your thrusts drives you wild. The sounds of Laura’s sharp inhales, breathless moans, and the sound of your name on her tongue spurs you on. 

The speed of your thrusts increase as your mouth begins to follow the trail that your hand had just gone. Spending a small amount of time at her breasts but continuing down placing kisses along her stomach, your thrusts never faltered or slowed. When you are settled between her legs, you move your free arm underneath her legs and hold her hips firmly down. You exhale deeply and give her cool sensation of your breath against her folds. Laura squirms slightly against the breath, trying to push her hips to where she wants your mouth.

“Look at me.” You demand of her while still pushing your finger inside of her. Through some miracle, she is able to push open her eyes and connect with your eyes. You try and put as much emotion into your eyes as you can.

“Please.” Laura whimpers.

With that plea you lower your head and connect your mouth to her center, slightly sucking, and add another finger into her. Laura’s hips buck wildly off the bed and into your mouth. Using your arm to push her hips back down onto the bed and to keep her steady, you slide the flat of your tongue through the center of her slick folds, gathering up her wetness and enjoying the taste. You know how good you are at giving oral but you have always held back with others, however, with Laura you pull out all of the stops. Twisting your tongue over and over again, shifting between small circles, long flat strokes, and adding in some slight humming, and the curling of your fingers inside of her, you feel Laura tighten around your fingers quickly. Her moans become louder and her breaths become shorter. When you feel that she is just about to push over the edge again, you move and suck on her most sensitive area while curling your fingers one last time. Laura’s hips explode off the bed and you feel her contracting muscles and the slick gush of heat. You feel her start to coming down and you quickly resume your sucking and swirls and before she even knows it, the build up and fall happens again as she screams your name and grabs your hair, holding you tightly against her.

You take you time cleaning her, you wipe your face on the bed sheet beneath her and then slowly kiss your way up her inner thighs, hips, stomach, chest, and neck before she finally can’t stand it anymore and grabs the back of your head bringing your lips to hers.

“That was amazing Carm. I’ve never felt that good before.” You can’t help but smile at her confession. Before you can say anything she cuts you off with the slide of her hand along your hips. The action makes your breath hitch. “Now it’s your turn.”

“You don’t have to do that cupcake. I really enjoy how you look when you let go.” 

“I want to though.” She smiles at you and before you can say anything else you feel her fingers slide through your center and slowly enter you. 

Again she has stolen your breath away and your hips buck involuntarily into her hand. “Laura..hmmm…Laura…” you bite your lip as the heat and build up overwhelms you. Laura is thrusting in you harder and faster. Her lips are all over you and her fingers are skilled. Before you know it you are careening over the edge of your orgasm and she swallows your moans into a deep kiss helping you slowly ride it out. 

After you both catch your breath, you bring her head back in line with yours and you close the short gap with the most gentle kiss you have ever given. Laura smiles and gives a slight hum, “I could definitely get used to that.” She says before you pull her in closer and let the weight of sleep take you both. Your last thought before you fade into peaceful sleep is that 14 weeks isnt that long when you want to spend forever with her.  
\---

 

You both had slept away most of the rest of the day but you knew you both needed sleep. The only thing that you could think of was that you had been dreaming that Laura was with you, in your arms. When you had woken up with the beautiful naked cupcake beside you, you knew it was still real.

It sucked when you had to say goodbye when she had to leave that evening to prepare to return to the academy early the next morning. She backed out of your driveway after several goodbye kisses that were a little more than PG-13 rated and the promises of more cards and to see her next weekend.

\---

That’s how the first several weeks went. Every weekend she would come to your house, which you ended up just giving her a key since you never knew what time you would be home from shift. She would always be waiting for you as you brought home her favorite dinner, which mostly consisted of cookies since she wasn’t allowed anything sweet during the week. 

She would ask you about the latest happenings at the station and if you had pulled any interesting arrests. You talked more about your interests, how you and Laf became such good friends at your academy, you told a little about your childhood (the happy parts anyway), and she talked about hers and the fun, crazy things she had to put up with due to a large “extended” family as she liked to call her father’s fellow cops.

There really hasn’t been too much going on in the station and most of your days have been nothing but the usual. You mentioned in passing that several additional shifts were being required of the officers due to the shortage of staff (man you couldn’t wait for the academy to graduate so more officers were working), and the fact the convenience store robberies were starting to get out of hand. Danny and Kirsch had been put on those cases since the beginning but unfortunately all their leads had deadpanned. It was getting to the point of possibly offering extra shifts to standby at the gas stations for extra pay.

Laura would explain the newest “horrors” as she liked to call them at the academy. The fact that while she was stellar at the PT and most of the DT that she still struggled with grappling and ground fighting. That was one thing that you know bothered her so you made a mental note to set aside some training room time to help her work on it during a weekend. The academy seemed to be going a little faster in her eyes and she said that her classmates were starting to “click” together as a team. You enjoyed these talks. Every bit of detail that you learned about Laura just made you fall deeper in love even if you hadn’t had the ability to say the words yet. 

After dinner, chatting, and some movies, the two of you always found yourselves naked in each others arms following a round or two of amazing sex. Neither of you could get enough of each other and each time you were together it always felt better than the last. Laura had this way of making you feel safe and secure in her arms, a feeling that you had never really had before. It was always hard to say goodbye to her on Sunday evenings when you dropped her off at her apartment to prepare for the upcoming week. The last couple times you had to physically restrain yourself from pulling her up to her apartment and having your way with her. 

You respected her Sunday night ritual of mentally preparing for the week but she never was far from your mind. You had even told Mattie about her the last time she called. Mattie had told you to hold onto her because she could tell, just the way you talked about Laura, that she was special. You had assured her that you planned to keep her around as long as she would let you.

\---

“Yoo Hoo! Earth to Carmilla!!” Laf snapped their fingers in front of your eyes bringing you out of the thoughts of this last weekend with Laura and back to the locker room. “Damn Karnstein, what or who has you so distracted? I’ve never seen you like this. Get your head into work!”

Throwing your towel at them, you respond, “Sorry Laf, It was just thinking about the surprise I have for Laura this weekend…”

They cut you off with a hand up, “Woah there… I don’t need to know.” They say smiling.

“Oh come on Laf, you know I don’t kiss and tell! No, I finally got my stipend from the mentor program and I bought something that is going to be installed tomorrow and ready for when Laura is back this weekend.” You normally wouldn’t give so much information but you have been slightly aware that you really haven’t talked with Laf much outside work lately and you feel a little bad about it.

“Oh really? Something nice I hope!”

“Yeah, you know how I’ve always wanted a hot tub. It will be nice and relaxing for sore muscles after a workout and it will definitely be nice to sit in as the weather gets colder. You play your cards right, I might actually allow you to come over and use it.” Laf lights up at the idea and you know they can’t resist a nice soak in a hot tub.

“Ok deal. So how are things with Laura going anyway?” Laf asks as they pull on their work boots.

“Things are great. She’s special Laf. She’s got determination and she’ll pass the academy with no issues! I can really open up to her about things I’ve never envisioned myself telling others. I trust her Laf.” You tell them the truth because you can’t help but smile when you think of Laura and Laf deserves to know that you are being taken care of.

“Good. I knew that Laura would be good for you! You deserve it Carmilla. She better continue taking good care of you or her and I will have to have a conversation.” Laf smiled and squeezed your shoulder before heading towards the door, “See you in roll call. I’ve got to find Danny or Kirsch to see if they need anymore help on their case. This thing is almost getting out of hand.”

\---

The hot tub had arrived on Thursday afternoon and was sitting there waiting for its first user but you resolved to wait for Laura. This, after all, was actually a real gift for her. She was the one you had in mind when it came to getting it due to the help it would be for her muscles and to relax after a long, stressful week. You had kept you word and every week you were sending her cards and even some musical cards you found. You had happened to mention in one of them this week that you had a surprise for her when she came over that weekend. 

The hot tub would simply have to wait until you could truly enjoy it with Laura. You had to focus on work and keep your head in the game. Right now you were sitting on shift just finishing up a traffic stop and the paperwork and waiting to hear back from Laf on when dinner break would be. Still waiting another 15 minutes for a response from Laf you are just about to call them when your radio squaks with a APB.

Attention all cars, attention all cars. Silent alarm at the Silas Git-N-Go Mart. 5th and Vine. Silent alarm button has been pressed. No response when called.

Shit. You dinner break was going to have to wait. You’re a couple miles away but with the string of robberies lately you flip your lights on and speed towards the location while letting dispatch know you are en route. Danny, Kirsch, and Laf all respond with the same radio traffic indicating their response to the scene. Danny and Kirsch are the first to arrive on scene as you are still several blocks away. You are hoping that they will come on the radio and clear all other responding units with just a false alarm when the radio in the car screams to life with Kirsch’s voice.

“Officer Down! Officer Down! 224 is down!” Shit! Danny! “Get medical en route! 224 was hit and dragged by a fleeing vehicle. Red Pontiac Grand Prix, 2 door, 2 male suspects wearing blue jeans and black hoodies, faces were covered. Vehicle headed north on Vine Ave.” A pause in the radio traffic and 2 other units responded they were heading north on Vine to try and intercept the vehicle. You were too far away from Vine and decided to respond to the scene and help there. 

You arrive on scene and find Danny laying in the middle of the parking lot. Kirsch is kneeled down beside her. A quick scan of the scene shows Laf inside the building, gun drawn and appeared to be clearing the scene. You radio dispatch and tell them you are on scene. Drawing your weapon you join Laf in the building and together you make a quick sweep of it and find it to be empty except the cashier who is laying unconscious on the ground behind the counter bleeding from his head. 

“Dispatch, get me another ambulance enroute. We have a male cashier unconscious and bleeding from head wound inside the building. The building has been cleared and is safe for medical to approach when they arrive on scene.” You grab the first aid kit you found in the back room and hand it to Laf. “Can you take care of him? I’ve got to help Danny.” Laf nods in the affirmative and you run back outside to grab your medical kit out of your squad.

Kirsch is still kneeled over Danny and appears to be applying pressure on her leg. You kneel down beside her on the other side and see that she is still conscious but clearly in a lot of pain. You make a quick assessment of her injuries and see blood coming from the pant leg that Kirsch is holding and notice a lot of swelling in her right arm. You are sure that she has more than a few broken bones but you start with what you can see. Grabbing the shears out of your medical bag you cut the pant leg that Kirsch is holding to get a better look at where the blood is coming from. While doing this you try to assess her mental stability, “Hey Xena, how you doing? First thing is I need to promise to not move your head as best you can. It’s only me and Kirsch right now and you have some heavy bleeding in your leg that we have to take care of first. Can you promise me that?” Danny whispers a “yes.” “Next, Can you tell me what you name is? What the date is? Who I am?”

Danny grunts through the pain and takes deep breaths, “Well I’ve been hit by a fucking car! My name is Danny, not Xena. I never know the exact date until I’ve filled out my time sheet.” You can’t help but give a small smile at that answer because you all knew it was true. “And you are Carmilla, Queen of Snark, Karnstein.”

“Well, now that we know your mental abilities are in tact, let’s get to work on getting some of this bleeding stopped ok?” Danny just breathes, closes her eyes, and nods. You look at Kirsch and he seems to know what you need as he starts talking to Danny to keep her awake and distracted. Now that her leg is exposed, you see that it is worse than you had thought when you see the small bit of bone sticking out of her thigh. Moving quickly and grabbing the tourniquet out of your back pant pocket, you slide it in place, tighten it and hear Danny scream in pain, secure it and mark the time. Dispatch called you on the radio to inform you that medical was approximately 5 minutes out. The tourniquet is doing it’s job as the bleeding begins to slow. At least the bone didn’t hit the femoral artery because if it had, Danny would have already been dead. With the bleeding controlled you move onto the other obvious injuries while Kirsch moves to hold onto Danny’s head and neck. You continue placing some pressure bandages on open cuts in her arm and securely splinting her arm. The radio had been going off in your ear the entire time but your focus was on Danny. 

Danny’s duty belt and vest had to be removed to allow you to continue to assess the rest of her injuries.. Kirsch secured Danny’s gun while you noted that she had some dark bruising already in her abdomen and you made a note to tell medical as soon as they got there. With everything you able to see and take care of done, you move back to talking with Danny. Other officers had arrived and secured the scene with but that was all in the background as you trusted these officers to do their job and keep you safe. 

“Did they get away?” Danny asks as she is shaking and gritting her teeth.

“I don’t know. It sounds like they are still looking for the car. So hey, you’re into football right? Laura and I were thinking about going to a game the next time I don’t work on a Saturday night and we were going to ask all of you if you wanted to join us. Interested?” You ask trying to get Danny’s mind off the pain.

Danny grips your hand tightly, “Yeah, I’d definitely like that. But it might be a while before I can.” 

“Yeah, we don’t mind waiting for you. Hell, I’ll even help push your wheelchair if you cant get your ass out of it in time of the game.” You joke with her.

“Don’t offer if you can’t follow through with it!” Danny responds causing a small laugh followed by a cringe of pain to escape her.

“Hey, if you’re really good, I’ll even invite my friend Kelsey from the gym that you keep talking about!” This pulls another small smile from Danny.

Two ambulance units finally pull up on scene after what feels like a lifetime and the paramedics quickly move in around you. After giving them the update on Danny’s condition and the measures you took, they quickly scoop her up. You give her hand one last squeeze and tell her that you will see her at the hospital before they have her in the back of the ambulance and are taking off with lights and sirens. The other ambulance takes off shortly after them with the cashier who as still unconscious.

Laf and Kirsch both join you at your squad as you can feel their presence behind you. Turning to look at them, you see the sadness in Kirsch’s face and then see the blood staining his uniform. Laf has the same expression on their face and you see the blood of the cashier on their hands as well. Without thinking, you pull them both in for a hug and their arms don’t hesitate to envelope you. You can’t remember a time that you all 4 had blood on your hands, especially that of a fellow officer. 

“Are you ok? Are you hurt at all?” You finally ask Kirsch and it seems to bring him out of the trance. 

“Yeah…Yeah..I’m fine. We just got on scene and we saw the suspects running to their car. Danny jumped out and tried to grab their door handle when they hit the gas, dragged her, and then ran her over with the back wheels of the car….” Kirsch speaks in a matter of fact tone clearly indicating that he as still in a bit of shock. “Hey, did you hear if they caught them?”

“No, they didn’t.” Perry states as she joins the group. Perry puts her hands on Laf’s back and you see Laf relax into her touch. Perry looks at all of you, “They found the car and gave short chase before the car crashed and the 2 individuals ran. We were unable to locate them and the car came back as stolen. We’re going to get the video footage and hope that it can help us identify them. How’s Danny?”

“They just took her a few minutes ago. She wasn’t looking good but she was still fighting and joking with me so that is a decent sign.” You answer.

Perry takes a look at all three of you, “Kirsch, I’m glad you are ok. I’ll take Danny’s gun and secure it until she comes back to work. I’ll need to get the video out of your car. Karnstein, good job. It sounds like you did a lot of work tonight. Could you take Kirsch back to the PD and you can both get cleaned up before we need to get a statement?” She asks you and you give a quick head nod before both you and Kirsch turn to head towards your squad. Looking back, you see Perry with both her hands on Laf’s shoulders and telling them something that seems to lighten the load that had been sitting on Laf’s shoulders.

The uniform you had been wearing was trashed. The blood would never come out and even if it did, you wouldn’t want to wear uniform that had been soaked in a fellow officer’s and a friend’s blood. You didn’t even realize how much blood you had gotten on your until you were in the locker room shower and the water flowing down the drain was a shade between red and pink. When you had finally gotten all of the blood off of you, you returned to your locker and changed into the department polo shirt you had left in your locker. After getting dressed, you started to make your way back out of the locker room, only to see Kirsch still sitting on the bench by his locker, still in his uniform and staring blankly into his hands still stained with Danny’s, now dried, blood. It’s at this moment that Laf comes into the room. They seem to see the issue going on and move to help.

Both of you move to him slowly and even though you always give him a hard time with his puppy-like attitude and how he always refers to women as hotties, babes, or sexy, you have always liked him, even if he is a little naïve at times. Kirsch doesn’t move as you and Laf sit down on the bench next to him and you move your hand onto his bicep. Laf is able to coax him into standing up and you help move him to the sink, turn on the water hot enough to clean his hands but not burn him and bring his hands under the water. There’s a few things you know about the psychological affects of traumatic events and one thing you know for sure is that seeing the blood of his partner and best friend on his hands definitely wasn’t helping him. Laf and you both take your time and make sure all the blood on his hands was washed away before moving him back to his locker. Kirsch seems to be functioning a little on his own now and moves to open the locker. 

“Hey, she’s going to be fine. You’ll see. She’s freaking Xena! Xena never dies! You did a good job getting the information out to the other officers and applying pressure to her leg. As soon as we are done with our statements, we’re heading to the hospital. You can ride with us if you want.” You say, trying to coax him even further into talking or moving or showing some form of the lighthearted man-child that he was. Without warning, Kirsch leans into your shoulder and starts sobbing. Eek…if there is one thing you aren’t good with it’s tears. Especially coming from a man but your heart breaks for him and you stiffen and awkwardly move your hand and pat his head. You look at Laf feeling helpless and they shrug and move to wrap their arms around you both in an awkward embrace. A few minutes go by and Kirsch seems to be able to control himself.

“Thanks Karnstein. You know you really do have a heart after all.” He says.

“Shhh. Don’t tell anyone or I’ll have to kill you. I have a reputation to uphold you know.” That seems to get him and suddenly he’s smiling again. “Ok, let’s get this statement done and we’ll go see Danny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first time EVER trying to write some smut! Please let me know what you think. I hope I did the fic, HOLLSTEIN, and all my reader justice with the relationship :) 
> 
> Comments are always, always, always welcomed! especially if you have already left kudos. If you haven't left kudos and you liked it...please do!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny's in Surgery and the group patiently waits for news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one might not be as good as I would want it but I've been fighting sickness all week and this is what I've been able to come up with. And I wanted to make sure I kept with my updates! You all deserve it! Hope you enjoy

The hallways to the hospital were quiet with a few nurses, orderlies, and doctors walking through. The hum of the vending machines down the hall was the only thing that was a constant. It is 2 o’clock in the morning and you and several other officers were sitting in the small, cramped waiting room outside of the hospital’s surgery wing. Danny had been taken directly from the ER to the operating room to try and repair her leg and some internal bleeding. You and Kirsch had arrived 15 minutes after you got done with your statements to the sergeant and were ushered into the room. The nurses had done what they could try and give all of you privacy, or at least as much privacy as a open waiting room could afford, and they had brought in some fresh coffee while you waited for news. Kirsch was sitting with a few of his “bros,” as he called them, from the station and you sat tucked in a corner staring out the window. 

You had never liked hospitals. Growing up you had dealt with your fair share of them. The smell of bleach and sterilization always overwhelmed you and made you want to vomit. The small rooms and bustle of people always made you feel claustrophobic but staring out the window, now, was helping ease that feeling.

“Danny needs to be ok” was one of the many thoughts going through your head when you felt the cushion beside you on the couch dip slightly. You didn’t even have to look over to know that Laf had just joined you. They had a way about them and the way they moved that you had long since gotten accustomed to within your friendship.

“Hey, any word?” They asked as they handed you a coffee.

“No. Not yet. She was still conscious and talking when they got her out of there though so that is a good sign.” You answer and thank them for the coffee. The warm liquid brings a little bit of life back into your face.

“How about the clerk? And how’s Kirsch taking it?” Laf asks as they nod towards Kirsch. 

The officers that Kirsch had been talking to had left a few minutes ago with the promise to be called when there was news by Perry who had arrived with Laf. This left just Laf, Perry, Kirsch, and you in the room, making it a little more private. Kirsch was now sitting on one of the couches and appeared to be slowly nodding off. The sight of this big puppy across the room trying to fight sleep and you knowing there is only so much adrenaline the human body can produce before the body gives into rest almost breaks your heart.

“Apparently it’s not looking good. He had a lot of head trauma and I overheard the doctors talking about a possible brain bleed and swelling. I hope he makes it and can give us a better description of the guys that did this. I’d love to be the one to find them and...” You trail off without finishing the sentence. Laf seemed to understand and nodded. Looking across the room you see Kirsch can’t help but smile as you see Kirsch was starting to give into his exhaustion as he laid his head down on the couch and tried to curl up his 6’3” frame onto the 5’6” couch. The sight would be hilarious if it wasn’t so heart breaking. You get up and make your way down the hall and quickly find a nurse with your request. Returning to the room, you walk over to Kirsch, lift his head and place the borrowed pillow under his head and place the warm blanket over him. 

“Get some sleep Kirsch. We’ll wake you up with there’s news. Promise.” You encourage. 

“Thanks Karnstein. I owe you one.” Kirsch mumbles as his eyes shut and he is already asleep.

You walk back over to the couch where you left Laf and Perry. They were huddle close together with their knees touching and Perry rubbing Laf’s shoulders. You look away to not interrupt this moment. You find yourself wishing that Laura was here. Though they hadn’t really hung out together, Laura was decent friends with Danny through the mentor program and you knew she would want to know what happened. You also wanted her here to sit with you, to hold you, to hold you together. You knew that Laura was stuck at the academy with no lines of communication but right now you would give almost anything to just hear her voice. Just one more day and you get to spend the weekend in her arms.

As much as you put on a rough exterior for the others, Danny getting injured was hitting you hard. She was your friend, colleague. You were able to compartmentalize your fear and feelings while you were taking care of her on scene but with your adrenaline slowly wearing off and with each minute passing by without news, the wall that held your emotions back was starting to crumble. Laf, Perry, and Kirsch would never make fun of you for showing emotion but you would still not allow yourself the moment of weakness. 

You choose to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs across the room from Laf and Perry. The small amount of caffeine that you had was wearing off and you feel the exhaustion creeping up. Your whole body felt like lead and you realize that you weren’t going to be able to fight the weight of your eyelids. 

\---

Laf shaking your shoulder jolts you from your broken slumber. The crick in your neck aches as you find yourself thinking why do hospitals not have more comfortable furniture. You’re not sure how long you have been out but you quickly come to your senses as you see the doctor in the room. Kirsch wakes up as you prod him and the doctor kindly waits until Kirsch seems to be mostly coherent before giving the news. 

“Hi. I’m Dr. JP Armitage. I’m the surgeon that worked on Officer Lawrence. Officer Lawrence made it out of surgery and she’s in recovery. She had quite a bit of internal bleeding but we were able to repair that damage but we will keep a close eye for any additional bleeding. I had to put a rod and several pins and screws in her leg as her femur was fractured and had pierced the skin. With rest, time, and physical therapy, I expect her to be able to gain almost all motor function back. It’s going to be a long road but I’m sure you all will help with the healing process.”

Everyone in the room seemed to let go of the breath that they had all been holding. You look around and see the amount of relief on everyone’s faces. Danny was going to be ok. Laf, Perry, and Kirsch hugged each other while you stood to the side.

“She will still be unconscious for a while as the anesthesia wears off but you all welcome to stay and go in when she is moved to her own room. Do you have any questions?” Dr. Armitage asks. There were no questions, just relief, and with multiple “thank yous” Dr. Armitage leaves the room.

You decide to leave the group to their hug and head down the hall to get some more coffee. During this short walk you open up your phone. "Damn battery is almost dead." you think but you have enough battery to place the phone call to the all-night pizza place and order several pizzas for the nurses and doctors on the surgery and ICU floors. Hungry nurses are mean nurses and you wanted to make sure Danny got the best care possible, even though you already knew they always took care of police officers anyway. You are walking back down the hall, coffee in hand and you take a moment to yourself and lean against the wall....Danny is going to be ok…the sigh of relief escapes you. And you’re going to find those bastards that did this to her.

 

After spending the rest of the night and morning between broken sleep and seeing Danny, even though she was still unconscious, you said your goodbyes to Laf, Perry, and Kirsch and headed back towards the station to see if the other officers had made any progress on finding the two responsible last night. You had left your phone number with Dr. Armitage (who insisted you just call him JP) who promised to update you if the clerk ever became conscious. There were still a few hours before Laura would get done with training for the week and you wanted to get as much done on this case as you could so you wouldn’t be distracted when she came over.

\---

Unfortunately, you had received a call about an hour ago from JP letting you know the clerk didn't make it. They just ramp up from felony robbery to 1st degree murder... The most frustrating part was there wasn't much to go on...The robbers had worn full face masks and gloves, the car had been stolen, there wasn’t much evidence found within the car, and the neighborhood canvas had come up empty. It didn’t sit well with you as you drove home but you tried to set it aside. Laura should be coming over soon and you wanted to get supper started before she got there. As you pulled into your drive you notice Laura’s car is already there. ‘How did she beat me here? She shouldn’t be out of academy for another hour.’ You thought to yourself and then a little bit of dread hit you. ‘Oh god, I hope something didn’t happen or that she quit.” 

You park your car and quickly make your way to your side door. The moment you open the screen door the inner door opens and Laura pulls you inside and firmly into her arms. You’re taken by the sudden movement but your moment of shock disappears as you wrap your arms around her back. Her body is shaking and it takes you a second to register that she is crying.

“Hey. Hey. What’s wrong, honey? Are you ok? Did something happen?” You hold her close and move a hand to her hair, giving her a reassuring hold. Laura continues crying and you just hold her, not moving, until she is ready to talk.

“You’re ok.” She sobs. “You’re ok!! You’re here!” She shudders into your shoulder.

“Of course I’m ok. It’s ok baby, I’m here.” You comfort her, rubbing small circles into her back, sliding your fingers through her hair, and placing a light kiss on her temple.

 

Laura is able to calm herself more and catch her breath. She starts speaking and her words are mumbled slightly because she is still against your shoulder. “They told us in class today that an officer had been seriously injured during an armed robbery last night. You said they would turn violent and you were working last night! They wouldn’t tell us the name of the officer. We got done early today and I rushed over here. When I saw the newspaper on the front porch and one of your neighbors said you didn’t come home last night and then when you didn’t answer your phone…I was scared to death that you were hurt and I couldn’t be there to hold you!” she started crying again.

“Laura, Laura” you say moving her head back a little so you can look her in the eyes. “It’s ok. I’m ok. I’m here now.” Laura looks at you, her eyes are swollen and red as if she had been crying for a while. Her cheeks show the lines of tears as they had been streaming down her face. You move a piece of hair our of her eyes and place it behind her ear while still maintaining eye contact. In this moment, you realize the true depth of feelings that she has for you. She was scared to death that you had been hurt and you realize that this was exactly how you would feel if she ever was hurt. 

She was calming down. You could see the vein in her throat slowing and her breathing was being more regulated. You moved a hand to her shoulder and the other caressed her face and your thumb wiped at a tear as it was rolling down her cheek. “Laura, I’m here. I’m not hurt. I’m safe.” Laura looked a little unsteady on her feet and you move her to the couch. Sitting down on the couch first, you pull her down with you and she curls her body around yours and tucks her head into your collarbone.. She reaches and intertwines your fingers as you calmly sit and rock her gently back and forth.

“You didn’t answer your phone.” She whispers.

“I am so so sorry. I was at the hospital all night and my phone died. I would never do anything to make you hurt like this intentionally. I am so sorry. I will never let something like this happen again and not let you know that I’m ok.” You make this resolute promise because you can never have her feel like this again.

Laura looks up at you earnestly. “I believe you.” You cross the small distance that was between your faces and connect with her lips in the most gentle and sincere kiss you have yet to share. Laura brings one hand up against your cheek and ear before pulling you in a deeper kiss and then backing away keeping your foreheads connected and breathing each other’s air. You hold onto her like she’s the most precious possession in the world. More precious than gold and diamonds because she is.

\---  
“Really Xena? The Vampire Diaries? I thought you had better taste in television than this!” You chide as you and Laura enter the room hand in hand. When you told Laura that is was Danny who had been hurt and how, she insisted on coming with you to visit her that evening. Truth be told you, you were glad to have her here. Her hand was keeping you grounded and not some of the memories that always come to mind when you enter a hospital. Laura didn’t know about that part of your life yet and there were still some things that you kept completely close to the vest.

Danny had been moved to a private room after she woke up earlier that morning. You look at her and note that she looks paler than normal but remember what the nurse had said about her blood loss when you had all been allowed into her room before she was moved. “Then again…you kinda are looking like the undead!” You say with a sly grin.

“If anyone in here looks like the undead it’s you, Fang Face. It’s call the sun, big ball of light in the sky, gives off heat…have you heard of it.” Danny quips back at you although slower and with less bite than normal.

“Ha! Little off your game are you Lawrence!” You fire back. Laura gives you a stern look. “By which I mean…I’m glad you are awake and doing better.” You can’t help but notice the slight grin that twitches onto Laura’s face as you move and take a seat on the chair by the window.

“I am too. JP says that I’ll get pretty much full mobility back after physical therapy.” Danny grins

“Well I’m glad that you are doing ok. After what Carm told me, it sounds like you got lucky not to be hurt worse.” Laura says as she makes her way to the side of the bed next to Danny.

“Yeah it could have been worse. But thanks to Karnstein here…I’ll be back to work before you know it. Tell anyone I said that and I’ll deny it!” Danny says and aims the last comment at you.

“As if anyone would believe you would be nice to me, Beanstalk.” You quip as you reach for the tv remote.

“What do you mean because of Carm?” Laura hadn’t missed the comment around the good natured tete-a-tete. When you had told Laura what had happened, you had kinda glossed over the part of how long it took the ambulance to arrived and what you did. After what had happened with the vehicle fire when Laura was in mentoring, you didn’t want her getting the thought that you were once again a “hero” as she had put it. You were just doing your job and taking care of a fellow officer.

“Yeah Creature of the Night over there worked some of her first aid magic and helped save my bacon.” Danny responded without even looking your way to see your “don’t you dare say it” face.

Laura looked back at you with a look of awe but you quickly dismissed it. “Eh, nothing you wouldn’t have done for me.” 

Seeming to pick up on your mood, Danny quickly changed the subject getting Laura’s attention back, “So how is the academy going?” As Laura dived into the story of what happened at the academy this week, you silently thanked Danny for the change of topics. Laura continued with her tales of what classes were taught that week, some funny things the DIs were able to find on a classmate, and some story of one of her classmates sneaking pizza into the barracks and his punishment being to run sprint blocks while eating a piece of pizza at every corner after yelling “Pizza or Death” until he puked. 

The stories continue but you stop listening as you get lost in your own thoughts. Looking around the room, you see a couple vases with flowers with notes from friends, Summer Society sisters,or family, clear indications of loved ones. It makes you think. You had never been one to make or keep friends throughout your life. It had never really bothered you to take risks, well calculated ones, while at work because you thought that no one would truly care if you got hurt. But now, there’s Laura. Beautiful, passionate, freaks out because you might have been hurt, Laura. The thought of her heart breaking because of you is one that makes you shudder. She had been broken when you walked into your house. Trying to put yourself in her shoes, you imagine that it was her in the bed instead of Danny. Just this thought is enough to make your pulse rise and your breath catch in your lungs. Your mind tries pushing more and darker thoughts but you refuse to give in. You refuse the dark thoughts and memories even though the walls seem to be getting smaller.

Laura’s laughing at a joke that Danny must have said and she takes a look at you. The look of concern crosses her face as she leaves the bedside and walks back to you. Laura reaches out her hand to you, you take it gladly allowing her to be your anchor and turns back to Danny. “Well Danny, we’re both glad you are doing ok. I’m sure Carm here will be willing to help you out when it comes time for physical therapy and such. Right Carm?” 

The simple question brings you back a little more, remembering yourself and where you are, you answer “Absolutely, I’ll be happy to pummel your ass back into shape.” 

“Well, we’ll get going so you can get some rest and so Carm can get some sleep too. Take care Danny.” Laura waves as she leads you out the door and to the car.

The car ride home is quiet but the feel of Laura’s hand in yours is warm and gentle and every now and then she reaches your interlocked hands to place a kiss on the back of your hand. Laura knows something was going through your head but she doesn’t push. That’s one thing that you admire about her, her ability to read a situation and know what you need. 

You’re a few minutes from home when you finally speak. “Hey Laura.” 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. Thank you for being you and for pulling me back to reality at the hospital. I know I’m not really great with the feelings thing but if you give me time, I will show you that I’m worth it. And I do have more of my history to share with you, just, I don’t know how quite to explain it yet.”

“Carm. I already know you’re worth it.” She’s looking at you with what you could almost describe as love. “And don’t worry about your past. Yes, I want to know everything about you and your life, but we have time and I want you to be comfortable with sharing it. I won’t pressure you.”

“What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful person as you in my life?” You ask

“Everything.” She smiles back as you are pulling into your driveway.

You just put the car in park when you unhook your seat belt, reach over, and pull her lips into an urgent kiss. Laura pushes back into your lips without hesitation and brings her hand to tangle into your hair. There is a desperation and hunger to it but her lips are soft and glide smoothly over yours. Her tongue is the first brush against your lips and you happily grant entry. Her tongue is warm and skilled making the fire within you burn brighter. You drink each other in, so thirsty for her and her for you. You can’t resist but to suck her lower lip into your mouth and graze your teeth across it. You gently bite into her lip and pull her closer causing her breath to hitch. She recaptures your lips in one last bruising kiss. This kiss is unlike any you have yet to have shared with her, and there have been many many kisses. This one is a declaration, a promise. You love her. You know it all the way down to your core and unlike other mistakes you have made in the past…this is one you won’t make again and wait.

“Laura.” You whisper as you break the kiss and try to catch your breath. 

“Carm.” She breathes, her eyes still closed and smiles and moves to try and reconnect your lips.

You move back as she chases you. “Laura.” You say more resolutely and she opens her eyes. You could get lost in the depths of her eyes. 

She looks back at you, her pupils blown and her thumb softly rubs behind your ear and down your neck. “yeah?”

“Laura, I love you.” You open your heart and soul to her. 

Laura looks back at you, her eyes darting back and forth between yours. She hesitates and you are scared to death she is going to recoil from you. You are just about to back away when she takes a breath and the side grin that you have always loved about her comes to her face.

“Carm. I love you too.” She says before slowly pulling you back in for the softest and loving kiss you have every experience. 

You both pull away when you need a breath and stay with your foreheads touching. The smile is playing on your lips when you finally break the moment, “I hope you brought your swimming suit…because I have a surprise for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, let me know!!! :) More fun times to come in the next chapter!!!!


	13. Hot tubs & Tactics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm and Laura enjoy the hot tub. Little bit of Laura's academy time and Carmilla is a surprise guest instructor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small part of Laura's POV in this chapter with probably more of her POV to come in future chapters.
> 
> Had fun with this chapter! Hope you Enjoy!

“Oh my god! Carm!! When did you get this?” Laura squeals as you took her to your back yard and proudly lifted the cover to the hot tub. She takes her time walking up to the oversized hot tub and places her hand in the water checking the temperature. 

“I got it just this week. I’ve always wanted one and I thought that it would be beneficial to both of us when it comes to aches and pains. A little soothing heat and jets are always enough to soothe aching muscles, which if I remember correctly, is a constant during the academy..” You stand back and just watch Laura with a smile as she looks like a kid in a candy shop.

“But I don’t have my swimming suit with me.” She frowns while still playing in the water.

“Well, you can borrow one of my or..” You stride up behind her, wrapping your arms around her waist and placing your chin on her shoulder, “we could always go without.” Laura turns around in your arms and playfully slaps your arm. You can’t help but just smile at the blush that you catch coming across her cheeks.

“Oh no, your seductive eyes and trying to use your amazing charm skills are not going to get me to get in this thing naked in your backyard. Good try though.” 

“Well you can’t blame me for trying.” Your mischievous grin gets you a giggle and a small peck on the lips from the laughing blonde in your arms. “Ok, let’s get some food, then I can have you all to myself in the hot tub.”

A little later, after a good meal, you were stepping into your hot tub for the first time. The temperature was just right and the jet streams were more powerful than you had realized. The salesman had been right that you would be impressed. Laura still hadn’t come down from downstairs so you sat down and let the warmth and the jets work on your muscles. You knew you would be tight today because of the added stress about Danny and the hospital but you didn’t realize exactly how tense you were until your muscles finally started to relax.

As soon as you had finished dinner, you were in a hurry to get to the hot tub and Laura volunteered to do the dishes. You tried to get Laura to leave the dishes for later but she said something about “needing to wait at least 30 minutes after eating before swimming.” You tried to argue that you weren’t technically swimming but it fell on deaf ears and Laura told you to go relax and she would join you as soon as the dishes were done. 

The warmth and heat of the water had you to the point of almost falling asleep when you heard Laura’s voice come from beyond the patio door inside the house. “Um, Carm…don’t you have something a little less revealing than this?”

You still couldn’t see her and her shyness just made you grin. “Honey, you demanded a swimming suit so I left you one.” You were met with silence from inside. “Come on, it’s just a few feet from the door to the hot tub and I don’t have the patio light on.” The silence continued. “And I’m getting lonely here in this nice, warm, relaxing, water….all alone.” You mocked sadness. 

A sigh came from inside your house and around the corner she came. The black and white bikini you had left her looked breathtaking on her. You didn’t get near enough time to fully appreciate her body as she practically ran from the patio door to the hot tub. 

“Geez cupcake, didn’t even give a girl time to admire!” You say as moves her body quickly under the gurgling water. 

Laura doesn’t respond and you look at her to see her eyes are closed and her mouth is open. “Mmmm..oh yeah..this feels so good!!” Laura leans her head back and practically moans.

“Wow. I thought only I could make you make sounds like that.” Laura peaks open one eye and you give her your best seduction eyes.

“Well you may have some competition now.” Laura grins, closes her eye, and leans her head back on the side of the hot tub. 

“Oh do I?” You say as you move across the hot tub, grab her arm, and pull her into your lap with her back facing you as she giggles the whole time. 

You place a kiss on her shoulder as you get comfortable in your new position. Laura snuggles into the embrace and gives a contented sigh. There is comfortable silence between the two and you just relax into each other and the heated jets. Laura reaches down with one hand interlocking your fingers while her other hand makes gentle patterns on your arm.

The longer the silence stays, the more your mind and thoughts tend to wander. You are deep in your thoughts when you are brought back to reality by the soft sounding question from Laura, “Carm? How are you doing?” 

There was something a little deeper in the question that told you it wasn’t a casual throw away question. You weren’t completely sure how to answer. A lot had happened in the last 24 hours and you were trying to figure out exactly how you were doing when Laura spoke again.

“I mean, you’ve had a lot happen in the last couple days. Danny said that you were the reason she was still alive and while I know you try not to think of it that way, I just wanted to make sure that you are doing ok. Everyone has been so worried about Danny’s trauma, that I wanted to make sure your trauma wasn’t overlooked too.” 

It’s the way she says it, the true sincerity in her voice that has you turning her in your arms so you can look her directly in the eyes. The emotions of the day were draining and you realized that here, in Laura’s arms, you could lower the wall you always had up. “I was scared.” You pause and look down as you feel the tears well up in your eyes but Laura doesn’t push. She waits patiently and you feel her move a piece of hair that had fallen in front of your face. “I was so scared that Danny wasn’t going to make it. There was so much blood... and I am angry. Angry that those responsible haven’t been caught. As much as I give her a hard time, she’s my friend and a fellow officer and I care.” 

Laura is silent. The tears you were holding back were now pushing down your cheek. Laura reaches out and pulls you into a warm embrace. She just holds you, giving you the time to get your feelings out, and time to catch your breath. “Thank you Laura.” You whisper into her shoulder.

“For what?” she asks.

“For getting past my walls and knowing…well knowing that I was holding some emotions. I’ve never been one that’s good with feelings but you help bring that out in me.” Laura just pulls in you tighter. You are feeling a lot better after being able to put words to your thoughts. You pull back a little and look at her. Laura is smiling and you start to move in to connect your lips when the slight movement of your body causes a pocket of air from one of the jets to break free and a large splash of water hits both of you in the face.

“Ahh!” Laura sputters moving away from you and wiping her face clean of the water. Laura sees the grin on your face and she gives a look of mock disappointment. “Talk about a moment ruined! Hey!! Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m sorry sugar but you’re just so cute! Come here.” You pull her back into you and without hesitation you connect your lips to hers. She tastes like honey and a little bit like chlorine. 

Laura wastes no time in deepening the kiss and you slide your hands across her bare lower back and over her covered ass. You feel her moan into your mouth as you squeeze onto her ass cheeks and pull her further into your body looking for any type of friction or pressure. Laura’s hips buck into yours as she breaks the intense kisses and moves them to your neck sucking hard on your pulse point.

Laura’s hands move below the water and push the fabric covering your breasts aside. Her hands massaging and her fingers finding your sensitive nipples. You never understood how she could get you so turned on so quickly but you want her…right now! You hook the bikini bottom in your fingers and quickly slide them off. Her body is lighter under the water and you use this to your advantage and lift her by the hips to allow you to slide your hand between your bodies. As you move her, you feel her body give a sudden, unexpected jerk and the moan that comes from her throat appeared to even surprise Laura. You don’t have to ask what happened because as you move your arm you feel the jet of air and water that is aimed perfectly between her legs. You decide to use this to your advantage. Securely placing your one hand on her hip you keep her body tilted towards the jet as you run your fingers through her folds before entering her with two fingers.. Laura has stopped kissing your neck as she is struggling to catch her breath. Laura moves with the quick pace of your fingers and each breath gets shorter and shorter. She is holding onto your shoulders trying to ground herself. You feel her tightening against your fingers and you know that it wouldn’t take much more. You make the last few thrust deeper and curl your fingers just right and your feel her fingers dig into your skin as she falls over the edge, whimpering your name as her orgasm ripples through her body. 

You help bring her down slowly and allow her to catch her breath as she continues to hold onto you. She leans back and smiles at you. “So you like the hot tub huh?” You smile.

“Yeah and I love the woman in the hot tub even more.” She grins.

“So you won’t get it in naked with me but you will gladly have sex in it?” You kid and she just smiles and shakes her head.

“Shut up Carm” she kisses you. “It’s your turn.”

\---

LAURA’S POV

“ON YOUR BACKS!! FEET 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!”

You slam to the ground with the rest of the recruits and quickly move your feet into the position. It’s not 30 seconds into the hold and your abs are burning. The drill instructors are pacing through the group yelling at others who’s legs have dropped below “acceptable level” or whatever other minor infractions they may have committed. You focus on your breathing and making sure your legs don’t fall down. 

“LEAN AND REST!!!!”

Flipping over to your stomach, you fully extend your arms into the push up position and hold your position. The drill instructors make their way to one guy that appeared to have taken too long to transition to this position and now they are making him do burpees. “just make it through until dinner.” You keep repeating to yourself. You had taken Carm’s advice to focus on small goals and achievements. Making it to the next meal and making sure you were still there. As you are going through the motions and following instructions of the “smoking” that the DIs were doing to you, your mind fought to think of other things than the physical pain you were feeling. In times like this your go-to always seemed to be Carm in some way or another. Every now and then a thought of the delicious cookies she’s been having ready for you when you come over pops in your mind too. Then a picture of Carm making the cookies comes into your head and you can’t help but smile.

“HOLLIS! What are you smiling about? Do you find the fact that Jackson here can’t hold up his own body weight for more than a few seconds funny!!??” 

“SIR NO SIR!” Shit you had been caught and you quickly remove the smile from your face. 

“THEN WHAT HAS YOU SO HAPPY?!”

“Sir! Just thinking of how AWESOME my arms and abs are going to be from this SIR!” You respond as you found the DIs tend to actually enjoy a smart-assed answer every now and then.

“Glad we could be of service to your physique Hollis!” They respond and you note a couple of them had to turn around to presumably hid their smiles.

“Sir THANK YOU, Sir”

It was a little later when you were sitting in class being taught, crap what were you supposed to be learning? You look up from your note pad to the overhead screen. Oh Yes! How to conduct proper interviews. Something you had a lot of experience with growing up with a police officer father. All your interactions after school had been tailored by him to get the most information out of you about your day at school. 

You find thoughts drifting back to Carmilla. It had been a few weeks since Danny got hurt and this last weekend you and Carmilla helped put on a Welcome Home party for Danny when she was released from the hospital. Most of the department had showed up for the initial gathering and you watched Carmilla as she interacted with the other officers. It was comforting to see the friendships between the officers. Watching Carmilla’s actions around Danny was fun. Carmilla mainly followed Danny around as Danny was still getting used to her crutches. Carm would move things out of Danny’s way, catch things that she knocked off tables/couches, and at one point caught her from falling when one of her crutches slipped on the floor. Of course, everything she did was followed by a snarky comment about Danny being clumsy and awkward as a new baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time but there was still the fact that Carm cared enough to follow her around and help. Not that you would ever mention it to her.

After a while, several of the other officers said their goodbyes and the crowd dwindled until it was the main core group of friends of Danny, Laf, Kirsch, Perry and Carmilla. Oh and you too because by that point you know that the group has accepted you as one of their own. Carm was across room in what appeared to be a deep conversation with Danny because of the way her arms were moving to make her point. You could tell that Carmilla was still slightly guarded but every time she looked across the room at you, you saw that guard drop a little and would smile.

Laf and Perry had approached you while Danny and Carm were still in their discussion. They had asked you how the academy was going and how it felt to be only 6 weeks from the end. Though it was hard to believe that you had already survived as many weeks, you really had felt accomplished with it. The conversation had turned serious then when Laf lowered their voice and told you how much Carm cared for you. They had told you that Carm was the happiest they had ever seen her, even with Ell. It was then you had looked up and caught Carm looking at you again with a huge smile on her lips. You knew you were in deeply in love with Carm but to that point you were not sure 100% how she felt about you but knowing that even her best friends could see the change in her, it made your heart giddy. 

That is the feeling that was reflecting in your heart when you are once again brought back to reality that you were sitting in the classroom at the academy as the Instructor called on you and you were not sure what to respond. Your lack of attentiveness brought on a set of 50 pushups and your head was back in the game. 

“Are you feeling focused now Hollis? This could save your life one day! Attention to detail!!”

“Sir, Yes, Sir!” You respond and paid attention to the screen.

\---  
CARMILLA POV

“Karnstein! Do you have a minute?” Perry yelled at you as you passed her door.

“Yeah Sgt, what’s up?” You poked your head into her office.

“I just had a request for you to help out at the Academy tomorrow helping teach vehicle stops and operational tactics as one the other defensive tactics instructors had a family emergency. Would you be able to do it?” Perry asked

“Yeah that wouldn’t be a problem, I just need someone to cover my shift and as long as you don’t see a conflict in my teaching at the academy..” You answer, knowing it could be seen as a conflict of interest helping teach Laura.

“No, I don’t believe there will be an issue. You are professional and a very good instructor. I think the academy recruits will benefit from your knowledge. I’ve already got Farley coming in to cover your shift tomorrow. Enjoy and don’t get hurt.” Perry looked up from her desk and smiled.

“Thank you Sarge!” You walked away from Perry’s office with a wide smile. You were getting the chance to teach and you get to surprise Laura!  
\---

You saw the recruits marching around the outside of their barracks when you pulled your squad into the parking lot. Laura was easy to spot as she was one of the shortest of the group and you could see the tell-tale small bounce in her step, even though she was marching in formation. You had gotten the update on what you would be expected to help with for the class from the lead instructor the previous night. Your main job was to be a role player and act out a scripted scene and see how the recruits would handle it. This was always one of your favorite ways to teach, scenario based and get the recruits thinking about situations that they would more than likely come up to when they were actually working in the field. 

Grabbing your gear bag with the equipment that you would need for the scenarios, you head into the classroom and meet up with the other instructors. They were a bunch of good officers that you had worked with in the past and you divided up into the groups with the scenarios that you were given. When recruits finally marched into the classroom and took their seats you stayed to back of the group of instructors but you had glanced to see where Laura was sitting. The lead instructor stepped up to the podium and began his spiel on what the objectives of the class would be today before he started to introduce the other instructors. Each instructor stepped out or waved their hand as their name was called.

“Officer Brackett” “Officer Thompson” “Officer Jacobs” “Officer Karnstein”

With the sound of your name, the instructors in front of you moved out of you way to allow the class to see you. Laura immediately made eye contact with you and you noticed her mouth was wide open in surprise. You couldn’t help but give a small smirk at her as you continued to glance at the other recruits in the room. You had succeeded in the element of surprise! The lead instructor continued to provide instructions to the recruits and then split them up to receive their simunition guns and their paintball rounds. The other instructors/role players and you were dismissed to go to your respective locations and get prepared. You headed towards the bathroom before heading to the location that was sparse of all modern plumbing.

As you were washing your hands, you heard the door open and close behind you. Laura was standing in the doorway as you looked in the mirror. 

“Hey cutie. How’s it going?” You smiled at her in the mirror as you continued to wash your hands.

“Carm! What are you doing here? I thought you wouldn’t be allowed to teach!” She asks excitedly

“Good to know that I still have the element of surprise with you.” You finish washing your hands and turn to dry them. “An instructor had an emergency and they asked me to fill in. Added benefit of getting to see you in that awesome recruit uniform! And this is strictly professional! I’m just another instructor. Whatever happens in the scenarios, you do what you have to do. Got it?” You state matter of factly.

“Of course! Of Course! I’m just really excited to see you!” She steps forward but adheres to your “strictly professional” comment and keeps her hands to herself, though you can see her struggling to not hug you which makes you smile. 

“Ok. Good. I’ll see you in the scenario cupcake.” With that you stride out of the bathroom and to your scenario location.

\---

The first couple scenarios went pretty well with the whole class. They were pretty tame and common calls such as a noise complaint, a mental subject, a residential alarm, an armed person, and an obnoxious drunk in public person who put up a bit of a fight. You always had fun playing the drunk that the recruits had to try to keep under control and then arrest. Except when Laura and her partner were in the scenario and you had conveniently forgotten about her Krav Maga lessons. You had been fighting with her partner when she came in between you and him and effectively broke your hold on his arm and flipped you to the ground causing the air to leave your lungs. You were actually pretty proud of her as she had taken your speech to heart and reacted how she needed to. You would have voiced that opinion, if you could breath properly.

The next scenario was about to let you know who paid attention to detail and who didn’t and was going to be an eye opener for several of the recruits. You were tasked to play one half of a domestic assault situation and you were to be compliant with the officers, up until the time they tried arresting your “significant other.” At that time, if they weren’t paying attention, you had a fake gun in the other room you were to get and go after the “cops.” If it played out well, you would never get a chance to get the gun…if not...the recruits were in for an eye opener.

The scenario had gone decent for the first couple rounds of recruits who went through, each of them had been paired in teams of 2 for the scenarios. The third one went horribly and you were actually able to not only get the gun but also hold one hostage and talk the other one out of his gun. That group would be taken aside later and a serious discussion had. Now it was Laura’s turn again. 

The scenario was going as it was supposed to and escalating as it was supposed to. Laura was talking with the other role player and her partner was focused on you. When Laura went to arrest her person and they started struggling, her partner got distracted and lost sight of you. As you came around the corner of the room with the fake gun, you spotted both Laura and her partner struggling with the other role player on the ground. 

“LET HIM GO!!” you screamed as you walked towards the melee.

Laura looked up and saw you with the gun in your hand at your side. Without a hesitation she drew her paint gun and pointed it at you. 

“Put the Gun Down!! Put IT DOWN!! Don’t Make me Do This!!” Laura screamed at you as her partner still struggled on the ground.. 

You were impressed by her tactics. She kept screaming at you to put the gun down. You knew what you had to do per the scenario so you started to lift the gun at her and you were quickly overtaken by the sting of several paintball rounds hitting your chest. Falling to the ground as a person would after receiving so many perfectly placed shots, you peeked your eyes open just enough and waited to see what she would do next. 

Laura quickly “radioed” in what had happened but continued to focus on you making sure you hadn’t moved. A quick glance to her right showed her that her partner had gotten the other role player handcuffed and Laura moved towards you. After moving your fake gun away from you, Laura bent down and started giving “first aid” until “End Exercise” was called by the evaluating instructor. 

Laura had performed and acted perfectly! Her partner left a little to be desired but you felt the overwhelming swell of pride that your cupcake did perfectly. The other role player was busy getting his handcuffs undone and you took a moment to look at Laura. You were about to say how good a job she did when you saw the water well up in her eyes. Laura saw your recognition of the threatening tears and moved away to the other room where you had hidden your fake gun.

“What’s wrong with her?” The evaluator asked you as he watched Laura leave the room.

“I don’t know but I’ll find out. Give me a minute.” The other instructors give you the rooms and start talking to other recruit about what they could have done better. You are confused about Laura’s reaction as you get up and head towards her. You find her in the corner of the dimly lit room with her back facing you.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You did great in there!” You ask as you approach her.

She turns around quickly and shoves her hands into your chest effectively pushing you back a few feet.

“How dare you!” She says and then shoves you again. “How dare you! Did you have fun with that? Huh?”

You are utterly confused but when she goes to shove you again you catch her arms and pull her into you, trapping her in your arms. She struggles as she continues. 

“You made me shoot you! YOU made ME SHOOT YOU! Do you have any idea how much that hurts!? I dreams I had to fight off when I didn’t know that it was Danny and not you that got hurt? The nightmares I’ve had during the weeks since knowing that if something happened to you I wouldn’t know until several days later! How I can’t breathe when I image you in a hospital bed fighting for your life! And now, this! You make ME be the one to cause you pain! With a gun! Having to watch you fall to the ground as if dead and it’s all my fault!! Why didn’t you just put the gun down like I said?” She almost silently wails into your chest.

You had no idea that this would affect her that much. If you would have known, you would have said no to helping instruct. But you also know that it is a good lesson to teach her. That drawing her gun and having to shoot at someone will never make sense and will never feel good but it’s something she may have to do to protect her own life or others, even if the person pointing the gun is someone you care about. You hope that she can see the lesson in all of that but for now you just hold her and kiss her hair.

“I’m sorry Laura. Remember it’s just a scenario. I would never do anything to hurt you. You reacted exactly like you were supposed to. Unfortunately not everyone gives up and forces your hand. It’s a bad guy in the scenario, not me. I’m safe. I’m here. And though I know you don’t get it yet, you will and you will know that did an amazing job! You’re going to make one Hell of an officer Hollis.” You kiss her forehead and relax your grip as you feel her relax against you. “I’m sorry I didn’t think and have the other instructor play my part. I owe you one for that.”

Laura sighs and moves out of your arms gaining a respectful distance from you. “Ok Carm, but I will be collecting on that.”

“Alright, now go join your partner and listen to the praises of the evaluator! Well done and I’ll see you this weekend!” You say as she nods, smiles, and walks out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are nice if you like my work. Comments are even better!!!


	14. The Perfect Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated this in a couple weeks but I have been fighting very long work days and some writer's block. Hope you enjoy this quick update and I plan on having another (longer) chapter up in a couple days! Enjoy!

Laura was quiet this morning. She didn’t come over last night after texting you that she had to take care of somethings at her apartment. She finally made it over halfway through the morning. You had been sitting at your dinner table going over some paperwork for a search warrant that you would be giving to a judge to sign on Monday when she came in the front door and barely even said “hello” before disappearing to put her stuff in your bedroom. This was not the bubbly, happy, strong woman you were accustomed to and it worried you. You pushed aside your paperwork and made your way to the bedroom.

Laura was sitting on the side of the bed with her head in her hands as you came around the corner. You have never seen her like this. She looked…defeated. You move in front of her and kneel down on the floor at her feet. Reaching up, you bring your hand under her chin and raise her head to meet your gaze. You see the silent tears that have lined her face and her reddened cheeks that tell you she has been crying for a while. 

“Laura” you say softly and see her eyes flutter to meet yours as another tear slides down her cheek and into your palm. “You can tell me anything you know. It hurts me to see you like this. How can I help?”

Laura takes your hand from her chin, moves it up to her cheek and presses into it. For a moment, you think she’s just going to sit there in silence. Laura took a breath and gave a deep sigh and looked back down at the floor. You stayed silent and waited. 

“My mother was shot during an armed robbery at a grocery store when I was 10 years old. I was with her and all I wanted was a box of Captain Crunch cereal but she had said it was too sugary for me. When we got to the checkout line, she surprised me and told me that since I had been a good helper in the store that I could go and grab my cereal. I was returning with the box when I heard shouting and then a very loud bang.” Laura paused and you took her hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I watched my mom fall down and I saw a guy running. I dropped the box and ran up to her. Her eyes were wide and full of tears. I remember there was so much blood. She reached out and held my hand as I cried asking her what I could do. Other people were around and tried to help her while we waited on the ambulance and all I could do was cry. She had always been strong and loving. I remember her saying she loved me and then there was nothing. Nothing until I felt hands pull me away from her, one of my dad’s fellow officers. I had just sat there, covered in her blood, holding onto her hand, as she died and I couldn’t do anything about it.” 

The tears were now free falling off of Laura’s chin and you were doing everything in your power to keep from adding to them. This was the first time in months that she had mentioned her mother and you knew she needed you to listen.

Laura took a small, steadying breath with a shaky exhale and continued. “I felt so weak and so useless that I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t save her.” She squeezes your hands and you return the pressure. “And then at training you were on the ground, your eyes were closed, I knew I shot you…It was just too much. I couldn’t stop the flashbacks. I couldn’t sleep. Seeing someone that I care so much about, someone that I love so much, injured, dying. Carm, I love you so much. So much that it terrifies me. If something were to happen to you, I don’t know if I could keep it together. You can’t leave me.” 

She is visibly shaking as the words come out of her mouth. You drop her hands and envelop her in a strong hug, trying to put everything you have into it to just let her know that you are there. Laura returns the pressure and turns her head into your neck. She is sobbing uncontrollably but clings onto you for dear life. 

“I’m here. I’m safe. I’m here. I won’t ever leave you.” You say the words softly but with finality. It is more than a promise, more than a vow. You pull her onto the floor and into you even further, soothing her. You feel her shaking become steadier and her sobs become fewer. You pull back just slightly and she lifts her head to you. 

She leans in and lightly connects her lips to yours. She tastes of honey and salt. You push a bit of hair back behind her ear. “Move in with me.” 

Laura looks up at you through tear swollen eyes. “What?”

“Move in with me.” You say again 

“Carm, I didn’t mean to push..” 

“Laura, I want you with me. Every second of every day. I love you and I want you here with me. I want your clothes with mine, your dishes, your shampoo, your crazy Doctor Who collection, all of it. I want to smell your hair as you fall asleep in my arms and I want to wake up to you in my arms every morning. I want to hear your frustrated growl as you argue with me over whose turn it is to do the cooking or the dishes. I want to hear your laugh at me when I inevitably do something you find stupid. I don’t want to keep calling it my house when you are here. I want it to be our home.” 

“Carm, I would love to move in with you but I don’t want you to feel pressured to ask just because I broke down and am a mess..” Laura sniffed and looked longingly into your eyes.

“Honey, I’ve been wanting to ask you to move in for weeks. I planned on asking you later tonight after the bar-b-que. And I love you and I love that you felt you could share your worries with me. That’s part of a relationship. Being true with each other about our feelings. What worried me was that you weren’t talk to me and I didn’t know why you were crying. It hurts me too…to see you hurting. I will do everything in my power to protect you Laura. I hope you believe me when I say that.” You look into her eyes searching for an answer.

“I believe you Carm. I trust you.” Laura gave a small smile and closed the small distance between her lips and yours. You could still feel the small smile on her lips when they connected with yours. “You were going to ask me to move in tonight?” Laura asks after separating from you and getting a breath.

You give a slight chuckle, “Ha! Yes…I was going to wait until after the bar-b-que party. Speaking of which…I’m still waiting on an answer cutie.”

“YES Carm! Yes, I would love to move in with you!” Laura exclaims.

You lean in and give a good-natured poke in her sides and she busts out laughing from the tickle. A tickle fight ensues until you are both out of breath and you sigh knowing that you need to get the house ready for your friends coming over for the bar-b-que.

\---  
“About time you have something at your place! I was getting sick of doing all the hosting!” Laf pokes at you the moment they walk in the back yard. You look over from the fire pit where you had been working setting up the wood to start the fire and smile.

“I wouldn’t be having anything here if it weren’t for Laura insisting that I have our friends over more often.” You fire back. Laf takes the bags of chips they brought and helps Perry with the case of beer she had in her hands before they walk over to join you.

“What are you doing? Oh! Fire pit! Need any help getting it going?” They ask excitedly

“Oh no, we are keeping you well away from any matches or lighters. I still haven’t forgotten the last time you blew your eyebrows off and almost caught your garage on fire when you decided starting the fire pit in your backyard with some gasoline was a ‘good idea’” You make quotation signs with your hands to emphasize the point. “We’re just lucky that Perry had invited a couple of the fire department guys and they were quick to respond!”

“But I got a fire going right? So why argue about how we got there and more the fact that I got results!” They laughed and all you can do is give them a good natured punch in the shoulder.

“Who can argue with that? Could you go grab a few more pieces of wood and the paper kindling in the wooden box inside the garage?” You ask them and they give you a thumbs up before they take off towards your garage.

Perry immediately went to help Laura at the grill. You had learned the within the first couple weekends that Laura was really good at grilling due to her father’s “inability to light the grill” so you left her in charge of the grilling while you got everything else ready for the evening. The tiki torches were already lit, the strands of small lights were hung around the patio, several chairs were placed by the fire pit, and the cooler was now full of chilling beer. Everything was good to go.

You were still waiting on Danny, Kirsch and a couple others to show up when you walked up behind Laura as she was flipping the steaks. “Remember I like mine rare.” You say as you slip an arm around her waist.

“How could I forget? It’s disgusting how bloody you like your steaks. I swear you could be a vampire!” Laura responds leaning slightly back into you.

“Well, how do you know I’m not?” You say teasingly, placing a small kiss on her shoulder. A car door shuts and you turn your attention to the newcomers. Greeting Danny and Kirsch with a smile and a wave, you turn your attention back to Laura and hand her an open bottle of beer.

“Hey we brought some potato salad and some dessert. Where do you want us to put it?” Kirsch asked and indicated to the bags in his arms.

“Oh, you can just put the on the table next to the goodies that Perry and Laf brought too! Hey Carm, did you get the fire started yet?” Laura responds. 

Kirsch places the food on the table and turns to envelope Laura in a big hug which she gladly returns.

“Just about to get on going now. I wanted to wait until everyone got here.” You say as you turn on some music for some background noise and find a chair for Danny to get off her feet. Danny had been making some good progress on the use of her crutches but you still watched out for her.

Laf helped you prepare the fire but you were still holding to your word that they were not allowed the matches. A couple more officers showed up and everyone was mingling, talking about their families, work, and the latest baseball game scores. Laura was a whiz on the grill and had everyone’s meat grilled to perfection. Everyone sat around the fire, relaxing, breathing in the cooling fall air and the smell of the fire. It was one of those nights that you didn’t take for granted, especially with Laura snuggling up next to you roasting her marshmallow over the fire. 

The party started winding down with Kirsch taking Danny home a little while ago so she could get some rest and the other officers leaving as they had to work in the morning. It was just Laf, Perry, Laura, and you left. Perry and Laura were busy cleaning up the left-over food while you and Laf sat by the fire.

“So, how’s Laura doing at the academy?” Laf asks as they take another drink from their bottle.

“She’s been doing great. I got a chance to talk to a couple of the drill instructors last week while I was helping teach and they said she’s in the top 10 percent of the class.” After answering, you take a sip from your bottle. 

“That’s great! I look forward to having the new recruits out on the road soon! It’s getting a little hairy with being so understaffed and the crimes numbers aren’t going down. We need them out there.” Laf responds enthusiastically.

It is an unfortunate understanding that with Danny being assigned to a desk job while she recovers and with a couple other officers off for other reasons, that the station is very short staffed. It is not a good thing, especially with the two robbers that killed the station clerk and severely injured Danny still on the loose, who knew what they might do next. Danny was still working that case, only from the office, trying to piece things together. Danny is tenacious and you knew that soon she would have some type of lead for you and the other officers to follow.

“How are things with you and Laura going?” Laf asks when to break the silence.

You look up at the patio where Laura and Perry are talking and cleaning and you can’t help but smile. “She’s moving in with me.” You beamed.

“What? Really? Hey that’s awesome! I’m happy for you two! I was telling Perry on the way over here that I think the two of you work very well together. I’m happy about that because someone needs to watch your back when I can’t!” Laf reached across and gave you a slap on the back before getting up and moving towards the patio. “Hey Laura! Carm just told me! Congratulations! Perry and I can help move anything you need!”

You watched as Laura was swallowed into a hug from your best friend. Laf was always positive and had always had your back. Your life was all coming together. After Ell had left, you thought that you were done dating and that your life was destined to just be about work, because who could love you if they didn’t understand you or your love of the job. Now, as you look up to see the giant smile plastered across Laura’s face, you knew. You would do anything for her, even quit the force, though you knew she would never ask you to. She didn’t know of your back story and had never asked. She loved you for who you are and that’s all you could ask for. You take one more sip of your beer and enjoy the sight of 3 of the most important people in your life and you want to remember this moment. Finally, you pick up the hose and douse the flames of the fire before moving to join them. This was a perfect day.


	15. Violence Begets Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Violence (fighting) and Domestic Violence Triggers!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Carmilla is back on patrol and has to deal with physical and mental damages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, 2nd chapter update in 2 days to make up for the 2 weeks that I was on hiatus! Really hope you enjoy! Please note that this chapter involves DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! You've been warned!

The taste of the hot coffee took the edge off the bite of the chill that had descended upon the city over the couple weeks. The cooler fall air had moved in a little sooner that was expected. The change in the weather was something you actually welcomed. While you enjoyed the warm evenings that you have gotten to spend with Laura, lounging on the patio as the sun set in the distance, fall was your favorite time of year. 

The huff of breath was visible as you sat in your patrol car at a corner with the window down, trying to listen to the world around you. As you drank your coffee, you think back to the last couple weeks. It had worried you that you asking Laura to move in so soon into your relationship might have been a little scary for her but your fears were quickly silenced when Laura demanded you help her move some of her things in the very next day. You spent all day Sunday helping her pack and sort items that you both determined you didn’t need two of. 

She had given you the key to her apartment before she left for the Academy on that Monday morning to continue to move some of what you both had determined were the “essentials.” What Laura didn’t know is that you had recruited Laf and Perry’s help to help move the bulk of the items over throughout the week. Even Kirsch had helped show up to move some of the bulkier furniture. You had made it a point during the week to get each of them thank-you gifts for their help. 

Laura had been truly amazed by your progress in the move when she came back from the academy that Friday evening. It only took half that Saturday to finish the move and you promptly spent the evening making the move “official” by christening almost every room in (as Laura put it) “Our Home.” 

That weekend had been great and last weekend even better. You couldn’t wait until she graduated the academy in a couple short weeks to spend more than just the weekends with her wrapped in your arms in your shared bed. That was where you had to leave her earlier this evening as this was one of the weekends you were scheduled to work. She had come home from the academy exhausted yesterday and spent most of the day trying to recuperate. You could tell that she was still tired so you had politely shut down her request to ride with you tonight by convincing her that she spending all Sunday with you would be better if she wasn’t falling asleep every 15 minutes. 

The sound of the car dispatch radio broke you from the thoughts of Laura sleeping warming in your bed. “Any units in the West Market area, have a call for a possible 10-56 subject at Hallow’s Bar causing a disturbance.”

Great…some drunk jerk causing a scene with a bunch of other drunk jerks around. It was only just a matter of time before a fight broke out. You were several blocks away so you radioed in that you were en route to the scene. Laf and Kirsch must have heard the call too and knew what it could mean; as you heard both of them over the radio indicate they were on their way as well.

When you arrived on scene, you found a small crowd gathered around, what looked to be a couple people arguing. You could hear the voices of those arguing as they were yelling loudly over the crowd. Both males, slurring their words. This isn’t the first time you have had to deal with breaking up fights at Hallow’s Bar as it was always a hot spot for the “no-good” crowd and you had already dealt with several stabbings and a shooting at this bar in the past year. You knew you had to get this under control before it escalated any further so you push through the crowd and make your way to the two main subjects. 

“HEY! POLICE!!” You yell over the two arguing males to try and get their attention but to no avail. Their body language tells you that they are almost well beyond hearing any words and you are wondering what is taking your back up so long. 

You try yelling a couple more times and they don’t acknowledge you. You are just about to step in between them when suddenly the taller of the two men throws a punch and lands it squarely in the smaller guy’s chin, sending him stumbling backwards. The smaller guy shakes off the blow with quickness that only a drunken person could and takes a lunging football tackle at the taller man’s waist, slamming him to the ground. You immediately react and as the smaller guy moves his arm back to deliver a punch, you wrap it up and lock his arm behind his back with your arms and drag him off the other man. Both men ignored your orders to stop and to back away from each other.

Just when you start to feel that you have a little better handle on the fight as you have separated the men, you turn to see the taller guy on his feet and striding towards you. You move to shove him back but he has a much bigger reach than you and he swings his fists at the other guy over your head. You are now in the middle of a large crowd and two drunk guys that don’t even seem to know that you’re a cop, hell-bent on beating the crap out of each other. Maneuvering around the bigger guy, you find a way to latch onto him and quickly pull him back, using his momentum, and twist him away from the smaller guy, who was now looking badly beaten as he was outmatched by the larger man. Several people, who you assume were the smaller guy’s friends, were moving to help him stand. 

You turned around to face the guy you had just moved off of him when you are cold-cocked by a massive right fist to the cheek. You stumble backwards as the outside of your vision goes hazy but you force yourself to stay conscious. Getting your bearings back, your eyes come into focus just in time to see the left fist of the larger man coming at you as you duck under it. Your training kicks in as you move to duck under the attempted hit, you connect a couple hits of your own, landing them perfectly in the kidney area as you move. You are surprised again when you are struck with a couple punches to the ribs that take some of the wind out of you. You make a silent thank you to your vest for taking some of the force of the hits for you. 

The last couple blows make you stumble backwards and know you don’t have much of a choice as you grab for the yellow Tazer on your belt. With practiced hands, you are un-holster the Tazer, flip off the safety switch, and aim the red dot at the man’s waist before pulling the trigger. The Tazer connects quickly and the man is on the ground, just as Laf and Kirsch push through the crowd. Laf quickly moves to handcuff the man you tased as he is on the ground and Kirsch grabs the smaller guy, handcuffing him. 

“Taser deployed” You state into your radio to let dispatch know of the use of force. This will be another report that you will have to add on top of your current ones. 

With the bulk of the action over, most the crowd quickly moves back into the bar. Kirsch moves his guy to his car and thoroughly pats him down before placing him in the back of the squad. 

“Are you going to try and fight us anymore? If you try and fight us again, you will be tased again.” You tell the man, matter-of-factly. 

“No. I’ll behave just don’t do that again.” He mumbles.

More back up officers arrive to help disperse the rest of the crowd. You move to remove the taser darts from his back as Laf does a quickly pat-down search of him. Your left eye is starting to swell and your breathing is a little more labored as the pain sets in from the rib shots you took. With the darts out and the subject searched, both you and Laf assist him to stand and place him in the back of another officer’s patrol car. The bulk of the physical work done, you take a moment to breathe and that is when Laf gets their first good look at you.

“Damn! Are you ok?” They look at your face with concern.

“I’ll be fine. He got a couple lucky shots in. Truthfully my ribs hurt worse but I don’t think any are broken. I’ll thank my vest for that!” You state as you grab at your side when your breath in causes a shot of pain through your body. 

“Alright. If you say so, but if I were you I would go get checked out. You’re going to have one heck of a shiner and you want to make sure that your ribs aren’t broken! Wouldn’t want Laura freaking out on you for not going. I can take him in for you no problem.” They offered and you knew they had a point. Maybe you should go get checked out quick to make sure all was still good internally because the last thing you would want is to have a broken rib or cheekbone and for Laura to find out you didn’t even go to get checked out.

“You’re right. Thanks Laf. I’ll get all finished up here and head…”

The squeal of the radio stopped your next words. “All Units, All Units. 10-16 in progress. 804 Maplewood Drive. Caller states the neighbors have been arguing for several minutes and it sounds like it has gotten physical. Caller is a neighbor and says there are a couple kids in the home and possible weapons.”

Your heart drops and if it weren’t for the blood still in your cheek from the punch, you would have been white. Laf looks at you with knowing eyes. They have been on several domestic scenes with you and know how you react. They never asked why but then again, they knew all officers had their particular calls that hit them harder for different reasons.

“We’re only 8 blocks away. Do you feel up to it?” Laf asked, searching your eyes for any hesitation.

You have no other choice. With domestic fights, it is only safe to have at least two officers go and Laf and you were the only one’s close and available. Choking down the bile that rose into your throat and pushing back memories, you nod at Laf and quickly move to your squad and they jump in yours to follow. All thought of the pain from your face and your ribs is forgotten as you focus on what you are heading towards.

“Ok…get it together Karnstein…separate yourself…” Keeps going through your mind as you race the 8 blocks to get to the noted house. Upon arriving, both you and Laf move swiftly but quietly through the yard before reaching the door, guns out of their holsters. You hear yelling coming from inside the house, as well as a child crying. You are to the side of the door with your gun in hand but pointed towards the ground. Laf gives you a nod and they knock on the door.

“POLICE! Open the door!” The yelling continues and Laf knocks again. “Police! Open the door or we are coming in!”

You hear more yelling and now the sounds of something breaking against the wall. That was it, Laf and you burst through the door without any more hesitation. You quickly track your surroundings and find that several pieces of furniture have been overturned and there are pieces of broken items and glass on the floor everywhere. Scanning the walls, you see pictures of a once happy looking family with a couple children.

Moving quickly through the front door and living room area, you find the man and woman in the dining room. The man is towering over the woman who is backed into the wall and has curled up into a ball. Both Laf and you are yelling your presence in the house trying to get the attention of the man but you are able to catch the look in his eye, a look that you knew all too well, rage. Out of instinct, you look at his hands, now clenched into fists, and see that there are no weapons in them but that doesn’t make him any less dangerous. 

Both Laf and you move into the room, yelling again.. “POLICE! Back away from her and keep your hands were we can see them!” He finally takes a small notice of you.

You are about to give your order again, you see a flash of a small child moving into the room towards the woman on the floor, “MOMMY!” Before you can even take a breath, you hear the crunch of the man’s hand meeting the child’s face and see the small body fall limp to the ground. All sounds and movements in your mind stop. Suddenly your feet are moving of their own accord and you hit the man with such a driving force that you both fly several feet backwards. You vaguely register the sickening crack of someone’s body part hitting something very hard before you feel the solidity of the floor beneath you. 

The man’s body is limp beneath you and you grab your handcuffs and secure his wrists before he comes to, not caring that you can feel a distinct malformation in his forearm indicating a broken bone. Everything to this point has felt as though it took hours for your body to reach him and years for your hands to grab the handcuffs, though you know it was only a matter of seconds. Your brain is still trying to process what just happened when Laf’s voice pulls you back to reality. 

“Karnstein! When you’re done securing him, I could use a little help over here.” Their voice had gone up a few octaves, which was very unusual as the more excited Laf got the more bored they sounded usually.

Seeing that the man was still unconscious and noting that he had some blood coming from a laceration on his head, you call on the radio for additional assistance and an ambulance. When that was done, you moved to Laf where they were hunched over the child’s limp body with the mother crying for you both to help. 

“Laf, I’ve got this. Please just watch to make sure he doesn’t wake up and keep her away for right now. Also, I saw a picture that showed there were 2 kids. Where’s the other child?”

Laf gave you a questioning look but didn’t argue when they saw the sheer determination in your eyes. They moved to the woman and was asking about the location of the other child when you turned your attention back to the kid in front of you. You estimated the child couldn’t be any older than 8 years of age.

The bright red and swelling mark where the man’s hand had landed was still forming on the child’s face. You did a quick assessment and checked for the child’s breathing and a pulse, finding both present. With that small discovery, you let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Moving on, you did rapid hands-on check to make sure there was nothing else out of the ordinary on the child’s body. During this assessment you moved aside small portions of the child’s clothes looking for more bruises or deformities and what you found made you want to puke. The child had several more bruises on their legs, arms, and stomach. Bruises that were in different stages of healing, some dark purple and blue indicating they were fresh and others mixed between blue, yellow, and red indicating they were several days old.

You make your way back to the child’s head and find that their eyes were now barely open and fresh streaming tears were rolling down their face. 

“Hey. My name is Carmilla. I’m a police officer. You are safe. I’m going to make sure that you’re ok. What’s your name?” You take the child’s hand in a reassuring gesture. The child continues to cry and doesn’t want to talk. “It’s ok. You don’t have to say anything. I’m just going to stay with you until a cool ambulance comes to see how you’re doing, ok?” They give you a little nod.

You continue to stay with the child until the ambulance arrives and takes over. The child didn’t seem to want to let your hand go when the EMTs moved them with their mom to the back of the ambulance. Before the ambulance left with the mother and child, you grabbed one of the teddy bears you keep in your car for kids and gave it to them.

Laf had taken care of getting another ambulance to take the man you tackled to the hospital as he had woken up from hitting his head on the counter but the EMTs believed he had a concussion. Sgt Perry had arrived on scene just a few minutes before the ambulance with the man had left. She organized a couple other officers to ride with both the child/mother victims and the father aggressor, as well as organized to have a social worker meet them at the hospital. All this, however, was taking place in the back ground of your mind. As soon as the back ambulance doors slammed shut, your mind was in another place, another time. All you could remember of the present was that somehow you had found yourself sitting on the edge of the wooden porch of the house with people moving all around you.

Your mind was playing tricks on you. “No daddy! Don’t! I didn’t mean to forget to take the garbage out!” *whack* The sound echoed in your ears. 

“I’m sorry Mommy! I’m so sorry! Please don’t leave me in here alone!” The darkness started to overcome your vision. 

“Don’t hurt him! It was my fault! All my fault! PLEASE MOMMY DADDY!” Your vision completely fades out as you are in your past and the closet door is closing and you’re so scared you can’t move. 

\---  
“Carm? Carm? Honey please say something.” You know that voice cutting through the darkness of the closet. It’s sweet, calming. It’s pulling at you with its warmth and you want so badly to follow it.

“Carm…I’m here. You’re ok. You’re safe. Come back to me.” 

You’re safe? You can’t be safe, not in this tiny space, but the voice sounds so sure, so trustworthy. The walls of the closet seem to be expanding with more and more light shining in. It’s not as dark, streaks of blue, red, and white seem to dance at the edges of your vision. 

“Take a breath. Just breathe for me.” You take a deep breath and follow the guidance of this soothing voice. The lights are getting a little brighter and the outline of a person in front of you is now forming but you can’t quite make out the face.

“That’s it. Another breath. Just listen to my voice honey.” The past is fading away and you remember you are no longer that defenseless and useless child. The eyes looking at you are deep chocolate but you can see through the depth of the eyes and see the concern hidden beneath the surface. You feel the distinct difference between your frozen hands and the warmth and pressure of the hand in yours. 

“Carm. Are you with me?” The soft press of a hand against your cheek pulls you further back and you lean into the soft caress. Laura seemed to be moving very carefully around your face due to the fresh and large bruise still forming on your face.

“Laura.” You are finally able to find your voice though it feels scratchy and broken. The sigh of relief pushes out of Laura and you watch the emotion, which you recognize as fear, pass off of her face. 

“Hey. Welcome back.” She gives a slight grin and increases the squeeze in your hands. 

“Thank you for bringing me back Laura. I was lost there for a little bit. What are you doing here?” 

“I’m glad you could find your way back to me. Laf called me when they were unable to snap you out of whatever world you were in. You wouldn’t respond to anyone. You were just sitting here staring blankly. They were worried about you so they called me. You were catatonic when I got here. What happened?” Laura asked tentatively 

You pull her in for a hug, just to convince your mind that Laura was real and was really kneeling here in front of you. “Honey, I need to tell you something. Something about my past..”


	16. Past, Present, and Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- Descriptive Domestic Violence! Carmilla tells Laura of her abusive past. 
> 
> small introduction of Mr. Hollis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've been gone for the last couple weeks again but I actually took a MUCH NEEDED Vacation away and am just getting back to this. I plan on getting back into my update schedule starting tonight.

The chill of the night’s air registered in your mind as you took a seat but the warmth of Laura beside you kept the shiver that you felt creeping up your spine at bay. You don’t recall how you got to this bench. Truthfully, you don’t remember much that had happened after you had told Laura that you needed to tell her about your past. Everything had seemed to happen very quickly around you. Vaguely, you recalled Laura talking with Perry and Laf before she returned to you, wrapped an arm around your waist and walked you away from the house. You had been lost in your own mind and your past. The memories hit you in waves and the only thing that seemed to be grounding you in the present was the feel of Laura’s fingers interlaced in yours.

Laura and you both sat quietly on the park bench. Laura was never one to push you to reveal anything and in this moment you loved her even more for that. Trying to decide how to open up this dark topic without shading the bright woman beside you was proving to be difficult. Laura was such a warm and bright person and the last thing you wanted to do was to paint her pastel and colorful outlook on life with the gloomy and dark shades of your life. You have never really told anyone everything about your past for fear that they would look at you with pity and that was one thing that you couldn’t stand. Taking a deep breath, you decided that the only way you were going to get through this night and conversation was to just start.

“When I was a kid, I had a good life. I had a loving mother and father and a beautiful baby brother. We lived in a nice suburban neighborhood, my brother and I went to a great school, my dad was a very well-known and respected business man, and my mother was kind and loving. I was a daddy’s girl through and through. I loved my mother but Dad was the one I would always hang around. In the garage, while fixing things around the house, he’d take me on camping and fishing trips. We were inseparable. We were happy.” You stated very flatly with a blank stare. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Laura as you laid out your life in front of her.

“We were happy. Until the day that my happy little life was ripped away. It was my 7th birthday and my parents had planned a big party for me and my friends. They got a bouncy house, ponies, and all my friends were there. My mom had forgotten something at the store and my dad volunteered to go pick it up. Even though it was my party, I begged my dad to let me go with him, which he quickly agreed. On the way to the store, a guy ran a stop sign and hit our car at a high rate of speed. I was knocked out for a little bit but when I came to, all I could see was my dad’s face covered in blood. His eyes were open but there was no light in them. I remembered crying out to him, crying his name, reaching for him in vain due to my seatbelt keeping me in place. It felt like forever in that car screaming and crying until a firefighter pulled me away from the wreckage and an ambulance whisked me away to the hospital.” You pause to take a breath. You focus on the squeeze in your hand. Laura. She was still here, waiting, not pushing. 

Another breath and you feel as though you can continue without your voice breaking.

“I only suffered minor injuries and the driver of the other vehicle had taken off before police got there and was never caught. My mom broke down. She grew colder and more distant. She tried therapy but it didn’t work. She didn’t know how to handle being a single mother. She pulled away from Will, who was only 6 years old, so I started watching over him more. She started drinking more to take away the pain and the memories. I tried helping as I got a little older. I would try and keep the house clean, even did laundry as best I could. She never looked at me like she had before the wreck. I think she not only blamed herself for sending my dad out, she also blamed me for being the one that survived. She got mean, constantly yelling, especially in her drunken rages but it was always something that I was able to handle and to keep Will away from. Until one night she came home, drunk and angry. She couldn’t find the tv remote and she lost it. That was the first time she ever hit me but it wasn’t the last.” 

You could feel Laura’s skin vibrating and her hand shaking in yours. You glanced up into her eyes and what you saw there surprised you. You didn’t want to be pitied and that was what you were always afraid of if you ever told anyone. Pity was not the emotion you saw behind Laura’s hazel eyes. It was anger and maybe a hint of love. 

“I think she found it to be stress relieving or something but she would always say about how she ‘felt better’ after hitting me. She was careful about where she hit because I still had to go to school. I never felt safe enough to tell any of my teachers what was going on at home and truthfully it was better she was hitting me and not Will. She was my mother. She was supposed to love me. She was one person that I was supposed to be able to trust. But I couldn’t and I didn’t know what to do.” You swallow hard as the wave of emotions in your body at the thought of how your definition of love and trust had been skewed due and the wave of nausea tried to over come you.

Another breath and you tried to get the sinking feeling in your gut suppressed. “This went on for several years. It wasn’t until I met the school resource officer, Mattie, after being sent to her about a fight I was in at school that I finally found a safe place. I went to Mattie’s office all the time after school before I had to go pick up Will.” 

“It wasn’t until one night, in a rage, that my mother beat me unconscious and the next morning at school I ended up keeled over in Mattie’s office not wanting to move. She moved to place her hand lightly on my shoulder and I flinched back in pain and she knew something was wrong. I spilled my guts to her about my mother and the abuse, showed her the bruises all over my body, and explained everything. That was the day that Will and I were taken out of my home and placed in foster care. Unfortunately, the system tried everything they could but they couldn’t keep my mother from being able to maintain custody of Will as she had never laid a hand on him. I, however, went into the system and Mattie actually took care of me when they couldn’t find anyone for fostering.”

You were unable to maintain eye contact during your monologue and had lowered your head. The small circles that Laura was tracing over the back of your hand were mesmerizing. You hadn’t realized that a tear was running down your cheek until you feel Laura’s thumb rubbing it away. The feeling of the warmth of her hand on your face, draws your eyes back up to meet hers. The look of anger in her eyes from before was gone.

She doesn’t say anything at first. She just pulls you into her arms and allows you to sink into her and wrap your arms around her. She 

“Your father sounds like he was a great man and I am so sorry that I had to go through that with him. Your mother was right to be saddened but what she did to you is un-excusable and reprehensible. It makes me so angry to think that anyone could do something like that to you.” Laura rubbed her arms encouragingly across your back and helping soothe some of than emotional pain. The warmth and strength she was offering you made you feel completely and utterly safe; a feeling you haven’t known in many years.

“Carm,” Laura says pulling away from you to look you in the eyes. She leaned in and connected your lips with the softest and most gentle kiss that you had ever felt and leaned your foreheads together. “You are a strong and caring person. You deserve so much goodness in your life. I am glad that you were able to find Mattie and get out of that situation. Look at where you are now in your life. You have an amazing job, friends that care about you, and me.” 

At the last comment, you move back slightly, and gaze into her eyes, wanting to believe everything she was saying was real. Laura must have picked up on your hesitation as she gracefully cupped your face in her hands before continuing.

“I love you Carmilla Karnstein. I love you. With every breath I take, with every beat of my heart, with every nerve in my body. I love you for who you are now. I love you for who you were in the past and nothing that you consider ‘deep, dark, and twisted’ in your life is going to make that change. I trust you with my life, my heart, and my soul. I want you and only you and the only thing that could make me go away is if you told me you didn’t feel the same for me.” Laura searched your eyes and never looked away.

Your mind was going a mile a minute. How did you deserve her? Here was this gorgeous woman sitting next to you in the chilly autumn night that had just listened to the darkest part of who you are and she didn’t even flinch or turn away. The strength of Laura Hollis continued to surprise you and in this moment you had never felt more in love and grounded with anyone in your life than you do with her. 

“I love you Laura. With a love more infinite than the number of stars in the sky. My life isn’t pretty and my heart has been glued and taped together but it’s all I have to give.” Those words and your commitment to her were all you had to give. You had nothing more.

With that, Laura leaned in and kissed you again. “That’s all I want.” Laura whispered. “Now, let’s get you a warm cup of hot chocolate. You’re freezing.”  
\---  
It was very hard having Laura leave for the rest of the week after the weekend. After your conversation on the cold park bench, Laura and you shared a hot chocolate and she gave you a ride to the station. When you had gotten there, Perry told you to take the rest of the night off and didn’t ask for any explanation to your reaction at the scene. Perry had just told you to come back on Monday and work on the reports from your calls that night. 

Back at home, Laura and you had spent the rest of the weekend relaxing on the couch watching movies or in the hot tub. You had been completely exhausted after everything that had happened and Laura took it upon herself to make sure you were well rested before heading back to the Academy. You missed her already and the fact that you had to head back to work that evening and work on reports didn’t help. 

When you showed up for work that night, things were as they normally were in the locker room. Kirsch and Danny were bickering back and forth like a married couple though you knew it was all in good fun and Laf was giving you the update on their favorite football team’s game from Sunday and how the game could have been better if they would have started a different tight end (something you really didn’t care about). You were gracious that they didn’t even try to bring up any questions from your reaction this last weekend. 

The reports took you several hours in the beginning of shift and you were grateful that Perry wasn’t pushing you to get through them quickly. When you dropped them off on her desk, she took a quick look at them and then nodded that they looked good before sending you back out on the road. The fact that your friends and co-workers didn’t bring up the last weekend really made you grateful for their discretion and that they seemed to know you were doing ok. The realization about your friends made you smile as you walked out to your squad to face the rest of the work week. Things were going your way.

\---  
The rest of the week went by without any major incidents and you were grateful for that. You were finally on your day off on Thursday and were working on the project you started in your second spare room. The idea had come to you when Laura agreed to move in with you. The room had been used as your junk room/office but you wanted to do something different with it for a while and you had finally come up with an idea. 

It was several hours into the project when you decided to grab another beer. As you walked through the kitchen towards the refrigerator, you heard the beeping of a notification on a phone coming from the counter. Laura’s phone was left on the counter next to yours as she couldn’t have her phone at the academy. You grabbed your phone and saw no new notifications on the screen and then you saw Laura’s phone screen light up and buzz. A name popped up on the screen “Father Bear.” 

You were wondering why he might be calling her phone as he had to know that Laura wasn’t allowed to have a phone during the week. Laura had told you about her dad and how he was a police officer. They seemed really close. She had called him in excitement when you asked her to move in with you and that phone call had seemed to go very well from the reaction that Laura had. However, you had yet to meet or even speak with Laura’s dad. You never really considered yourself a good person with parents and always felt nervous around them. 

You shook your head and thought it was strange for Laura’s dad to be calling in the middle of the week, especially since he hadn’t called any of the other weeks that she was at the academy. You were considering letting the phone go to voicemail when the nagging sensation that something might be wrong hit your gut and your thumb hit the answer button.

“Hello? Hello?” The deep tones from a male voice came across the speaker as you moved the phone to your ear. “Laura?”

“Hello? Mr. Hollis?” You answer.

“Yes, Who is this? Why do you have Laura’s phone?” The voice turned with a slight edge of worry.

“Mr. Hollis. This is Carmilla Karnstein. Laura left her phone here while she’s at the academy for the week.” You respond nervously.

“Oh! Carmilla” A tone of recognition came across the speaker replacing the concerned tone from before. “I was starting to wonder when we might actually speak to each other. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh, yes sir. I’ve heard a lot about you too sir. Laura speaks very highly of you.” Your voice is formal and you feel your posture straighten. The flutter in your gut reminds you of how you felt the first week of the academy. There is dead air across the phone as you wait for him to speak again. When he doesn’t continue, your nerves get the best of you, “Is there something wrong or something I can help you with? I mean you’ve never called while Laura gone for the week before, sir.”

“Now, now. No need to call me sir. Please call me Jack. Nothing is wrong. I just didn’t know if she left her phone in the car during the week or not. I was just calling to let her know that I will be in town for training next week before her graduation the week after and was going to come up this weekend and hopefully spend some time with her and possibly meet you. Laura speaks very highly of you too and I just want to meet this mystery woman that has my daughter’s heart.” The seriousness was still in his voice but you could tell that he was being genuine. 

“Well thank you Jack.” The name was a little awkward to you as you were still suppressing your nerves. This was the father of the woman you loved after all and you didn’t want to screw this up. “I’m sure that Laura will be ecstatic to hear that you’re coming to visit. Do you have a place to stay before your training?”

“I was planning on staying at the hotel for the weekend as I have to stay at the training facility for the week.” Jack responded.

“Please, you can stay at our house. There’s a guest bedroom and I’m sure Laura would love to have you here with us.” As soon as the words are out of your mouth, you take a deep swallow. *what did I just do? No, it’s ok. It’s what Laura would want.* you think to yourself.

“No, I would hate to put you out or interfere…” Mr. Hollis began to say but you interrupt.

“Please, Jack. It would be no problem at all and I can’t let a fellow officer and Laura’s dad pay to stay at a hotel when we have a perfectly good guest room. I won’t take no for an answer.” You say more confidently.

“Well if you insist. I’ll be there Saturday morning around 11 if that works.” Mr. Hollis responded.

“Eleven works just fine. I can’t wait to meet you sir…uh. Jack.” 

“And I can’t wait to meet you too Carmilla. Be safe.” You could almost hear his smile through the phone.

“You too.” With that, you both hung up. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves and you felt your shoulders relax.

So, you were going to be meeting Laura’s dad. Don’t screw this up Karnstein.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it and/or like the way it's heading....please comment! Kudos are nice but Comments are better to allow me to properly gauge how I'm doing and if I need to change something. Thank you!


	17. Family is Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla Meets Papa Hollis!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a bit again. Writer's block and very little free personal time has put off this story for a little bit. I'm back now and will hopefully have another chapter after this one ready to go this week!

The drive to the academy grounds had been peaceful, too bad your mind has been anything but since the phone call with Laura’s dad. Your mind had been going a mile a minute thinking about all the ways that you could screw this weekend up. Parents had never been your “thing” and by that, you mean that you had never actually stuck around a relationship long enough to actually meet the parents. Laura’s father means so much to her and you are scared to death how you will come off to him. 

Pulling up to the front of the Academy class building, you shove your thoughts and concerns to the back of your mind. Laura’s dad being in town was tomorrow’s concern, right now, you just couldn’t wait to see her. You were a little early so you find a parking spot and roll the windows down. It’s a beautiful fall day and the slight breeze coming in through the window smells of fallen leaves and has a slight lingering warmth as though summer is trying to hold onto its last bit of fight before letting go. The local soft rock station is playing quietly on the radio and you can’t help but lean your head back and close your eyes as you soak in the sun shining through the windshield. 

You take this moment and just think of all the events from the last few months of your life. A year ago, you would have never seen your life where it is now. A year ago, you were with Ell but were not ready to share as willingly in that relationship as you can open up so easily with Laura. A year ago, you had been questioning your job dedication because of the conversations you had with Ell and how she needed more. Now, you know what it is to be loved by someone who knows the job and understands the sacrifices that come with it but is still willing to be with you. So much had changed in a year and it not only makes your heart soar but it also terrifies you. 

In a week’s time, Laura will be graduating the Academy. She will put on the uniform, she will raise her right hand and swear the Oath of a police officer with her fellow classmates, and she will have her badge pinned on her chest. She has been trained well and she knows what she is doing, you checked in with the Academy Instructors on her progress (though you would never even think of telling her that), and she will be an excellent officer as she genuinely cares for others. All of that is encouraging, but you are still terrified of that one call that everything just goes wrong. It’s all cops fear though, you’d be lying if you didn’t say that you had that fear before but now is different. It’s different because now you have something to really lose.

You’re cut out of your thoughts by the sound of voices coming from the front of the building and you take a quick look in your side mirror to confirm Laura’s Academy class has been released for the week. You push your previous thoughts back into the corner of your brain where you have compartmentalized them and get out of your car. Sliding your sunglasses into place and walking to the back of your car, you lean back onto the trunk and bring one leg up to rest on the bumper while you scan the steady flow of recruits exiting the building. Your sunglasses hide your constantly scanning eyes as you wait. The general consensus is excitement for only one week left before graduation, you gather from the bits of conversation you pick up from several of the recruits as they pass by you without even a second glance.

You spot Laura as she exits the building. She, like every other recruit, is in her academy uniform and something about the way the sunshine hits her makes her just glow. You feel the familiar pull in your chest and you catch the hitch in your breath and remind yourself to breathe normally. Damn, how does she do that to you every time? Laura is talking to another classmate when she sees you in the parking lot and the smile on her face almost reaches her ears. She turns to the classmate she was talking to and abruptly ends the conversation with a smile and a small wave as she walks away with a promise of “Just one more week!”

“Carm! Hey! What are you doing here? I thought we decided that you weren’t going to pick me up because we didn’t want the drill instructors to know anything?” Laura said while walking up to you but stopping a few feet short of you and keeping a respectful distance.

“What if I don’t care about that anymore? What if I just really wanted to pick up my girl after her hard week at the Academy? What if, with only a week left of a very hard and grueling police academy, I just wanted to kiss you and shout from the rooftops that I love you?” You ask and cock your eyebrow questioningly, giving Laura the opportunity to answer. 

Laura smiles and quickly invades your space giving you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Carm, that’s very sweet of you.” She beams her radiant smile at you again and your heart squeezes just a little tighter than before.

“Yeah, ok, it is, but don’t tell anyone else about my sweet side. Ok?” 

“Why? Afraid you’re going to come off as the softie that you are?” Laura smugly replies.

“Oh no. I’m a badass and an asshole and I have that on very good authority. It’s just I have that reputation to uphold, you know.” The sarcastic comment slides from your lips with practiced ease.

“Well, those in authority clearly have it wrong and didn’t do a thorough investigation because that is clearly not the case here.” Laura states just as quickly and you think that some of your sarcasm is really rubbing off on her.

“That settles it!” You gesture your arms over your head.

“What?” Laura’s previous smug look is rapidly replaced with concern.

“Someone get this girl her badge right now! She has learned the last lesson there is to learn! Questioning her superiors abilities to do the actual gruntwork!” Laura’s concern faded away as she giggled and playfully smacked your arm.

“Carm, you are ridiculous! You know that?” Any response you may have been thinking of was squashed when Laura gave you a quick kiss.

“Only with you Cupcake. Only with you. Now get in the car!” Laura walks around to the passenger side and throws her bag in the back seat before climbing into the front passenger seat and buckling the seat belt while you get in and start the car.

She reaches over and grabs your hand, interlacing your fingers with hers and gently rubbing her thumb soothingly over your hand, after you put the car in gear. “So tell me about your week. I want to hear how things are going at work. Have they caught those robbery/murder subjects yet?”

“No. Unfortunately we haven’t caught them yet. They have been really good about covering their tracks but Danny and Kirsch are working hard on it and I’m sure we’ll get something soon. But I’ll tell you a little more about that later. We need to talk about a little change to our plans for this weekend.” You hinted before giving Laura the answer to her questioning look.

\---  
You wake up to the feeling of light kisses on your bare chest causing your heart beat to pick up. You weren’t sure if it had ever slowed down from the previous evening’s “activities.” You brought your hand up to her head and ran your fingers through her smooth hair, not saying a word as you didn’t want to change the moment you were having. Laura’s kisses made their way up your neck and to your chin before she stopped and raised her bare body slightly from yours to look at you. This is when she is most beautiful in your eyes. Post bliss, cuddly, and tender. 

“So what time did my dad say he would be here?” She asks as she lightly runs her fingers across your neck causing you to close your eyes and just enjoy the feeling.

“Sweetheart, you’re really ruining this moment by bringing up your father.” You chide but can’t stop a shiver from running down your spine at her finger’s simple movements on your throat.

“Sorry…….but I’m just really excited to see him. It’s been a while since I went back home.” She says in resigned voice that has you cracking an eye lid to confirm that she is actually pouting.

“He said he’d be here around 11.” You give in and kiss the pout off her lips.

“So we have plenty of time.” 

“Plenty of time for what?” But your question is answered as Laura moves to straddle your waist and kisses you with vigor. All other thoughts are pushed from your mind as you both lose yourselves in each other.

\---  
Sweating. Your palms were so sweaty that you were starting to worry about rubbing sweat stains into your pants. You are nervous and you just kind of laugh about that fact to yourself. You are Carmilla Karnstein…you don’t get nervous. But here you are, pulse racing and palms sweating as you try to finish smoothing out the bed sheet on the spare room’s bed. 

“Do you need any help with that?” You hear Laura call from the other room.

“No I think I’ve got it.” You respond while you tried not to get frustrated with the fact the simple sheet did not want to lay properly. You didn’t want to show Laura how shaky you were so you had resigned yourself to preparing the spare bedroom while she tidied up the rest of the house. The frustrated growl you couldn’t help hold in must have gotten Laura’s attention as she came around the corner into the room.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“This stupid bedsheet doesn’t want to lay flat and I’m just about to rip it up and throw it out the window!” You exclaim, shaking in frustration.

Laura moves and grabs the other side of the sheet and together you get the sheet to lay properly and finish making the bed. Sensing heaviness in the room, Laura moved to the other side of the bed and took a gentle hold of your wrist. “I know it’s not the bed that has you growling. What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something is wrong, Cupcake?” You’re unable to make direct eye contact at your uncomfortable small lie.

“Carm, you’re irritable and your hands are slick with sweat.” Laura gives you a knowing look and you immediately break down your *unaffected fascade.*

“I’m just really nervous ok? I know I come off as the hardcore, badass and nothing fazes me but I’ve never been in a relationship long enough to meet the parents and you mean a lot to me. I really want your dad to like me.” The honest answer and the deep breath makes you feel a little lighter of the burden.

Laura brings your interlocked hands up and kisses the back of your hand. “Just be yourself. The person I fell in love with and you’ll be fine. Dad is a good judge of character and he can tell when people are acting. He is a cop, remember?” 

You can’t help but smile and kiss the back of her hand too. Just as you were sharing a the quiet moment, the doorbell rings.

“Well, time for me to make my first impression.” You say as you both make your way to the front door, still holding hands.

Laura opens the door and your arm is immediately pulled with Laura as a tall, burly man envelopes her into a bear hug. You barely have a moment to register that this was her father and not someone attacking her that you must defend against when a second later you find yourself swept into the hug as well. The hug only last a few seconds when you are released and grab a quick breath. Laura’s dad was definitely strong and took good care of himself. 

“DAD! It’s so good to see you!!” You overhear Laura saying as you take a look at the man in your doorway. 

He is tall and muscular with a military style haircut, a strong jawline that looks as solid as concrete, wearing jeans and a relaxed fitted law enforcement style long sleeve t-shirt. Everything about him screamed military or law enforcement in his build but what set him apart from that image was the genuine smile and the deep sound of laughter that filled the room. You immediately noted that Laura had definitely inherited his smile. 

When they finally broke from their hug, you reached down and grabbed his bag for him, “Mr. Hollis, welcome! Please come in!”

He turned his attention to you, “Oh come now, it’s Jack. None of this ‘Mr. Hollis’ nonsense, that was my father. Carmilla, it is so nice to finally meet you!” He extended his hand and provided a more formal greeting following his hug.

You gladly accepted the handshake, “Jack it is then! Please come on in! We have lunch just about done if you would like to join us. I’ll let Laura show you around the house.”

“Oh no, I realized I forgot to pick up bread sticks to go with the soup so I was going to run to the store really quick. You should show Dad around. I’m sure he would love to see your collection of challenge coins.” Laura interjected and gave you a small smile.

“That would be great! Do you have a large collection?” Jack beamed as he walked through the door and past both you and Laura, making his way into to look around the front room.

Taking a small moment, you whisper, “really cupcake? I just told you how nervous I am to meet your dad and you are leaving me alone with him? That’s just cruel.”

Laura leaned in to keep the conversation private, “I know you’re nervous but just take some time and talk with him. You two have quite a bit in common. Plus, if you do this, I’ll make it worth your time later.” She gave you a mischievous smile and you couldn’t help but agree.

“Fine, but if I end up scaring him away before you get back, I just want to be on the record on how bad of an idea this is.”

Laura gave you a quick kiss and you were startled by the clearing throat that indicated your’s and Laura’s moment was gone.

“Alright, Dad, I’ll be back in a little bit. Carm, behave.” Laura cautioned before striding out the front door.

“Well I guess it’s just the two of us. Where will I be sleeping?” Jack placed his hands on his hips, not giving away any indication on how he felt having just saw her kissing his daughter.

“Oh, um, right. I’ve made the spare bedroom up for you. There is a bathroom directly attached to it. Follow me.” You take Jack’s bag with you down the hallway and into the spare room. “Alright, here’s the room. Our room is just down the hall. It’s not much but let me know if there’s something that you need.” You place his bag at the foot of the bed.

“Carmilla, it’s fine.” Jack says, clearly seeing that you’re nervous. “This isn’t a hotel and you’re not a concierge. If I need something, I’m sure I can find it.”

You take a big breath and feel yourself relax a little bit. “Thank you Jack. I’m sorry, I’m just a little nervous. It’s kind of a big deal for me to meet you and I don’t really any experience with meeting parents.”

“I can tell. So what’s say we get that whole ‘I’m her father and I swear if you hurt my little girl that I have ways of hiding a body’ speech out of the way and just assume that I’ve made a big enough threatening gesture to make you know that she’s my little girl and I love her very much. Can we do that?” Jack had moved from the doorway to sitting on the edge of the couch by you as you stood.

The only emotion that you can think of is *wow.* You had not been expecting that. Of course, you were expecting the threatening speech and the threat of dismemberment if you were to ever hurt Laura but you weren’t expecting him to be so understanding and graceful about your relationship with Laura. You were stunned for a few moments, trying to decide if he was just playing with you or if he was sincere. The smile on his face answered that question for you.

Moving to sit down next to him, you responded, “I love her too, you know.” He looked at you and let you continue. “Jack, Laura has been the most wonderful thing to come into my life since my best friend and guardian Mattie took me under her wing when I was young. I want you to know that I will never do anything that would compromise that or her feelings for me. You have my word on that.”

He looked at you as if he was analyzing a piece of evidence at a murder scene. You thought for a second he was going to turn and say that he didn’t believe you but the twitch at the corner of his mouth gave him away. Before you could move, you were wrapped up in his powerful arms once more and this time you couldn’t help but smell the Old Spice aftershave and feel comforted. Tentatively, you wrap your arms around him and return the hug. 

Jack breaks the hug and the bed moves as his weight is lifted from it. “Alright, now that’s settled, show me around this beautiful house of yours and I definitely want to see that challenge coin collection!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will include more "on duty" time and Laura's Academy Graduation!!


	18. Graduation and Special Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries.....but here we go..... Carmilla has another heart racing day at work, Mr. Hollis speaks his mind, Carmilla has a gift for Laura, Laura graduates the academy. 
> 
> Short, sweet, and to the point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright....sorry for another wait on an update. so as penance, here is an extra long chapter for you! I'll be updating as my work and life schedules allow...I intend to have a chapter up at least every 1.5-2 weeks.
> 
> Thank you to the loyal readers that are enjoying this story and putting up with my sporadic update schedule! Please enjoy this chapter!

“And this one was given to me when I was on special assignment with the FBI for a kidnapping case of a 5 year old child a few years ago. We were surrounding a house in the country when a burst of gunfire came out the window. As we found cover, I noticed the back door swing open and a guy bust out running towards the woods. I took off after him and tracked him across 2 miles of timber and through several creeks before I tackled him. The FBI tactical team guys gave me the nickname of ‘Blood Hound’ after that!” You smiled as you recalled the story behind the shining FBI HRT challenge coin that Jack was holding in his hand, this one having a happy ending with the kid being returned to his parents unscathed. 

It was too bad not all of the memories behind your challenge coins had such good outcomes. Luckily, through the few short stories that Jack had shared of his time in law enforcement, you could tell he understood the importance of the success stories, as they didn’t always happen to have positive outcomes. Police work is not the glorified profession with all happy endings like Hollywood likes to make it out to be. 

Jack and you were sitting at the kitchen table sharing stories, you were even lucky enough to hear the one about how Laura, 5 years old at the time, was at a sporting event with Jack and had managed to wander off and got lost in the crowd. Jack said he nearly had a heart attack as he noticed her missing and ran to the nearest security guard he could find. He had been in the middle of describing her outfit of a black and pink polka dotted top with bright blue pants when he looked at the closest tv monitor to see a girl, the exact description he had just given the security guard, being broadcasted playing “patty-cake” with the local team’s star player. He even showed you the picture that they got of the 3 of them after he was reunited with Laura. Jack said that he had never heard the end of it from Laura’s mother when they got home. You secretly think that this was probably the start of his over-protectiveness of Laura.

You were thoroughly enjoying the conversation and the stories with him when Laura came back home, arms filled with groceries.

“Hey! Are you two getting along?” Laura smiled as she took a look at the two of you sitting at the kitchen table as you were still looking at the picture of cute, little Laura hugging some unknown man in a jersey.

“It’s been a blast getting to chat with Carmilla! She told me how well you have been doing at the Academy, since apparently you don’t feel the need to let me in on that, and how you’ve made some pretty good friends around here, and a few other stories.” Jack said and gave a slightly sad though mostly sarcastic sniffle during his comment on the academy and gave a side smile at Carmilla at the latter part.

Laura started to unpack the groceries while she responded to her father’s comment, “I have been doing well at the Academy and I only tell you the essentials or else you would be constantly bugging me! Oh and whatever stories she has on me, please note, she is known to stretch the truth!” 

Laura stole a glance back in your direction and you gave a face of mock offense before moving to help Laura with the groceries. 

“I mean really. It’s a miracle that she even passed the polygraph test!” Laura continued to rib at you.

That was it. You weren’t going to take her teasing any more. As she reached up to place a box of crackers on the shelf in the cupboard you saw your chance and quickly made for her sides, squeezing exactly in her most ticklish spot, causing her to jerk and back away trying to defend herself. You continued your on-slot of tickles and effectively pinned her in the corner of the kitchen countertop until she cried “Mercy” while trying to catch her breath. Only then did you relent your attack.

“Dad! I can’t believe you didn’t even try and help out your poor, defenseless daughter!” Laura exclaimed.

Jack put his hands up defensively, “Hey, you haven’t been defenseless since before I signed you up for Krav Maga. And second, if you think I’m going to get between you and her when I just spent the last hour getting to know her and her resume…think again!” 

You knew you liked him for a reason! With dinner done and Laura back home, you settle down with Laura and Jack for a night of good food and good conversation. It’s several hours later, after Laura’s dad excused himself for bed, that you and Laura are settling into bed for the night. Laura is already in bed as you slide in behind her. She wastes no time snuggling back into you as you begin to get comfortable. You lightly kiss the skin of her shoulder not covered by the tank top and wrap your arm around her waist.

“Carm?” Laura sighs sleepily.

“Hmm?” you hum into her shoulder.

“I was really proud of you today.” 

“Why’s that babe?” 

Laura turns slightly in your arms to face you. “Because I know you were nervous about meeting my dad but you overcame that. I don’t know what you really talked about while I was gone but I do know you really impressed him. I know you did…I could tell.”

“I just told him how I feel about you.” You confess as it was the truth…the truth that Laura already knows. Laura gives you her sleepy smile, the smile that makes your insides flip flop, feelings that only grow stronger as she pulls you the short distance to kiss you. You return the kiss and reluctantly pull yourself away because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be able to restrain yourself much longer and restraint is exactly what you have to have with Laura’s dad in the room down the hall.

\---  
Tuesday….It’s only Tuesday….you know because you have checked the calendar four times already as you sit in your squad car focusing on the road.. The whirlwind events of the last weekend with Laura’s dad in town have thrown off your internal clock and calendar. Laura had insisted on taking her dad everywhere around town and also introducing him to her/your friends Danny, Perry, Kirsch, and Laf. You had been slightly worried about Jack meeting Laf as not everyone fully understood what it meant for a person to be non-binary. Laura assured you that it wouldn’t be an issue but you were still very protective of Laf. Laura’s assurance was right and Jack was not only understanding but also very accepting of Laf, even going out of his way to correct the waitress at the restaurant you had all met at for lunch on Sunday. Jack was a wonderful father figure throughout

When it came time Sunday night to say “bye” to him as he left for his training, you felt a slight pull in your heart, like you were saying goodbye to your own father. Then, before you knew it, it was Monday morning and you were giving Laura a kiss goodbye before sending her off to her last week at the academy! Time had been flying by, so why for the love of all that was good, was it only TUESDAY?

“Time tends to slow down when you have something you really are looking forward to. You’ve been waiting for her to graduate since the moment she started the academy. Her party is already planned and now you have nothing to do but work this week. Time moves slower the faster we want it to.” Laf had told you as chatted before shift brief. 

They did have a really good point…not that you would ever admit it to them. You were looking forward to finally having Laura with you more than just the weekends. The thought brings a smile to your mouth but the beginning of your daydream is interrupted.

“All available unit, 10-10 at the corner of Wyatt Rd and Dayton Ave. 2 males fighting. Unknown weapons. Large crowd beginning to gather.” 

It was time to focus on work. You flip your lights and sirens on, respond on the radio indicating your en route to the scene, and hit the gas. Other responding units radio in and you’re happy to hear Laf and their partner is responding as well. You round the corner just as another unit is arriving on scene and see the crowd of approximately 15 people gathered. You notice a dark figure lumped on the ground and recognize it as a person and then you see the other male winding up and delivering several kicks to the body on the ground. You know that several more assaults like that could kill a person, especially if aimed right.

As soon as you place the squad car in park, you jump out of the car, hitting the door lock button, and run towards the crowd. Upon seeing the lights and hearing you and the other officer on scene yelling orders to “back up, back away, Police!” several of the members of the crowd take off running and that gives you an unobstructed path to the two fighters. The other officer, who you now recognize as Kirsch, is pushing people back as you head straight towards the figure that’s delivered several more kicks. Just as he is winding up for another kick, your unobstructed path allows you to pass right through and before he can land another kick, you full on football tackle him to the ground. 

You hear the huff of air expel from his lungs as both he and you collide with the ground. Before he can even try to figure out what hit him, you flip him over and handcuff him. When you look up from the guy, all you see are people with phones out and pointed in your direction and they are screaming and yelling insults at you. Kirsch is doing his best to keep the crowd back as you help the handcuffed man up off the ground. The crowd doesn’t want to move for you as you try and make your way to your squad car with the man. Phones and cameras are shoved in your face and the random faces behind the phones continue to yell insults and discriminatory phrases at you.

“Fuck the police!” “You didn’t have to do that!” “He didn’t do anything wrong!” “Fucking pigs!!” 

All insults that you have heard numerous times before. Of course he didn’t do anything wrong….of course he was innocent…of course you used too much force to take him down…you just roll your eyes and wonder how much of the actual video of the whole event will actually make it online. The way the crowd is pushing in on you, you find yourself watching the rest of the people to make sure you aren’t about to take a sucker punch from one of the guy’s buddies who might think they could get away with it. You breathe a little easier when you see the red head of Laf show up beside you. They push their way through the crowd creating a small tunnel for you to get through and finally get the guy in the back seat of your squad car. 

You take a look back towards Kirsch and the limp body still on the ground. The silent wish that the other guy is not dead passes through you. It’s then that you notice the crowd pushing in towards Kirsch. Laf and you share a look. The two of you have worked long enough together to know what the other is thinking. Without a word, you lock your car door and move back through the crowd, pushing people out of your way and circle up around Kirsch to keep the crowd back. Laf is immediately on their radio to dispatch requesting additional units and an ambulance. All of your eyes are on the crowd, searching their hands, making sure they are empty or at least visible. The crowd screams and you can feel the tension. You can feel the shift of the crowd wanting to push in but still hesitant. You withdraw your baton and you notice Laf has drawn their taser, obviously feeling the tense atmosphere as well. Every now and then there is a little push towards your circle that you actively step forward to push back. While you’re prepared for something to happen, you really hope that this small standoff will be able to be resolved and disbanded peacefully. You also know that the man on the ground is in very bad shape and needs medical attention as soon as possible. 

The tension is almost palpable and you know it is only a matter of time before someone gets the courage to make the wrong move and you’re forced into a fight. Just as you feel the crowd about to move, the yelling is interrupted by the piercing sound of sirens and no less than 4 other squad cars coming to a stop just behind the crowd. This seems to be the tipping point and the crowd realizes that the balance of power of numbers is no longer completely in their favor. Several members of the crowd step back and leave on their own accord, the rest leave after the additional officers tell them to leave or be arrested for disorderly conduct. It’s when the EMTs make their way to the victim that you breathe a small sigh of relief.

“Get your guy out of here before the crowd members still leaving decides that maybe it would be worth it to take a run at us.” Laf turns to you and says while pointing out the multiple stragglers from the crowd only slowly walking away. 

“On it. Hey, thanks for the back up tonight!” You say and the both of you exchange a look that says all you want and need to say about how grateful you were to have them backing you up. You know their worth as an officer and you trust them with your life. 

On the way to the jail, you run through the whole scene again in your head and breathe a sigh of relief that it played out the way it did because let’s face it, if someone would have decided to act differently, you, Laf and Kirsch could have been seriously injured or worse and knowing that Laf and Kirsch could have been hurt is enough to send a cold chill down your spine. When you finally get to the jail and get your guy booked into a cell, you sit in the officer’s work area writing up the report. The only thing you could get out of your arrestee was that the other guy was in a rival gang and had made some comment about his shoes. Apparently that was enough to invoke almost killing the guy with his bare hands. Your report is detailed and the time required filling out the charges and the use of force paperwork is enough to bring you to the end of shift…

Wednesday….Only 2 more days to wait.

\---

Jack had asked if he could come over early before the ceremony to get ready and ride with you and you had agreed without hesitation. You had also suggested that he just bring all of his stuff to stay over for the weekend since he was still going to be in town after the ceremony. He had showed up and the first thing he did was wrap you in a bear hug before ruffling your hair and asked if your treadmill was available for a workout as he had missed his run the last couple days. You told him it was available but you had been painting in the workout room if he could deal with that. He just smiled and made his way past you and down the hall. You had just stood there awe struck as he swooped into your house just like family. When you gathered your mind again after the unexpected hug and lighthearted hair ruffle, you smiled and realized that he was already treating you just like family.

You had been painting your workout room when he arrived so you headed back to the room to finish up the paint job. You had put a lot of work into the room over the week because you wanted to make sure it was done before Laura got home. When you entered the room, you found Jack standing in the middle of the room smiling. 

“Do you think she’ll like it?” You question, hoping that he would understand the significance and waiting for his response.

“No. No I don’t.” He said flatly and the bit of hope that you had allowed yourself felt smashed. That was until he turned around and gave you the biggest smile you had ever seen. “She’s not going to like it….she’s going to love it. When did you decide to do this?” He asks as he fully takes in the sight of the room.

The project had been on your mind for a while, in fact from the moment Laura had agreed to move in with you. You had bought the supplies over several weeks and had planned it out perfectly for this week, spending every free moment you had to make sure it was perfect. The room had served as a storage room ever since you bought the house. The work out equipment that you owned had been in the 2nd stall of the garage but with Laura’s car now taking up that area, you had moved it all into the room. The room was large and had several pieces of workout equipment including a treadmill, free weights, and a bench press machine. A professional company had come the week before and properly reinforced the floor to allow for the added weight of the work out equipment. 

You had taken care in planning out the rest of the room. 3 of the walls were painted white but in the center of the wall was a 2 foot wide blue stripe with a small half inch black border. This was to symbolize the thin blue line of law enforcement. On one of the walls, you had painted the quote “Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon” and on the other wall, you painted a large police officer’s shield outline and filled it in with blue and outlined in black. On one of the shield, you had a picture framed of you and Mattie both in uniform, it was one from your academy graduation and it always made you smile. Two other picture frames were on the wall, one to the other side of the shield and one large frame right above the shield, however, both stood empty.

The main wall directly across from the door, was completely painted the same royal blue color as the stripe. In the center of that wall, you had mounted a large TV. On both sides of the TV, you had a carpenter build several shelves into the wall. Perry had gotten you a few pictures of Laura from the academy, your favorite one was a close-up taken at face level looking down the line of recruits in push-up position and she was the first in the line, sweat was dripping off her face but her smile was wide. You took a few of those photos and got a few of the pictures she had “forced” you to take with her printed and placed in frames. The framed photos, along with several small police officer memorabilia and a couple medals you had received were spread throughout the shelves. You had also gotten a small couch that sat against the wall.

“I just had the idea and I went with it.” You say nonchalantly and shrug.

“You really love her huh?” Jack asks when he takes a moment to look at you.

“Yeah, I really do.” You smile. “Well I’m going to go get showered so I can be presentable for the ceremony.” You leave the room for him and make your way to the bathroom.

A little while later and a lot of rummaging for a few items of your dress uniform that you seemed to have misplaced, you are finally dressed in your Class A uniform. Once you found everything, you took some time to properly polish the brass to a high shine and once you felt like you were 100% put together, you stepped out of your bedroom. You walk into your kitchen to grab a bottle of water when you stop suddenly at the sight of Jack standing in your kitchen in the full Class A uniform from his department. The man before you is completely different from the father figure that you have seen before. He is broad shouldered and the uniform fits him perfectly. He is tall and commanding of the room and you would be lying if you said you weren’t slightly intimidated. The only indication that the Jack that you have gotten to know was still there was evident in his broad smile as he took the sight of you in.

“You clean up very well Carmilla.” He said as he stepped up to you. “These are slightly askew though. Mind if?”

You shake your head and he moves in to properly adjust the flag pins on your lapel. “Today is a big day for both Laura and me.” He says and you nod. 

“I have always watched over Laura and tried to make sure she was prepared for anything that came her way. She always had a way of taking after me, even before her mother died. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when she said she was going to go into law enforcement. I’m proud of her. I know she knows how to take care of herself but I can’t help feeling scared. Scared that I can’t protect her from the dangers of the job, the wackos out there, or anything else, especially being so far away.”

Jack was quiet for a few seconds before he continued and you listened intently.

“Laura’s mom always taught her to see the best in people, to care for others, and to always give all of yourself into something that you love. She was a wonderful influence for her and I’m happy to see those traits in Laura. She loves you and she will love this job. Her mother taught her how to care and I taught her how to fight. Those were the gifts we gave her. She is my special girl and I need you to promise that you will watch out for her….not only when she’s working but when the badge is off for the night too. Can you promise me that?” He asks sincerely.

“Yes sir. I will take care of Laura.” You give your word.

“Ok then. Let’s get going! We don’t want to be late!” and you both head out the door.

\---

The drill field is full of uniformed officers and family members. The elevated stage and podium in the middle of the field are filled with dignitaries including the mayor and the police commissioner, as well as several other top brass of the department. Danny, Laf, Kirsch, Perry, Jack, you , and several officers from Jack’s department are all sitting together near the stage. Jack had introduced you to the other officers and made sure they knew exactly who you were both in the department and to his daughter! They made sure that you knew they were Laura’s “unofficial” older brothers and to treat her right, to which you assured them that you would!

The group had been making small talk and didn’t notice the group of uniformed officers in perfect formation to the left of the drill field. It was only when the Master at Arms called “ALL UNIFORMED PERSONNEL, ATTENTION,” did you snap off your feet with the other officers and stood at attention that you noticed the formation. A drill instructor called out to the academy recruits a series of calls and the group began to move forward in perfect cadence. Upon reaching the center of the drill field the drill instructor called a few more orders and soon the group was halted and facing the stage, all while moving in perfect sync. The honor guard that was standing at the side of the stage moved front and center to present the flags while the national anthem played and retreated after the presentation was done. 

“ALL UNIFORMED PERSONNEL, AT EASE!” called the Master at Arms and all personnel, except the academy formation, moved back to their seats. The mayor and commissioner gave short speeches but you weren’t paying much attention as you were watching the 5’2” brunette located in the second row, two people in. You only got to see a small portion of her face but you could see the pride in it as she stood there at attention. She never looked stronger.

Before you knew it, the commissioner said it was time for the oath of the police officer to be recited. The commissioner read the oath and the class recited it back, 

“I, (jumble of names as the recruits all recited their own name), do swear that I will well and truly serve the citizens of this country as a police officer without favor or affection, malice or ill will, until I am legally discharged. That I will see and cause our community’s peace to be kept and preserved and that I will prevent, to the best of my ability, all offenses against that peace, and that I will, to the best of my skill and knowledge, discharge all duties of the office to which I am sworn both faithfully and in accordance with the law.”

With the oath recited, the mayor stepped up to the microphone and called each individual officer to the stage to receive their orders and certificate and to get a photo with the commissioner. Your group cheered extra loud when Laura marched up on stage and received hers. You think you might have seen a slight blush in her cheeks during her photo. The last officer had been called to stage and the mayor was now inviting friends/family members up for the badge pinning ceremony. This ceremony was a big deal as it was the first time the new officers would ever wear their badge. Jack stood up from his chair and started to make his way down the aisle but he stopped when he reached you. You looked him with confusion as he gestured for you to join him. You hadn’t spoken with Laura about the ceremony before because you had just assumed that Jack would be the one pinning the badge, since he was, you know, her father. 

“I would be honored and I’m sure Laura would love it if you joined me for her badge ceremony.” Jack said with a smile and took your hand and helped you up. 

When you both reached Laura, she was still standing at attention as previously ordered, but you could help but see the slight grin and little bit of additional water in her eyes when you came into view. Jack was handed the box containing Laura’s badge and you both waited until ordered to place the badge. When the order came, you both took the badge, cradling it each with one hand, and began the delicate process of pinning it on Laura’s uniform. Jack was having a little bit of a hard time trying to get the pin in properly and you saw the small grimace on Laura’s face as she was preparing to be poked.

“Don’t worry cutie, I wont poke you! Don’t want to get blood on this brand new uniform right?” You say with a wink and you watch Laura swallow a laugh. 

Between the two of you, you are able to get the badge placed with no blood loss. Before heading back to your seats, Jack moves in a gives Laura a small kiss on the cheek and an offer of congratulations. You decided against giving her a kiss as you were in an official ceremony. Upon taking your seats, the remainder of the speeches were mercifully short and in no time the Master at Arms was calling out. “SILAS POLICE DEPARTMENT ACADEMY CLASS OF 2015! DISMISSED!” and with that came a boisterous sound of applause and celebration as the class stepped out of formation for the last time.

Danny, Laf, Perry, and Kirsch all make their way around, congratulating the other officers. You congratulate the ones you run into as you are on your way to see Laura. When you get to where she is, she is surrounded by her “brothers,” all of them offering congratulations, handshakes, and hugs. You make it a point to take several pictures of these interactions as you are sure she will enjoy looking at them later. The crowd surrounding her slowly dwindles as the other officers start to make their way around to the other new officers and soon it is just you, Jack, and Laura. Jack envelopes her in a huge hug and is whispering something in her ear that makes her smile wide. You snap a quick photo. 

When Jack ends the hug, you take quick advantage, “Jack, Laura, Let’s get a good father/daughter picture!” They happily oblige and you get one of the photos you’ve been waiting for to fill up one of the empty frames on the wall at home. As soon as the photo is done, Jack politely excuses himself, leaving you semi-alone with Laura in her section of the drill field. 

You look at her with complete awe. She looks so good in her uniform, like she was made to be in it. The wide smile on her face draws you in and soon you are encased in her embrace and enjoying the happiness that she is exuding. “Congratulations Laura. You’re amazing!” You say into the side of her head where you chin is resting. 

“I couldn’t have done it without your support Carm.” She responds back, giving you an even tighter hug before pulling back slightly. 

Your faces are only a few inches apart and you hesitate to kiss her because you still aren’t sure how she would feel about you kissing her in such a public forum. The pull is so bad that you figured it couldn’t hurt to ask, “Cupcake, how would you feel if I kis….” But you are cut off by her lips crashing into yours. Well, that answered that question. You return the kiss with fervor before you have to pull back to breathe. “I’m so proud of you! And I’m so proud to call you mine! Also, you look damn sexy in that uniform!”

Laura is blushing and she gives you a good natured shove on the shoulder. You only get a couple more seconds before the rest of your group descends upon the two of you.

“Congratulations Laura!” “Knew you could do it!” “Can’t wait to have you out there with us!” Laura takes all the praise with grace and thanks all of them for coming. As you watch her interact with your friends, you just watch with awe and a smile on your face, before you remember that you still have one important picture to get. 

“Hey Laf, could you take a picture of us, for me?” You ask as you indicate Laura and you. Laf smiles and quickly takes a good photo of both of you smiling at the camera. You go to take the camera away when Laura pulls you back and pulls you into a kiss and you hear the click of the camera. 

\---

The next few hours are a whirlwind. You had already planned the party back at your house after the ceremony. Your backyard was filled with uniformed officers, both from your department and Jacks. There were several more people from Laura’s hometown that had not been at the ceremony but had showed up for the party. Perry and Laf took care of the grilling while you made sure the cooler was freshly supplied with an assortment of beverages, and Danny and Kirsch had been the first to leave from the ceremony for a couple special projects, including hanging the colorful string of light bulbs around the patio and the other mission to get the pictures on your camera developed. They had come through without a hitch! 

From the moment you pulled into the driveway, Laura had been pulled into the backyard by her friends. This had given you the opportunity to slip inside and get the printed photos in their proper frames. The last photo in the set made you smile. It was set in a duplicate, one in color and one in black and white. The picture of you and Laura kissing made your heart melt. You both looked so happy. The sound of the patio door opening and closing makes you move quickly, you place the now filled frames in their rightful spots and quickly close the door behind you as you head down the hall and back to the party.

The night goes by filled with laughter and stories. You love this feeling. Laura bounces between the groups, making sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Jack’s work colleagues have taken a liking to you and quickly accept you into their group. You have caught several of Laura’s glances and smiles towards you. When you get a chance you finally excuse yourself from the group and head inside the house to take a breather from the conversations. You’re in the kitchen freshening up your glass of ice tea when you hear the patio door open and close and the warmth of arms around your waist. Laura’s scent fills your space and a kiss is placed on your neck and you lean your head to give more access. She moves slightly and a gentle finger pulls at your chin to bring you into a kiss. The sounds of the party still happening outside pulls you back in from your bliss as you pull away and look at her smile.

“Are you having a good time?” You ask her.

“It’s been a wonderful day. Thank you so much for arranging all of this. I couldn’t ask for anything better.” She pulls you in for a short gentle kiss.

“I have something I want to show you. Think you can stand stepping away from your party for a few more minutes?” You nod towards the loud round of laughter that comes in through the window.

“I think they can survive a little bit longer without us.” She smiles and you take her hand and lead her down the hall to the spare room.

“Close your eyes.”

“Carm…”

“Trust me.” 

She closes her eyes and you open the door. You take her hands and slowly lead her around the equipment and into the center of the room. 

“Can I open my eyes now?” 

“Yes.”

The moment Laura opens her eyes; she stands stunned with her mouth wide open. She takes in the room, the equipment, the paint, she looks closely over the photos on the shelves first, and you see her eyes start to tear up. Finally she makes her way to the wall with the shield painted on it. She stops in her tracks when she looks at the pictures. You’re not sure how she’s going to react but you give her time and don’t push. 

“Carm…..” she traces the paint around the shield with her finger and staring at the 3 separate photographs, “I don’t know what to say….when did you do this?”

“This last week. I wanted us both to have a room where we could go to and relax.” You state matter of fact-ly.

Without warning, Laura turns on her heels and pushes right into you, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss that takes both your breaths away. You return the kiss with passion until that dreaded drive to breathe makes you separate.

“Carmilla Karnstein.. You. Are. Amazing.” Laura kisses you again. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like kudos but comments are great too!! Let me know how you like it!


	19. Hard Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura experiences a few firsts including her first day on shift. Carmilla is there to help, in some ways! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! Sorry for the little bit of a wait. Life kinda gets in the way sometimes. I will actually have a couple chapters for you this week. Since it has been a while! Things will start picking up quickly for Carmilla and Laura so hold on and Enjoy!
> 
> Names are made up and have no correlation to actual real life people (what would be a coincidence!!!)

Your eyes slowly flutter open as the light from the morning sun shines between the blinds and directly on your face. You make a mental note to curse the blasted ball of fire in the sky that is millions of miles away but has perfect aim to wake you up a couple hours before you’re ready. Blinking a few times, you try and move out of the sunlight but you are stilled by the warmth and weight of the naked body pressed against you. Laura is still sleeping soundly on top of you as you inhale her lavender scented hair and a smile stretches across your face as you remember the events of the last 24 hours. 

Laura’s dad headed back home yesterday afternoon after helping clean up from the party and after giving out several big hugs. Laura didn’t waste any time to show you physically how much she was thankful for everything you had done and how well you had hit it off with her dad. She practically jumped on you the minute Jack had backed out of the driveway. After you both had finished several rounds of what you could only describe as the best sex of your life, you both laid comfortably in each other’s arms in bed and just talked. You talked about yourself, about her, about friends, about work, and pretty much anything else that came to mind. Laura was the only person you felt you could share everything about your life with and not be scared that she was judging you or would leave.

As you lay there thinking about the past and looking forward to the future, Laura started to stir and you wrapped your arms around her tightly. She nuzzled a little further into you before turning her head and looking at you through sleepy eyes.

“Morning” She said with a smile.

You lean down to close the short distance between your lips and hers. “Morning” you respond with a smile. “Are you ready for your first day of work?”

“Mmmmm. Yeah. I think so. I just wonder who they will have me partnered with for training.” Laura responds and wraps her arms further around you.

“I don’t know. We will find out at role call I guess.” 

“I wish I could be partnered up with you but I know that won’t work.” Laura’s fingers start softly rubbing your side.

“Yeah, I know.” You place a kiss on the top of her head. “I’m sure they will put you with someone good. If not, I’ll be having a little talk with Perry.”

“No, don’t do that. I’m sure I can handle whoever they put me with. I don’t want you causing any problems or getting yourself into trouble. I’m just glad we will be working on the same shift! I don’t know how that worked out.” 

“Well our shift has been really needing more people. It’s one of the busiest shifts and we have been short for a long time. That’s probably why it happened and it will be good for you…you’ll get a lot of training on a lot of different calls.” 

“Mmmm” Laura hummed in agreement and the conversation just lingered. You couldn’t tell her what was completely going through your mind. You couldn’t tell her that while you were really excited for her to be starting her career and that you know she will be an excellent officer, that you just couldn’t push down the fear of her getting hurt. But that was something that you would have to live with. Laura was happy and that made you happy.

After several minutes of just laying in bed holding each other in the comfortable silence, you broke the trance, “Hey, do you want to get up and work out with me today before work? We can break in the new workout room together!” 

“Definitely.” Laura looked up at you and smiled widely before leaning in for a quick kiss. “Race you.” Laura grinned before rolling over you, jumping off the bed, grabbing some workout clothes out of the dresser, and heading out the door, leaving you in stunned silence before you got up yourself.

\---  
The drive to the station was silent accept for the rustling of Laura’s pants as her leg nervously shook against the center console divide in your car. You would almost call her nervousness cute but you knew if you even stated that fact that you would be dodging a playful slap. Instead of pointing out the obvious, you just reached over and took her hand in yours and kissed the back of her hand. Laura’s leg quit shaking as she looked over at you and smiled. Before you knew it, you were pulling into the station’s secure parking lot and walking into the locker room.

Several other officers were already getting ready for the upcoming shift. You both split to go to your respective lockers to get into uniform. After synching down your bullet resistant vest, you hear LaF and Danny laughing as they entered the room. 

“Hey Karnstein!” You look to see who is calling your name and see Danny standing at the end of the lockers.

“Hey Danny. What’s up? I mean beside you, obviously.” You joke.

“Ha ha…very funny Karnstein. I just wanted to let you know that there were 2 more store robberies last night and another clerk was assaulted. He’s in critical condition. I’m telling you this because these robbers have been targeting stores in your general patrol area and I want you to keep an eye out for me. They are getting braver and not waiting for the stores to be empty any more. This last one they fired off several rounds into the store as they left.”

“Thanks for the heads up. I can’t wait to nail these bastards.” You respond and make a mental note to keep close eyes on the stores in your area.

“You and me both.” Danny responds and you catch her slight rub at her leg.

“How’s the leg doing?” You ask, feeling horrible that you hadn’t checked up on her for a while.

“It’s getting there. Doc says that I should be able to make it back to uniformed patrol in another month!” Danny’s face lit up.

“Good to hear. We need you back out there. We’re missing the ginger squad out there! Isn’t that right LaF” You jest at Danny.

LaF pokes their head around the corner of the lockers and says “Damn Right!” before popping back out of view. Danny can’t help but smile before she flips you off and walks out of the room.

You turn back to your locker and finish putting on the rest of the uniform and belt. When all is properly in place, you move to Laura’s locker and find she is just about done getting ready. Taking a moment and leaning against the locker next to her, you take in the sight of her in full uniform and smile.

“Well aren’t you something to see in uniform.” You give a smug grin as she turns to you. “Except you’re missing one thing.” 

“What? Where? I thought I had it all on right…” Laura looks around at her uniform, looking for anything out of place.

“You forgot these.” You pull out some pink handcuffs and smile as they dangle from your finger.

“Carm.” Laura starts to protest.

“Nope. You’re not ready until you have your very own pair of pink handcuffs. Plus, they fit your personality.” You smile as you put the handcuffs in Laura’s handcuff case.

“But you don’t have pink handcuffs.” Laura grins.

“Nope, I have black….like my soul. They suit me better!” You state as a matter of fact.

Laura leans up and kisses you. “Thanks for the handcuffs. And that’s the last kiss you get until end of shift.” 

You whine slightly at that statement but you nod in understanding. This is work and you have to be professional but that doesn’t stop the huff of air you give before turning and the two of you walk to the briefing room together.

\---  
Only ten minutes into your shift, it started raining. You always loved rainy shifts because most of the time it meant that the shift would go by with few calls as not many people liked to stray outside in bad weather. There were only a few calls that you were sent to and for the most part you were able to stay pretty dry. 

About 4 hours into shift, you met up with the other officers for dinner break at the local police-friendly diner. You had gotten there early to get a table, get a seat with your back to the door, and to pre-order the coffee the rest of the group would want while you got your normal glass of pop. LaF, Kirsch, and a couple other officers had already arrived and were talking about how they enjoyed the rainy weather when you saw the front door open with the arrival of the last officers to join. The sight before you nearly had you spitting out your drink with laughter because there in the doorway was a frowning Laura, completely drenched head to toe.

LaF and Kirsch both looked at you with concern before turning and seeing Laura and busting out in their own volley of laughter. Laura and her partner made their way over to your table and you couldn’t help but continue to laugh at her scowl as she sat down.

“So, how’s your shift going?” LaF asked while trying to get their giggles under control.

Laura just scowled at them and poured herself a glass of hot coffee. By some miracle you were able to contain your laughter at her scowl. 

“Having a rough first day, Hollis?” You smirked as Laura turned her scowling face towards you.

“Directing traffic for several hours because the streets department doesn’t know how to properly take care of street lights in a downpour is NOT how I envisioned my first shift to go. There is literally no part of me that is dry.” Laura spouted off before taking a big swig of her coffee. “What?!” She asks after seeing the look on your face.

“It’s just….You look like a drowned mouse…” You can’t help but blurt out. You quickly find yourself back peddling when you see the look on her face. “A cute mouse though!”

Laura just huffs and continues to drink her coffee. The rest of the break goes by quickly as you all savor your food and enjoy the conversation. Every now and then you sneak small glances at Laura and see her mood change from sour to calm as she engages in the conversation with enthusiasm. Before you know it, break is over and it’s time to head back out on patrol. You can’t help but tousle Laura’s still wet hair as you leave the diner and you both exchange a grin.

The rest of the shift continued much like the first part of the shift. You only had to respond to a couple residential burglary alarms that ended up being false alarms. By the time shift ended and you were in the locker room changing into your civilian clothes, you were ready to head home for a nice warm shower and some sleep. Rain always made you sleepy. Laura was a little late getting into the locker room as she had to meet with the sergeant to discuss how her first day went. You joined her by her locker as she changed into dry clothes.

“You know, I don’t know how you do it, but somehow you make looking like a drowned mouse look so sexy.” You can’t help but comment as she pulls her sweatshirt on. You slide up behind her and encircle her waist with your arms and place your chin on her shoulder.

“Ha Ha. You are unbelievable. You know that? That is not how I expected my first day to go.” She says as she places her gun belt back in the locker and closes it before turning around in your arms.

“ I do cupcake. I sure do. So your first day may not have gone the exact way you envisioned it, welcome to law enforcement. Where nothing ever goes ‘according to plan.’ But the most important thing you have to remember is this, you fulfilled the number one rule of law enforcement.” You lean in for a short kiss and keep your foreheads touching.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” 

You adjust your voice to your best impersonation of Sean Connery, “Make sure when your shift is over, you go home alive.”

Laura leans up and connects your lips again while giggling, “You are the biggest dork I know! I love you.”

“I love you too.” And with that you take her hand and you walk out of the locker room together.

\---

A couple weeks into the job, Laura was getting the hang of the ins and outs of the job and had been recommended for advancement to the next stage of field training, which really only consisted of her getting placed with a new training officer but it was still something you wanted to celebrate. She had been working really hard both when she was on duty and while off duty. Laura would sit with you in the living room with flash cards of traffic and criminal codes asking you to quiz her until you finally had to tell her it was time to go to bed. In honor of her movement to the next step in training, you put together a small dinner for the two of you. 

You had taken a few extra hours off at the end of your shift, claiming to Laura that you were almost topped out on vacation hours and if you didn’t use a few hours you would lose them. As soon as you had gotten home, you immediately got to work on making dinner, setting the table, and lighting the candles. All the finishing touches were just about done when you heard Laura’s car pull into the driveway. You were still in the kitchen when you heard the door open and close. 

“Carm?” Laura called out.

“In the kitchen Cupcake.” You responded as you still had your back turned to the room and you could feel her presence when she entered the room. 

Turning around to face her, you immediately saw that something was wrong by the look on her face and her eyes fighting back tears. “Laura, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” You asked as you crossed the room and stood in front of her.

Laura just looked at you and then suddenly wrapped her arms around you and threw herself into your arms and began sobbing. All you could do was hold her and stroke her hair. You know that she would tell you when she was ready. You guided both of you to the couch in the living room and sat her down while still holding onto her. Her sobs began subsiding and she leaned back with her hair falling in her face. You reached out and placed a strand of hair behind her ear so you could see her face fully.

“Tell me” you request softly and pass your thumb across her cheek removing some of the tears that were flowing down them. 

Laura nods, sniffs, and takes a deep calming breath before she begins to speak in an almost silent, broken, voice. “It was right after left work, we were called to a hit and run involving a child that had been struck. When we got on scene the child was laying in the street, not moving. I did everything I could think of to save her but she died before the ambulance could even get there. We found the car and driver a couple blocks away. He was drunk, passed out, and ran into a light pole. He didn’t even know what he did. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him so badly for killing that little girl! I still had her blood on my hands when I locked the cuffs on him….” She trailed off as tears continued to silently fall down her cheeks.

All you could do was to hold her. You knew that there were going to be times like this. Times that nothing in the world made sense and times that you were so angry at what people can do to each other that you wanted to vomit. You knew that Laura would eventually see some of those things but you had hoped that it would be further into her career than this. She would get through this and you would be here for her to make sure of that. 

“It’s ok Laura. You did everything that you could. You provided the care that you could but sometimes it’s just not going to help. You found the person responsible. The anger that you feel is natural. It’s horrible what people can do to each other and it’s even worse when defenseless children become victims to that.” Laura’s crying subsided again as she leaned back and you looked into her tear-filled and bloodshot eyes. “There is nothing about that situation that doesn’t suck but I am also so proud of you for not letting your emotions get the best of you and for doing the right thing.”

“She was only 7 years old.” Laura choked out. “How do you deal with something like that?” 

“Well, I would come home from a day like that and deal with it in a few different ways. I’d drink to numb the pain or I’d hit the punching bag until my knuckles bled. Not the best coping mechanisms, I know. But now, when I have a difficult day, I do exactly what you are doing. I talk to someone. What your feeling is normal and trust me, thanks to you, that guy will get the justice that is coming to him. It can’t bring her back or erase what he did but it is a little bit of justice that you helped bring for her parents. Focus on that.” You try to find the best words you can give. It hurts you to see Laura cry.

She continues to cry into your shoulder and her trembling makes you almost cry yourself. “What was her name? The little girl?”

Laura leans back from you as her tears begin to subside. “Jessica. Jessica Storm.” She says as her voice cracks.

“Remember that. Remember her name. Remember that she is the reason you do this job. To do your best to protect people like her. Don’t think of his name when you remember today because he doesn’t deserve you remembering his name. Jessica does deserve to be remembered. She’s why we are here. If we can just take one more drunk off the road, one more abuser from the home, we might be able to save another Jessica.” It’s the best advice you have to offer right now. You wish you could hold her and take away all her pain but you can’t. You can only give her some type of comfort and safety and she holds you like you are her protection from the rest of the world.

“Are you hungry? Do you think you can eat? I made us dinner, wanting to celebrate your next move in training if you are ok with that.” You ask hopefully.

“Yeah. I just want to take a shower first if you don’t mind. It smells delicious.” She replies. You see a small glint of her perseverance come back into her face as she gets up and heads down the hallway towards the bathroom. 

As soon as you hear the shower running, you take a moment and let out the breath that you had been holding. The memory of Courtney Malone came flooding back into your mind. She was only 14 when she was passenger in a car that had crashed. You were the first officer on scene. The seventeen year old male that had been driving was sitting outside of the vehicle and was higher than a kite. You remember finding Courtney about 30 feet away from the car, having been ejected. She was conscious but had massive bleeding. You did everything you could to stop the bleeding and try to comfort her but it wasn’t enough. You sat there and held her as she breathed her last breath. You don’t even recall the driver’s name, though you remember he was sentenced to 30 years for vehicular homicide. His name didn’t matter to you. You learned from the experience, you actively sought out higher medical experience to try and be better the next time, and you moved on but you never forgot Courtney. Laura will move on too. It will take her a while and you will be there every step of the way because you won’t let her go through it alone like you had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you got the movie reference/quote that I threw in there...I'm impressed!!! Let me know if you got it!
> 
> Also, this was a little bit of a hard chapter to write for write as it brought up some feelings....I hope you like it though. Next chapter will pick up on the robbery suspects and maybe some undercover work!


	20. Radio Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla agrees to take on an undercover assignment without talking with Laura and another day goes by on the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's good to be back! Small warning of a little Domestic Violence in this chapter for any triggers!!
> 
> Just over 3000 words but the next chapter will be a lot longer!!
> 
> Really hope you enjoy!

The station bustling around you as you sit and wait for Danny to come back to her desk. She had called you earlier that morning and asked for you to meet you at the station but didn’t give you many details as to why. Laura had insisted that you go and meet Danny as she said that it could be really important. Laura told you that she was ok and just had to get through some of her lingering feelings about the little girl from several shifts ago. She had been steadily making progress and you knew that she would be able come back from the emotions. You had gone with her to Jessica’s funeral for support and stood in the background as the family thanked her for everything she tried to do to help their daughter. That was the one thing that you knew would really help her and she seemed to be doing well.

After a rushed kiss and “I love you,” you were sitting at Danny’s desk when she finally came back from a short meeting with the sergeant. 

“What’s going on ginger giant? What’s so important that you brought me in on my day off?” You ask as you accept the coffee that she handed you.

“Well, I’m sorry that it’s your day off but I just got approval from the brass to put together an undercover operation to try and catch the convenience store robbers. You are one of our best officers and I want you to be a part of the operation.” Danny answered as she sat behind her desk and started typing at her computer.

“One of our best officers huh?” You smile. 

“Oh don’t get all smug or I’ll find someone else to do it.” Danny countered and you knew that she would do just that.

“What does it entail?” Thinking about what the operation was before you would fully agree to it.

“Well we have been working hard and we think that we have a few locations that they might try to hit next. We want to send in a few undercover officers into the stores to act as customers and clerks to see if they will hit the stores and to be able to take them into custody.”

“Didn’t the last intelligence brief say that these guys are escalating and are just popping off rounds into stores now?” You continue to process the information.

“Yeah it did. They are escalating and if it keeps going this way, it won’t be long before we have another person killed. We need to try everything we can to protect the innocent people from these thugs to have no regard for human life. Are you willing to help?” Danny asked in earnest.

“Yeah. I’ll do it.” You respond without hesitation. “I don’t want another person to be hurt or die, especially another officer.” You both exchange a knowing look.

“Thank you. I will let Captain know that you are in. The first operation will be on Thursday night. There will be a shift brief before we head out. Wear normal clothes…jeans, a hoodie maybe and make sure that you have your vest. Now get out of here and enjoy your day off.” Danny finished and you made the mental note of the attire for that evening. 

When you got back home, you found Laura laying on the couch watching that same Doctor Who show that she keeps carrying on about. She’s curled up into a ball and covered with the blanket and you can’t help but think of how adorable she is. You leave your shoes at the door and slide onto the couch, resting your whole body between her legs and she wraps her arms around you.

“Hey. What did Danny want?” She asked as she nuzzled her face in your hair.

“She asked me to help out with an undercover operation. We’re going to try and get those guys who have been robbing the convenience stores once and for all.” You reply casually.

Laura moves for the remote and paused the show. “Wait. What are you going to be doing on this undercover operation?”

“I’ll be in a store that Danny and the task force have chosen as the next possible target. I’ll be plain clothed and acting like a customer and wait to see if they hit the store. If they do, we’ll take them down.” 

Laura adjusted and pushed you off of her so she could turn and see your face. “You’re going to be going undercover and put yourself in harms way for a couple of people who have been robbing and shooting up stores and you didn’t think to ask me if it was okay before you agreed to do it?

You didn’t really expect this reaction out of Laura. There had been many undercover operations in the past that you had worked on. Each one of those were dangerous too, though you would admit that this one had a higher percentage of you getting shot at but you still knew how to hold your own. The fact that Laura wouldn’t be ok with you agreeing to do this operation hadn’t even occurred to you.

“Laura, it’s part of the job. I didn’t think that you would have a problem with me doing my job. I’ve done undercover operations before and this one won’t be any different.” You slightly stretch the truth as you know the level of danger on this operation but you feel that it is worth it for the possible good outcome.

“I know it’s our job to step between bad guys and good guys but Carm, you’re going to put yourself in a very high level danger! You could be shot! I know you are great at your job and I know neither one of us wants any more people to be hurt because of these guys but do you have any idea how afraid I am for you?” Laura curled herself further into a ball and recoiled when you reached out to try and comfort her. 

“Hunny, I told you that I know my job and that the only risks I take are calculated ones. You weren’t there when Danny got hurt by these guys. I know what they are capable of and if I can do something to stop them then I will do everything I can.” You say with conviction.

“Completely disregarding your life and not even worrying about how I would feel about it. You are a uniformed officer, not part of the undercover division. I don’t know why they can’t just handle it and why they need to bring you in. This is not your job.” Laura responded coldly and before you could get another word in, she got up from the couch, walked down the hall to the spare room, and closed the door.

It was part of your job. She just couldn’t see that right now. She wasn’t there when Danny almost bled out on you, to see her pain before she was taken by the ambulance. If there was something that you could do to not have to deal with that again because of these guys, you would do it. Laura would understand eventually…at least that is what you told yourself.

\---

Laura had spent the rest of the day that you had off completely avoiding you. She disappeared into the workout room and only came out when it was time to eat and then go to bed. Even in bed, she stayed as far away from you as she could. It felt so weird. You had gotten used to holding onto her as you fell asleep, to her warmth, her smell, but she stayed on her side of the bed throughout the night. When you woke up in the morning, you expected to see her in the bed but her side was cold, as though she had not been there for hours. It hurt to know that Laura was mad at you and that she couldn’t see why you had to do it but you had to put it in the back of your mind because it was almost time for work. 

The two of you got into the car and you drove to the station with nothing but the radio to break the silence. There was one moment of happiness when you arrived at the station and before exiting the car, Laura leaned over and kissed you on the cheek and said “Be Safe,” as it had become a routine before you both walked into the station. That moment was short lived as Laura didn’t take your hand like she normally did while walking into the building. You just sighed to yourself and decided to give her the space she clearly wanted. 

As soon as the shift briefing was done, you headed directly to your squad car without even trying to talk to Laura. She didn’t want to talk to you, fine, you had to focus on work anyway. With your patrol rifle and shotgun properly checked in and a quick look over all of your equipment to make sure it was properly working, you started the car and pulled out of the lot. The moment you hit the pavement, dispatch was calling your unit number. You acknowledged the transmission and waited on your assignment. 

“Respond to a verbal domestic at 10th Ave and Hillcrest. Caller says that her neighbors have been yelling at each other for the last 15 minutes. Our in house system indicates we have had other call outs to this address in the past.” Dispatch provides you with the necessary information and you acknowledge your response. 

\---

The domestic call had ended with the arrest of the live-in boyfriend. When you had gotten on scene, the yelling could be heard from the street and after you knocked and announced your presence the door swung open. You had immediately seen the marks on the woman’s wrists from where someone had grabbed her and the healing yellow and brown bruising around her eye. It didn’t take you long, after separating them to understand what had been happening and place him under arrest. After you had dropped him off at the jail and completed the paperwork, you were about ready for break when dispatched called your unit number again.

That is the way the whole night seemed to have been going for you. Dispatch had you constantly bouncing from call to call. Barking dog call. Noisy party call. Parking complaint call. Minor fender bender call. A couple false burglary alarm calls. You could tell the dispatcher’s voice that they seemed a little sorry for you on the radio but you really didn’t mind it. It kept your mind in work and away from other things. You had finally come to a lull in the calls and were able to grab a quick bite to eat. You avoided eating with the rest of the crew this evening because you just didn’t want to think about the fact that Laura was still mad at you.

After break, it seemed like dispatch was finally taking some mercy on you and your radio had been quiet for a little while. You decided that it was time to maybe make a traffic stop or two, maybe boost your traffic numbers a little bit since they had been slacking lately. The first couple of stops were simple and you issued a few warnings for speed and broken headlights. You were finally preparing to wind down the night with only just over an hour left for shift and you were thinking about possibly trying to talk to Laura. Though you had been avoiding the topic all shift, you had been thinking about it in small increments and realized that maybe you had been a little too quick to rush to agree to go undercover. In all of your relationships in the past, you had just done whatever you wanted to do and not worried about the possible reaction but you realized that Laura was different. She knew the risks of the job inside and out and she thoroughly understood how much more of a risk going undercover was in compared to your normal uniformed job. You were sitting at a stoplight while contemplating how to bring the topic up with Laura without her getting even more mad at you, when you noticed a car run the red light right in front of you. 

You immediately turned your lights on and pulled out behind the car. You couldn’t believe that someone wasn’t paying enough attention to first run a red light, and second, run a red light in front of a police officer. As soon as you were caught up to the car and directly behind them, you called dispatch and gave them the plate and vehicle information and prepared for them to slow down and stop for the traffic stop. However, the car wasn’t slowing down; in fact, the car actually sped up. They were running.

Every bit of your adrenaline started to kick in. You updated dispatch that the vehicle was attempting to elude you and started calling out the streets as you were approaching them. The vehicle increased their speed and was now traveling 15 miles per hour over the speed limit with no indication they were going to slow down. Dispatch was on the radio calling for additional units to assist you from all possible directions. You knew you had to stop this pursuit before someone got hurt. The car took a sharp corner and you were able to see that it was occupied by 2 people and the passenger had rolled down the window and had thrown something out of the car. With every new turn and action from the vehicle, you proceeded to update dispatch and you continue to hear the radio traffic of the other units on their way to help. You notice when another squad car pulls in behind you and you immediately follow protocols and let them take over radio traffic while you just focus on driving. You’re so zoned in that you don’t even realize it’s Laura and her training officer that are behind you. 

The car continues to speed down residential streets and you are starting to contemplate ending the chase for the safety of the public but it is pretty late in the night and the streets are bare of people. You hear the radio traffic that there are units further in front of you that are talking about using spike strips to bring the case to an end. Just as you are about to get on the radio and confirm the placement of the stop sticks, the car tries to take a corner too fast and ends up spinning out of control and sliding into a phone pole. The doors of the car open instantly before you even have a chance to get your patrol vehicle into park and the driver and passenger take off running. 

“Vehicle 10-50ed at Hope and Jacobs St! 2 occupants out on foot. I’m in pursuit!” You relay through the radio. Your car has barely come to a stop as you jump out of your squad car. 

The other squad car behind you comes to a stop as well and you hear Laura’s voice yelling at you. “I’ve got the driver!” before you hear the sounds of her feet rapidly pounding on the pavement away from you. You take only a second to quickly scan the car to make sure no one else is in the vehicle before you take off after the passenger.

Everything is pounding. Your heart. Your muscles. Your boots on the pavement. You have the guy in your sights and you are not going to lose him. He is pretty fast but this what you train for and have spent so many hours on the treadmill and in the gym for. He starts weaving in between two houses and you make a mental note of your location and pass it on to your dispatch. Your lungs are burning. He jumps over a fence. You jump over the fence. You are gaining ground and yelling at him to stop. He’s about to jump over another fence when you are able to grab him and tackle him to the ground. He’s quick though and he’s back on his feet with you squeezing tightly around his waist.

He’s still fighting you and making every effort that he can to get out of your grip but you are strong and sure. A few of his punches meet their marks but it doesn’t deter you and you land several of your own. “STOP RESISTING!!” you keep yelling. You land another elbow to his face and he lands another knee to your gut. You are thankful for the vest that you wear as it helps spread the impact of the blow.

Another one of your fists strikes his body but the next thing you know you feel his arm pulling you in and slipping around your throat. He starts to squeeze and you are starting to see stars and the edge of you vision starts to fade to black. You have to do something quick because you know that you are about to lose consciousness and if that happens, he can take your gun. With that thought in mind, you react on instinct. Your hand is immediately on your gun and the 2 levels of protection on the holster are down. Your vision is fading fast and you are starving for air. Just as you pull the gun from your holster, you remember the sound of pounding feet, the sound of an impact and the feeling of falling to the ground.

The squeezing on your neck loosens and you gasp for air. You see a swirl of a red headed person in uniform and you pull yourself back from the edge of consciousness. The guy you had been fighting is on the ground and another officer, who you now recognize as LaF, is now fighting him. You jump back into the fight after re-securing your gun in your holster. Between the two of you, especially now that you are super pissed off, you land a couple more hits as he is still swinging and kicking and finally are able to subdue him. You secure your handcuffs on him quickly and call it out on the radio with one in custody before you read him his rights. 

Taking a moment to catch a quick breather, you look at LaF and are about to ask if Laura caught the driver since she took after him. Just as you open your mouth to ask, you are interrupted by the sounds of several gunshots followed by the radio transmission that’s not Laura’s voice, “10-33, shots fired, shots fired. 1 suspect down and 1 officer hit.” 

Then the radio goes silent and your face goes white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had fun writing this chapter! Hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for another update hopefully sometime a little later this week. Now that I've found my creative juices and some time in my schedule, I'm back to working hard on this fic! 
> 
> If you enjoyed it, please let me know in the Comments below! Kudos are great but I like to hear your feedback!


	21. Tunnel Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An officer down call is made and it might be Laura. Can Carmilla get there in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised. Here is another chapter!

“I repeat. Shots Fired. Shots Fired. Officer Down.”

The Academy taught you that tunnel vision was a condition that would cause you to see only things that were straight ahead, not to the side, and is a tendency to think about only one thing and to ignore everything else. You never thought it would be something that would happen to you but all you knew right now was that you had to get to wherever those gunshots were coming from. LaF and you had shared a quick look of terror before you took off like a bat-out-of-Hell in the direction of the shots. The gunshots had not sounded too far away, maybe only a few blocks.

All sorts of radio traffic was coming across your portable and you would have been paying attention to it if your mind would have been in this realm of reality instead of sinking to the dark tombs of the terrifying unknown. 

“It can’t be Laura. Not Laura. This can’t be happening. Oh god…please don’t let this happen to her!” is all you can process in your head.

Thump. Thump. Thump. The steady rhythm of your boots on the pavement. You’re not getting there fast enough….You have to go faster. You push your body to the breaking point. Your lungs and heart feel like they are going to burst from the exertion but you don’t care. Laura needs you.

The sounds of sirens and the constant flashing of blue and red lights points the way for you as you turn the corner at the next intersection. Only a block to go. Your feet continue to carry you down the street and as you get closer to start dodging in and around the squad cars that have boxed in the scene. You see several other officers running in the direction that you can only assume is where you need to go. The sounds of other officers shouting directions and orders to those arriving on scene is muffled by the sirens in the squad cars that were forgotten about as the officer left their vehicle. 

As you get closer, the area around you starts to come into focus. At the block is a group of officers all standing around, they seem to be just talking to each other and you’re not sure what exactly is going on. Your thoughts and concentration are stolen when you see one officer, an officer that you recognized from some of your advanced field tactical medical classes, running past the group of officers and towards an alleyway with a red medical bag in his hand. Everything in you tells you that is exactly where you need to go. You have to find Laura and help! 

You enter the alley between two houses and find several officers holding flashlights around a spot on the ground. You are not able to see exactly what they are illuminating but you already know. This is it. This is where you need to be but suddenly your steps falter and you skid to a stop, unable to make your legs go any further. Your mind takes a moment to try and figure out exactly what you are seeing. There are several officers huddled together and the officer you saw running is now knelt on the ground next to something. Slowly, your feet start to move forward, knowing that your mind is just not yet ready to handle what you fear is happening because as you continue to survey the scene, you notice a pair of small boots that are attached blue uniform pant covered legs. All that you seem to be able to think is that you never paid much attention to the size of Laura’s boots but you know she has small feet…

Everything starts to slow down. Your mind feels like it is taking an eternity to register everything. You see the boots then the blue pants with the yellow stripe running up the leg but you aren’t able to see much more of whom the boots and pants belong to due to the other officers obstructing your view. You inch closer. A constant movement catches your eye. It’s that of a person providing steady compressions on a body and suddenly everything hits you at once. The large pool of blood growing inch by inch surrounding the body lying on the ground. One officer moves slightly and you can see long hair but you can’t tell what color it is as the blood has saturated it. The other officers shaking their heads. You know the movement you see is the officer doing everything he can to keep the body, Laura’s body, but you also know that with the amount of blood on the ground that his efforts are in vain.

Bile rises in your throat. You have to move, you have to be there for her, you can’t let her die without doing everything you can! A sudden burst of adrenaline surges through your body and you are running again.

“NO!! LAURA!!!!! LAURA!” You are screaming and it causes the heads of several of the officers standing with Laura to turn towards you.

You are almost there when you suddenly collide with something. Arms are wrapped around your body and you recognize whatever has stopped you as a person, a person keeping you from getting to Laura. Your instincts kick in and you start throwing punches, elbows, kicks, anything you can do to get the arms to release you but if anything they just wrap you up tighter. Without warning, you are picked up and are being moved back down the alleyway and you get one last look at the officer on the ground and you see the paramedics running to her before they are pulled out of sight as you round the edge of the house.

“Put me Down! I have to be with her! She took off after the driver…she took off after him alone! Why did I let her do that? I can’t let her die! I have to help her!! No! Laura!” You scream as you are moved further and further away from the alley.

“Stop fighting me Karnstein!” A distant voice barely cuts through your haze but you continue to struggle. “Karnstein! Karnstein!! … not…..her…..listen to me! Not….her” the words come in broken.

The arms around you slightly loosen as your body is now fighting against you and you can barely swing your arms. Everything in your world seems shattered and you can’t put up a fight any more so you stop fighting and break down into tears. The arms around you finally release but maintain a firm grip on both of your biceps, ensuring you won’t take off again. Your knees give out beneath you and you find yourself sitting on what you realize is the porch of a house with your head in your hands. Everything starts closing in on you, she’s gone. Laura is gone. 

“Carmilla!” You feel like you are shaken out of a nightmare and realize the arms that were around you, the ones that carried you away from Laura, were the arms belonging to Kirsch. You are able to raise your face enough to meet his eyes. “Carmilla. It’s not Laura.”

\---

“What?” Your voice breaks.

“It’s not Laura. Laura is ok.” Kirsch stares you directly in the eyes. You have known Kirsch, as a co-worker and as a friend for years, and you know he would never lie to you to keep you from hurting. So why does it feel like you’ve been punched in the gut?

You take a deep breath and try to wrap your brain around what he is telling you. Laura is ok…..Laura is not laying in the street with half her blood flowing from her body….Laura is ok……If she is ok then who is the officer that they are working on?…and WHERE THE HELL IS LAURA?!

“Kirsch, Where is Laura?” You try to keep your voice from being frantic.

“What?” He must not have heard you.

“Where. Is. Laura.” You say through gritted teeth.

“I don’t know.” Kirsch responded.

“What do you mean you don’t know! You just said that she’s ok! How do you know she’s ok if you don’t know where she is!!” It is getting harder and harder to keep the panic out of your voice and to keep from flipping back out on Kirsch.

“I saw her. She was being loaded up into an ambul..” Kirsch started to say and you cut him off

“An Ambulance?! I thought you said she was ok!” You try and start back towards your car but Kirsch grabs you hand and keeps you there.

“Kirsch, let me go or I swear to all that you hold dear…” The words hiss out of your mouth.

“Get a grip Karnstein. I was talking to her before she was taken in and before the shooting. She seemed ok but then the ‘shots fired’ call came out and I had to go.” Kirsch explained calmly.

“Ok…I have to go…I have to make sure she’s ok..” you turn and you feel Kirsch’s hand release you. Just a few steps later, something in your mind reminds you about the officer that was shot… “Wait..” you turn back, “Kirsch, who is the officer that was shot?” You ask suddenly feeling very solemn.

Kirsch turned back to you from heading back to the alley, “It was Jessica Cumberland. Jones’ rookie.” The tone in his voice was all you need to know to confirm your previous suspicions. The officer had not made it. You try to push that to the back of your mind as you turn back around and head for your car. You had to make sure that Laura was ok. Unfortunately in your world, the dead can wait, unlike the living…and you had to make sure that was the case for Laura.

\---

The emergency room was busy to say the least when you burst through the doors. Doctors and nurses were moving with a sense of urgency around you, apparently it was a busy night in the city for injuries and sickness. Having spent quite a bit of your time in the emergency room for work between the junkies, mentally ill, and suicidal subjects you have had to sit with over the years you tended to get to know a lot of the staff. When you had a chance, you grabbed one of the admitting nurses.

“Jackie, was an officer brought in tonight? An Officer Hollis?” You ask straight faced.

She nodded her head, “Yeah Trauma Room 3.”

The indication of her being in a trauma room made your gut ache but you swallowed any reaction you had, thanked her, and moved towards the room. As you approached the room, you could hear what sounded like some scuffling and Laura’s raised voice. “I don’t care! I’m leaving! Take this IV out now or I’ll take it out myself!”

“Laura, don’t.” A voice tried to say.

“No, I have to get back out there! Someone was shot! I have to make sure Carm is ok!” You could hear the panic in her voice and you picked up your steps, trying to get through the crowd of doctors, nurses, patients, and family that were crowding the hallway.

“Sit back down or I will have to restrain you.” The other voice interrupted again.

“HA! I’d like to see you try!” At that, you were able to get to open the door. 

The sight before you was that of Laura sitting off the side of the bed in her sports bra and her uniform pants with one pant leg completely cut up to her hip. She had several bandages on her leg, torso, and arm, as well as a couple IVs in her arms. Her uniform top, vest, and duty belt were sitting in a chair next to the bed and it looked like she was attempting to reach for her vest. 

She was alive. She looked a little banged up but she was alive. When that fact finally reached your brain, you felt like you had been drowning from the moment the call came over the radio and now you had suddenly gotten your first breath of air. Your entrance into the room had not been noticed due to the commotion but when the door clicked shut behind you, Laura’s head snapped up in your direction and she froze.

“Carm?!” Laura squeaked out. “Carm, you’re here! You’re ok!”

In a split second, you crossed the room and held Laura in your arms, being careful of her IVs and any other wounds. You squeezed her as tightly as you dared without hurting her. She was here. You were holding her and she was hold you back. You just breathed in her scene, though the anesthetic smell of the hospital and the slight smell of blood tainted the air, beneath all of it, there was the scent that was uniquely her. You were so wrapped up in how good it felt to just hold her that you didn’t even notice the stream of tears running down your face or the sly exit from the room the nurse who had been arguing with Laura made.

“You’re ok. You’re alive. You’re not lying on the ground with a bullet in you.” You breathed into her shoulder. Her arms tighten around you and hold you as if they will never let you go and you are glad because that would be the worst thing ever. 

“I’m here..I’m here..and so are you. And we both are safe.” Laura whispers and you feel one her hands stroking your hair.

You pull back slightly and look into her eyes. There are tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She reaches up and caresses your face with her hands and wipes away the tears that won’t quit falling from your eyes. You both sit there for a while and just let your eyes say everything that words cannot express before you pull her in for a searing kiss. It is sloppy and salty from your tears but it is raw with emotion, the most open you have ever been with someone. Laura pulls you deeper into the kiss and you wrap your arms around her, forgetting for a moment of her injuries. She seems to forget about the injuries too, until your hand grazes the edge of a cut on her side and she pulls back with a sudden intake of breath.

“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” You recoil back from her only to be stopped by her hand and pulled back in closer.

“It’s ok. I’m fine. Please don’t move away from me again.” She pleads and you place your arms on her sides again but very careful to avoid any other wounds.

“What happened to you? I was so worried! I freaked out and almost beat the hell out of Kirsch.” You asked as delicately as you could.

“I was chasing the driver and we were going over a lot of fences and stuff. Well, you know how I can be a little clumsy, and on one of the fences I thought I had cleared it but my boot caught and I fell awkwardly. When I landed, my knee gave out and I fell onto some broken glass and cut myself up pretty good on top of my knee hurting. The guy kept running so I radioed in the last direction I saw him going and my partner found me and helped me back to the car before calling for an ambulance.” Laura gave you the rundown of her injuries and that she twisted her knee, needed several stiches and she was on IV antibiotics for the cuts. 

“I’m just so, so happy you are ok. I overheard one of the nurses saying that an officer was hurt and they were setting up for when they got here. They took my radio away from me in the ambulance so I didn’t know what happed or who got hurt. I threatened the nurse to let me leave so I could make sure you were ok. So what happened with the officer?” Laura continued and pulled you back in for a short kiss.

“You have no idea how glad I was to have Kirsch tell me you were ok.” You told her as you brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Yes, I do. Remember when Danny got hurt?” 

And you realize that you had forgotten how she reacted when Danny had been hurt. Laura had freaked out since she had been left wondering at the Academy and hoping for news. Laura had to deal with the panic of not knowing if you had been the one that had been ran over by a car for more than a day. You completely panicked for not knowing less than an hour. It hit you just how horrible it felt to be in that situation. It made you realize just how strong Laura had been for that day.

“Carm. Seriously what happened? Who got hurt? And wait….what happened to your neck.” Laura asks and you are pulled back to the memories of the scene, the arm around your throat, LaF, the body, the blood. You hadn’t even thought about your neck since you took off running from Laf, leaving them in the dust. 

Laura moved her hands to lightly trace, what you assume to be, the red marks and scratches on your neck. Even her gentle touch makes your throat burn with pain but you push through it as her touch is meant to help soothe. 

“I’m ok. My guy put up a bit of a fight but LaF showed up and we took care of him. He’s in custody.” You weren’t about to tell her how badly your sides hurt from the blows that he had landed on you and you definitely were going to mention how close you were to being choked unconscious and almost had to shoot him. There were just some things that didn’t need to be said and you didn’t want to worry her any more than she had been.

“And the driver? Please don’t tell me he got away.” Laura asked in earnest.

You couldn’t hide the disappointment on your face but knew she deserved an answer. “He got away.” Laura visibly shrunk down onto the bed. “But it wasn’t because of you. Something happened that pulled some of our resources away from being able to catch him. But he’ll be found soon, I know it. We have the vehicle to go over and see if they left anything to identify him. Or we will see if his buddy will turn him in.”

“What happened that was more important than catching him?” Laura asked with a furrowed brow.

You knew that the officer that had been shot and killed was a classmate’s of Laura from the Academy. She had never told you if they were friends or even close but you knew how deep the bonds went when it came to an officer being killed, especially one from the Academy where you spent 15 weeks of Hell together. You wished you didn’t have to deliver this news but Laura was going to find out anyway and she deserved to hear it from you.  
You took a hard swallow and held her hand. “Hunny. One of the other officers that was chasing the driver was shot at by the suspect. The officer was able to return fire and radio traffic indicated that the suspect was hit but the officer was shot too. I heard radio traffic on my way here that the suspect was able to flee. The Officer was Jessica Cumberland, from your Academy. I’m sorry hunny but she died.” 

You took a breath and let that sink in with Laura for a second. Laura leaned back onto the hospital bed in a moment of shock. You squeezed her hand as she squeezed yours. “This all happened right after we got my guy and when it wasn’t your voice on the radio and the radio traffic said that an officer was shot…I panicked. I shut down. I ran so hard to find you because all I knew was that the voice on the radio wasn’t you and that an officer had been shot. When I got to the scene, I freaked out because all I could see was an officer on the ground and blood and….” You couldn’t finish your sentence as it caught in your throat. 

You didn’t mean to break down on her again, she had just lost a friend, and you both had just lost a fellow officer. The feeling of guilt rising up in you that you had been relieved when Kirsch told you it wasn’t Laura…relieved that a dead officer wasn’t Laura. You felt ashamed yet you couldn’t bring yourself to admit it because you were relieved that it wasn’t her. That your most loved person in the whole world wasn’t about to be loaded up to go to the morgue. 

“I’m so sorry Carm.” Laura pulls you in for a hug. “I’m so so so sorry that you had to see that and feel that.” She was comforting you. She’s the one in the hospital bed with IV’s and cuts and she just lost a friend and she was the one comforting you. This didn’t seem right.

“Laura, are you okay?” You have to ask.

“Yeah. Well no because it’s just not right. A good officer is dead because some thug decided to run and kill her instead of dealing with serving his time. But right now, you are here, in my arms and not out there lying dead in a pool of blood. I know that sounds very callous of me but I don’t care right now. I’m just happy you’re ok.” So maybe you weren’t so twisted and soulless as you thought because if Laura, the most kind and caring person in the entire world, was feeling the same way, there’s no way that you are a monster.

Laura moved over in the bed and patted it indicating for you to join her. You joined her without hesitation, still being careful of all the tubes and IVs and she wrapped her arms around you to cuddle. Taking this moment in, though so many horrible things had happened in the course of only a few hours, you both blocked out the sounds of the busy ER and the rest of the world and just enjoyed the warmth of each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed that! I just couldn't bring myself to really hurt my precious tiny gay! More chapters to come! Thank you to my loyal readers that have put up with this fic. I really enjoy writing it and I really enjoy hearing how you all feel about it! 
> 
> Thank you for the comments! They are always welcome and helpful to let me know if I'm doing a good job or if there are some things I need to work on!


	22. Thin Blue Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A police officer's funeral and Carmilla gets a little obsessive trying to find those responsible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm back from holidays and the general craziness of this time of year! Hope you all have a very Happy New Year!!!!
> 
> This was a difficult chapter to write as if you have never been to or haven't seen a police officer's funeral, there are really no words that can describe it. I did the best I could without getting very, very detailed.
> 
> As usual, let me know in the comments if you liked it or didn't!

Your uniform was pressed and neatly creased. You had taken the time last night to polish all the metal on your uniform, clean all the items your duty belt, your boots were highly shined, and you dug out the extra pieces of the uniform from your closet that weren’t required for every day wear. You took one more look at yourself in the bathroom mirror to make sure all parts of your Class A uniform were in their proper place before heading back into the bedroom. Laura was sitting on the side of the bed in getting some of the finishing touches of her uniform in place. She had been released from the hospital the next day, after she had gotten a full round of IV antibiotics for all of her cuts and an updated tetanus shot. You went to the dresser to put your white gloves in your patrol hat when you noticed Laura wincing as she tried to bend over and tie her shoes.

Moving immediately and kneeling down to help her tie her boots, you looked up at her as she leaned back and she gave you a grateful smile as she held her side where the worst of her cuts had been. The morning had been quiet and somber with little to no words being exchanged between the two of you. There wasn’t much to say as you both knew what that this day was going to be very long and emotionally taxing. You finished tying her shoes and you stood back up, lending a hand to help Laura to her feet. 

“Thank you Carm.” Laura said as she rose to a standing position with your help.

“You’re welcome.” You replied back before turning back to your gloves and picking up Laura’s glove and hat as well. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” Laura replied after taking a deep breath and letting it out and gave you a low “thank you” as you handed her the gloves and hat. 

After locking the door and pulling the car out of the garage, you are both on your way to the station. You opted to not turn the radio on and the car ride was silent except for the sounds of the traffic on the roadway. It was an unusually cold and gloomy day and you couldn’t help but think that it fit the mood of the day just right. You were both somewhere else in your own minds but you were grounded by each other by your interlocked hands on the center console. Laura had been slightly less attentive the last few days than she normally was but you had figured that she had just lost a friend so that was normal. It was never easy losing a fellow officer but you had, unfortunately experienced it before, Laura hadn’t so you tried to give her some space to work through it.

You dropped Laura off at the back entrance of the station so you could find a parking spot and she could go inside and wouldn’t have to walk further than needed in the cold wind. After parking the car and heading inside, you are greeted by several other officers while you look for Laura. You find her across the room talking with several of her fellow academy members and just as you reach her the commanding officer yells above the crowd for silence. The commanding officer gives instructions for transportation, where to park at the funeral home, how the rank and file would enter, and other directions regarding the ceremony and procession to the burial spot. Officer Cumberland’s body would be escorted by a full barrage of police cars including several other in and out of state officers that showed up to attend the funeral.

With the directions given and the order to file out to your patrol cars, you and Laura are joined by LaF, Danny, and Kirsch. LaF said Perry was part of the Honor Guard that was assigned to stay with Cumberland’s family so she would meet up with all of you after the service. The sergeant in charge of disbursing vehicles had given you one of the black suv’s so you all fit without a problem, Laura taking the seat next to you as Kirsch drove with Danny riding shotgun and LaF in the back seat. Again, the mood of the vehicle was somber, no one seemed to have anything to say, even LaF. The anger and sadness that an officer was killed in the line of duty by a subject that got away didn’t need to be addressed as it on everyone’s mind. The feeling of Laura’s hand taking yours brought you back from the dark place in your mind and you gave her a small appreciative smile before bringing the back of her hand to your lips as Kirsch pulled into the funeral home parking lot.

The next few hours were filled with cadence and structure. The formality of the service only gave way on a couple occasions by way of heartfelt eulogies and personal stories from friends, family, and fellow officers. The Last Call given on the radio was a breaking point for Laura. You watched as the words on the radio indicating Cumberland’s badge number and last call for service made the stoic face that she had adopted since setting foot in the funeral home fade with a quiver of her lip and a tear trailed down her cheek. That was the only time you broke rank and file as you reach over for her hand and squeezed it to let her know that you were there for her. You only let go of her hand when all uniformed personnel were given the command of attention and present arms for your salute as the flag draped casket was moved down the center aisle by the honor guard

The procession to the burial site was a sight to see with hundreds of police vehicles and fire apparatus lighting the way in strong support and honorable way for Officer Cumberland’s last earthly ride. After the folding of the flag and presentation of it to Cumberland's mother, the 21 gun salute, and a brief prayer by the pastor, the uniformed personnel were dismissed and each individually made their way to the family to offer their personal condolences. Laura made her move to the line but you elected to hang back and give those who knew Officer Cumberland personally their opportunity to say their piece.

You stood across the gravel road that separated the graveyard plots and waited for Laura to rejoin you. As you stood, Danny made her presence known by clearing her throat.

“What can I do for you Danny?” You ask turning your head to the tall red head.

“Do you have a second?” She asked and continued when you nodded, seeing that Laura was still not even half way through the line. “I’ve been working the car chase and shooting a little bit. I canvased the local area hospitals hoping to find someone that had come in for a gunshot wound but I didn’t have any luck. As you have probably heard, the guy you and LaF got isn’t talking and has lawyered up but from the evidence I’ve seen and a report of another robbery the night of the chase….”

“Get on with it.” You say clearly knowing that Danny was trying to say something that was difficult for her.

“I think these are the guys committing the robberies at the convenience stores that are now responsible for 2 murders of civilians and now for the murder of an officer! We have to find them Karnstein. Who knows how long before they try and take another one of us out. We have to stop them now.” Danny finished and you could hear the bite in her voice and saw her hand twitch by her injured knee.

All you could do was nod. You start taking everything in around you. The mood. The officers. All your thoughts turn to your terror from that night. It could have been one of your friends. This could have been Laura that they were slowly lowering into the ground instead of an officer that you never really knew. Never to see or hold again. It could be you or Jack being handed the folded flag and being given useless words of encouragement or unsure support. It could have been Laura. Your face goes white and your knuckles clench tightly. Danny is right. You needed to stop them now and not just for the families that had already suffered losses but the fact that you needed to get them off the street yourself and make sure that Laura never has any possibility of running into them again. These guys had been playing a dangerous game but they had no idea how much more dangerous it had now become for them. You were on the hunt and wouldn’t stop until they were brought to justice. They killed an officer. This was now personal.

\---

It had been two weeks now since you made you decision to dedicate your time to finding the people responsible for the deaths of now 3 people. You hadn’t really told Laura what you were spending your spare time on. You just told her that you had been given a special assignment from command and that you had to spend a lot of your free time working on it but that it was confidential. Since that day, every free minute you could find, you spent going through the evidence from each robbery, watching and rewatching every surveillance video and dash cam video available, going over the ballistics from the gun used to kill Officer Cumberland, trying to get something to make sense and give you a good lead to who might be responsible. It started to become an obsession. Each night you would make some excuse to leave the house for a few hours and you would make your way around the local convenience stores just hoping that they would make the fatal error and try to rob the one you were at.

It was finally on the third week as you were grabbing your keys to head out to the store that Laura stood in front of the door way, blocking you from leaving.

“Carm, what is going on? Where are you going?” Laura asked with her arms crossed.

“I told you. I’m meeting LaF at O’Malley’s for a couple drinks.” You say, repeating the lie you told when you got home.

“Carmilla. Don’t lie to me.” The hurt in Laura’s voice was evident.

“Cupcake, I’m just going to have a couple drinks with LaF and talk about a case. Get off my back! You don’t need to know everythin…..”

“DON’T LIE TO ME CARMILLA KARNSTEIN!” Laura shouted effectively cutting off the lie. “I know you’re not going out with LaF as they called me earlier asking for directions to a restaurant in my hometown that they were taking Perry to tonight.”

Laura’s steeled eyes bore into you. As you tried to figure out how to tell her exactly why you had been skipping out on spending time with her the last few weeks, she spoke again.

“You haven’t been the same since the funeral. You’ve been inattentive, short, and distant since it. I mean you move away every time I try to touch you and it’s like pulling teeth to get more than a few words out of you. I know you like to talk much about your feelings but damn it, I need to. I need someone to talk to Carm! Cumberland was my friend and I every time I’ve needed to talk to you about her, you’ve just closed off! You’re not the only one who matters here. But fine, if you want to go out every night, meet up with other people, and avoid talking to me because my emotions are just too hard for you to deal with, all you had to do was say so. Wouldn’t want to make your life too messy with feelings and emotions and stuff that you clearly can’t handle so I can leave if that’s what you want.”

And just like that your mind clears of all the other thoughts and concerns of the robbers and deaths and injuries. At the words “I can leave” you feel like you’ve been kicked in the gut and you realized just how badly you have screwed this up the last several weeks. Instead of being there for Laura to listen and allow her to express her hurt, you walled up. You had focused so hard on trying to keep her safe from the physical harm of the robbers and didn’t even realize the emotional and mental harm that you were doing to her by being so distant. All these thoughts were flying through your head and you didn’t realize that you had been standing their motionless, staring at Laura without responding, until she was suddenly moving. 

Laura moved to walk around you and your arm moved of its own accord, grabbing onto her forearm making her stop in her tracks. The fact that she didn’t immediately pull her arm away registered as a good thing. 

“Laura, wait.” You look at her head and hoping that she would turn to look at you.

“What Carm?” She responded and you could hear the tears she was choking back in her words.

“Look at me.” You asked of her and she still hesitated to turn her head. “Laura, please. Look at me.” You pleaded, this time holding back your own tears. Ever so slowly, her head turned to you and her eyes hesitated to look at you but they finally met your eyes. That’s when you saw it, the hurt that you had caused and you wanted to kick yourself for ever making her feel that way.

“Laura, I’ve been horrible and I have been lying to you because I thought I was protecting you. Not that you can’t handle yourself because I know you can but because I love you and I feel that I need to protect the things and people that I love.” You take a deep breath in and let it out. “I’m not out drinking. I’m not out with anyone else. I’ve been working the robbery/murder case. I’ve been going over every piece of evidence during the day and at night I’ve been going to convenience stores in hopes that they will show up and I can stop them.” You drop your eyes from hers in shame from lying to her. Another deep breath and you are able to look her in eyes again. “At the funeral, it all just hit me. How close it came to being you that we put in the ground, how they would have folded the flag that was draped over YOUR casket, how I would have never gotten to hold you again, to kiss you again, to tell you how much I love you. And I do Laura. I love you more than the stars and because of that I couldn’t sleep thinking that the guys who did this, who killed an officer, who hurt you, were still out there. I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do everything I could to stop them…” Your words trail off. You stood in fear that Laura was going to decide that it wasn’t enough and leave you there with your heart wide open.

Laura took your hand in hers and rubbed her thumb over the back of your hand. “Thank you for telling me the truth. Next time instead of keeping something like this from me, just talk to me. Tell me how you are feeling. That’s what happens in a relationship. Something terrible happens, you talk it out. You don’t just run off just because you think that’s what’s best for me. If I need space, I will tell you. I can take care of myself. We both know the risks of the job before we started this relationship and I’ve accepted that there may come a time when something happens. So if you can’t accept that I’m taking the same risks you are, then tell me now.” 

You nod your head because you know the truth behind her words and though you had always shied away from discussing feelings, you know that you would do anything to keep her. “I will always be scared to lose you but I’ll be damned if I lose you because of my own insecurities and fears. I accept you. Everything about you. But please know that there will be some times that I can’t help my fears.”

“And in those times we will talk about them, not just randomly react…Ok?” Laura interjected.

“Ok.” You turn your hand and interlock your fingers with hers, your thumb moving to play with her palm and wrist. 

You’re looking at your hands when Laura takes a step into your space and speaks again. “So are we….ok?”

The only thing you can think about is how much you want to kiss her right now but given everything that has happened between the two of you lately, you’re not sure if she would allow you to. “Yes. As long as you say we are. I’m sorry Laura.” You say from the bottom of your heart.

Your question is answered when Laura slightly leans in and gives you a gentle kiss. “You’re forgiven Carm.” She says smiling before leaning in for another kiss. 

The kiss turns into another and another. It’s only now that you realize just how distant you had been over the last several weeks. You had been so focused on everything else but now your body is telling you exactly how much you had been missing her touch. Laura moved in closely and her body was push tightly against yours. With her arms in your hair and on your hip, you began to feel the slow burn envelope your whole body, radiating from anywhere she touched you. Your fight was still barely over so you didn’t push for anything more than she was willingly giving you.

When Laura’s hands found the hem of your shirt, pulling it up slightly, the feel of her fingers on your bare skin drove you crazy. Laura slowly walked you backwards towards the couch but never breaking the kiss. You felt your knees hit the sofa but Laura steadied you with her arms before sliding her hands under your shirt and pulling it above your head and throwing it on the floor. Before your shirt even hit the floor, you were pulling on Laura’s tank top and throwing it down to join your shirt. Laura pulled you in for another kiss then trailed her lips down your jaw and throat, stopping at the base of your throat, one of her favorite spots. The feel of her skin on yours was electrifying but you wanted more. You slid your hands from her hips up her back to the clasp of her bra, unclasping it expertly. Laura moved to allow her bra to come off without detaching her lips from their journey over your neck and collarbone. In a rapid movement, Laura removed your bra and slowly pushed you down on the couch, laying her body between both of your legs.

Your hands moved their way from Laura’s back around to her breasts, cupping them each and gently rubbing your thumbs over her hardened nipples. Laura’s breath hitched at this new feeling and her hips involuntarily rocked forward causing a shot of pleasure to push through both your bodies. One of your hands moves from Laura’s chest and slides to her back. Your fingers reach the top of her jeans and slide under both her jeans and underwear to grab her ass and you pull her forward against you again. The heat from your bodies builds as Laura continues her hip movement against you and you roll your hips forward to meet hers. Both Laura’s and your breathing accelerates as you both move as one. Laura moves the hand that’s not supporting her up your side, sending chills down your spine, until it finds your breast gently rolling her thumb back and forth across your hard nipple. Before you even have a chance register the new feeling, Laura moves her head down, trailing her tongue down your chest before her mouth takes your nipple in her mouth gently sucking. 

You gasp as the new sensation and move your hand to the back of her head, pulling her closer to you. The warmth building in your body from her movements sets you on fire and you need more of her. Your other hand moves between your bodies and quickly finds the button on her pants. With your practiced hands, you quickly undo the button and zipper of her pants and push your hand underneath her pants and underwear, reaching where you needed to the most. You find that she is hot and wet for you as you guide your fingers over her clit. Her body spasms as your touch and she releases your nipple as she sucks in a deep breath. While you miss the feeling of her mouth on you, you know that right now is all about her. Your fingers glide through her slick, velvet folds, spreading her wetness before coming back to her hard clit. You start out with slow, tiny circles as she begins to move herself against your hand. Her breaths are coming quicker and more ragged. You move your hand lower and place two fingers at her entrance and wait for her permission, which she immediately gives you as she rolls her hips down and hard onto your fingers. Pumping in and out, slowly and deeply at first, you enjoy the look of pleasure on you face. You start to speed up the pace and, though it’s an awkward angle, you guide your thumb to her clit and continue circling as you push in and pull out of her faster and faster. Laura’s breath staccatos as you feel her start to tighten and clench around your fingers. Her movements stop as she stiffens and a breathy moan passes her lips as she falls over the edge, your fingers slowly bringing her down gently.

Ignoring the hot ache between your legs, you are content to just lay there with her as she recovers from her orgasm but apparently she has other plans because as soon as you lean in to kiss her, you feel her hands unbuttoning your pants and sliding them down off your body. 

“Laura, you don’t have to…” You say as her lips are still pressed against yours. 

“But I want to..” She responds as she gives you a quick kiss and then presses kisses down your neck, your chest, your stomach, and finally the place where you want and need her the most. 

Between the weeks that it’s been and Laura’s skilled tongue, it doesn’t take you long at all before you are moaning her name as she brings you to one of the best orgasms you’ve ever had. After she has brought you down from you high with care, her lips follow the same path back up your body until her lips meet your again. You both lay on the couch in the afterglow. 

It feels like hours when Laura finally speaks. “So we had our first real fight.”

“Hmm.” You hum, “yes, we did.” You wrap your arms tighter around her.

She angles her head to look at you. “ Carm….while the make up sex was great….let’s not make a habit of it ok?”

“What? Sex? You don’t want to make a habit of sex? You know cutie, if you don’t want to have sex with me…all you have to do is say so!” You tease.

She laughs and pokes you in the side, “No silly. Definitely make a habit of sex! Lots and lots of sex. I was talking about the fighting thing.”

“Oh yeah, that! Well I’m not going to say that we will never fight again because let’s face it, I suck at communicating but I will say that I will definitely work on it! That’s the best I can offer Cupcake.” You smile and kiss her forehead.

Laura smiles and leans her forehead into the kiss. “I’ll take it.” She says through a yawn she didn’t even try to hide. You too are sleepy so you pull the throw blanket off the back of the couch and cover both of you up. It’s only a few minutes before you are both soundly asleep wrapped in each others arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....I hadn't originally planned for there to be some smut in this chapter...but hey...when the mind says to write it...you write it.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Also, a BIG HUGE THANK YOU to those of you who have stayed with this fiction. It's a labor of love and I truly appreciate all of you that continue to follow it!
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!


	23. A Different Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short version of the story told from Laura's point of view (so far)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again all. I am sorry that it has taken me over a month to update this. I have been struggling with any type of inspiration as I know where I want this fic to go but I just didn't have any idea of how to get there right now....My Muse took some time off apparently. 
> 
> So to try to change it up a little bit and get my creative mind going again (someone tell the Muse to come back from vacation), I decided to give you a short chapter from Laura's point of view. Kind of her thoughts up to this point. 
> 
> I will not guarantee an update time frame as it has been a struggle lately to do it but I will give you the 100% guarantee: 
> 
> THIS FIC WILL NOT GO UNFINISHED!!!

You woke to the smell of lilacs mixed with a hint of fresh fall. A smell that you have completely come to love and cherish as it came from the locks of raven hair of the woman you loved in your arms. You kept your eyes closed, trying to soak in every minute that you could. The feel of her body formed perfectly around yours, her warmth, the ever so slight rise and fall of her chest with each breath she takes, and even the small whine that sometimes escapes her lips upon exhale. This was your happy place, your home. Finally opening your eyes to the soft morning light pushing its way around the curtains, you slightly tilt your head to look at her. She was still asleep, as you knew she would be as she never liked to wake before noon on your days off.

Her face was a mixture of contrast that fit so beautifully together that you couldn’t fully describe it. Her soft skin brought to a point at her strong jawline, her perfectly white teeth contrasted by the redness of her lips and her sharp, penetrating eyes that could make even the worst suspect’s flinch but were so gentle with you. You loved her. It was no secret. The things she did to your heart and stomach when she turned on her Karnstein charm was enough to make you blush. Every time she looked at you, you could not only see the love that she had for you but you could feel it emanating from her body. Looking at her face and her form in this moment, you can’t help but think of what you had done to deserve the attention and love she has given you and everything in the last couple years had gotten you to this place. 

You had never thought of yourself as an exceedingly beautiful person, though you had always been confident and took good care of your body, thanks to your father’s Krav Maga lessons and your healthy diet (minus the cookies and hot chocolate anyways). Growing up, you had always been persistent in going after things that you wanted and looking for the truth no matter what the case. This caused your parents to be a little over-protective as you tended to get yourself into some hairy situations, but they never discouraged you from your pursuit of knowledge and truth. 

After your mom was killed, your dad had a hard time adjusting. He the best he could and was helped along by his fellow officers but he just had a hard time adjusting to being a single father. He did a great job supporting you and helping you grow and in fact, he didn’t even flinch when you had told him that you were gay but when you told him in high school that you were interested in becoming a cop, he broke down. He didn’t want you “losing that fire behind your eyes” and he “just couldn’t bear to watch something horrible happen to his little girl.” So, after numerous talks, you had agreed to try journalism in college instead, with the agreement that if you ended up not liking it, you would change majors. 

When you called him in the middle of your junior year to tell him that you would be switching majors to criminal justice, he gave a little fight but then conceded that if your heart was calling you into law enforcement then you should follow your heart. You had been prepared for a long argument and had even prepared notes and statistics to push for your side but when he gave in so quickly you were shocked. You weren’t going to tell him that you had already been taking some additional CJ classes on the side to prepare you for the change in majors. The last year of college had gone by quickly and your senior year was filled with trying to find places all over the state to apply but citing budget issues, a lot of departments were in hiring freezes. You had almost resigned to working as a part time journalist when you had received the email about the female officer mentor program offer at Silas PD. You had jumped on it right away.

The packet you had received indicated who was your group leader, Carmilla Karnstein, and a couple of the other women who would be in your group. You had never been one to go into a situation like that unprepared so you had asked around to find out a little about Carmilla. The information you had received, from unnamed sources, had told you that she was a complete hard ass and was rude and snarky but a damn good officer.

The night you met Carmilla, you had been nervous and excited as it was the first meeting of the mentor/mentee group. The perky red head sergeant at the entrance was kind enough to point out Carmilla so you could introduce yourself. You got a good look at her from behind before you walked up and introduced yourself and your first impression of her was just, WOW. She seemed a little taken back by your introduction but you didn’t miss her glances up and down your body as you shook hands. You didn’t help but notice that the handshake was maybe a little longer than was socially necessary too but you took the opportunity to appreciate her as well. You noticed that your inside sources had gotten at least one part about her right, hard ass indeed. Trying to break the ice, you had ordered a couple of drinks for both of you and made some conversation, probably giving out a little bit too much personal information but that is always what happened to you when you were with a beautiful woman, your mouth had a mind of its own. Apparently you hadn’t screwed anything up completely though as you didn’t miss her calling you “cutie” or the subtle glances your way throughout the rest of the evening after your group got together.

Over the course of several weeks and workout sessions that Carmilla had required your group to attend, you did notice one thing, she kept people at arms length and it appeared that only a few people were able to get close to her. There was something about her that kept drawing you in though. You felt compelled to find out who she was underneath her hard and apparent apathetic persona. A mystery that you wanted to solve but you didn’t realize that as you figured it out that you slowly start to fall for the beautiful, caring, and soft person underneath.

When she asked you to work with her on defensive tactics, you had no hesitation. She had such a scary reaction when you threatened to not take the handcuffs off that you were thrown from the game of flirting that you had established. You had watched as she swallowed down the panic that filled her eyes before you removed the cuffs and her wall had been replaced. Something had happened to her, something that cause a level of panic that you had only seen a handful of times in your father’s eyes. It hurt you though, knowing whatever had happened in her life had caused her so much pain. You wanted to know what had happened but you didn’t push. You couldn’t push. You weren’t on that level with her. So you would wait. 

After a few more weeks, you were finally doing ride alongs and you felt pretty prepared for the upcoming academy. You had gotten a chance to find out how Carmilla worked on the job and you had a good understanding of how the basics worked. Over the weeks, Carmilla seemed to open up to you just a little bit more each time but every time she felt like she had overshared something, she would close herself off again. There had been a point before your first ride along during a DT session that you thought she was going to kiss you. You were hoping that she was going to but before anything could happen LaFontaine came into the room asking about some equipment for her belt. Carmilla had almost visibly deflated when you got up to get prepared for the night. 

The first ride along had gone better than you hoped as you were able to hustle a date out of Carmilla. You had silently thanked a couple of your dad’s co-workers on their insisting that you learn how to play pool at a young age. Carmilla would have never known it, unless she had supersonic hearing, but your heart had been fluttering all night since she had invited you but you swear your heart could have stopped when you saw the look on her face that night after you kissed her cheek.

The kiss on the cheek was nothing compared to your first actual kiss with Carmilla. She tasted like smoke and fire but something underneath was distinctly just her. You almost let yourself get carried away by the look in her eyes, the feel of her underneath you, and the warmth that shot through your body when you lips first touched, almost. In fact, you find that you could easily get carried away with Carm anytime she’s around you. When you first had sex, you couldn’t think of any other time that had felt so good…that was until the second time you had sex. Everything about Carmilla felt right and the way the two of you fit together when sleeping felt like you belonged together. 

You knew you were falling in love with her and with the job as you continued through the academy and were able to get a better feel and understanding about what the job can do to people. Just like Carmilla had said, the academy was hard mentally and physically but you found the hardest part was waiting the long five days between when you got to see Carmilla. One particular week was the worst week you had almost ever experienced. The camp commander had interrupted one of your classroom sessions to be give you news of an officer that had been seriously injured in a robbery when the fleeing felons hit the officer with their car the night before. He informed the academy class that it was to serve as a reminder of some of the dangers that happen with the job and he couldn’t give any additional information out except that the female officer was in serious condition at the hospital. 

With the information that was given, your face had gone white and you felt like you were going to pass out. You knew that Carmilla had been working that night. It took everything you had not to just quit the academy and leave that night to make sure that it wasn’t her. It was the longest night and day of your life and it felt like life had been breathed back into you when you were finally holding her the next afternoon. She opened up to you, you had seen more fear in her eyes. A friend was hurt and Carmilla was hurting because she didn’t stop the people who had done it. She cried into your arms that night and you remember the vulnerability she showed and trusted you with. That next night she told you she loved you and your heart swelled.

You loved Carmilla but there were times that she was an asshole. Her showing up to teach for your academy had been a shock but nothing like the low blow of emotions that came later when she forced you to “shoot” her in a training exercise. She was an asshole, but she was your beautiful, wonderful, caring asshole girlfriend. As things progressed in both the academy and with Carmilla you had begun to realize just how much of her life bled into yours. Her friends were now your friends, your jobs the same, and when she asked you to move in with her, her house was now your house. It felt like pieces of the puzzle fitting together and you couldn’t have been happier. 

 

Time went on, life went on, and living with Carmilla was amazing. Life was beginning to feel like a fairytale where you end up getting the girl in the end. But even with a day of sunlight there are shadows. LaF had called you frantic one night saying that Carmilla was locked up and almost catatonic from a call out. You had gone to her straight away when you saw that LaF had not been exaggerating about Carmilla’s state. You thought you were prepared for anything that Carmilla could have said but when she told you about her abusive childhood you couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe how someone would hurt someone as wonderful as her. She spoke of her “tragic backstory” as though she had been reciting a grocery list. That’s when you saw it…the panic hidden deep within her eyes. The same panic you had seen during that DT session several months ago and it now all made sense. As much as she portrayed a badass, stubborn, and cocky woman, she was really just a scared girl that found a way to survive. That was something that you understood on the exact level. You swore to yourself in that moment that you would do everything you could never be the cause of that kind of depth and pain to her and to be the person that she could let that side of herself out without fear. .

Your dad made a surprise visit that ended with him taking you aside and expressing his approval. Not that you needed his approval anymore as you were a grown woman that could fend for himself but the fact that Carmilla had gone out of her way to make him comfortable and to open up her life to make room for your family. She was showing you that she had room in her entire life for everything you wanted and the people that mattered most to you. You fell further in love with this woman, if that was even possible. 

The days of the academy graduation and field training were a blur but the night that your fellow officer and academy classmate was killed forever stuck in your mind. Carmilla had burst into your hospital room looking like a wild animal at first but the moment her eyes met yours, you saw the shift in her body. You both comforted each other that night. You had lost a friend and she had lost a colleague. The funeral had been stoic and heart-wrenching but nothing compared to the coldness you felt when Carmilla started to become distant. She was always gone working or saying she was out with LaF. You truly trusted her when she told you that she was working and not cheating but it didn’t make the empty bed any warmer. You had your small arguments but finally it all had come to a head when you cornered her in lie that she was with LaF. It had been your first big argument followed by your first make up which had lead you to this point. Lying in bed with Carmilla holding onto you as if you were her life line. It was in this moment, you knew though you may have your arguments, in the end, the most important thing worth fighting for was her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, let me know please. 
> 
> Also if you don't like it...I want to know. I know I'm trying something different to get my creativity to come back so if you think I can do better let me know!!! I want constructive criticism as I know that this is not my strongest chapter.


	24. The Things Nightmares and Dreams are Made Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a several months later and our favorite couple is still going strong. Laura has completed her Field Training and is ready for action but will she be ready for the action she gets?
> 
> Angst and some fluff in this chapter. There is descriptive VIOLENCE in this chapter so just a fair warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes and I'm back! As I said I can't guarantee a set schedule for chapters but I will guarantee that this fic will not go unfinished. This time of the year is extremely hectic for me at work and I'm working a lot of overtime and in a lot of training so my ability to write and energy levels are low but I am already working on the next chapter too!

Laura’s Perspective:

 

Everything was dark. Your heart was racing a mile a minute and you were running. You can’t remember exactly why you are running but all you know is that Carmilla is in danger and you have to get to her. Your feet feel like dead weight that are slogging through waist high sand. 

“Ok Hollis…focus…don’t get tunnel vision” You think to yourself. Your portable radio is squawking in your ear about a robbery in progress at a convenience store not even a block away. Then your brain reminds you…Robbery Call. Carmilla working undercover. Officer in need of assistance alert. You had just finished wrapping up a public disturbance call just one block over when it came across your radio. You chose to save time and leave your squad car there and run. 

You round the corner and take a moment to slow down and see your surroundings. There are several cars in the parking lot, including one you notice as a one of the department’s unmarked patrol vehicles. The store had windows all along the front of it. You looked inside and the sight made your heart drop. Standing inside the store was a male subject holding onto Carmilla using her as a human shield. He had one of her arms wrapped around her back in a painful twist and you could see the blood pouring from her nose indicating that she had taken a good hit. The thing that made your heart stop was the black matte semi automatic handgun that was pressed to her head. 

The radio piped up in your ear and it reminded you to indicate you were on scene and what was happening. The robber didn’t show any indication that he knew you were just outside and was still yelling at the cashier to give him the money. The cashier was moving as fast as he could to put all the money he had in the bag on the counter. As soon as the money was in the bag, the cashier handed it over to the robber and pleaded for him to leave. The robber suddenly moved the gun from Carmilla’s head, pointed it at the cashier, and pulled the trigger. 

You watched as the blood of the cashier splattered the wall behind him and he fell to the ground. Taking this one moment of temporary distraction to your advantage, you rapidly opened the door and drew your handgun, leveling it at the robber’s head. 

“POLICE! Drop the gun!!!! Put the gun down!!!” You scream.

Everything seems to be moving so slow and yet so fast and yet so slow at the same time. Your sights are perfectly aligned between his eyes. As you are yelling commands at him, your eyes connect with Carmilla’s. Throughout the months that you and Carmilla have known each other and have been dating, you have seen a lot of different emotions in her eyes but what’s showing in her eyes now is something that you have never seen in them before. Pure Terror. You feel your heart lurch as that feeling registers in your own body too. 

This situation is something that you cannot control and either way you look at it, there isn’t going to be a good outcome. The cashier is already either dead or seriously injured and the robber has nothing to lose now. He must know that if he goes to jail he’s going to be looking at life in prison and he knows that you’re not just going to let him walk out of the store.

“PUT THE GUN DOWN NOW! NO ONE ELSE HAS TO GET HURT! PUT THE FUCKING GUN DOWN!!” You continue to scream.

“FUCK YOU PIG!! You put your gun down or I’m going to blow her head off!!” the robber yells back at you, moving the gun back to Carmilla’s temple.

It feels like this standoff has lasted for hours but your adrenaline continues to kick in. There is too much at stake to lose. You’ll be damned if you’re going to put your gun down and walk out of here, leaving Carmilla alone. You had sworn to both her and yourself that you wouldn’t leave her after she had told you about her past and you aren’t going to walk out now, especially when her life is in on the line. 

The sounds of sirens approaching in the distance tells both of you that there’s not much more time left before his fate will be decided one way or another. That reality appears to hit him as you see his pupils widening. What happens next feels like a movie slow motion.

He moves Carmilla directly in front of him, removing the gun from her head and presses it to her back. All you can see is the fear turn to shock and then pain in her eyes as you hear the deafening sound of a gun shot. The color of Carmilla’s blood is dark red as it shoots at a high velocity out of her body following the track of the bullet. You watch as she starts to crumple to the ground, staring at you with such pain. 

“CARMILLA!!” You scream as her body hits the ground with a sickening thud. You are in a state of shock for a moment staring at her lifeless body on the ground. Her eyes are empty of the spark of life that makes her Carmilla and you feel like you have broken. A sudden movement catches your attention as you see the robber moving to point the gun at you now.

You realign the front and rear sights on your hand gun and begin to pull the trigger but something is wrong. The trigger feels like 100 pounds and isn’t budging. Why can’t you pull the trigger?! This can’t be happening. I’m going to get shot! 

You’re in panic trying everything you can to get your trigger to pull and suddenly you hear a soft sound of music playing in your ears and steadily getting louder and louder.

“On the ground I lay, motionless in pain, I can can see my life flashing before my eyes…did I fall asleep? Is this all a dream? Wake me up, I’m living a nightmare….”

All you can think is that is really strange and doesn’t make sense. Your gun will not fire. There’s nothing you can do as you look back at the robber and find he has leveled his gun at your head. The last thing you remember is the sound of the shot drowning out the music then everything fades to black.

\---

Your body jerks awake and it takes you a moment to get your bearings and to catch your breath. The alarm clock music is playing a song that you recognize as the one you were hearing when Carmilla was shot. Was that just a dream?? You think to yourself. It was so real. It was a nightmare! You remembered the entire thing, the look in Carmilla’s eyes, the sound of her body crashing against the floor, the color of her blood. It was all too real and it scared the hell out of you. 

You were on the verge of crying when you felt something move against you. You had almost forgotten that Carmilla was in bed with you as she had been working a few extra shifts lately to help cover. She shifts closer against you and tightens her arm around your waist. Normally, you are the one that likes to cuddle but Carm was the one holding you now. You feel your heart rate returning to normal. As you finally start to relax she looks up at you through sleepy eyes.

“Your heart is beating a mile a minute.” She husks and then leans over to kiss your shirt covered chest.

You dip down to kiss her head and you breathe in her scent. “hmmm” you hum into her hair not wanting to explain what was all going through your head about the dream. You have always loved these moments when nothing was rushed and the embrace was gentle and you didn’t want to ruin it.

“Sweetheart.” Carm opens her eyes a little more and you can tell your face betrayed you and she knows something is wrong. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” She asked worriedly.

“Oh it’s nothing. Just a bad dream that’s all. Nothing to worry about.” You reply hoping that she will take you at that and not press the issue but you weren’t that lucky.

“Laura, tell me about the dream. If it’s something so bad as to wake you up with your heart racing then it might help to talk about it. Communication. Remember?” Carm was now wide awake and waiting patiently for you to explain. 

Taking a deep breath, you explain your dream in every detail. You try not to flinch when you tell her about how she was shot and how you felt but it doesn’t stop the tears from rolling into your eyes. Carm lays in your arms and patiently waits and listens to your description of the dream. She holds you tighter when you fumble over details that clearly affected you and when you are finished, she leans up higher in bed and kisses your forehead, then your eyes, and then she kisses the tears on your cheeks that fell from your eyes. 

“Thank you for telling me that. I know how badly those dreams can affect you. I’ve had them before too.” She admits to you and further explains when you look at her confused. 

“The dreams where the trigger won’t budge even if a Mac truck was pulling on it are nothing new to me and if you ask Danny, Laf, Kirsch, Perry, heck, even your father, they will all say the same. That’s a common dream for cops. Same goes for dreams where you are in a fist fight and none of your punches or strikes seem to be making a bit of difference or in a chase that no matter how fast you run, you never make up ground.” She paused and you sit there waiting for her to continue as you don’t take for granted the fact that she’s sharing something deeply personal.

“I’ve had the dreams where there was a hostage that I just couldn’t save but they used to be faceless civilians that I didn’t really know but just knew I failed them. Well, ever since I met you….the faceless civilians were no longer faceless or civilians. Every time it was you.” She trailed off and what she said left the room heavy. She did know exactly how you felt. Another thing you both shared. 

Leaning down to kiss her forehead, you let what was left unsaid stay that way. It was too heavy and you both knew the feeling. You both stayed in bed for a little while longer just holding onto each other before Carm started speaking again.

“And then I have these other dreams where Bugs Bunny is chasing us through a forest and screaming that you stole his chocolate carrot followed by you calling him the worst Easter Bunny ever….So it all works out in the end!” She smiles and you can’t help but giggle.

“Well chocolate carrot does have some good thoughts to it…it’s chocolate, it’s a carrot so I get my chocolate fix in with my vegetables…two birds one stone!” You giggle and Carm pokes you in the side for your comment causing you to bust out laughing. You’re beginning to regret telling her you are ticklish when you first started dating. A tickle fight ensues that leaves you both fighting for air from laughter before you both decide to get up for the day and get some errands done before heading into work. 

\---

 

Carmilla’s Perspective

 

The air was thick with humidity as you sat in your patrol car listening to the radio. Dispatch had been unusually quiet tonight with it being a summer weekend but you decide to just embrace the calmness. Laura had been texting you throughout the shift about how her night had been “boring” as she called it. She would learn sometime that you had to accept and love these nights because they were few and far between. Tonight was her first night of solo patrol, after passing her field training in record time (which you knew she would). You couldn’t help but smile yesterday when she walked out of Perry’s office after shift grinning from ear to ear with the keys to her own squad car in her hand. 

Laura: I’m bored. I thought that there would be more going on out here on a night like tonight.

Carmilla: I know sweetie. But you’ll be begging for one of these kinds of days when you are running your cute ass off from call to call. ;-)

Laura: ha ha..I’ll take your word for it but for right now…I just want something to do!

Carmilla: Ok, well since we are both free, do you want to take advantage and meet up for an ice cream cone?

Laura: ICE CREAM!!!!

Carmilla: I take it that means you are in?

Laura: ICE CREAM!!!

Carmilla was shaking her head at her dorky girlfriend. What was she going to do with this girl?

Carmilla: Ok well don’t have an aneurism…I’ll meet you in 5 min at Jake’s Place. I’ll buy you whatever you want.

The drive took you only 3 minutes so you waited inside the store for Laura to arrive. When she arrived, you both ordered your ice cream. Your favorite was the red velvet ice cream with a waffle cone and Laura never ceased to amaze you with her love of chocolate when she ordered her triple chocolate chocolate chip ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone. All you could do was shake your head as you paid the cashier and then smile as you looked at the radiant smile that was on Laura’s face as she ate her ice cream. 

You made a mental note to save this memory of her. It was stored in the banks of your memories, same as the conversation you both had in bed this morning. You loved this woman and all of her quirks. The thought of the possibility of spending even one day in the rest of your life without her was one of the most terrifying thoughts you had ever had. It was time to make a move. One you were hoping she was ready for too.

\---

The rest of the shift had come to a close with little to no action and you were ready for some relaxation. 

“Hey cupcake, how did the rest of your shift go?” You asked as you placed your duty belt in your locker.

“Oh it was pretty quiet. Had a couple noise disturbances and a barking dog call but other than that is was mellow. I got a lot of my policies I had to sign off on done after our ice cream break. All in all, a good night.” She answered, placing her vest in the locker.

“Since the shift didn’t really tire me out, would you be interested in doing something when we get out of here? Like go to a bar or somewhere with some good music?” You ask.

“Absolutely! I can go for a good drink.” Laura responds happily.

“Good.” You respond and at that time you see Danny and Laf walking down the row of lockers. “Hey Beanstalk! Laf! Laura and I want to go out for a few drinks tonight. Care to join us?” You ask and shrug to Laura when she looks at you in disbelief that you are actually inviting others out.

“Yeah we’re in!” They both respond after sharing their own look of disbelief.

“Great! Bring the puppy dog and big red with you too!” You smile and wink at them. “First round will be on me!” Now all of them, including Laura are staring at you like you’ve been replaced by an alien.

“What?! Stop looking at me like I’ve grown 3rd head! I’ve invited you all out before! We’ve had you over to the house several times for a party!” You defend yourself.

“Yeah but most of the time you did it because Laura gave you “the look” and not just because you wanted our presence.” Laf replied and true they did have a bit of a point but you honestly wanted their company tonight.

“Well maybe I’m turning a new leaf. Let’s not make a big deal out of this ok?” You reply turning your attention back to putting your uniform in your locker.

“Right…” Danny responds before heading to her locker.

You’re standing in the hallway when you hear the group walking down the hall and then you hear Kirsch practically yell, “No Way!! Carmilla actually invited us out without getting the puppy dog eyes from Laura?” 

The group turns the corner and when Kirsch sees you he stops dead in his tracks. “Oh, a, hey Karnstein…we were just talking about how much fun we’re going to have tonight.” He looks to Laf and Danny silently pleading for them to back him up and finding himself all alone out on a limb.

“Right and like you have any say on puppy dog eyes coming from the puppy dog himself. Keep this up and this will be the only and last time I invite any of you out after work again!” You quip and see Laura’s smug face. “And that means you too cutie. If I’m going to get this much crap for wanting to spend time with my friends and coworkers after work, then it’s not worth it and I’ll just go drink by myself.” You watch Laura’s face droop before you give her a wink, showing that you’re kidding.

“Because I’m being kind enough to grace you with my presence tonight, I’ll even let you pick the place.” You say to Kirsch as you move to take Laura’s hand and you all head out the door.

\---

You made a horrible mistake. Why did you decide to be nice and let Kirsch decide where you were going to go for a few drinks and dancing? Because here you are now sitting in a booth while multiple couples and people walk by you in their cowboy hats, tight jeans, huge belt buckles, and sad southern accents while you are listening to the twangy country tunes coming from the DJ’s booth. At least they didn’t have a live band because that would have been the final straw.

True to your word, you bought the first pitcher of beer for the group as you all sat down in the booth and discussed some work but focused on the other parts of life outside of work. Laura was sitting by your side with her hand on your thigh as a constant reminder that she was there. You love this quality about her. Though you know she is there, whenever you are in group, she finds some way to touch you and remind you of her physical presence. The conversation and laughter shared with the group just makes you smile and you sit back and just enjoy. Laf is telling a story about how they blew their eyebrows off when the pilot light went out on their’s and Perry’s hot water heater and they tried to ignite it without turning the gas down. 

You are lost in the conversation and the joy that you have that you almost forget about the awful music playing in the background. It’s almost forgotten….until the group decides to head to the dance floor and you are pulled out of your seat by Laura’s strong arms. She pulls you to the dance floor against your protests and the group starts dancing together, surrounding each other with laughter at the horrible dancing that was happening. Try as you might to not join in on the dancing, all Laura had to do was give you that look, and you took her hand, allowing her to help sway your body to the beat. 

Laura’s style of dancing is sporadic and seemingly uncoordinated but when you truly watch her, she is truly moving to the beat of the music. You can’t help but smile and join in with the group. A few more fast songs play before the tempo is finally brought down and you realize it’s a song that you actually know. The rest of the group starts to split up into pairs. Laf and Perry. Kirsch and Danny. When you look at Laura, you smile and stretch out your hand that is quickly accepted by hers. You pull her into you and she wraps her arms around the back of your neck as you slide yours together behind her back and pull her in close. She moves with you to the beat of the music and leans her head into you shoulder. 

This is a song that you knew well. Of all the country music out there, they decided to go with an old school George Strait song and one that seemed to fit the moment perfectly. You couldn’t help but sing softly with the lyrics as you continued swaying to the slow beat.

“As long as there’s a breath in me, I’ll make your’s just as sweet. As we look into the future it’s as far as we can see. So let’s make each tomorrow be the best that it can be. I cross my heart and promise to give all I’ve got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world, you’ll never find. A love as true. As mine.” You sing softly.

You meant every single one of the words. You had never been more sure of someone in your life. You had wanted to make a plan and make a grand gesture…hell you didn’t even have the ring but this felt like the perfect moment and you weren’t going to pass it up, you just hoped that Laura had the same thoughts and feelings. Her smell is wonderful and you feel her just melt into your arms. No one else in the room matters but her.

“Marry me.” You whisper just loud enough for her to hear.

Laura leans back and looks into your eyes, “What?” She asks and you don’t hesitate.

“Marry me” You say as you hold onto her but also giving her room to move if she decided she needed to leave…you hoped beyond hope that wouldn’t be the case. She continues to look into your eyes and you are terrified that you moved to fast and she wasn’t ready. 

Your confidence starts to fade because she still hadn’t answered you. You think she is trying to find a way to say “no” without completely breaking you, which would happen any way she would try to put it. You had just about made your decision to walk away when the brightest smile you had ever seen on appeared on her face and she pulled you in for a deep, searing kiss.

The kiss takes your breath away and you sink further into it but then you remember that she still hasn’t technically answered your question. You slow the kiss and then break apart but keep your foreheads touching as you both catch your breath

“Well? I’m still waiting for an answer.” You whisper.

“Yes, yes, yes.” She smiles and punctuates each “yes” with a kiss. “Yes Carmilla Karnstein. I would make me the happiest person in the world to marry you.” She whispers before you pull her in for another kiss.

 

You smile at her. “You make me happy Laura. I don’t have a ring for you yet but I couldn’t wait any longer to ask.”

“I don’t care about a ring Carm. I care about you!” She hugs you and turns her face into your chest. “But when you get one, make sure it’s pretty.” She mumbles into your shirt and you can’t help but laugh

“I will make sure it’s the prettiest one the store has!” You laugh and kiss her hair.

You are both so wrapped up in each other you both failed to realize that the song had finished and you were both still dancing to a slow rhythm for a fast song. You’re pulled from your moment when Laf’s voice breaks over your thoughts. You turn to see them holding out your cups, now filled with beer.

“This round is on me.” Laf says and you take the cups from their hands and you are all joined by the rest of the group. “Woah. What did we miss? Because Laura seems happier than her usual self…which is definitely saying something and I’ve never seen that look on your face before Karnstein…you’re kinda freaking us out!”

Laura looks at you, still smiling, “Well do you want to tell them or should I?” you ask squeezing Laura’s hand in yours. 

You make another mental note of this night and you feel like your heart is soaring into outer space with how weightless you feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well what do you think? did you like the chapter? Let me know in the comments below! :) Fluff and more on duty action coming up in the next chapter!
> 
> Songs are:
> 
> "Time of Dying" by 3 Days Grace (excellent song!)  
> "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait


	25. How Quickly Things Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised...another chapter.

You both rounded the corner and took deep breaths. Laura was right behind you with her weapon at the ready. It was pitch dark except for a few dim lights and the red lights that seemed to be blinking from somewhere. Both of you came to a stop right outside of a door. Laura tucked in behind you and continued to watch your back. You make a game plan in your head and turn to Laura, using hand signals to indicate that you would take the left side of the room and she would take the right. She gave you the signal back stating that she understood. On the silent finger count of 3, you both took a deep breath and made your move. 

Barging through the door to own the room and trusting Laura to cover your blind spot to the right. One of your targets came immediately into your field of vision and you instantly saw the surprise on their face and their movement to raise their weapon towards you but they were not fast enough for you as you squeezed the trigger on your weapon with the rounds landing directly in the center of their chest. Your faith in Laura was well placed as you heard her behind you also unleashing rounds. 

“Okay! Okay!! We got it! I’m dead!!” Laf yells as you look back at them and see the fine spread of several yellow paint pellets on the center of their chest. Laura raised her mask and raised her paintball gun in the air while smiling with a sense of victory.

Danny moves over to look at Laf and you can’t help but smile with Laura as well as you see the red paint splotches on the center of Danny’s chest as well. 

“Dang Laura. You’re vicious with a paintball gun.” Danny laughs as Laf just looks down at their shirt in defeat.

“Hey, there’s no such thing as surrender in paintball.” Laura responds cockily as she makes a show of blowing non-existent smoke from the end of her paintball gun.

“Nice shooting Tex.” You say to her as you smile. “Now let’s go find Kirsch and Perry to win this game.” Laura winks and then slides her helmet back into place and checks her ammunition.

It doesn’t take long for you to find Perry and Kirsch but what you weren’t expecting was for Perry to go all Rambo on you and camouflage herself. Kirsch had played a very good bait to suck you both into the room where Perry suddenly jumped from behind a fake plant covered in twigs and leaves and immediately brought paint raining down on you. It was over before you could even realize figure out it was Perry and not a house plant that was moving. 

Everyone was walking out of the paintball house laughing and smiling having all had a great time with the group outing. 

“I can’t believe that you went all out and even painted yourself like a plant!” Danny exclaimed.

“Well, it’s called cover AND concealment right? Plus, I am pretty smart if you haven’t realized that yet…I mean I am your sergeant!” Perry smiled as she took the pat on the back from Kirsch.

“Best paintball partner ever! Yeah she just told me to just try and act like I didn’t know anyone was coming and be all loud and stuff. You know, try to lure you in and then when you did come in the room. BOOM! There was Plant Perry to take you out!” Kirsch excitedly explained throwing his hand gestures everywhere.

“Well you do tend to play a really good confused puppy Kirsch.” You smile and wrap your arm around Laura’s shoulder while you all share a laugh.

Laf, Perry, Danny, and Kirsch start to load up into Laf’s SUV. “Hey, we’ll meet you two at the theater!” Laf called out as they buckled their seat belt and gave you and Laura a wave before driving off. The last thing you hear as they pull out of the parking lot is Danny yelling at Kirsch to stop messing with the radio station.

Laura and you are standing by your car with your arm still draped over her shoulder and you just can’t help but smile at your friends. Laura gives you a small poke in the side and you turn to her. “That was a lot of fun! I’m glad you suggested it.” She says before squeezing you into a side hug.

“Yeah it was…and who would have thought that Perry would be the super sleuth of our group? That woman just keeps surprising me the more I get to know her.” You release Laura and dig into your pockets for your keys.

Laura slides into your passenger seat and you are both ready to get home so you can clean up before the movie night you have planned with the group. You had brought up the idea of paintball last week when Laura had been talking to you about the need to have another group outing. You like your group of friends and co workers and it made you so happy to see that Laura fit into the group perfectly. Before you start the car, you take a glance to Laura and just happen to see a little bit of paint on her cheek. She looks at you as you reach out and softly wipe away the streak of blue paint and she leans further into the palm of your hand before turning her face slightly and kissing your palm.

“I love you, you know that, right?” You ask.

Laura turns back towards you, “Yes. I do.” She answers as if it’s the only answer to that question.

“I can’t wait until I hear you say that in front of our friends and family.” You say as you lean in for a quick kiss before pulling out of the parking lot. 

\---

“Oh my god Carm! You could have told me that the physical fitness test was next week!!” Laura yelled at you from the kitchen. 

“I don’t know what you are so worried about Cupcake. You’re in excellent shape. Trust me on that.” You yell back from the bathroom as you brush your teeth, preparing for your shift. You knew that Laura wouldn’t have a problem with the standard physical fitness test that the department had you take every year.

“You know how I feel about tests and how nervous I get about them!” Laura continued shouting from the kitchen as you made your way down the hallway.

You poke your head around the corner, “You don’t have to keep yelling. This test is nothing to worry about. You and I work out 3 to 4 times a week, if we are talking about actual in-the-gym workouts and not counting our other activities.” You wiggle your eye brows.

At that innuendo, you dodge the towel that she throws at you and slide up behind her, wrapping your arms around her waist. “Be careful with those towels. That could be an assault on an officer.” You whisper in her ear before sucking on her ear lobe.

“I’ll show you assault on a police officer if I don’t pass this PT test!” She pokes you and you release her to grab a couple water bottles out of the refrigerator.

“Seriously Laura. You’re going to pass the test. Don’t worry about it. Just remember to take some deep breaths before you start. I believe in you. You’ve got this.” Laura turns around to you as you finish the last part of your pep speech.

“Really…Carm, you really suck at pep talks but I appreciate the advice. I’ll try and remember to breathe.” She gives you a peck on the lips. 

You kiss her back before picking up your bag and grabbing an apple from the counter. “Besides, I’m the one administering the test so you know you’re going to pass either way.” You wink at her.

“Get out of here, cheater! Have a good shift. Be safe and come back home to me!” Laura says as you start to head out the door.

“You love me and you know it! See you after shift!” You say as the door closes behind you.

\---

Laura’s Perspective

You sat in the squad car thinking about how jealous you are that you have to work tonight and Carmilla gets to lounge around the house on her day off. The supervisors had adjusted your schedule so Carmilla and you worked together with the exception of 1 day. It wasn’t because you had asked for that but because apparently Carmilla’s side of the shift and work week had been very short staffed and they needed bodies to help. Calls had been coming in pretty steadily throughout the night all over the area. You were assigned to be the rover car and that meant that you travelled everywhere in the area instead of being assigned just district area to work. That basically meant that you were running your ass off all over town to help out the officers assigned to certain districts.

Danny and Kirsch had met you for dinner. They were still working the robberies and homicides that had taken place with the convenience stores but had not been getting much on it. They explained at dinner that the suspects were very smart. After the killing of the police officer, they had really slowed down and almost gone underground for a while, waiting for the heat to die down. There had been a few store robberies in a last 3 weeks but not anything like they had been. That fact had you concerned that soon enough the push to find them would slow down because of lack of progress and they would be back at it again. They had already proven that they had no problem killing, what would happen next?

All this was going through your mind as you sat in a parking lot looking for speeders. You were lost in your thoughts until you saw a woman and a child approaching your patrol car. It appeared that the woman wanted to talk to you so you got out of the car. After making the quick glance to make sure nothing was in their hands, a habit you had quickly picked up on, you greeted them.

“Hi there. Can I help you?” You smile and give a friend wave.

“Oh we don’t need anything..I just saw you sitting here and I wanted to show my daughter that there are women cops.” She smiled at you and looked down at the child whose hand she was holding.

You estimated the child’s age to be about 5 years old and you couldn’t help but smile. 

“Ashley, can you say hello to the officer?” The woman tried to pull the hand of the child but the child was shy and started to hide behind their mother’s leg. 

The shyness of the child made you smile because you understood that you were a stranger to them and the uniform was probably intimidating. So you kneeled down to the child’s level to try and help.

“Hi there. My name is Laura. What’s your name?” You asked the child with a soften voice. The child still didn’t seem to want to talk to you and continued to hide behind the mother’s leg. “I know...do you like stickers?” 

The child slightly leaned out from behind the mother’s leg at the word “stickers” because what child doesn’t enjoy a sticker. You reach into your front pocket and pull out some of the stickers that you keep for occasions just like this. Upon seeing the stickers, the child immediate reached out their hand and you smiled as you handed them a couple. 

“Those are pretty cool huh?” you asked and the child responded with a smile and a nod. “So what’s your name?” You asked again.

The child seemed to have warmed up to you after having received the awesome sticker and responded, “Jessica.”

“Hi there Jessica. How old are you?” You try to keep the child talking now that you had seemed to gain her trust and she indicated with her fingers that she was 6 years old. 

“Wow! Six years old! That’s pretty cool. Do you like my car? How want to see the inside?” You ask, looking at the mom for approval, which she happily gives. You spend some time with Jessica in your car, showing her the lights and the sirens, and some of your equipment you use. With every new thing you showed her, her eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. 

She kept asking about different things in your car until her mother said that they needed to leave. You explained to Jessica’s mom about the junior police academy that the department puts on every year and how to get in contact with the sergeant who put it together.

“I know you have to go but I want you to remember that if you are ever in trouble, if you see someone in a uniform like mine, with the badge and a belt like mine (you indicated to your duty belt). You can go to them for help. We will help you, ok?” You ask and Jessica smiles and says “yeah.” Before they leave you even get a high five from her and you feel like your day was made.

\---

Carmilla is sprawled out on the couch when get home and you just laugh at the small pang of jealously that hits you at the sight. You place your gear bag in the closet and start making your way to the bedroom to change out of your uniform. 

“I see you had an exhausting day.” You quirk as you pass her on the couch.

“Hey, just because you are seeing me like this at this exact moment doesn’t mean that I didn’t have a busy day. How do you know that I didn’t work in the back yard or the garage or do the dishes and clean up the house before you got home? And you are just seeing me the one moment I decided to finally sit down after my hard work?” She questions you from the living room.

You get changed into some comfortable clothes and join her back on the couch. She leans up to allow you to slide in behind her and wrap your arms around her. “You’re right. I’m sorry that I just assumed when I came home from working a long day and saw you on the couch that it meant you did nothing today.” You give her a short kiss.

She kisses you back, “You are forgiven for your assumptions.” She turns her head back to the TV show she was watching.

“So what all did you get done today?” You ask as you slouch back into the couch and she settles her weight back into you.

“Oh no. You were right. I pretty much did absolutely nothing today.” She states and you can hear the smile on her face. 

She jumps at the poke you push into her side. You can’t believe that she got you on that. “You jerk. You made me apologize for nothing!” You continue to tickle her sides until she squirms out of your grasp after laughing hysterically. 

“Yeah I got you but you make it so easy Cupcake.” She smiled while leaning in and kissing you again. “I did actually do one thing.” She admitted and continued after your eyebrow raise. “I did order Chinese from your favorite place.”

“Ah well that was very thoughtful of you. I’m glad that you took time from your strenuous day to order food. I won’t forget that.” You reply sarcastically but take her outstretched arm and get up from the couch and head to the kitchen.

“So I befriended today with a tiny person.” You say as you both scoop food onto your plates.

“Child, small person, hobbit, leprechaun? What do you mean by ‘befriended’?” She asks and you swat her arm

“Carm! That’s mean.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to get all the info here. Just making sure there are no magical creatures that will be trying to come in my door and take my girlfriend.” She defends.

“You’re an asshole. I’m in love with an asshole.” You roll your eyes.

“Hey, you knew that coming into this relationship!” She smiled.

“Well you did warn me so I have no one to blame but myself. Anyway, I had a mom come up to me with her kid and wanted me to show the kid around. It was a little touch and go on the friendship for a little bit but I earned kid’s trust with my shiny stickers. We were instant friends after that.” You say proudly.

“That’s great but are you sure the kid wasn’t attracted to your child-like personality.” Carmilla continued to be sarcastic tonight but you knew she was joking.

“Well I do have a little bit of a child-like shine compared to your ‘Dark as the Night’ side.” You fire back.

“I have you know that I have befriended several children in my tenure as a cop. Some even try to follow in my footsteps…you being a case in point!” She stuck her tongue out at you.

“Keep making jokes like that and you’ll be sleeping on the couch.” Another fire back and this one had her fake frowning. You were almost able to hold your laughter back but she just looked too darn cute with that frown so you decided to kiss it off her. 

 

The two of you finished eating your dinner over a good conversation and discussion of your day at work. After Carmilla cleared your plates and actually did the dishes while you took a quick shower, you joined each other on the couch again and settled in for a movie. This time you used Carmilla’s body as a pillow as she held onto you. The movie started out as innocent but the feel of Carmilla’s body against yours and her teasing words whispered in your ears during the movie, quickly turned into something a little less PG-13.

Your teasing, funny, beautiful girlfriend and her expert and gentle hands were things you would never grow old of and it was nights like this that you never wanted to forget.

\---

It’s been weeks since you’ve had a decent call that interested you. You knew going into police work that it was 90% “routine” call outs with little to no excitement, 7% paperwork, and 3% all-out-no-holds-barred adrenaline spiking excitement, but you had thought that you would pull an interesting case more often than you had been. Carm had told you to just enjoy the quiet and calm nights because when the shit hits the fan, it gets stressful and you tried to take that to heart but really! Come on! Not a single good, teeth-clenching call for weeks.

And UG! You couldn’t believe this. The sergeant on duty that night had moved you from the Area 15 district to the rover car again and you were once again running your butt off all over town on calls. You were rather jealous that Carmilla had been out of town for the last couple days, even if it was for training, because she didn’t have to work patrol right now. 

Currently, you were heading to a single vehicle accident with minor injuries and still several minutes away as traffic wasn’t moving out of your way. When you arrive on scene you see that there is another officer on scene before you. As you approach the other officer’s car, you see who it is and know that they are out of their cover district. 

“Hey there, so what’s going on?” You ask the officer, you think their name is Jones. 

“Hey, I was just a couple blocks away in my district when this call came out so I figured I get here until someone from this area could make it. I’m not doing the paperwork for this. You’re rover car right? Can you take this so I can get back to my area...here’s the driver’s license information.” He tells you before quickly handing you the driver’s license.

You couldn’t believe the audacity of this guy! Like he couldn’t function as a cop outside of his patrol district. Instead of starting an argument on the side of the road, you agree to take the call and tell him he can get going. However, before he leaves the scene, you get called on the radio.

“10-33 call. 10-33 call. District 4 has a high speed pursuit that they need assistance with. Shots have been fired at the officers. We need you to break free and assist.” Radio dispatch tells you.

“Hey Jones! I need you to stay here with this vehicle. I just got called to help out District 4 with a pursuit and shots fired. You don’t have to do the report but I need you to stay here.” You tell him.

He looks at you with disbelief. “You are telling me to stay here with an accident while you leave to go to a pursuit with shots fired? Why do you get to go to the good call?”

You knew the district the call came from was clear across town and while it normally would be an all hands on deck but you knew someone had to stay with this accident too. The fact that Jones had just been complaining to you about not wanting to cover a simple car accident because it was barely outside his district for coverage but now wanted to go across town for a pursuit because it was a “good call” made you see red.

“Yes. That is exactly what I’m telling you to do. Since I am the rover car, I am the one that called to it, not you, and the fact that you don’t seem to be comfortable doing any work out side of your district of coverage unless it’s a ‘good call’ in your eyes, I will be leaving to go to the pursuit and you will sit your ass at this accident until another district car or I am able to get back to it. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the sergeant and you can explain to them.” You say before running back to your car and taking off lights and sirens.

The officers involved in the pursuit continue to fill your car radio and as you are making your way through traffic and listening to the radio you can hear the sounds of the gunshots through the radio. Your heart rate is pumping and you continue to listen to try and get in a position in front of the pursuit. The car was radioed to be turning down a street just 2 blocks away from you. You turn to that street just in time to see the suspect vehicle slam into a tree in someone’s front yard and watch as the driver and passenger exit the vehicle. 

As you put your car in park, you immediately exit the vehicle, along with the other officers that were involved in the chase and as you are moving you see the driver grab the passenger and outside of the vehicle. The driver pulled the passenger in front of him and immediately put a gun to the passenger’s head. You didn’t even think…you just reacted. Your gun was drawn, along with the other officers, and trained directly on the driver’s head. 

Everyone is yelling orders for him to drop the gun and all you hear is him yelling back, “SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME.” It takes several minutes of orders but the driver releases the hostage before turning the gun to his own chest. He continues yelling shoot me! He’s not listening to your commands and you are worried that this was going to turn into a long standoff. Just as you were figuring you were going to be standing holding him at gun point for a while…you see a look in his eyes, like he’s made a decision. You were hoping that he would make the wise decision and put the gun down but he had other plans. 

His eyes meet your’s and the next thing you see is the gun he’s holding start moving to point at you. Your body reacted before you mind could completely process what was fully happening. The sound of the gun is muffled but you know your aim is true. Your shots are exact and find their mark and you watch as the gun drops from his hand and his body falls to the ground with a sickening “thud.” 

It registered in your mind that you had not been the only one shooting as you hear a couple more shots fired when you stopped shooting. The other officers and you all slowly advance towards him, still yelling commands, until you are right beside him and see the blood pooling under his body and through his shirt. The other officers maintain their weapons trained on him as you holster your gun and move the gun the driver had and render it safe. 

When the gun is safe, the other officers holster their weapons and you go to work putting pressure on his wounds. 

“Shots fired! Shots fired! 1 suspect is down. Send an RA unit to our location now! And notify a supervisor.” You say into your mic, then look at one of the other officers. “Go get my med kit from the back seat of my car!”

The officer takes off and returns shortly with the medical bag that Carmilla had set up for you. You grab the supplies that you need while you continue to put pressure on the wounds. The officer that retrieved your kit asks you how he can help but the other officer seems to be shell shocked and is just staring at you while you try to save the life of the guy that you just shot. It feels like it has been forever since you called for an ambulance and as you are doing everything you can do, you know with the amount of blood on the ground and on your hands that there was no way the man would survive but you continue to provide pressure until the EMTs take over. Just as you had suspected, they tried to find a pulse without success and called for a Medical Examiner.

You’re standing only a few feet away seeing everything the EMTs were doing but not really paying attention. You felt numb. Your mind was trying to process everything that had just happened in the last couple minutes but you couldn’t fully make it all click together. When you felt the hand on your shoulder, pulling you back away from the body on the ground, you had no idea how long you had been standing there. The hand on your shoulder moved you back to your patrol car and only then did you realize that the hand belonged to Perry. “why was Perry here? It wasn’t her night to work. She’s not your supervisor right now,” you think to yourself.

“Laura, are you ok? Are you injured?” She asks solemnly.

With a look to side, you see that your sergeant for the night is talking with the other officers and then it clicks that Perry must have been called in because of the situation. Then you remember that Perry had asked you a question. You know what she is asking but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. Your body physically won’t allow you to speak so you do the next best thing and just nod. Perry seems to understand your response and continues.

“Laura. I’m going to need your handgun, the keys to your patrol car, and your body camera.” Perry tells you and you can hear the sadness in her voice. You do as you’re told and silently hand over your car keys, you take off your body camera that was still recording, and you remove you handgun (properly clear the chamber of the round still in it) and hand it over to her. “Do you need any personal items out of your car? Phone? Keys? Wallet?” 

It gives you something to focus on and you take a mental inventory of something that you might need that is still in the car. Keys and wallet are in your pocket. Sunglasses are on your face. Phone is in your shirt pocket. That’s everything you could think of that you might need so you shake your head, still not able to talk, and let Perry secure your patrol vehicle. 

“Ok. Laura, you don’t have to say anything right now, but I need you to go sit in my patrol car and I will be taking you to the station. We will need a written statement from you within 24 hours. You do have the right to talk to your union rep about this too. Any questions?” Perry explains and you shake your head and walk towards her patrol car. 

The other officers must have been told the same thing by the other sergeant because you see them walking towards a couple other patrol cars and getting in while their patrol vehicle were being secured too. It didn’t take too long for Perry to come back to her car and to leave the scene. Somewhere in the car, a Perry’s phone rang. It reminded you of the weight of your own phone in your pocket. 

Your phone. Something clicked in your head that the news of a fatal officer involved shooting in your city was liable to break at any moment since the local news reporters were notorious for listening to scanner traffic and showing up on scenes quickly. Carm! Carm would hear about it soon you were sure, if not from the news, then from another officer. With that thought on your mind, you pull out your phone and send a quick text to her. Perry saw you texting and told you to turn your phone off, at least until after you gave your statement to make sure you weren’t sharing information with other officers. You give a nod and slide your phone off and place it back in your pocket forgetting about it.

The rest of the ride to the station had been quiet. Perry didn’t push you to talk and you weren’t ready to talk even if she would have tried. You were still processing. Going over every detail you could remember, not only for your report but also to try and see if there had been any other way there could have been a different outcome but in every scenario you thought up, with the facts being what they were, there was nothing that you could have done differently. You had a union representative present as you wrote your report, providing the exact facts and details that you could recall and they reviewed it before you handed it in.

Perry took the report but did not read it right away, instead, she placed it on her desk and looked at you. “How are you doing Laura?” You could hear the concern in her voice.

“I’m ok.” Was all the response you could muster because you were physically ok but you weren’t sure about your mental ability at that moment. 

“Ok well. I know you read the policy but it’s my job to remind you. Being involved in a shooting, the department requires that you be placed on administrative leave until an investigation is conducted to make sure that it was a justified shooting. I will need you to leave your uniform, duty belt, badge, and any issued equipment in your locker. I will be in contact with you to let you know how the investigation is going and if we need anything else from you. Do you understand?” Perry was doing her job to inform you of the department’s obligations but you could hear the sincerity in her voice. You nodded that you understood. 

“Now that the official part of my job is over, Laura, is there anything you need? LaFontaine and I agreed that you should stay with someone tonight since Carmilla is out of town, they will be taking you to our house. The spare bedroom is already made up and waiting for you and we’ll give you as much space as you need.” As if on cue, a knock at the door revealed LaF standing there waiting for you. 

You change out of your uniform and leave your equipment as instructed. LaF is gave you space and told you they would be waiting outside when you were ready. After you’re done changing, you take a seat on the locker room bench. This is the first time since the shooting that you have been left alone with your thoughts.

With all the information and details going through your head, there is one resounding fact that you can’t shake from the forefront of your thoughts…

“I killed a man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that police work doesn't have as much excitement (normally) as it does with our two leading ladies...but for the sake of this fic..they are getting boring shifts but also some not boring shifts...and there is time that passes between these events...don't want to bore you with day after day of just "routine" calls. :-) where's the fun in that?
> 
> Also, How will Laura handle having to shoot a person??? And how will Carm respond to Laura's vague text?
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter!!


	26. The Course Of A Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura has killed someone in the line of duty. Carmilla doesn't have a clue about it. This chapter is the events of the previous chapter...only in Carmilla's viewpoint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!! Sorry it's been such a long long long long wait! I've had a lot of personal things happening that spiraled my ability to write...including having done this chapter once and then the computer crashing and losing everything on my hard drive! But I AM BACK! Here is a this chapter. I am already working on the next one and hope to have it done later this week! Hope you enjoy!

Earlier that day- Carmilla’s Point of View:

An hour and a half later, you are finally walking away from the store. You impressed even yourself that you had the patience to deal with the overly happy and enthusiastic saleswoman who clearly worked on a commission. The little black box in your pocket reminded you why you went to the jewelry store in the first place. You had found the perfect ring for your love and the thought made you smile. Now that you had that task done, the second most important task was about to happen.

Laura thought you were out of town for training and with a little help from LaF and Perry backing up that story, she was none the wiser. If she would have known that you were back in her hometown and pulling up to her childhood home, she would have freaked out. You parked on the street and took a deep breath. It seemed like a silly and cliché thing to you but you also knew that having his permission would be extremely important to Laura, so here you were. You had arranged to talk with Jack several weeks ago and now you were sitting outside his house trying to get your heart to stop thumping. What if he said no? What if he didn’t think you were good enough for his daughter?

No…no you couldn’t let yourself slip to that thinking. You had to keep up the positive thoughts, though it really went against your nature but that seemed to be something that Laura brought out in you. The sound of your heart filled your ears but at this point you had been sitting in your car long enough that it was getting awkward. Taking one finally deep breath, you open the door and walk up the sidewalk to the front door. 

Before you can even knock, you hear Jack from the inside of the house. “Come on in Carmilla!” So you open the front door and walk in the door. You are immediately overcome by the overall homey feeling of the house. Most of the front room is dark wood, couches that look well used, a coffee table with glass marks indicating well use with many friends, and a real fireplace with multiple pictures along the mantel. Your legs take you to the mantel without you ever remembering making the decision to move. The larger framed picture in the middle drew your gaze first. It was a picture of a very young Laura, approximately 5 or 6 you estimate, a younger looking Jack, and a woman that shared Laura’s eyes, nose, and smile (even with a few teeth missing). They were all smiling and you noticed the jungle gym set of a playground in the back ground. Laura looked so much like her mother that you had no trouble recognizing her. The smile you had on your face almost brought you to tears. This was a happy family. You hoped that one day you and Laura would have a picture like this, not a care in the world.

“Hey Carmilla,” Jack said as he poked his head around the corner. “I was just fixing the sink when I saw you pull up. What’s up?” He greets you and then follows your eyes to the picture you were still looking at. “Aw yes. That was taken on Laura’s fifth birthday. Her mother and I took her to the park after for some fun before her party. She always loved the jungle gym there. I’ve always loved that picture.” You see his eyes are in the past with the memory but then he seems to remember you are standing there and shakes his head bringing him back to the present. “So what do I owe the pleasure of the visit? Laura’s ok right?”

“Yeah, she’s great actually. She’s doing great work and I’ve nothing but good things about her from Perry, so no worries there!” You respond and he slaps you on the back. 

“Great to hear! I knew she would do a great job! She really puts herself into everything she does…I just hope that she remembers to stay safe instead of just running into situations without a thought.” He says and then motions to the chairs in the room for you to take. “Can I get you anything? Are you thirsty?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you though.” You were becoming more nervous as you sat down and looked at Jack, who was looking at you expectantly. Oh right! I’m here to ask him something. “Well, Mr. Hollis..”

“Jack.” He corrects you.

“Jack. Um, right.” Why were your hands so sweaty?? “I’ve actually come here because I wanted to ask you a question about Laura.” 

Jack leans back in the chair, crosses his legs, and waits for you to continue. 

“Well Jack. You know that Laura and I have been dating for a while and living together for a while too.” Was it hot in here? The beads of sweat started to gather at your hairline “And I love her very much and I want to do this right.”

“Carmilla, are you trying to ask for my permission to marry Laura?” Jack questioned almost as if it was a statement.

Well it was out there now so all you could do is go with it. “Yes. I am.” You look him directly in the eyes.

“You know that Laura is her own person and can make her own decisions. I know I’m a bit overbearing with being protective of her but it’s in my nature and she is my daughter. I wouldn’t be doing my job as a father if I didn’t do everything in my power to make sure she is safe and healthy. In my mind, no one will ever be good enough for her. What makes you think you can change that thought?” He looks at you and you can feel the weight of his words in your heart.

You pause to take a breath and maintain eye contact with him. His eyes tell you everything you knew about him before and now so much more. He was a man protecting the only family he had left, the young woman he nurtured and raised throughout her entire life. He wasn’t just a man or a cop, he was the father of the woman you love, the biggest influence in her life. The weight of those thoughts settled in your stomach.

“The truth is, Jack, I didn’t come here to change your mind about that because I know that I am not good enough for Laura. I’m sarcastic, a slob at home, a perfectionist at work, and pushy to get my way with people. I don’t have many friends because I find it very hard to trust people, I’ve been broken since I was a kid and I have suffered what no person should ever have to suffer. I am morbid and broody. I can drink like a fisherman on shore leave after a 6 month long trip on the ocean. I am the worst morning person you will ever know and I tend to have a problem with authority.” You take a breath and see that Jack’s facial expression hasn’t changed as he continues to wait for you to finish. 

“….And I am completely and utterly in love with your daughter. And for some reason, despite all of my flaws, horrible habits, and misgivings, I believe she loves me too. I am not naïve enough to believe that I will ever be good enough for her as I believe, as you do, that no one could ever come close to trying to match her shine, but I’ll be damned if I will ever stop trying to be the best person that she needs me to be. No one else would ever come close to go the distance I’m willing to go to show her all the love and happiness that she deserves. So Mr. Hollis, I would like to say that while I know that Laura is her own person and can make her own decisions, I am more old school when it comes to matters like this. It would make me infinitely happy if you would do me the honor of your approval of Laura’s hand in marriage.”

Wow…you had finally said it and asked the question. Now all you needed was Jack’s response, which looking at him, you didn’t know if he was planning on keeping you waiting. It was the small twitch at the corner of his mouth a split second before the smile lit up his face. 

“Carmilla, of course I would LOVE to have you as a part of our family!” Jack said as he wrapped you in a bear hug, squeezing a breath from your body that you didn’t even know you had been holding. 

\---

After a long conversation over dinner that Jack insisted on making, you were back in your car heading home. The day had gone so much better than you could hoped it would go. With the perfect ring in your pocket and with Jack’s approval, you couldn’t help but have the smile on your face, even though you knew your face would be hurting the next day from all the smiling. It was a long drive back so you had some time to think about the perfect proposal. You had already asked Laura to marry you before but that was different. That didn’t seem too “official” so you wanted to make sure that you did it right. Right now you couldn’t keep the thought of taking her to the most romantic restaurant in town, a nice walk around the lake in town, enlisting LaF and Danny’s help with setting up the house for your return, rose petals everywhere…yeah the list of things you wanted to do kept increasing and you made a note to write it all down later. 

You were lost in thought of how to exactly make the proposal when your phone dinged with a text message. You took a quick look at the screen and saw it was a text from Laura so you open it and the words didn’t make sense.

Laura: “Hey I can’t say anything right now except I’m Ok.”

“What the Hell?” Is all you can think to yourself so you try texting her back.

Me: “Hey cupcake, I’m glad you’re ok..but what are you talking about? What happened?”

*message not delivered*

Well that was weird…you’ve never had a message not get delivered so you tried resending it and received the same message. Now you were starting to get a little freaked out so instead of texting, you just tried calling her instead.

“Hey, this is Laura’s phone….” Straight to voicemail. Now you knew something was wrong. Laura never turned her phone off unless she forgot to charge it the night before and the battery died. As your heartrate started to increase with the increase of adrenaline in your body, so did the speed of your car. Something is not right. You scroll through your contacts and find LaF’s number and hit the dial button..Straight to voicemail.

“What the HELL is going on?!!” Your heart starting to race now but you try (and fail) to rationalize that maybe something is just going on with the cell service or something happened to both Laura’s and LaF’s phones…either way Perry would answer her phone. You were so sure of that fact as you hit the dial button that the possibility of Perry’s phone being off never crossed your mind. Perry was too particular to ever have her phone turned off or the battery die, at least you thought but as her voicemail started to pickup you were in full freak out mode.

The last phone number you wanted to try was now ringing in a desperate attempt to get some type of information as to why everyone and their dog’s phones were off! You were now weaving in and out of traffic and breaking the speed limit. You’d push your luck and hope that if you were stopped that a fellow officer would understand your situation. 

“Hello?” Danny’s clearly exhausted voice came through the speaker on the third ring.

“Hey Beanstalk, look I know you are working midnights and you know I wouldn’t call unless it as something really really important…” You trailed off for only a moment to focus on the road ahead. “…but Laura isn’t answering her phone…”

“Well that’s not completely unusual for her…” Danny stated with a little edge of annoyance in her voice.

“I know but she texted me something weird about her being ok and not able to talk…and her phone went directly to voicemail when I tried calling her back like 20 seconds after she sent that text…Also, LaF and Perry’s phones are turned off too. What happened? Have you heard of anything big?” You know the desperation is in your voice but you need answers.

“That is weird. I don’t know anything about anything going on. You just woke me up….if you need, you can call dispatch and try to find out what’s going on. I’ll make a couple calls to and if I find out what happened I’ll let you know alright?” Danny finished with a little more life in her voice, clearly interested in what might cause the 3 people who you would normally have no difficulty getting a hold of being out of reach.

\---

“What the HELL is going on Perry?” You scream into your cell phone. To say that you were annoyed would be an understatement. You were not only annoyed…you were terrified. After calling the dispatch center, being bounced to 2 separate dispatchers, and then being placed on hold for 10 minutes before finally getting patched through to Perry’s desk phone, the fact that you were able to put sentence together with using only 1 swear word was an amazing feat.

“Carmilla. Take a breath. I don’t know what you’ve heard…” Perry tried to say.

“What I’ve heard? What I’ve heard?! I haven’t heard anything!!! No one has their phone on! I get a random cryptic text from Laura that only says that ‘she’s ok’ and then nothing!! I need answers! Perry, where is Laura! What happened?” You are beyond trying to fight the rising panic in your voice.

“Carmilla listen. I’m trying to tell you what happened. Laura is fine. LaFontaine took her home a few minutes ago. She was involved in a fatal shooting tonight. Laura wasn’t hurt. No other officers were hurt. The suspect raised a gun at the officers after a standoff and Laura and the other officers shot him.” 

The relief hit you immediately. Laura was ok. You took that breath that Perry had told you to take. Then the realization hit you. Laura, your too-good-for-this-world-always-sees-the-positive-side Laura, had was involved in a shooting where she killed a man. The sense of devastation and sadness that you knew she was feeling would be overwhelming. 

When you didn’t say anything, Perry continued, “I responded on scene and secured the scene and had LaFontaine bring Laura to the station to give her some space and to prepare her for giving her statement. I had her turn her phone off so there would be no interruptions during her statement. LaFontaine and I turned our phones off too and we must have forgotten to turn them back on.” Perry paused.

“Was she talking?” you ask.

“No, not really. She gave her statement but it was all just stated facts. I couldn’t see any emotion in her. She just seemed zoned out.” Perry responded.

“She’s not home alone is she?” Your concern doubled again. The thought of Laura sitting at home, alone, after the night and emotional shock she had just gone through makes you cringe. Why could you not be home already??

“No. LaFontaine took her to our house. I knew you were out of town and I didn’t want her staying home alone so I had them take her there.” Perry relayed the information and you were grateful for her and her friendship. You knew that she would take good care of Laura.

“Thank you Perry. I’ll be back in about 15 minutes. Thank you for taking care of her.” You end the call and focus on your driving while hoping that no officers are on the road tonight to stop you. 

\---

The house has several lights on and you can see the flickering light through the window of what must be the television as you pull into the driveway. You had spent the last 15 minutes trying to prepare yourself to help Laura. The sounds of your footsteps on the front porch echo as you reach the front door. Taking a deep breath, you open the door, not knowing exactly what you would find. 

The front door opened up to the Perry and LaFontaine’s living room. The television was on and playing some Disney movie. Part of you gives a little smile because Disney movies were always Laura’s go-to movies when she was having a rough day and needed to relax. You had spent quite a bit of money online ordering all of the Disney movies you could find after finding that out. The rest of the room was dark but there was a little back light coming in from the kitchen area that helped frame the rest of the room. 

What you saw broke your heart. LaFontaine was sitting by Laura on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in their lap and was clearly focused on the movie. Laura, on the other hand, was wrapped tightly in a blanket, the only thing visible was her head with her wet hair from what you assumed was a shower, and she was staring blankly at the wall directly across from her. You could see the puffiness and redness of her eyes as the only signs left of the tears that she had cried. 

LaFontaine had immediately shifted their eyes when you walked in the door, as normal instincts took over of seeing the movement, but you noted that even you walking in the door resulted in no change in Laura. That was definitely a bad sign and you now knew that Laura was so deep into her own headspace that even natural survival instincts weren’t clicking right now. 

LaF got up from the couch and crossed the room to greet you. “Hey, Per told me that you two talked. The only thing that she has said to me since we got here was that she wanted a shower and that she needed you. She’s been sitting like that on the couch since she got out of the shower. I remembered you said she likes Disney movies so I threw one in and got her to drink some water but she hasn’t said anything.”

“Thank you LaF.” The look you give them is all they need to know exactly how deeply you mean that appreciation. They leave the room, giving you some privacy. 

After one more look at Laura, you cross the room and sit down next to her. The couch dips under your weight and Laura shifts but her gaze still doesn’t move. 

“Laura?” You say gently but she continues to stare. “Laura” you repeat and gently place your hand on her shoulder. It’s as though your touch seems to be able to pull her a little from that deep dark part of her brain because she blinks and her eyes flicker towards you. You take that as a good sign. You start to rub her back trying to soothe her. 

“Carm” Laura’s voice was barely audible and cracked. It almost broke your heart. 

“Laura. Hey.” You try to keep your voice from breaking.

“Carm. You’re here.” The tears start to well up in her eyes and you can’t help but bite back some of your own. 

“Yes. I’m here Cupcake. I’m here.” Laura leans into your arms and you feel her body relax a little as you wrap your arms around her. The of the wetness soaking through your shirt is the only indication that you get that she is crying. It breaks your heart. “I’m here Laura..I’ll always be here. No matter what.”

The both of you stay in that position for a while as you let Laura let all the tears she has out. It’s only after you think that her eyes won’t cry anymore to you pull her closer to you and lean back. Pulling her with you, you get comfortable laying down and make sure she is comfortable too. Her whole world has changed and the next several weeks won’t be easy as the case is investigated but the least you can do is hold her now and make sure she knows that you are there for her, that she is loved, and that she will not have to face this alone. The ring you had sitting in your coat pocket was the physical symbol of the love you had for her but what was the most important was the internal love you had. You know that you are not good enough for her but you’ll be damned if you don’t do everything you can to show her how much you need her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla's in love and Laura is an emotional mess (which duh!)... already working no the next chapter so hold on to your socks!!


	27. A Wounded Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The psychological aftermath. Some triggers for PTSD.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” You say as you feel her moving in your arms. You had both fallen asleep on the couch, not wanting to move. During the night, you had both automatically adjusted yourselves to fold comfortably around one another. Laura had curled up and into your protective arms. 

Laura appeared to finally be waking up and you wanted to make sure she was able to at least function. Her bloodshot and swollen eyes gave her look of exhaustion all the more pointed. Not that you got a lot of sleep last night either. You had stayed awake even after the sobs and shaking from Laura subsided. So many thoughts and memories had come through your mind that you pushed aside to focus on just providing her the comfort and safe place she needed.

Laura’s eyes met with yours but she couldn’t seem to find her voice. You understand without needing her to tell you, she’s not ready to talk yet. Leaning forward, you place a soft kiss on her forehead and start to move to get up but she quickly tightens her arms around you. It’s a move that almost breaks you and you know she doesn’t want you to leave alone. 

“I’m just going to make us something to eat. LaF and Perry left earlier. It’s just the two of us here. Do you think you could eat some pancakes?” You try to soothe her worries. All she does is nod and you place another kiss to her head as you stand and re-wrap the blanket tighter around her. 

First thing you do as you reach the kitchen, you grab a glass of water and take it back out to the living room for her. She cried herself out of tears last night and you knew that she had to be dehydrated. You were encouraged as she made a move for the water as you walked back into the kitchen to get started on breakfast. LaF and Perry had left earlier that morning to try and give you both a little privacy. On their way out, Perry mentioned that it would be good to try and get Laura to eat something as she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. You thanked them the best you could at the time as they quietly closed the door behind them. You weren’t sure what you had done to deserve those two as friends but you were definitely glad you had them. 

The pancakes came together in quick order and you even threw in some chocolate chips for Laura, hoping that might help her be able to stomach them. Putting together a small tray including the pancakes, some fruits, and toast, as well as orange juice, you went back into the living room. Laura was sitting up on the couch now with the blanket over her shoulders and the glass of water in her hand. All you could do was to place the tray in front of her and hope that she would eat. 

The stress reaction always played hell on your stomach and hunger drive so you would understand if she wanted nothing to do with the plate of food in front of her. You, however, took small bites from your plate, hoping that it would encourage her to take a few bites. LaF or Perry may have wanted to push the issue of food but you knew better than to try and force Laura to eat so you just waited their patiently eating your food while trying to find something to watch on tv, avoiding news channels of course.

With nothing of real interest on the tv, you settled for putting in a Disney movie and just sitting back to eat your breakfast. About half way through the opening scene, you see movement out of the corner of your eye and see Laura take the first bite of her pancakes but you don’t turn your head. “That’s it.” You think to yourself. One small step at a time.

\---

It’s been a week since the shooting. You knew that the incident was going to be a big deal in the community, as all shootings are, so you tried to do the best you could to keep Laura relaxed and help her through it. What didn’t help was the media storm that appeared to be wrapped up completely in this news story. Apparently the news had been a little dry and short of exciting stories lately and this story caught the attention of all the local news and reporters had been calling your home phone almost nonstop trying to get a quote. After the 10th call and 10th “No Comment. Talk to the Department’s Attorney, Don’t call here again,” conversation, you just decided to unhook the home phone. 

Laura had been quiet almost all week, barely saying more than a sentence at a time. It had actually taken 3 days for her to even say more than a couple words to you. You knew it was as slow process but it was still very concerning for you as Laura was normally the big talker between the two of you. 

Laura had been spending her days either in bed, on the couch, or sitting on the porch in the backyard. The first couple days she seemed to take comfort in you being close and would curl up into you in bed at night but after a few days she started to place a little more distance between the two of you. 

Then there were the nights that she would toss and turn but those were nothing like the nights that she had night terrors. Everything would be fine, except the space between the two of you and then suddenly she was screaming and thrashing around. It would take you a while to get her calmed down and realizing that she was just asleep and that she was safe. And for a while after she was fully awake she would hold onto you like she used to, however, after she fully calmed down, she would drift away from you again. It was a little concerning for you but you decided not to push it. 

\---

The two of you were in the back yard, Laura sitting on the porch reading a book and you were planting some bushes by the garage when Perry showed up. Perry had called you earlier and told you that she needed to talk to both you and Laura about everything.

“Knock Knock!” Perry yelled from the gate to the backyard.

“Come on in Perry!” You responded as you got up, wiping the sweat from your forehead and taking off your dirt covered work gloves. You both made your way to the porch where Laura was. She hadn’t even made any motion to acknowledge that Perry was here.

“Hey Laura, Perry’s here. She said she needs to talk to us.” Laura doesn’t respond so you look at Perry who has a look of concern on her face. “Hey want to head inside and grab a glass of ice tea? We’ll be in in a minute.” Perry smiles and nods before she heads inside to through the patio door. 

Placing your work gloves on top of the porch railing, you squat in front of Laura and reach up to move the book down away from her face. “Honey, I know you don’t want to do this but Perry has to talk to us about what is all happening and what the next steps are. Just come inside, hear what she has to say, and we’ll go from there ok?”

“Fine.” Laura responds with a deep breath and places the book down. The both of you head inside and find that Perry has made herself at home and has poured each of you a glass of ice tea. You pick up a glass and thank her before taking a big drink and motion to the living room. 

Once in the living room, Perry takes a seat in the recliner and you and Laura both sit on the couch. You notice that Laura sits as far away from you as she can and you try to not let that bother you but it does. You don’t like the distance that she is putting between you and her.

“So what’s going on Perry?” You ask because you know that Laura won’t.

“Well, I first want to say I’m sorry about the media storm that happening around this. Those vultures need to back off a little but there’s not much we can do right now. If there is anything that the department can do for you to try and help, please let me know. I’ve already arranged for the patrol units to do at least hourly patrols around your neighborhood.” Perry starts.

“Thanks for that. We appreciate that and will keep it in mind.” You reply and see Laura nod her head in agreement.

“Next, the investigation is complete and all the information has been given to the district attorney for review. We hope that he will come back with a decision by the end of next week and then we can talk about getting you, Laura, back on the schedule when you feel you are ready.” Perry sounds encouraging but one look at Laura and the small smile that was on her face disappears.

“One thing that I need to bring up is as part of the administrative leave that you are on following the type of incident, the department requires you to talk to with the department’s psychologist.” Perry starts to bring up.

“No.” Laura states.

Both you and Perry look at her with confusion.

“What?” Perry questions.

“No. I don’t want to see a psychologist. I’m fine.” Laura repeats.

“Laura, it’s just part of procedure. The department requires that any officer involved in a deadly shooting has to be cleared by the psychologist before they can return to work.” Perry tries to reason with her. 

“I’m not doing it. Why should I have to take time to go and sit down with a person that is going to think I’m not ok and want to talk to me about everything that happened when I am ok? You do what you have to do but I’m not going to talk to a psychologist. I’m going back to my book.” Laura bluntly says before getting up and going back to the porch.

Perry and you are both shocked with what just happened. That was the most Laura had said at one time in a week. “Per, what happens if she doesn’t see the psychologist?” You ask, trying to get back on track.

“Well, the department requires the physical and mental sign off and if she doesn’t go to the counselor, then they won’t let her back on shift and..” Perry didn’t want to finish the sentence. She didn’t have to, you both knew what would happen. Laura would be forced to resign or be fired. 

“Look Per, I’ll see what I can do but just give us a little time. I know I have plenty of vacation built up so could you just put me on vacation for a few more days? She’s stressed and she’s not her normal self right now. She just needs some time.” You bargain.

“Yeah, I’ll do whatever she needs. I just hope that she realizes what needs to be done but you know both LaFontaine and I will be here whenever you need us.” Perry says as she starts to get up to leave.

“Of course we know that and you know that we both are extremely grateful to have you both as friends. I’ll let you know how everything is going. And hey, between you and me…Was it a good shoot?” You hated asking because you trusted Laura to have responded properly but it was a nagging question.

“Carmilla, I’m not really supposed to talk about it…but…yeah, it was a good shoot. We just need the DA to say that now and I hope he doesn’t drag it out for all of our sakes but especially for Laura. She’ll be second guessing herself and it will help when we hear back from the DA. You know all of this…” Perry said before opening the front door. 

You take a deep breath. “Yeah. I do. Thank you. I know she’s been overthinking the whole thing and I can’t do anything to stop her from doing that. She’s been distancing herself from me and that bothers me. But I don’t want to push her right now either as too many things are out of her control as of this moment and that would be counterproductive. Thanks for coming by. OH! And I disconnected our home phone so if you need to talk to us, just call my cell.” You watch Perry leave.

After the door is closed, you lean your forehead against it and take a deep breath trying to get your thoughts straight and hoping for a quick decision from the DA. You don’t know how long you could handle this distance and not talking.

 

\---

The DA seemed to be happy with taking his time and getting his face on the news as often as possible. It made you sick, watching the news and seeing how much he was enjoying the lime light meanwhile Laura, you, all your friends, and the department were all sitting there waiting to see what was going to happen and trying to get your lives back to normal. 

It has been 4 weeks since the shooting. Laura was more distant from you than ever. The first couple weeks you noticed the distance beginning. First, at night in bed she started to drift away from you until she wouldn’t touch you all together while you slept, placing a huge void between you in the bed. Just this last week, she began sleeping in the guest room, saying that she just needed some space and that your constant moving in bed was keeping her awake. It wasn’t just at night either, even at meals she would take her plate to another room or if she did sit at the table with you, she was across the table from you instead of next to you like normal and even then, very few words were spoken.

It wasn’t just the physical distance either. The two of you used to sit and talk at night about everything you had on your mind, about your day, about plans for the future, everything. You had really opened yourself up to her like no one else but Mattie had gotten you to do. But now, it was to the point that you would barely talk about the weather or what was on tv. It hurt. The woman you loved with everything in you was pulling away from you and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

Laura had changed her habits in the last couple weeks too. Instead of constantly sitting and reading or watching TV, she had been working out almost like a mad man. It started one morning at 3 a.m. when you were woken up by the sound of thumping. You went to your workout room and found her on the treadmill with a shirt full of sweat. When you asked her what she was doing all she would tell you was that she couldn’t sleep. That’s how the workouts started. Now, she was spending at least 5-6 hours a day in the workout room either running, hitting the weighted bag, or lifting. Not to say that you didn’t appreciate what the hours of working out was doing for her physique but you knew it wasn’t healthy. She was going to work herself into the ground.

You wanted to help her but most of all you wanted her to talk about what was bothering her. If she wasn’t comfortable talking to you about it, which hurt but you understood, then at least talk to someone or a professional. She was bottling up too much emotion and you were afraid that if she didn’t get it out, it would explode and you would be in that destruction radius. The one time you brought up the idea of going to talk to someone, Laura had immediately shut you down. Last week, you had even resorted to having LaF, Perry, Danny, and Kirsch (not all at the same time of course), come talk to her and when that didn’t work, you resorted to calling in her dad. 

“Dad, I’m FINE! You need to stop worrying about me. You ALL need to stop worrying about me. I know what I’m doing. I know what I did. I’m Fine. I can’t believe that she called you! Apparently she doesn’t think that I can handle this.” Laura was yelling now.

“Laura, don’t take this out on Carmilla. She’s just trying to do what she thinks is best for you.” Jack tried to reason with her.

“No she’s not! She has no idea what is ‘best for me.’ Neither do you! You both need to back off! I don’t know if I can handle it much more. I’m an adult and I can take care of myself. Carmilla’s not my mother and not my wife and she needs to know that I don’t need her pushing me or protecting me or whatever stupid thing she thinks she’s doing for me!” 

“Laura, she loves you. Probably more than you know. She just wants you to be ok.” Jack responds calmly.

“If she loved me she would quit trying to fix me. I don’t need to be fixed! She doesn’t understand that! She doesn’t understand any of this! You know what? If you want to do what is best for me right now…I think that you should leave before I get really angry because I love you Dad and I don’t know if I can keep myself from blowing up any more right now…” Laura’s voice pushed through the front door. 

You had given Jack and Laura space when he showed up by heading into the department for a little bit to check your mailbox and emails. You were just returning when you overheard the exchange as you stood on the door step just about to open the door. Suddenly the door swings open and Laura is standing on the other side of the door as Jack is walking towards the door. You’re frozen in place. You don’t know what to think of what you overheard. 

Jack seems to read the situation and know that you overheard everything. “Hey, Carmilla. Um, I was just leaving…I think there are some things that you two need to discuss.” He says as he walks out the door. 

Laura just stands there looking at you as you walk into the house. You can feel the tension and you almost don’t say anything but you cant help but need answers.

“So, I’m suffocating you?” You ask dejectedly.

“Carm, I just got done with this conversation with my dad, who you so impolitely seemed to have invited to come talk to me, I don’t want to get into this with you now.” Laura tries to reject the conversation.

“No. Of course not…because god forbid that you actually have a conversation with me that doesn’t include what we need to get at the grocery store! That would mean that you would actually have to sit down and talk to me. I’m not going to just let you walk away right now. You know I overheard what you said and if that is how you feel then I want to talk about it.” You knew this conversation was not going to be fun but it needed to be done. 

“Carm, really. I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Laura says as she turns to walk down the hall.

“No. You’re not going to just walk away this time. That’s what you have been doing to me for the last month! And I’ve let you. This time, that’s not going to happen. I’m your girlfriend, I love you, and I deserve to be treated as such and be able to have an actual conversation with you.” You try to keep the anger out of your voice. 

“Fine. You want this conversation. You want me to talk about what happened…fine. Let’s talk. I killed a man. I pulled the trigger, I watched as the bullets from my gun struck his body. I watched the blood splatter and then the blood stain his shirt as it flowed from his body. I watched as his body dropped to the ground like dead weight. I saw the blood pooling around his body on the ground as I started to put pressure on the wounds, knowing that it would do nothing for him. And then I watched as the light left his eyes and he took what I knew would be his final breath. I walked away as the medics tried to work on him, knowing that it would be useless. I killed a man, a father, a brother, a person’s friend, a neighbor. I did what I had to do because if I hadn’t it could have been me and you know what? I’m glad I did what I had to do because I don’t want to die. I got to go home that night. But you know what I didn’t get to do? I didn’t get to see you, the woman that supposedly loves me, for HOURS! You weren’t there. Where were you Carm? Huh?” Laura spat out.

“I was..” You tried to answer.

“Yeah…’training’ You were at a training. Bullshit. I was talking to one of the sergeants about the training you were supposedly at and they said that no one had been approved for training. I was going to ask Perry about it when that call came out. So you tell me Carm, you feel that as a person that allegedly loves me that I owe you an open and truthful conversation when you’ve been hiding secrets from me?” Laura’s eyes are full of rage and you’re so shocked that you don’t even get a chance to say anything before she continues.

“No. I owe you nothing. Not only for the fact that you lied to me about where you were but for the simple fact that you have never experienced what I’m going through right now so you don’t get the right to tell me what I need to do or how I should feel. I don’t trust you and because of that I don’t know if I can love you anymore either.” Laura turned again to leave but you found your voice.

“Don’t know how it feels? Don’t know how it feels?” Your voice raises. “That’s where you’re wrong. I know EXACTLY how this feels.” Laura stopped and turned to face you.

“I know exactly what it feels like to have the blood of another human being on my hands because it was me that put the 3 rounds in his chest. I know what it feels like to be in such terror that everything seems to slow down so much that each movement feels like a year! I know all about hating yourself in the days after and not wanting to talk to anyone. I drank myself unconscious every night, didn’t eat for days, told all my friends to fuck off. If it wasn’t for LaF and Perry, finding me on the floor of my apartment in a puddle of my own vomit with empty pill bottle in my hand that I took just trying to make the pain go away. They got me to the hospital in time for them to pump my stomach…” you trail off. “You know what…I’m going to grab some of my stuff and give you some space. You clearly don’t want me to be around if these last several weeks have been any indication.” 

You walk past Laura in the hallway to your bedroom and grab a bag and stuff it with several days worth of clothing and personal items before walking back into the hall. Laura has moved and is sitting on the couch when you get back into the living room.

“You never told me..” Laura started.

“No. I didn’t. There are some parts of my life that I have truly put behind me. Things that I don’t share with anyone…not even Mattie. But I got myself right. I got myself into a better place. I talked to a professional and I am a better person than I have ever been. I thought I made myself a person that could love and be loved, even after Ell. But apparently not. I guess I didn’t prove to you how much I love you and that you can trust me. Yeah I lied about the training but I wasn’t cheating on you. I would never do that.” You’re fighting back tears.

Laura sat on the couch, looking wearier than ever, “Then where were you and why couldn’t you be honest with me?” 

It almost breaks your heart to see her like this but then you remember her words to you and Jack before. You take the ring box that you had been carrying in your pocket since you got it, trying to keep it safe from her finding it. You place the ring box on the coffee table in front of her. She looks at the box and then back up at you with tears in her eyes.

“I was asking your dad for permission to marry you because you are my world and I love you with all my heart but I can see that right now I’m not your world. And I deserve better than that. I’ve done all I know to do to help you get better and to know that you have people that love you and want to help but you need to figure that out for yourself.” And you leave it at that, walking out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! More on it's way. Currently in the works!


	28. Distance and Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla walked out and Laura has some things to consider. (Not a very good summary...sorry it's late!)
> 
> Laura's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING-alcohol use. 
> 
> Sorry it's been a while. I've been working 16 hour work shifts the last few weeks and I've been exhausted with no time to write. Hope you enjoy! Next chapter is in the works as well.

The ring box sat on the coffee table not open but almost mocking you. Carmilla had dropped that bit of information and then walked out. You don’t know how long you had been sitting there just staring at that black box. Your mind was trying to process everything that had just happened. Carmilla had gotten you a ring and had asked your father for permission to marry you…. and not only that, she apparently knew what it was like to kill someone. How had you read everything so wrong? Had you been so far into your own mind that you had been trying to convince yourself that you were fine while trying to believe that it was everyone else around you that had been in the wrong?

Carmilla had walked out. Given up. You felt numb. Your mind didn’t have the ability to process this right now. It was too much to handle. You just needed something to take your mind off of everything that was happening. Exercise was normally your go-to but you didn’t even think that would handle it right now. Finally getting up to move, your feet took you to the kitchen where you grabbed a beer from the refrigerator, popped the top, and downed half of it in one swig. 

What was happening in your life? Just a month ago, you were doing so good. Your life was where you wanted it to be. You had a great job that you loved, the woman you planned to spend the rest of your life with, good friends, an active social life, and a healthy body. While your body was even better now due to your workouts, everything else seemed to have fallen to shit. After the meeting with Perry, you were pretty sure that you wouldn’t be going back to work because you didn’t need a therapist to sit there and say that “everything was ok.” You didn’t have any desire to see your friends as the last time you were at a bar-b-que with them, you could feel their looks of sadness and guilt for you and you didn’t need that because you were fine. 

Carmilla had left. You finish out the beer in your hand and grab another one. She had been treating you like you were broken and needed fixed. Well you aren’t broken! Carmilla had been constantly on you about talking and how “helpful” it was to talk to someone. Always around and asking if you were ok and trying to do things for you that you didn’t need help with. She would avoid talking about work when she got home as if to try to not feel you sad about not working. You had decided that if she felt like you were broken, you would show her that you didn’t need her help and that you weren’t broken. 

The other thing that you constantly had in the back of your mind was how carmilla had lied to you about the training. You had full right to be suspicious of what she was doing and where she was after you found about that there was no training. Why would she lie to you? Why was there something she had been hiding? Why couldn’t she just tell you where she had gone? So of course it was normal to have your mind jump to the thought that she was meeting someone else…wasn’t it? It’s not like people who are in good relationships have to lie about where they are going and why. So, hell yes, you had the right to be suspicious. 

The suspicious became even worse when you had time to think about the events of the night of the shooting. That night you had been so happy when she got there and just held you but as the days after continued and you had more time to think about what had happened the more the disgusting thoughts came into your head. She had been out of town when it happened and if it had been for actual training, you could understand why she was away and not there to hold you as everything seemed to be falling apart. But she wasn’t at training. You didn’t know where she was and the thought of her being in the arms of another woman while you were going through Hell had sickened you. She wasn’t there because she had been fucking another woman….the thought had soured you. 

 

Yes, you had pulled away a bit from her but you hadn’t realized that until she had said something during your fight. You had thought that if you showed you weren’t broken that she wouldn’t need to handle you with kid gloves. As you downed your third beer, you started to feel the lightheaded buzz and your mind shifted to another thing that Carmilla had said before she left you flat and off balanced. She had killed a person before. 

Almost a year of dating and knowing her and she hadn’t once mentioned anything about it. How could she keep something so personal from you? Of all the secrets she had shared with you, how could she not tell you about something like that? Your mind was going a mile a minute and you couldn’t put everything together and the beer wasn’t helping in that respect. You decided that you just needed to turn your brain off for once. Grabbing another couple beers, you found your way to back to the couch and turned the television on…not before moving the little black box out of your sight. You didn’t need that constant reminder of Carmilla right now, you think to yourself as you open the next bottle and get lost in mindless television.

\---

“Laura, I need you to come into the station and we need to discuss what your plans are from here with the department. Just give me a call back when you get this so we can set up a time to meet.” Perry’s voice on your voicemail made your stomach turn.

You didn’t know if you were quite ready to face this conversation. Everything had seemed to go down hill in your life in such a short amount of time. It had been a week since Carmilla had walked out. The first couple days you didn’t even try to call her. You didn’t know where to start. The nightmares had come back full force and you had woken up in a cold sweat and with a sore throat from your screams. You hadn’t realized how much her just being there had been able to calm you. It was these last few days that you had been trying to reach out to her but in vain. If she wanted to be off the grid, she knew how to do it. 

That first night she left, you pushed it off and tried to act that her leaving didn’t bother you at all. The alcohol had helped with pushing your feelings down for the night. However, the flood of feelings that overwhelmed you the next morning as you stumbled out of your bedroom in search of water and ibuprofen and saw the ring box sitting on the counter where you had moved it the night before. 

It had brought back the whole flood of emotion that you thought you could control. The next few days had been a blur of crying until you ran out of tears, holding onto the picture frame with the two of you from your last weekend away to the lake, and trying in earnest to get Perry or LaF or Danny to tell you where she was. You had thought that she would eventually have to come back sometime during the week to at least pick up a few more things from her closet or something but she had never been back.

All Perry would tell you is that Carm had taken a few extra days off work and didn’t tell her where she was going but that maybe it was for the better right now. LaF just shook their head and told you to give Carm some space and that she would come back around eventually. Danny wasn’t helpful at all. You even went so far as to talk to Kirsch but he was just as clueless as everyone else. It had been a week and no one had heard from her. Even LaF was willing to say that it was a little weird.

You were terrified that LaF was wrong and that Carmilla wouldn’t be back. You also couldn’t help your mind from wondering the worst. What if she was hurt? What if she left and hasn’t responded to anyone because she was hurt or even worse…but you tried to not bring yourself to think of that. Shaking that thought from your head, you grabbed your phone and dialed the number from heart. It went straight to voicemail as had all your last calls. The automated voice told you to leave a message.. 

“Carm, hey…it’s me….again. Listen…I know you don’t want to talk to me and I get it. I was a jerk and only thinking of myself and I guess I was so far lost in my head that I forgot that you were there and trying to help and….I’m rambling sorry…Just. It’s been a week and no one has heard from you and I’m not asking you to call me or text me or anything….but I mean if you want to that would be great because I would really like to talk with you, but could you just call Perry or LaF or Danny or someone and let us know that you are still alive? So yeah, please just let us know you aren’t lying in the ditch somewhere dead beca..” the beep of the phone cut you off and you just sigh.

Well you tried. Again. It was also about time you returned Perry’s call. You didn’t know what you wanted to do at this point but you knew you couldn’t put off the decision much longer. The thought of going to a psychiatrist to be able to get back to work still didn’t appeal to you and you weren’t sold on it but it was worth the conversation with Perry at least. Maybe you could find a way to talk her out of making you go. The phone call didn’t take long and you set up an appointment for next week. “Might as well get this over with.” You thought.

\---

The entire drive to the station, your stomach started doing flips. You figured that you would have some type of emotional effect on you but you hadn’t even considered that there would be a physical effect. When you pulled into the parking lot, you felt your hands shaking and the sweat starting to bead on the back of your neck. It was getting close to the meeting time so you decided that you finally had to get out of your car, though the thought of just calling Perry and saying that your car wouldn’t start so you could miss this meeting had been tempting but that wasn’t who you were and you didn’t want to lie. Sucking it up, you got out of your car and walked into the building, being greeted by other officers and office workers with a mix of both friendly welcomes, side glances and whispers, and a those blatantly staring at you. If there was ever a time you felt like running to the bathroom to puke, now was it. 

You finally made it to Perry’s office after being stopped by a few other officers asking how you were doing. Of course, you said that you were doing fine and ready to be back to work.

“Come in” Perry calls from behind the closed door and you slowly enter. “Hey Laura! It’s good seeing you. Please take a seat.” She gestured to the 2 chairs in front of her desk.

After taking a seat, you let out the breath you didn’t even know you had been holding and wipe the sweat off your palms onto the seat’s arms. “How are you doing, Laura?” Perry tries to start out the conversation easily but you don’t want to spend more time than needed on this conversation.

“Could we just get to the point please Perry. I just want to have this conversation behind me.” You asked trying to keep the bile threatening at the back of your throat down.

“Ok.” Perry replied dejectedly. “Well, Laura, I know you have been going through some rough times but with the grand jury clearing you in the shooting as justified, we have come to a point that you need to make a decision. If you don’t feel as though you can return to duty, there are a few options that you have. You can talk to your union rep and see about the possibility of going out on medical retirement with your sick leave and vacation and benefits paid out. You can continue to burn your sick leave and vacation time until you feel like you are ready to return to work or you could resign and but you would forfeit any sick leave or vacation hours that you have earned.” Perry explained.

“The other option is if you want to return to active patrol duty, you will be required to be evaluated by the departmental psychologist to see if you are mentally fit to be put back into the rotation.” Perry finished and looked at you waiting for your response. 

“Look Laura, you are a good officer and a good friend. It’s hard for me to see you struggling with this. You know you can talk to any of us and we will be here for you. I know things are a little complicated with Carmilla right now but just give her some time. It’s been hard on her too.” Perry tried to comfort you but it didn’t feel like comfort at all. It just brought everyting you had been thinking over the weeks back to the forefront of your thoughts.

So many things going through your head. Initially you had no doubt about returning to work but you thought that the fact you would be required to see a psychiatrist was bullshit. Now however, with everything seeming to be falling apart in your life, you weren’t so sure. You hadn’t spoken to your dad since your fight because you didn’t feel like you were ready to talk to him or even ready to receive his advice. He had never been through what you were going through. Carm had though. That thought had been in your mind so often over the last couple weeks. How were you supposed to make the decision right now of what your future in your career held? 

“Perry, I know that I have been putting this off but you know that my life is complicated right now. Is there anyway that I can wait until Friday to give you an answer? I just need to get my head on straight and I’ve been a little distracted lately.” You request and hope that Perry will take a little pity on you.

Perry looked at you and seemed to be making a decision before she spoke. “I can give you until the end of the business day on Friday, no later. After that, the decision is out of my hands.” 

“Thank you Perry. I will let you know by then.” You stand and make your way towards the door. You stop just as your hand touches the handle and turn back to Perry. “Is she at least ok? Have you seen her?”

Perry sighs, “I think you need to talk to her about how’s she doing. She’ll talk when she’s ready to talk.”

“What if she’s never ready to talk?” You drop your eyes and ask while holding back the tears.

“She loves you Laura. Just give her time.” Perry answers back as you turn to leave. “Oh and for the record, I think you’re an amazing officer and I would really hate to see you quit. You’ve got a lot of fight in you.”

“Thanks Perry.” You say as you leave her office.

The walk back through the building isn’t as emotional as the walk in. You have a lot on your mind. You have to really sit down and make a decision about your future. Would you choose to just walk away from the job that you had spent your whole life working towards? Would it just be easier to walk away? Walk away from the job? Walk away from Carmilla? Could you even do that? You were so locked away in your thoughts that you didn’t even see the person step out into the hallway right in front of you from the locker room until you both collided into each other.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying att…” You start as you reach out and grab the person’s arm to keep them steady. “…Carm?” She turned to look at you when she recognized your voice. 

“Uh yeah. Sorry about that. I was, yeah um, in a hurry.” Carmilla responded as though she wasn’t really quite sure what to say. 

You noticed that you still had a hold of her arms and quickly released your hold, dropping your arms to your side. There were so many things you wanted to say but none of them seemed to come to your mind. So you stand there just looking at her. She does the same. You’re not sure how much time has passed but the slam of a door behind you jerks you both out of your moment.

“Um yeah. I’m sorry I’ve got to get going.” She says quickly and starts to walk away.

“Hey..Carm…I…..” You wish your brain wasn’t being stupid right now. “I miss you.” 

She looked at you and she opened and closed her mouth as if she was going to say something but thought better of it. “I’ve got to get going. Sorry.” And with that, she walked away, taking another piece of you.

Maybe walking away was what you needed to do to.

\---

Crushed. That’s how you felt in every sense of the word. So much had happened. So many decisions that you needed to make so what did you do? You put them off. Running into Carmilla at the station today was the last thing you expected and then when you finally were able to tell her that you missed her.. she walked away, again.

Everything seemed to be blurring together from the day. Upon arriving back home, you immediately grabbed a beer in an effort to numb the pain of the less than happy interaction you had with Carmilla. One beer turned into three and three turned into six. Your mind was hazy and you felt like you were floating. 

A part of you wanted to be alone tonight but the other half of you needed someone to talk to. You first tried calling Perry but the call went straight to voicemail. As time went on through the evening, the level of your intoxication rose with the number of text messages you tried sending. As you scrolled through the list of contacts in your phone, you stilled as Carmilla’s number highlighted on the screen. In your cloudy mind, you must have thought it was a good idea to call her because the next thing you know you are talking into her voicemail. You seem satisfied with your message so you close your phone out and just as you send off another message to LaF, your phone dies. You couldn’t remember where you had last put your charger so you just threw your phone on the kitchen counter and forgot about it.

All you wanted was to talk to Carm but she blew you off. You hadn’t realized how much you missed her until you actually admitted it to her. Everything felt off. She was your best friend and lover and somehow, you had managed to destroy that. She couldn’t even stand to be near you more than a few seconds. All these thoughts were circling through your head as you sat on the couch trying to figure out something to get your mind off of it all. Then you realize that even the house you were sitting in was hers. She had tried to make it both of your’s too. She made room in her life for you, in her house. The memories of the conversations you both had, the laughs and the gatherings flooded your mind. 

You walked into the workout room that she had remodeled for you while you were at the academy and looked around the room. You looked at the pictures of the two of you, so happy together. You couldn’t help but think of all the wonderful moments you had in the house, the locations you had made love, and the sweet whispers she spoke in the afterglow. The tears continued to threaten as you tried to force them down with another drink, only to find the bottle you were holding was empty. The alcohol cabinet you had and the refrigerator was empty of everything else so you decided it was time for a store run…or walk.

After making it to the local liquor store, you were walking on the side walk with an open bottle in your hand, just staring up at the night sky as you walked. The alcohol was finally starting to close your mind of all thoughts. You continued to walk but you didn’t want to go back home…because it wasn’t your home and there were too many memories to deal with so you just wandered down the sidewalk. 

You weren’t sure where exactly you were when you saw the cop car drive down the street. You quickly tried to hide the beer you were holding but in your current state, it was less than inconspicuous. The car continued to drive by and you thought you were in the clear when the spot light turned on and left you almost blinded. You just squinted through the light and tried to figure out who the officers were.

“Laura?” You heard a familiar voice say.

“Danny?” Your thick tongue making the word sound jumbled. You raised your hand up to block the light and try to see who the voice was coming from. 

“Damn it Laura. Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” Danny’s voice moved closer towards you and you hear the other car door open and close. 

You tried walking towards the light and Danny’s voice only to trip on the curb as it fell to the street. Your balance had already been compromised from the alcohol and you started to fall towards the ground with your feet tangled under you.

Your brain was too slow to react to get your feet under you so you just brace for the solid impact with the ground that never came. Instead of the hard concrete, you feel yourself wrapped in a pair of arms that you assume are Danny’s. 

“Damn it Laura. How drunk are you?” You hear someone say but it’s muffled as you are still trying to set yourself up straight and back on your feet but for some reason your feet don’t want to cooperate.

“Let’s just get her in the car and back home.” You are sure is Danny’s voice but you’re too focused on trying to figure out who the other person is that is there. The bright spotlight is still obscuring your already blurry vision.

“Good call. Help me get her to the car.” Before you can say that you’re fine and don’t need help, you feel the arms wrap under your arms and shoulders and you are almost carried to the squad car by two sets of arms. 

The back door to the squad car is opened and you feel one set of arms removed from you but the other stays as they gently place you in the back seat. The door beside you then closes and the two front doors of the car open and close. 

“Where are you taking me Danny?” You slur your words as you ask.

“We’re taking you home.” You can hear the bit of pity in her voice.

“I don’t have a home….It’s Carm’s home. It’s empty without her there.” You say sadly as the alcohol finally catches up to you and you pass out.

The next thing you recall is that you feel like you are floating and not in the drunk way but actually floating over the ground. It takes you a minute but you realize that you are being carried. The arms under you are strong but gentle. You feel the elevation change as you are carried up the couple steps of the porch. The rattle of the keys in the door and then the door opening tells you that you must be back at the house. A couple more seconds and you feel yourself being placed in your bed as the mattress gives way under your weight. 

“Hey, if you’re good, I just got a call I’ve got to take. Call me if you need anything else.” Danny says after you hear the squawk of her radio.

“I’ve got her. Thanks for helping me find her Danny.” Carmilla’s voice finally registers as you hear the door open and close again as Danny leaves. Carmilla leaves the room but returns quickly with a glass of water and a couple aspirin.

“Carm? Hey..” You say. She’s knelt down beside you at eye level.

“Hey.” She brushes some of the hair that had fallen in front of your eyes back behind your ear. “So how much have you had to drink tonight?”

“You’re here…” You start to tear up.

“Laura, I need to know how much you had to drink tonight. I want to make sure you’re going to be ok.” Carmilla tries to reason with you and you search her eyes and find nothing but care and concern.

“Quite a bit but I’ll be fine.” You say and she keeps eye contact with you searching to see if you were telling the truth. She seems convinced as she starts to get up. You’re overcome with panic that she’s going to leave again and you reach out and grab her wrist.

“No! Please don’t go. Don’t leave me again.” You can’t keep the panic from your voice or the tears from streaming down your face. You wouldn’t be able to take it if she left again. 

You’re pawing at her arm as she turns back to you. “Laura..Laura. Hey…” She tries to soothe you.

“Please….Please…” The panic continued to rise. You were on the verge of a panic attack.

“Laura.” She slides into the bed next to you. She wraps her arms around you as you grasp onto her tighter. “Shhh…I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you. I’m here. Just go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Her arms squeezed you gently and your sobs started to subside. You just kept clinging onto her as if you were afraid she would be gone again in the morning. But her gentle words continued and you were finally able to breathe normally. You started to drift in and out of sleep and you finally succumbed to sleep after the feel of her lips pressed against your forehead.


	29. A Long Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura deal with the separation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all...sorry about it being so long since I updated...I worked 27 of 30 days this last month and then had an injury that required surgery to my hand so it left me without use of one hand...between the surgery pain and how loopy these pain pills make me feel I did my best with error checks too...so I know this is a shorter chapter but I'm trying here! :)

Her arms are wrapped around you as though she’s afraid that you’re not real. Her sobs had slowly subsided as her breaths became more even as she gave into the sleep she apparently really needed. She smelled of beer and rum but there was still that little scent that wafted through the others that was just uniquely Laura. She always smelled of honey and vanilla with just a hint of chocolate. You savored that smell and continued to run your fingers through her hair absentmindedly.

As you lay in the bed with her you couldn’t help but give a small scoff. When you started your day today, you didn’t anticipate that this would be where you ended it. In fact, you figured that you would be on your motorcycle half way across the state by now. You had worked it out with the captain for your short leave from work. He was actually rather glad to have you finally taking some vacation time off the books. You needed to clear your head. It had gotten so clouded the last couple of weeks. 

You had left Laura standing there after revealing the ring that you had gotten her. She screamed at you that you didn’t understand. That you could never understand what she was going through. And just like that, you spilled one of the worst moments of your life with her. Though you had shared horrible stories of your past, your abusive mother and others, this was one thing you had never thought you would give away. It had stunned her into silence and if truth be told, it stunned you too. You don’t know if you were ready to share or you were finally just done with her pity party that you just spewed it out, dropped that bomb as well as the ring, and walked away. 

After you had gotten away from the house and to your regular bar with had a few drinks in you, you had been slightly regretting your reaction to Laura’s blow up and started considering just going back home and trying to make it right. You had made the decision to just go back and apologize when you stood up from the bar and realized that you may have had more to drink than you originally thought when the room started to spin. Larry, the bartender, saw your moment of hesitation and you’re unsure footing and quickly pointed out that you were in no shape to drive before taking your keys from you. With your car keys firmly in Larry’s hands, you had no choice but to call someone for a ride and that sure wasn’t going to be Laura given your state of intoxication and the fear of what more you might say. A quick phone call to LaF and a few glasses of water later, they texted you that they were outside bar.

They were surprised when you emerged without Laura which lead to a conversation about what happened, leaving out a few things of course since they didn’t know about your past experience. You had expected them to just tell you to go and make up with Laura but you were surprised when they offer to have you stay with them until you could get your head on straight. 

That had lasted a couple weeks. Each day you missed Laura more but you knew that you deserved better than how she had been treating you. Laura needed time to get herself together and right now you weren’t in the best headspace to be of any help and you seemed to be more of a problem for her than a help. Though she had been texting you, you ignored it. She didn’t want you there, she had said so herself and you didn’t want to deal with the belated guilt that Laura felt after your argument. It was just best that you both took some time away from each other. 

That line of thought was what had you packing your bags and talking to the captain. You needed some time away to think and you couldn’t do that if every time you went to work that you saw her locker or every time you passed the training room you kept thinking about the times you spent rolling around on the mats with her. You were ready to go. Everything had been cleared. You at least thought you were ready, until you were leaving the captains office and Laura collided with you. 

It had taken every bit of strength you had left to walk away from her again. As you walked away, you felt the pull of your heart back to her and with every step you felt a piece of your breaking. When you made it to the parking lot and put your helmet on, you swallowed the lump in your throat that threatened the tears and you knew that you couldn’t leave… not just yet.

You’re glad you didn’t. Laura had scared the hell out of you. You would have never thought that Laura would harm herself. Not in a million years. But as you sat in your room at LaF and Perry’s watching the Vampire Diaries, your phone lit up saying that you had a new voicemail from Laura. Funny, you hadn’t even heard it ring. Against your better judgement, or maybe it was just the final breakdown in your will, you listened to the voicemail. At first you couldn’t even believe it was Laura as her words were so slurred and thick tongued that you had difficulty determining what she was saying.

“Heeeyy, Carm… Carmilllaaaa. Carmilllaa Karnsteinnnnna.. sooo…I know thatchu pretty much hate me right now and hey…who’s to blame you huh? I mean I’ve beeeeen a pretty pretty pretty terrible person lately.. To my dad, to LaF and *hiccup* Perry….to myself…and you. *sniff* I just want to call and saythathey…I get it…I get why you left..why you keep leaving. Who would want to be with a person that is selfish and blind and gives unrealistic demands…” a long pause where you think you heard her drinking, “You deserve so much better Carm. You are a wonderful person and you deserve so much more than what I can give you. I’m broken..I try to be strong and disaffected but I can’t be….I just want you to be happy. I miss you but I’m not worthy of you and your love and your perfect jawline and amazing kisses. So I just want to say that You don’t have to worry about me anymore. You can have your house back. I don’t know if I have the right to say this anymore but I love you Carm……” 

Your entire body went cold. What did she mean you didn’t have to worry about her anymore? As if you could ever not worry about her. You immediately tried calling her back but there was no answer. You had never experienced the level of terror in your body as you did at that moment. When you had heard the shots during that chase where you thought Laura was shot didn’t even compare to the feeling you had then. Maybe it was because at the moment of the shooting, you knew you were close and that you could get to her but now, you had no idea where she was or what she meant by “going away” and the feeling that you not returning the calls or text messages from her this last week may be the reason why she would even think of leaving or hurting herself. How could you be so stupid?

You had called Danny knowing that you needed to have more than one set of eyes on this and you knew if you told LaF or Perry that there would be bad consequences for Laura for her job and in her life if you had just misinterpreted her meaning. Danny didn’t ask any questions when you told her on the phone that you needed her to pick you up and you had to find Laura right away. Within 5 minutes she was outside the house and you were on your way.

Danny had almost driven by her when you were searching. You made the quick sight of a small person stumbling all over the sidewalk and told Danny to stop and lit up the person with a spotlight. You knew immediately it was Laura and the panic that had set in your stomach started to subside. 

She was as drunk as you had ever seen her which worried you that she might have alcohol poisoning but she was adamant that she hadn’t drank enough to be at that point. Danny helped you get her back home and into bed without even asking really what was happening before making a quiet exit. All that had lead you up to this point. Laura pulling you into bed and into her arms begging you not to leave. As if you could after this night. You weren’t going anywhere. So you settled in against her familiar warmth and listened to her steady breath. 

\---

“Carm, you’re still here.” Laura’s whispered words pulled you from your thoughts. It was the wee hours of the morning and you hadn’t slept at all. There were too many things running around in your head but all those thoughts are set aside as you look into her watery eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m still here Cupcake.” You respond and she pulls you closer. 

Her smile is slight. “I thought for sure you would leave. I miss this. How you feel in my arms. Your warm. Your smell…” She moves slowly but deliberately. You feel her wrap her hand on your neck and pull you in.

You smell the alcohol still on her breath as she pulls your lips to hers. This kiss is light at first as it feels like she is just testing the waters and you return it. She continues to kiss you lightly until you feel her moving. You suddenly feel her move over top of you, straddling your legs, and kissing you fiercely. Your hands automatically moved to her hips as you feel her moving against you. You kiss her back. Her hands roam your body as her hips continue to move against yours. The sharp breaths she takes and the small moans that you swallow through your kisses. 

Everything feels so good and you missed her touch so much but something just doesn’t feel right about it. Your brain is in conflict between the amazing feeling of having her on top of you and the knowledge that this just doesn’t feel right. Against every nerve in your body, you know have to stop this before it goes any further.  
“Laura,” you say as you pull your lips away from her and move your hands to stop her rolling hips. She chases your lips but you turn your head to the side. This doesn’t deter her as she just starts kissing your sensitive neck. You almost lose your resolved because damn you’re only human after all but you hold her hips steady pull your body back from her. “Laura. Stop.”

The solid tone of your voice must have gotten through to her as she stops kissing your neck and looks at you.

“Laura. I’m sorry but we can’t do this right now.” You continue and the look on her face tugs at your stomach.

She moves off of you and lays flat on her back separating herself from you and turning her head. “Ok…I’m sorry…of course…I don’t know what I was thinking..I get it..you don’t want to….” She begins and you can hear her fighting back the tears.

You turn to her and move to eliminate the space she put between you. Her head is turned from you so you slowly move her chin so that she’s facing you and you see the tears. You move your thumb to catch the next tear that started to roll down her cheek.

“Laura, Hey” You cut her off before she continues on her self-deprecating rant, “…It’s not that I don’t want to, because believe me I do. But you’re still drunk and emotions are running high for both of us and we still have a lot to talk about. If we had sex…well…I just don’t want to do anything that we would regret before we’ve had a chance to actually talk.” 

She looks at you through her clouded eyes and she seems to understand what you’re saying. She moves her hand to wipe the next tear from her eyes and looks at you again with her big doe eyes. She swallows, “So you still want to be with me? Even after all the bad things I’ve done and said?”

The insecurity that you hear in her voice breaks your heart and you move in and give her a gentle kiss. “Of course sweetie. You may be a bit of a train wreck right now…but you’re my train wreck.” You smile and you see the faint hint of a smile on her face too. “And hey, speaking as a former train wreck myself, what kind of person would I be to leave you trying to figure how to put the cars back on the track?” You give her another small kiss.

She smiles and returns the kiss and then snuggles back closer into your arms. She settles down and you almost think that she fell back asleep when you hear her say, “What do you mean FORMER train wreck?” You can feel her small giggle as you poke her in the side and then you both settle back in and fall asleep.

 

\---

The sound of the shower pulls you from your sleep. The throbbing in your head is only exacerbated when you try to open your eyes. Ug. You hated hangovers. Why did you drink so much last night? You roll over and look at the clock. 12:30 pm. Ug well good thing you didn’t have any plans for the morning. As you looked at the clock, you saw the glass of water, bottle of Gatorade, and a few aspirin sitting on the side table. Without hesitation you took the pills, downed the glass of water, and cracked open the lime green Gatorade. After taking a couple sips of it, you close your eyes and roll back over in bed before the sound of the running water brought reminded you of the events last night. 

Carm was here. She had come back for you though you’re not sure you deserved it. She was sweet to you. She had even rejected your drunken romantic advances in the sweetest way imaginable. She didn’t want to take advantage of you and your mental state of mind. Even now, she had set out your hangover remedy. You lay in bed thinking about everything that had happened last night. You both still had a lot to talk about but you feel more sure of yourself on those grounds now knowing that Carm was there. Everything running through your head and still you come to one thought, “what have I done to have such a wonderful woman love me?”

You’re brought out of your thoughts when the bedroom door opens and Carmilla steps into the room fully clothed and drying her hair with a towel. She doesn’t seem to notice that you’re awake so you take the chance to just watch her. God she’s beautiful. You don’t know how much time has passed when she turns around and sees you’re awake. She moves over to the bed and you feel the give in the mattress as she sits beside you.

“Hey” She says and she tucks a small strand of hair that had fallen in front of your eyes back behind your ear. “How are you feeling?”

You trap her hand against her cheek with your hand before she can move it and you turn and place a soft kiss against her palm. “I’m feeling ok. Thank you for the aspirin and water.” 

“Of course. Just relax today.” She smiles and moves back off the bed towards the dresser and continues to finish drying her hair. As soon as she was done she walked out of the room, leaving you still lying in bed sipping on Gatorade. 

You’re slowly falling back to sleep when a heavenly smell pulls you from the edges of slumber. Your legs lead you to the kitchen without thought where you find Carmilla standing next to the stove. The sound of your footsteps across the floor alerts her to your presence.

“Hey. I hope you’re hungry for some chocolate pancakes.” She smiles and turns back around, slides a new pancake onto a plate, turns off the stove, and brings a couple plates and the pancakes over to the table. You both take a couple and sit eating without words. The pancakes are delicious as always and take the final edge off your hangover. The silence between the two of you, however, feels weird.

 

As more time goes by and the lack of conversation, the more the thoughts of last night go through your mind. You want to ask her but you’re afraid that it will just cause her to leave again. Finally, you decide that you have to know.

“Why are you here?” You ask and she stops mid bite and looks up at you with a questioningly. Before she can ask, you continue, “I mean, I’ve been terrible to you for weeks now. I get that. Why would you come back?”

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and you think she’s trying to figure out what she wants to say. “You scared me last night Laura. I got that voicemail …talking about leaving..” She shuddered. “I tried calling you but your phone went straight to voicemail.” She trailed off. She appeared to be having a hard time continuing so you take her hand and she automatically interlaces your fingers with hers. After a few seconds of just looking at your interlocked fingers, it seems to give her what she needs to find her words.

“I called the others and they said they received some weirds texts from you too and when Danny came by to check on you and you didn’t answer the door.. I panicked. I felt like everything in my world had shrunk.” She collected herself and took a deep breath. “I’m not leaving you Laura.” A tear ran down her cheek as she looked you in the eye. “I know you’ve been going through a lot and I know I that I’m not always as open emotionally but I can’t leave you Laura. I won’t leave you. I love you Laura...even if you decided not to come back to work. I'd love you even if you were a plumber!"

With that she finishes and seems to wait for you to say something but you don’t know what to say. All you could do was to pull bring her hand to your lips. You kissed the back of her hand as you moved your other hand behind her neck and pulled her in for a gentle kiss. Though the kiss is gentle, it holds everything you feel and when you finally break from it, you are both left breathing hard.

With your foreheads still touching and holding hands, you say with confidence. “I want to go to the department psychologist.”


	30. Small & Big Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more of a glimpse into Carmilla's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I"m back! Sorry about the delay (yeah, months I know). between personal issues with anxiety, health issues, and writer's block, it's been a hard few months but I have found my love of writing again so I give you a 5K word chapter to help make up for it and I am already working on the next chapter. hope you enjoy

The first few meetings with Jamie, the department “shrink,” had not been great. While you had been ready to go physically, your mind just didn’t seem to agree to open up quite yet. You had been expecting her to push and push you which has always been more of a put off for you and tends to close you off more but that wasn’t the case. Carm had told you that it wasn’t going to be what you had expected. After you had told her that you were ready to go, you both sat down and had a deep conversation of what would happen and that Jamie was very patient. Carm still hadn’t told you exactly how or why she knew it but you knew that you shouldn’t push as she became very quiet when you tried to ask. 

Jamie wasn’t what you had expected at all. You had pictured a dank little office with a couch and a chair for her to sit with her clipboard and constantly ask, “and how does that make you feel?” What you got instead was a larger open room with ceiling to floor windows, plants, and greenery all around the room, bookshelves with books, games, and photos, and you thought you saw a few tubs of Play Doh. 

The receptionist had told you to go right in when you checked in for your first appointment. As you had walked into the room, you found Jamie sitting at a table with a puzzle torn apart and cursing as she tried to find a corner piece. You had made your presence known by clearing your throat and she looked up asked you to sit down and help her find the “damnable corner piece.” That’s how it started out, low pressure, and now here you are talking with Jamie about needing to open up about your shooting if not with her then with Carmilla at least. At the end of the session, you agree with her but you’re still not sure how to broach the topic.

That is where you find yourself as you are making dinner and waiting for Carm to get back from the end of her shift. She had called you right after she finished signing off and you knew you had approximately 20 minutes for her to change and make it back home so you had to try and figure out how you were going to bring it up. You were still standing at the stove stirring the stir fry and lost in your own thoughts when you heard the garage door open and then a couple minutes later you feel arms slowly circle your waist. 

“Mmmmm. Smells delicious.” Carm says as she places her head on your shoulder.

“It’s chicken stir fry, just like you like it.” You smile as she turns and gives you a small peck on the cheek before she unwraps her arms and starts walking down the hall.

“You’re amazing, you know that? I’m going to go clean up and I’ll be right back to help out.” She says and you hear the bathroom door close and the shower start. 

After about 15 minutes, she turns back up in the kitchen and you put her to work with setting the table. She’s humming a little tune as she places the place mats, silverware, and places glasses of water on the table. It’s moments like this that you realize the depth of love you have for her. As soon as the table is made, you bring the two plates over and join her. She smiles at you as you join her.

“So how was your day Cupcake?” She asks before taking a bite.

“It was good. I got a lot done around the house. Cleaned up your nasty clothes that you seem to like to throw everywhere. And would you please pick up your disgusting protein shaker bottles from the workout room before they mold and start walking on their own?” You chastise her as you know she will whine about it but will listen nonetheless. 

“You know you leave stuff around too…” 

“Yes, but my things don’t require a HazMat callout to determine if it’s dangerous to life and health!” You rebut.

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad.” She smiles.

“Trust me, I have the Captain of the Haz Mat team on speed dial!” You joke back.

“Hey now, Tom loves me and would be happy to take the call, especially if he knows I have beer available!” She retorts and you can’t help but smile because she’s totally telling the truth. 

The rest of the meal is eaten with stories from the day. Carm had her hands full with a teenager that took a baseball bat to her boyfriend’s car after she found out he cheated on her and you tell her about your battle with the 5 year old at the grocery store over the last package of cookies. Carmilla seemed astonished when the story ended with you giving the cookies up but you shrugged and stated how could you not after she gave you the biggest puppy eyes you had seen. 

When dinner was cleared you made your way into the living room when Carmilla insisted that you cooked so she would clean and you weren’t going to fight that logic. The news didn’t have anything that interested you so instead you put in a movie and settled yourself in on the couch. You’re not sure exactly how much time had passed when Carmilla joined you, handing you a steamy cup of cocoa. You moved over and held out the blanket to allow her to curl up beside you and you both just enjoyed the closeness while you watched the movie. 

The movie was one you had watched many times over and you found yourself constantly looking at Carmilla, seeing how the light from the television reflected in her eyes as she watched the movie intently. She is so beautiful and you can’t help but think to yourself how lucky you are that you still have her. 

It’s been several weeks since your melt down and you haven’t been intimate since as you haven’t felt able to put your mind in the right mood or place to give all of yourself to her. It’s not that you don’t want her because, hey, she’s gorgeous and wonderful, but you just haven’t been in that mindset. Carm has been wonderfully understanding. She hasn’t pushed you and you know she won’t. You know she cares and you can tell in the light touches she gives you, the heat of her arm against yours, just letting you know that she’s still there. 

 

“Do I have something on my face Cutie?” You hear her ask you somewhere in the back of your mind. You hadn’t noticed just how long you had been staring. 

“I know that I’m hot but this whole ‘staring without blinking’ thing is a little Silence of Lambs-y.” She jokes and you know she’s trying to get you to smile. 

“I love you.” You whisper and you watch her expression change from the goofy smile to a more reserved smile as her face softens. 

“I love you too.” She responds and moves to intertwine your fingers on your free hand.

She absentmindedly plays with your fingers and soothes her thumb over your palm as you put the cocoa cup down and move your hand to cup her cheek.

“Carm, thank you for being so patient with me. I know I haven’t made it easy on you.” You say in earnest.

“Laura, that’s where you’re wrong. It is easy for me. Loving you is easy. It’s the thought of losing you that’s hard. I know things are different for you right now but I’m sure you’ll find your way and I’ll be here holding your hand and willingly letting you drag me anywhere. We’ll get there together. No matter how long it takes.” 

At those words, you couldn’t help but move forwards and connect your lips with hers. She kisses back softly until you both have to take a breath before connecting your lips again. You feel one of her hands move to your hip and the other move to the back of your neck but she doesn’t push you to take it any further than the kiss. 

When you both break apart again you’re both breathless. You lean your forehead against hers and softly say, “I’m not quite ready for sex but if you’re ok with it, I could really go for a good makeout session.” 

You feel her smile rather than see it. She moves her hand from your hip and places it across her heart, “Cupcake, it would be an honor and a privilege to make out with you!” You can’t help but chuckle before again pulling her in for another kiss.

 

\---

Patience and understanding are two things that had never completely been your strong suit especially when it came to taking down jerks that didn’t think the law applied to them. So it was no surprise to Danny, LaF, or Perry when you exploded in frustration as each lead that you chased ended up in a dead end trying to find the murderers who had now killed 2 people, including an officer. Everyone in the station felt it, the tension but no one as much as you. Two people were dead and you wanted justice. Not only that, it appeared that this morning, they had made the jump from convenience stores and had robbed a bank in the next town over. You had been calling the investigators from the other department all morning trying to get information. 

Not only was work going slow and building your frustration, your home life had been off-kilter too. Laura was doing good and her therapy was going great but there was something missing. An intimacy that was lacking. You were patient with her, one area of your life that you were able to actually express patience, and you would never push her to rush back into anything but you also missed the intimacy. 

There was also the fact that a few nights ago Laura had come home from therapy and had express more interest in finding out what your experience had been when you told her that you knew what it felt like to shoot and kill someone. You know that the fact that you had experienced the feelings too would help her know that she wasn’t alone but it had just struck a nerve and you had shut down. Her experience was different from yours and you wrestled with trying to decide if you should open up about it. You had put those thoughts and feelings in a box and shoved it far back into the recesses of your memory, wishing to never have to deal with it again. You loved Laura but should she be privy to even your most personal feelings if it would help her through her own?

You sat at your desk with the office phone in your hand, on hold, while the dimwit on the other end looked for the information you had requested and contemplated the idea of whether or not to tell her. You were pulled from your thoughts when the phone clicked back to life and you listened to the lab tech on the other end of the line.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???” You yelled into the phone before slamming down the receiver, effectively ending the call and breaking the phone. 

With your sudden outburst, everyone in the small office/cubicle area turned their heads and you saw Perry poke her head out of her office.

“OFFICER KARNSTEIN! My Office! Now.” Perry ordered and you begrudgingly got up and moved to her office, closing the door on the way in.

“I’m sorry sarge, that was the lab from the other department and they said they weren’t able to get any usable prints or stills of their faces from the bank security cameras due to masks and gloves they wore.” you start angrily explaining the reason for your outburst.

“Listen Carmilla, I understand that you are frustrated with this case. The entire department is frustrated with this because it’s personal but..” Perry starts explaining but you don’t let her finish.

“You’re damn right it is personal! These people have no regard for authority or life and as long as they are on the street, every officer is facing even more danger and now they seemed to have upped the ante. We need to stop them before someone else gets killed.” You exclaimed.

“Carmilla, I know you and I are friends and we both know you are one of the best officers that I have to put on this case but if you interrupt me again, I will not hesitate to take you off this case. Understood?” Perry warned and with that tone in her voice, you knew she meant it so you nodded and waited for her to continue. “We are working together with the other department hand in hand. We need to keep that open line of communication going and that won’t happen if you blow up each time you get bad news on this case. You have been stressed to the max with what is happening with Laura. I’m giving you the weekend off, starting right now. You are not to call anyone regarding the case. If more information comes in and it’s pertinent that you have it, I will contact you. Otherwise, I suggest you take this weekend and figure out something to relieve some stress. Got it?”

Everything in you wants to argue that you don’t need the time and that it is just stupid making you take time off the same day that another robbery happened but you have known Perry for a long time and you know if you even think about arguing that you will be off the case for good. With that in mind, you just nod your head and head out towards your locker. The only thing that you can think about right now is your frustration and you need to do something to blow it off.

 

The smell of the departmental workout room is a mixture of that of a boys locker room with the almost over powering smell of fruity air freshners trying desperately to cloak it. That was something that you really didn’t pay much attention to as you pounded out another mile on the treadmill. You had blocked out how far you had gone, just trying to burn off some frustration and clear your mind. Somehow, though, your mind always kept coming back to Laura. How much should you divulge about yourself and your past?

The sound of the door slamming open broke you from your thoughts. LaF strode up to you with their big grin.

“Hey there! Heard you got to see the hard side of Sgt Perry!” They laughed as you paused the treadmill.

“Yeah, I kinda stuck my foot in my mouth and she gave me the weekend off and away from the case… but hey, at least she didn’t throw me off the case altogether.” You smile back at them and take a big chug from your water bottle. 

“So you have the weekend off and you decided to stay here and workout rather than go home to your hot girlfriend? What is wrong with you woman!?” They throw a towel at you, effectively hitting you in the face. 

You hadn’t really been sure how much you wanted to say about that and they did not miss your hesitation. “Uh oh. More trouble in Hollstein paradise?”

“Hollstein?” You question.

“Yeah Hollis/Karnstein, Hollstein. It’s just a stupid name a few of us came up with for you two.” They respond.

“Wait a minute, you guys are coming up with names for...” You start but they cut you off.

“Hey now, that’s not what’s important here. What is important here is why aren’t you at home with Laura? What’s going on through that head of yours?” They change the subject back.

LaF has been your best friend since you first came to the department and was there the night of your shooting. They saw first hand how it affected you. “LaF, she’s been asking me about the shooting I was involved with and asking how it affected me. I’m not sure if I’m ready to share that part of me yet. It just feels too personal.”

LaF just looks at you with an unreadable expression on their face before slapping you in the face with the towel again.

“What the Hell was that for?!” You yell.

“You’re an idiot Karnstein.” 

“What?”

“You’re an idiot… Of course it’s personal but if you think that it’s a big secret what happened then you need to get your head re-examined. As if the whole ordeal isn’t out there on the internet for anyone to look up! All someone has to do is google your name and ‘shooting’ and all the info on the case is there to see. Yes, it won’t show what you dealt with personally or the thoughts and emotions you dealt with but the facts are there.” They say and you are so shocked that you hadn’t thought about that before that you just let them continue.

“I know and saw what you went through because I was there for it. I picked you up off the floor of too many bars and saved your ass too many times when you tried starting something with people and reporters. I think the fact that Laura hasn’t just looked it up on her own and would rather give you the time and space when you’re ready to talk about it shows how much she loves and respects you. Right now Laura is hurting and she knows that you’ve been there too but if you aren’t willing to open up that part of you to her…you’re being selfish. Do you think Laura would think any less of you? Is that why you’re keeping it to yourself? I know it brings up bad memories but you lived through it, you got better, and in the event that it could happen again and the fact that something similar is happening to Laura..don’t you think you could both benefit from knowing what you’ve both been through?” They finished their argument and shrugged before turning around and heading back towards the door. “Just something to think about.” They said before the door shut, leaving you alone again.

Is that what it was? Were you being selfish and trying not to jade Laura’s image of you? LaF was right, you took a lot of bad turns on the path but you found your way back and better than before. Maybe sharing it with Laura could help her more than it would hurt you. You turn the treadmill off, drink the last of your water, as you stride towards the door hurrying to get home. Your mind had been made up and you made an internal reminder to tell Perry that LaF needed to stop watching therapy documentaries on Netflix.

\---

The day had been beautiful. The sun was out, a warm breeze blowing, and you had spent some time in the backyard working on the garden after your therapy session. Danny had called you and told you that there had been another robbery, this time a bank, this morning in another city but that it was the same MO as the others. She had said that no one was hurt in this one but you still knew that Carmilla would take it personally. 

She told you before she left that morning that she would be calling you over her lunch hour but it was 3 p.m. now and you still hadn’t heard from her. It didn’t bother you much as you knew she had probably been busy working on the newest robbery, so you had made plans to have Chinese delivered when she got home and to have a relaxing evening. What you didn’t expect was to hear her car entering the driveway 4 hours before her shift was supposed to be over. 

You were sitting in the back yard when you heard the main door open and close followed by the sound of her equipment bag being set on the floor.

“Laura?” She called out.

“I’m on the porch” You called back to her through the screen patio door and you heard her make her way through the kitchen and open the door. She moved to you as you were laying back on the patio furniture and taking a sip of your lemonade. “What are you doing home so early?” 

“Well,” she took the seat next to you and you passed her your glass and she took a sip before continuing. “I kinda had a bit of a blowup in the office today.”

“Was it because of the robbery this morning?” You asked and she looked at you questioningly. “Danny called. She told me about it.” You shrugged.

“Yeah. They upped their game this time and robbed a bank. No one was hurt thank goodness the lab wasn’t able to get anything. They used gloves and wore masks. I wasn’t happy about the dead end and expressed that sentiment and an innocent phone may have been broken when I hung up. Perry wasn’t happy and decided I’ve been pretty stressed out lately and gave me the weekend off to try and relax.” She explained.

“Carm, I’m sorry there was another dead end. I know this case is getting to you…but I have to ask…it wasn’t one of the newer phones that got in your way was it? Because those are the ones that I actually like. They don’t hang up randomly when I’m in the middle of a phone call.” You watch her smile grow the joke hits her. 

“Nah, I took care of one of the older ones for you. There will be another new phone there when you come back.” She smiled before taking one more sip of the lemonade and handing the glass back to you.

The look in her eyes told you that there was more she wanted to say. You put the glass down on the table and turn towards her. “Hey, what else is going on inside the beautiful head of yours?”

She takes a deep breath and her body seems to slouch. “I’m not sure how to start this…” You feel as though she’s pushing herself and you reach to take her hand before she raises her head and your eyes meet. This seems to give her the confidence to continue on.

“It was my second year on the department and I was on patrol in the Fremont District. My partner and I were called to a carjacking with a handgun involved that was only a few blocks away. When we got on scene, my partner found the car owner unconscious on the ground with blood coming from her head. The person who called it in came up to us as we were calling for an ambulance and gave a description of a person in a dark hoodie, jeans, and bright red tennis shoes and that it was a white Ford SUV. Before I could get any more information, I heard the sounds of a car crash from only a couple blocks away. I told my partner to stay with the driver and witness and took off running towards the sound of the crash.” She paused.

you grabbed your glass again and handed it to her. She took a shaky drink before putting the glass back down and gave your hand a squeeze. She took another deep breath, steeling herself, before continuing.

“When I got to the 2nd corner, I found the white Ford SUV wrapped around a telephone pole. Just as I was making it to the car, the driver’s door opened and a young man matching the description jumped out of the car. I drew my gun, pointed it at him, ordered him not to move and to put his hands in the air. He turned towards me, almost like he was surprised I was there, and stopped for a second. Everything else that happened felt like slo-mo. I was yelling and yelling order for him to show me his hands but he quickly reached into his pocket and pulled a gun from his shirt and pointed it at me. Training kicked in and I fired several times, each bullet hitting their mark. He crumpled to the ground and I could see the pool of blood growing around him as I approached. The gun had landed just a couple feet away from him as he fell so I secured him in handcuffs and called for backup and ambulance. I checked for a pulse I knew wouldn’t be there and my partner came running up, having heard the gunshots. My partner pulled me back from the body and everything seemed to start coming into focus again. What I saw in front of me made me want to puke. He was just a kid about 14 years old…”

Her words hung heavy and you could see the tears pushing their way into her eyes. You moved from your chair and sat beside her on hers, pulling her into you as she let the tears fall. This was hard for her and you wanted her to know you were there for her. 

“Why didn’t he listen to my commands? Why did he make me do that? What the hell was he thinking??” She was crying hard now into your shoulder and you didn’t interrupt her. You let her let it out, every bit of it. You sat with her, running your hand soothingly through her hair until she was ready to continue, if she was ready to continue. When she got her breathing back under control she straightened up, took a deep breath, and continued again.

“LaF showed up on scene when they heard the emergency assistance call and found me huddled next to my squad car, having been removed from the area by my partner. They spoke to my partner about what happened and then they picked me up from the ground and informed the on scene sergeant that they would take me to the station so the detective could interview me. I was informed later that the gun that the kid pointed at me was actually just a BB gun that was painted black to look real. There was a lot of backlash from the family. The usual ‘shoot the gun out of his hand,’ ‘shoot him in the leg,’ ‘wasn’t a real gun, why did you have to shoot.’ It tore me down. I didn’t really have anyone then. I wasn’t close with anyone on the department outside of work, so I turned to booze. It helped numb the pain.”

She stalled, taking another drink of lemonade. You couldn’t believe all of this pain and all of the emotions that she was sharing and that you had been feeling since your shooting. She did know and understand, even on a deeper level.

“I was destroying my life one bottle at a time,” she continued stronger now, “until LaF and Danny showed up at my apartment one day when I didn’t respond to calls or texts and found me unconscious on the floor and barely breathing. I spent some time in the hospital after that and had to talk to a psychiatrist while there. It turned me around. It saved me. I was able to express everything I felt to another person and she helped lead me to be able to talk to others. That’s how LaF and I really connected. They were the first I could completely open up to because they didn’t judge. They sat with me through everything, the hearings, the grand jury, the civil suit. Sat there and made inappropriate jokes because they knew that was the only way to pull me out of my own head. The courts found my actions justified and dismissed the civil suit. Was there when Ell left. Through them I became closer to the rest of the group and thought that was my group, these were my people and that was it. Then I met you.” She looked up at you at that, still resting her head on your shoulder.

“You came into my life breaking through my walls as if they were made of glass. Every minute I spend with you brings me more happiness than I ever thought I was deserving of, especially after everything that has happened in my life. I worry so often that one of these days you will finally realize that I’m not good enough for you and will walk out of my life. But as long as I have you, I want to do and be everything that is good for you. To share every part of me and to get to know every part of you, if you’ll allow me. I’ve been through what you are going through and if explaining that to you can help you make it through this time, I’ll do whatever I can to help and take however long it takes.”

She goes silent and her head is still sitting on your shoulder until you move your hand to her chin and raise her lips to yours in a chaste kiss. You stay there for a moment before pulling back slightly. 

“Carm, you are amazing. You’re a gorgeous woman, talented officer, a goddess in bed, and softie deep down. How could I not fall in love with you every day? I know I’ve been off lately but I’m coming back around and thanks in large part to you. You’ve been through so many things in your life that no one should have to be subjected to and you have struggled but have come out stronger on the other side. Thank you so much for trusting me enough to tell me. I hope you’ll see that I’m going to be stronger on the other side of this too. I mean come on…I have not only LaF, Danny, Kirsch, and Perry to kick my ass into gear, I have YOU. The biggest ass kicker I know!” You smile at her and she leans into your neck chuckling before kissing you. 

She leans further into you and you both lay back down on the chair. She’s snuggling into you and you can’t help but laugh as you get a good whiff of her. “Um Carm. As much as I love cuddling with you, which again makes my point of you being a big softie..” she pokes your side and you giggle.

“I’m not a softie.” She disagrees and you can’t help but continue to giggle as she again snakes her arm around you.

“Yeah sure, but what I was saying…exactly how much time did you spend in the department gym before you came home? Because, I’m sorry, you wreak of a middle school boys locker room sprinkled with potpourri.” You smile as she moves up and looks at you with a fake look as if she was offended.

“Are you trying to say that I smell, Cupcake.” 

“Yep, that would be exactly what I’m saying. Get your smelly butt to the shower while I make dinner.” You give her a gentle push, not knowing how close she was to the edge and you can’t help but laugh as she falls off the edge and gives you a look of shock.

“Fine, but I’m using your shampoo!” She smiles as she moves back into the house.

As she disappears into the house, you remember her saying that she had the weekend off. Maybe it’s time that the two of you go out on a date. Thinking about planning it makes you smile as you stand up and head into the house to figure out dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on the next chapter and let me tell you....I'm having some fun with the date and maybe the time after the date too. ;-) stay tuned.
> 
> Also, please let me know if you like this. Your comments help give me motivation more than you know!!


	31. Breaking Tensions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all of my readers....I want to say first and foremost that I am sorry it has been so long since the update. In the last few months I have had a few close friends pass away and it really messed with my head. I've haven't had much motivation to do really anything except the essentials to just be alive. 
> 
> I'm working on coming back from some bad headspace and one thing that was suggested to me was to continue with my writing as a sort of therapy. So here is this update. I hope you enjoy it....it's taken a lot for me to get to the point of even being able to write.....

Her arms are warm as you feel them wrapped around your midsection and her breaths are steady against your shoulder telling you that she’s still asleep. After dinner last night, you had both relaxed on the couch watching Neflix. While she had been engrossed in the story about the great white whale, you quit paying attention as you mentally planned this evening. You wanted everything to be perfect and that started with starting the day right too. As you shift to get out of bed, you feel her sleepy arms pull you back in and you can’t help but smile when you feel her lips on the back of your neck.

“Don’t leave….You’re warm.” She sleepily mumbles.

You bring her hand that was around your stomach to your lips and kiss it as you say, “I know babe. You stay and sleep, I’ll be right back.” You free yourself from her grasp as she mumbles something you didn’t understand as she falls back asleep. 

A good breakfast in bed is the perfect way to start this day you decide and you set to work making the pancakes and coffee. Before you know it, you have a couple full plates of pancakes, eggs, and bacon with coffee for Carm and an orange juice for you. When you open the bedroom door you see Carm has shifted and is lying flat on her back looking adorable in her dark red tank top. After you place the food tray on the side table, you make your way to the bed, sliding your hand across her abdomen and placing a soft kiss to her shoulder. 

“Carm. Hey.” You shake her gently but all she does is huff and dig her head further under the pillow. “Time to wake up baby.”

“No.” She huffs but you know she is slowly coming around.

You kiss her neck and then her jaw and you can feel her breath hitch but she still doesn’t seem to want to move. “But I made you pancakes and coffee.” At that she throws the pillow off her face and her eyes fly open.

“Really?!” She says excitedly and she breathes in deep, smelling the breakfast waiting on the bedside table before turning to look at it. “Breakfast in bed? Why didn’t you open with that?” You lean down to kiss her and she happily returns it before moving to get her plate and coffee.

You can’t help but smile as she slides to the edge of the bed hanging her legs off the edge of the bed. She is hammering down the eggs as you sneak your arms around her again. 

“So I was thinking…” You start but are interrupted as she speaks with an almost full mouth.

“Just because I’m sitting up and taking in sustenance doesn’t mean that I’m capable of coherent conversation right now cutie.” She smirks as she downs another forkful of pancakes.

“No worries, this isn’t something that needs a lot of thought.” You start. “I was thinking that you said you are off work this weekend so I thought it would be nice if we spent the whole day together and then maybe have a nice dinner tonight.”

She swallows her food and gives you a big smile. “That sounds excellent. What did you have in mind?” 

“Well, first we can get a workout in, then I do need to stop by the station to drop off some paperwork, then after that maybe we can go window shopping or just walk around the city a bit, before dinner at that steakhouse that you love. What do you think?” 

“I think that sounds amazing, just like these pancakes!” She leans in and kisses you and you taste the syrup on her lips. 

“Well finish up those pancakes so we can get this day started.” And you can’t help but laugh as she stuffs almost half a pancake in her mouth to finish the plate.

\---

The day had been going very well. The workout was phenomenal and you hadn’t realized just how much better you were when you had Carmilla to push you. The stop at the station had been ok until you were rushed out by Perry when she saw Carmilla, saying something about how she had told Carmilla she didn’t want to see her at the station at all this weekend. You had both laughed about it later as you were both enjoying the ice cream cones you got after lunch. Carmilla had almost revolted when she found out you were serious about wanting to do some window shopping but she had quickly changed her tune when you found a skirt in a window that you had to try on. The look on her face when you came out of the dressing room guaranteed that you would be purchasing it. It also helped when she found another leather jacket that fit her so perfectly you couldn’t help but call her James Dean.

After lounging about the city, you both head back home to get ready for your date. Both of you had almost gotten sidetracked when you got home when Carmilla was distracting you with kisses but you refused to fall prey to her ways, at least this soon in the evening. You detach yourself from her lips and remind her that you still had dinner reservations at seven and you leave her to get ready. You had insisted that you got ready separately as you wanted to surprise her with your outfit. The dress you chose for the night was one that you had gotten just a few weeks ago and not only fit you like a glove but was also Carm’s favorite color. After you finish fixing your hair, while yelling at Carmilla who was constantly knocking on your door asking if you were ready yet (because come on! Beauty takes time!), you slide into the dress and take one last look at yourself before opening the door.

Carmilla is sitting in the living room staring at the book in her hands when you step into the room. She seems to hear you as you enter the room but doesn’t look up from her book. She’s wearing nice black pants, a white button up shirt, a plain black tie, and her new leather jacket. You’re not sure if she heard you so you lightly clear your throat.

“It’s about time! And you thought I was going to be the to make us la…..” She looks up from her book at you and she holds her breath.

A smile stretches across your face as she stands up from the couch and moves towards you. “Well, what do you think?” you ask her as she reaches down and takes your hand.

“You are breathtaking.” She says as she brings the back of your hand to her lips and back as the whites of her teeth shine from her smile. She extends her arm for you to take and you head out the door.

\---

Carmilla has been a gentlewoman the entire evening, starting at the very beginning of opening the car door for you as you headed to the restaurant and holding your hand during the drive. She even pulled your chair out for you at the table for you to sit. The conversation has been wonderful and surprisingly not centered on work. She tells you of stories of her growing up and the ulcers she would give Mattie with some of her antics. You tell her a few stories from the time you would pretend to be like Nancy Drew when you were younger and how you gave your dad more than a few gray hairs from that. 

The evening was going wonderfully, even if you count how taken back you were that Carmilla had told off the waitress saying that you were her girlfriend and that she didn’t appreciate the constant flirting and ogling eyes she had apparently been giving you. You hadn’t even really noticed it as you were more interested in looking at Carmilla but you couldn’t help the small chuckle that came out of your mouth as the waitress scampered away like a scared animal and Carmilla muttered something under her breath you didn’t quite catch.

Before you know it, you are both in the car heading back home and you are feeling as light hearted as you have in months.

“You better not think that you get that all to yourself.” Carmilla teased as she nodded to the take home box in your lap that held a slice of the best triple chocolate cake you had ever had. You had both ordered a slice each at the restaurant but had decided to share one piece and take home the other when you realized how rich it was.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You smile as you slide the box out of her eyesight. “What is this cake that you speak of?” 

“You know darn well what I’m talking about cutie. Besides, if you try to eat that by yourself, you’ll die of a sugar overdose so really sharing it with me is just saving both of our lives.” She counters and you can’t help but see the logic in her argument. 

The car is pulling into the driveway and you both make it back into the house both removing your shoes for comfort. Carmilla shucks off her jacket and sits back down on the couch as you go to the kitchen to put the leftover cake in the refrigerator for later. 

“You better not better not be sneaking a bite of that!” She yells from the living room and you just laugh.

 

When you move back to the doorway of the kitchen, you notice Carmilla is still sitting on the couch in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the kitchen behind you. She had already taken off her tie and it is hanging loosely on either side of her neck. Her head is leaned back against the back of the couch and her eyes are closed. She doesn’t seem to notice you staring at her. 

As if sensing your presence, she leans her head down and opens her eyes meeting yours. She is beautiful. Not a word is spoken but you feel as if something has shifted in the room and it feels as if you are being drawn to her. Your feet move of their own accord because you don’t remember giving them permission to walk. Her eyes follow you as you draw closer to her and she sits up straighter as you now stand directly in front of her. 

Both of your eyes are soft as you slowly move your body so that you are straddling her legs and sit in her lap. Her hands automatically move up to your sides and your arms slide to her shoulders. Her thumbs rubbing slow circles into your sides and back and you just sit there for a little bit, looking at each other until you bring your body even closer to hers to connect your lips.

The kiss is gentle and exploring. There is nothing frantic about this kiss, even when you part your lips and she slides her tongue into your mouth. Neither of you are pushing for dominance, instead you are both letting the kiss lead you wherever it may. Your hands slide from her shoulders to her face and caress her cheek. When break from the kiss to catch your breath a little, your thumb slides across her lips feeling the heat of her breath before she guides her lips across your cheek and to the angle of your jaw. 

She kisses behind your ear before she sucks your ear lobe into her mouth, causing a sharp jolt of arousal to shoot through your body and settle in your stomach, then releases it making a slight popping sound. Her hands slowly move up the back of your dress pulling you in closer to her body as she moves her kisses to your neck. Everything inside you feels on fire from her kisses and even her slow touches on your back and against your neck. She takes some time kissing and lightly sucking on both sides of your neck. 

You run a hand through her hair when she reaches the spot where your collarbone connects to your neck and hold her in place. As she lavishes attention to that spot, your hips start to move against her of their own accord and you feel the soft moan that escapes her lips when your hips hit just right. The friction causes her to move her hands to your hips, giving encouragement for you to continue your movements. 

It’s then that you know where you exactly where you are going with this and you move your hands into the small space between your bodies and start removing the buttons of her shirt one by one. This movement caught Carmilla’s attention and she leans her head back slightly to look at you. 

“Are you sure?” She asks and she look of her swollen lips and the sound of her heaving breaths concrete the decision in your mind. You smile broadly and take one of her hands from your hips and move it to your dress zipper.

“More than ever.” You answer before leaning back down to kiss her and continue with undoing her shirt buttons. 

None of this is rushed and you are thankful for that as she takes the zipper and slowly slides it down your back. The movement causes the straps of the dress to fall down your arms and Carmilla takes that opportunity to move her kisses to your shoulders as she takes the straps and slides them the rest of the way down your arms, exposing your upper body. You had been wearing a strapless bra but her deft hands had made quick work of that as she had undone the zipper.

 

The buttons on her shirt are finally done but you have little time to internally celebrate that when Carmilla leans forward and takes one of your nipples into her mouth. The heat of her mouth against you causes you to sharply inhale and your hips thrust back into her. Warmth spreads throughout your body as she flicks and then sucks on your nipple, teasing it. Everything feels so good but you want to feel more of her skin against you. For just a moment you are able to pull you mind away from the pleasure to slide her shirt off of her and her bra quickly joins her shirt on the back of the couch, while she places delicate kisses across your chest. 

You bring her lips back up to yours and one of your hands wander down from her shoulders and cup her breast, lightly brushing her nipple back and forth with your thumb as it hardens. Meanwhile, her hand are sliding up the sides of your legs underneath the edges of the dress. Her hands are warm as they progress from your outer thighs and then behind on your ass as she pulls you even closer to her.

“Carm,” you are able to breathlessly say, “bedroom. Please,” before you continue to kiss her.

She hums into your mouth and begins to stand while you quickly wrap your legs around her and she supports you under your thighs. She walks both of you down the hall to your bedroom, never breaking your kiss. When you get into the bedroom, she gently lays you on the bed and steps back just enough to finish removing your dress leaving you in just your red lace panties. Seeing the underwear, she looks up at you and smiles as you know they are her favorite ones on you. While you like that you made her smile at that, you would much rather her be taking them off of you instead of admiring them on you and it doesn’t take long before she’s doing just that.

 

She’s still standing by the bed after adding your underwear to the floor by your dress when you sit up and unbutton her pants. You are both smiling at each other as you slide her pants, along with her panties, down her legs. She steps out of the clothing and crawls onto the bed on top of you, positioning one of her legs between yours. As she kisses you again, she settles her weight into her leg pressing against your center. The pressure is delicious and your body responds to it immediately with a rush of heat your core. Your body rocks up against her searching for any pressure you can find. 

Her body reacts to your movements and you bring your thigh up between her legs. You feel the heat and wetness between her folds and it spurs your movements on. The feeling of just rocking against each other is amazing but you want, no you NEED more. As if reading your mind, Carmilla begins to slide her hand down your body, ghosting over your abdomen. She hesitates for a second, looking into your eyes for one final approval. You give a slight nod and you feel her fingers sliding between your folds. 

You can’t help the moan that escapes your lips at the pressure. You wrap your arm around her body and pull her closer as her fingers continue to move slowly back and forth between your folds with her thumb slightly pressing against your clit. She continues this motion, adding more and more attention to your clit, rubbing it with slow circles. It feels so delicious yet also driving you mad. 

“Carm, Please, I need more.” You are able to get out. She responds with sliding a finger between your folds and pressing it slowly inside of you and your breath hitches. 

 

She begins with slow thrusts with just the single finger. Slowly in and slowly out. You are caught up in the feeling as the wonderful pressure builds in your stomach but not enough to push you over the edge. You also feel Carmilla’s body sliding against you as she takes the same pace against your thigh as her strokes in and out of you. As she continues to set the pace, you feel her slip another finger into you as she speeds up the pace. The only words you have been able to put together since asking for more are a string of “Carm,” “oh god,” and “fuck.” As the tension continues to build throughout your body. The pressure is so amazing and you don’t know how much longer you are going to be able to last as she picks up the pace of her thrusts again while curling her fingers inside of you. 

Your hands move to her thighs, encouraging her to rut against you. Her breathing begins to get short and shallow as you can tell she is close to reaching her peak as well. The sounds your bodies make against each other are amazing and it brings your closer and closer. You think you can’t hold on much longer when she gives a few more circles of your clit while curling her fingers inside of you and you are gone. The dam of tension and pressure that had been building in your body breaks wide open and you cum hard with a load moan. She starts to slow her thrusts as she helps bring you slowly down from bliss.

Just as you are catching your breath, she kisses you, effectively stealing your breath again before she starts slowly kissing down your body. When her tongue runs through your folds, you can’t help but arch your back into her. You are still sensitive from your first orgasm but her tongue is gentle against you. Her methodical and lazy strokes of her tongue quickly bring you right back to the edge of that cliff and as soon as she sucks on your clit, you fall over it again, grabbing the back of her head and holding her against you. You feel like you are going to pass out from the intensity of it all but she takes on of your hands from her head and interlaces her fingers with yours, keeping you focused and present.

 

She again slowly brings you down with long licks as she tries to clean every bit of you. Before long, you have to bring her head from between your legs as you are so sensitive you need a break. She takes her time kissing and sucking back up your body, leaving small hickies across your hips, stomach, and chest before she kisses you on the lips. You can’t help but hum into the kiss.

“I love you,” She quietly states as she moves a piece of hair out of your eyes.

You lean your forehead against hers and say, “I love you too.” You both smile before you lean into her again kissing her lightly. She hums and chases your lips when you draw back. You smile again right before closing the distance between your lips again with a little more enthusiasm and roll her onto her back. She starts to giggle and protest but her laughter quickly turns into moans when you slide your hand between her legs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say thank you to the person that pointed out when I tried to update it yesterday that it was the same as Chapter 30....that was my bad as I opened the wrong document....so this was the correct chapter I meant to post. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it and SERIOUSLY if you did like it, please comment below. Comments and knowing that I have readers actually do give me more encouragement to continue writing. 
> 
> Thank you again for sticking with me!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave notes/comments/questions/concerns/kudos if you enjoyed it or have some suggestions. 
> 
> Comments are always welcomed!!


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